chelseaaustin

Episode 13: Episode 13: Worthiness Warriors, A New Era

Wed, 18 Oct 2023 11:00:00 GMT

After a very eventful summer, Chelsea and Kevin sit down to talk about transitions to parenthood, unsolicited advice, Baby T’s entrance to the world and where we go from here on the last episode of Worthiness Warriors.

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me , learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com . You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 12: How Sharing Your Story Can Make a Profound Impact with Jacy Good and Steve Johnson

Wed, 04 Oct 2023 11:00:00 GMT

On the way home from her college graduation Jacy Good and her family were in a car crash that changed her life forever. She and her husband, Steve, are now working to create a world with less distracted driving to save lives. Jacy and Steve are incredible examples of what it means to be brave enough to get out of your comfort zone and share your story in order to change hearts and minds on a global scale. If you need a reminder to stop texting and driving or need a boost to start sharing your own story, this episode is for you!

More about Jacy and Steve:

Jacy Good and Steve Johnson are public speakers and advocates for phone-free roads. Since Jacy’s miraculous recovery from the 2008 crash that claimed the lives of both her parents and left her partially paralyzed – a crash caused by a distracted driver – they have worked tirelessly to educate the country and world about the dangers of phone use behind the wheel. Help them end an epidemic that shatters thousands of American lives every year – Hang Up And Drive.

Website: hangupanddrive.com

Facebook: Jacy Good

Instagram: @jacygood

Episode 11: Protecting Your Energy (Especially for Artists and Empaths) with Guest Kadeem Alston-Roman

Wed, 20 Sep 2023 11:00:01 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with wellness coach and energy healing practitioner (among many other things), Kadeem Alston-Roman, to talk about what self-care can look like for artists and empaths when it comes to protecting our creative energy, how we can make sure we’re taking care of ourselves, shedding our good girl/boy/person capes, and so very much more. If you’ve ever been known for being nice, but are ready instead to be known for being kind to yourself and others, this episode is for you.

Mor e about Kadeem:

Kadeem Alston-Roman is a meditation teacher, holistic wellness coach, energy healing practitioner, aromatherapist, hypnotherapist and inspirational speaker. He uses his gifts, skills and abilities to work with a variety of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual issues. He has worked with varying populations at Google, Yahoo, Verizon, Bloomberg, Audible, Mt. Sinai Hospital, New York Presbyterian Hospital, New York University, Brooklyn Friends School, Gibney Dance, The Actors Fund Arts Center, The World Policy Institute and others. His expertise has been featured in Forbes, Vogue, The Sunday Times, Martha Stewart Living, The Huffington Post, Dance Magazine, Medium, Heathline and other publications.

He was the co-founder and co-director of Full Force Wellness & Dance Repertory, a dance organization that incorporated holistic wellness & clinical wellness into its classes and performances. Over ten years, Kadeem and his co-founder and co-director, Anginese Phillips, entertained and inspired audiences throughout New York City and the surrounding tri-state area.

Kadeem was also the host of the podcast Upgrade Your Light and is the author of a cheeky book entitled, A Spiritual Guru Walked Into the House of a Cash Master…and the Rest Is History .

For more information on all of Kadeem’s works visit: www.Linktr.ee/KadeemOne

Website: kadeemone.com

Instagram: @kadeemone

Episode 10: Becoming Shameless with Guest Eden Robinson

Wed, 06 Sep 2023 10:00:01 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with body-positive and LGBTQ-inclusive personal trainer and author, Eden Robinson to discuss something we would all rather not talk about, shame. Eden discusses her book, Becoming Shameless , and the process she’s gone through following an abusive childhood to release shame and how we all can too.

More about Eden:

Eden "Simchah" Robinson is a body-positive and LGBTQ-inclusive personal trainer based in San Fra ncisco. She just released her first book "Becoming Shameless", a memoir about surviving childhood abuse and coming out as a lesbian at 27. She's been interviewed on various podcasts including The Late Bloomers Clvb, The Only One In The Room, Life After MLM, and Am I The Crazy One?

To find out more about her training, check out her website at www.fangirlfit.com . To see more of her writing, follow her on Instagram at @writing.eden

Website: fangirlfit.com

Instagram: @writing.eden

Episode 9: Making Meditation Approachable and How It Can Change Your Life with Guest Aastha Lal

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 11:00:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with mediation coach and comedian, Aastha Lal, to talk about why it’s so hard to create a meditation routine, why it’s so worth it, exactly how to get started without having to sit in silence for hours a day, and how that simple change and shift your entire perspective on life.

More about Aastha:

Born and raised in Queens, New York, Aastha Lal is a little lady who gets big laughs! Starting her career in 2010, she has since performed stand-up comedy in over 450 shows and headlined on some of the biggest stages around the world in cities like London, Toronto, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Dublin, and Hong Kong. She also is a meditation coach and has been practicing meditation for the last 16 years.

In stagram: @aastha.lal

TikTok: @aastha.lal

Episode 8: How to Be A Grief Ally with Guest Aly Bird

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 11:00:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with coach, author, and widow, Aly Bird, to talk about what it means to be a grief ally, aka, what it means to be there as a support person to someone who is grieving. Whether you are experiencing grief currently, are helping someone through grief, or are curious to know what to do when the time comes to support someone through a challenging time, this episode covers it all and more!

More about Aly:

Since her husband’s untimely death, Aly Bird has poured her heart into helping those who feel helpl ess during an unexpected crisis. Her extensive study of grief psychology and culture, combined with her own devastating first-hand knowledge, led her to create a roadmap for those committed to supporting the bereaved. A coach, speaker and workshop leader, Aly shows a clear path to those who have the courage to take on the vital role of being a grief ally.

Website: www.alybird.com

Instagram: @thealybird

Episode 7: How To Be a Productive White Anti-Racist with Guest Shelly Tochluk

Wed, 26 Jul 2023 10:00:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with professor and author, Shelly Tochluk, to talk about her latest book that she co-authored, Being White Today, identity development in the white community, what it looks like to be not a well-meaning white person, but to be actively Anti-Racist. This episode also dives into what allyship/being an accomplice can look like as a white person and how to get started when we feel anxious or sometimes even paralyzed by the fear of not “doing the right thing the right way.”

More about Shelly:

An educator, with a background in psychology, Shelly Tochluk is a professor at Mount Saint Mary’s University–Los Angeles. She is the author of Witnessing Whiteness: The Journey into Racial Awareness and Antiracist Action, Living in the Tension: The Quest f or a Spiritualized Racial Just ice, and co-author of Being White Today: A Roadmap for a Positive Antiracist Life . Shelly volunteers with AWARE-LA (Alliance of White Anti-Racists Everywhere-Los Angeles). She co-produces AWARE-LA’s 4-day Unmasking Whiteness Institute, which leads white people into a deeper understanding of their personal relationship to race and systemic racism.

Website: shellytochluk.com

AWARE-LA

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Episode 6: Rewiring Negative Thought Patterns with Guest Emilie Leyes

Wed, 12 Jul 2023 11:00:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with Emilie Leyes, brain training specialist, hypnosis practitioner, social media creator, business owner, actor, and so much more to discuss how we can rewire negative thought patterns, what that looks like, why we so often fail in our attempts to do so, and what hypnosis really is and what it can do for you.

More about Emilie:

Emilie Leyes (she/they) is a NYC-based brain training specialist, hypnosis practitioner, actor and singer. In addition to working 1:1 with actors and public figures to support their mental health in their careers, she also offers brain training workshops and courses to the public, and shares resources daily in her TikTok community of over 675,000 people. Emilie is passionate about helping folks discover the power of their imaginations to transform their minds and the world. Make sure to follow her for exciting announcements about her new upcoming course and hypnosis app coming very soon!

Website: emilieleyes.com

Instagram: @emilieleyes

TikTok: @emilieleyes.hypnosis

Episode 4: The Path to Parenthood as a Gay/Queer Man with Guest Brian Rosenberg

Wed, 14 Jun 2023 11:00:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kein sit down with Brian Rosenberg, founder of Gays with Kids to talk about what it takes to become a parent as a gay/queer man. From Kevin’s experience raising Chelsea in the early 90s to Brian’s experiences raising kids today there are so many wonderful tips, bits of advice, challenges to learn from, and stories for LGBTQ+ and straight parents alike in today’s episode!

More about Brian:

Brian Rosenberg is the founder of Gays With Kids and creator / head coach of GWK Academy, the only-one-of-its-kind App designed specifically to help gay and queer men become dads.

Brian has more than 25 years of sales and marketing experience, but his real passion has been the creation of Gays With Kids, the one-stop destination for gay, bi and trans dads and dads-to-be.

Brian and his husband Ferd became first-time dads in 2009, creating their family through adoption and surrogacy. At the time, there were few resources available to help queer men become dads, and even fewer for those who already were, so they launched GWK in March 2014.

Together since 1993, the secret to this couple’s longevity is Ferd’s prowess in the kitchen and Brian’s great appreciation for anything his husband cooks!

I nstagram: @gays_with_kids

Website: gayswithkids.com

Download the GWK Academy App here!

Episode 5: A Little Daditude and a Whole Lot of Generation Gaps

Tue, 13 Jun 2023 20:33:55 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down to discuss language and how two generations view profanity and language very differently. Usually aligned, Chelsea and Kevin go head to head on why they believe they’re both right and how we can see eye to eye beyond our generational differences.

For more info rmation and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me , learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com . You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 3: Navigating Romantic Relationships and Break-Ups with the Break-Up Doc, Andrea Liner

Wed, 07 Jun 2023 11:00:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with Dr. Andrea Liner, licensed clinical psychologist and breakup coach to talk about communication, break-ups, make-ups, disillusionment with dating, and so much more in this episode. If you’re moving through a break-up, trying to improve your communication with your partner, or just curious about what’s going on with our self-worth in relationships, this episode is for you!

More about Andrea:

Dr. Andrea Liner, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and breakup coach.

She’s always been fascinated by why people do the things they do and driven by a deep desire to help others. That led her to her path as a psychologist.

In the last year of her psychology doctoral program, her boyfriend of 5 years broke up with her seemingly out of nowhere. She was devastated and questioning every single thing about the relationship...and herself. Not only was she going through an agonizing heartbreak, but the Universe decided to pile on and made 90 percent of the therapy cases assigned to her about breakups. So she thought, “OK got it, message received!” Andrea channeled everything she was going through into helping others and eventually healing herself.

By the end of that year, Andrea was a breakup expert — and a new passion was born!

I nstagram: @dr.andrea.liner

Website: drandrealiner.com

Episode 2: How to Raise an Intuitive Eater with Guest Sumner Brooks

Wed, 24 May 2023 11:00:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with dietitian, eating disorder specialist, parent, and public health professional, Sumner Brooks, to talk about all things intuitive eating, especially what it means to raise an intuitive eater. Whether you’ve heard about the concept of intuitive eating, have no idea what it is, or have been one for ye ars and want to translate this information for your children in a society filled with diet culture, this episode has it all!

More about Sumner:

Sumner Brooks is a master’s level registered dietitian, eating disorder specialist, parent, and public health professional with nearly 15 years of experience in the field of dietetics. She is the co-author of How to Raise an Intuitive Eater: Raising the Next Generation with Food and Body Confidence (St. Martin’s Press, 2022) which has been featured on Good Morning America , The Wall Street Journal, Popular Science , and The Seattle Times . Sumner’s work has been published in Good Housekeeping and Goop .

She loves consulting with parents and other providers to help them learn about the psychological underpinnings of Intuitive Eating and understand their own relationships with food and body, to ultimately make a positive difference for the lives of kids as they grow in to their unique and wonderful selves.

Based in the Pacific Northwest, Sumner enjoys getting outdoors with her husband, two kids, and dogs, playing tennis, and curling up with a good book. She is the founder of an international professional training platform for eating disorder dietitians called EDRD Pro.

Instagram: @intuitiveeatingrd

Buy the book! How to Raise an Intuitive Eater

Episode 1: The Totally Unplanned Episode

Wed, 10 May 2023 11:00:03 GMT

Welcome back, Worthiness Warriors! Chelsea and Kevin, both notorious for being very organized and planned people, sit down to record for the first time ever without a plan. This very special episode is a candid look at what Chelsea and Kevin have been learning to unpack in their own lives, covering everything from feelings being optional to what the phrases, “you do you” and “blaze your own trail,” actually mean to them. Basically, we’re all in this together, Warriors, so let’s take some time to unpack our oversized baggage, not alone, but together.

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com . You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 15: Nothing Good Comes of 3AM

Wed, 26 Apr 2023 04:26:59 GMT

In the final episode of Season 5 (OMG), Chelsea and Kevin talk about the middle-of-the-night scaries, what to do when our mind seems to be our worst enemy, how we rarely use all of these self-care tools we’ve been given, and their love of cream cheese frosting. We’ll see you soon for Season 6!

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com . You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 14: Mindset Work for the Skeptics with Guest Tim Silvestri

Tue, 18 Apr 2023 18:41:43 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with performance psychologist and athlete, Tim Silvestri, to talk about achievement, the psychology behind that and motivation, and how we can take our high achievement/performance mindsets and make it work for us as opposed to adding more stress to our plates!

More About Tim:

Dr. Silvestri earned his Bachelor’s degree from Muhlenberg College and his Doctorate, Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, from Lehigh University. Dr. Silvestri completed his Psychology Residency at University of Pennsylvania. Dr. Silvestri’s work draws heavily from three main approaches: (1) psychodynamic theory, (2) the integration of neurophysiology into clinical practice, and (3) performance psychology. His focus is to integrate a deep understanding of one’s humanity (neurophysiology and performance psychology) alongside a deep understanding of the unique self (psychodynamic theory) so as to thrive, perform at high levels, and live authentically. He also owns his own company, Impact Being, that seeks to elevate individual’s expertise in areas of ne urophysiology and performance so as to perfor m at the highest levels, positively impact this world in meaningful ways, and to center oneself around being, not doing. Dr. Silvestri believes that we are all unique, but not special. It is by understanding both in our unique selves, while simultaneously understanding our humanity that we can accomplish a life full of meaning, joy, and intimacy.

Instagram: @timsilvestri

3 Things to Consider to Mitigate Stress for Stress Awareness Month!

Mon, 17 Apr 2023 14:48:47 GMT

So, apparently, April is “Stress Awareness Month…” Who knew? Although I don’t really think we need a month to remind ourselves that we’re stressed out since we feel it pretty much every day. So often I’ve said that I was dropped off at the wrong competition. We’re all out there looking for tools to de-stress yet using our high levels of overwhelm and busy schedules as proof that we’re successful. It’s incredibly counterintuitive and honestly not all that helpful when it comes to our well-being and mental health.

I don’t believe that it’s possible to live in a stress-free world, at least not for me…I can’t see what that reality might look like. And trying to hide from our stress or ignore it only seems to compound it. However, I feel that we can find tools to work through stress and decrease or manage stress so that our stress levels don’t dictate how we make decisions, impact our relationships, and land us with panic attacks in the hospital. Okay, maybe that last example is just me, but I’m here to tell you if we don’t do something about our stress…it can happen.

I tend to talk a lot about how meditation and journaling have changed my life and don’t get me wrong, they have, but I want to offer some other tools that are right at our fingertips if sitting quietly isn’t your thing.

Let’s look at three areas of our lives where we can start to mitigate stress:

Technology

I love technology, and I even love social media (most of the time), but so much screen time tends to add to my stress without me even noticing that it’s happening.

Every time I get in the car I turn on Google Maps for directions–even when I know where I’m going. Yes, it makes sense, I live in LA and traffic is, well, horrendous, so it’s nice to know how long it’s going to take me to get somewhere. However, I’ve also developed a habit of wanting to beat the time on the GPS and that has not proven all that helpful for me. When I’m driving home from the office there’s no reason I have to have it on or that I need to be in a rush to get there. it’s just become a habit that I turn it on. I find myself constantly checking the screen, and looking at the time, oftentimes more than once per minute.

One morning on my way to work when I wasn’t in a rush I didn’t turn it on. My eyes were tired from screen time (even though it was only about 9 am) and I made the conscious choice just to check how long it was going to take, turn off my phone, and put it in the cupholder. I noticed that my breathing slowed. I felt more relaxed. I listened to an audiobook and enjoyed the drive. It decreased my stress level. I found more joy. I felt more relaxed and able to be productive instead of getting to work already feeling behind.

As I mentioned in the story above, it was only 9 am and my eyes were tired from various screens. Well, that’s likely because I pick up my phone first thing in the morning out of habit. I start scrolling on social media, check my texts and my emails, and check social media again. The scrolling happens over my morning coffee–one of my favorite times of day and it tends to make me anxious, my mind starts speeding up, and I get overwhelmed before the day has even really begun. Then I spoke to two different friends about their Pinterest habits. They mentioned that instead of scrolling through Instagram or TikTok they look at Pinterest. One, my friend, Emilie Leyes (who by the way does amazing work in the healing space and you should check out their stuff on IG or TikTok @emilieleyes/@emilieleyes.hypnosis respectively), mentioned that she made a vision board on Pinterest that she scrolls through in the mornings or at night when she has that itch to pick up her phone and start scrolling. I tried this and it, too, decreased my stress level. I started my day envisioning things I’m excited about for the future and the present. I felt more at peace, happier, and ready for the day. I also started to find other options for my morning coffee time. Sometimes I now leave my phone upstairs and just talk to Domi or pet Moe, I pick up the latest book I’m reading, or knit a row or two of the baby blanket I’m working on. It helped me realize that there are other options than what has become habitual.

There are little things we do every day around technology that increase our stress without us even noticing it. But we can make conscious choices about what we want to be doing instead.

First, become aware of what is habitually creating stress. Start doing one thing at a time to help you realize and become more mindful of the activities you do just out of habit.

Second, choose to do something else. You can try as many different things as you like until something feels enjoyable and like it’s working. You can opt to do the habitual thing too, just as long as you’re aware you’re doing it and actively are choosing to do “the thing.”

Third, take note of how you feel when you make the switch. It might feel uncomfortable for a moment. You might miss the habitual “thing.” That’s okay, you can choose something else at any time, just notice what is going on with your stress level.

Fourth, continue to make a choice. Remember that you are not being forced to do something habitually, you can make a choice and do something else.

Now, I’m not saying you need to take Google Maps or Instagram out of your lives (trust me I need Google Maps or someone will find me wandering lost somewhere in Los Angeles) or whatever your technological “thing” is, but just notice when it’s stressing you out and allow yourself to choose something different or limit the time you do the stressful thing.

Humans

Relationships are so important when it comes to stress. We can spend time with people that give us energy and have us laughing, and feeling renewed afterward. We can also spend time with individuals that suck the energy from us, make us anxious before we even enter the situation, and create dread before seeing them that we all know.

Notice who you are spending time with and whether or not you’re enjoying it and how it’s affecting your stress level. I love my friends and I love my family and I love my alone time. Make sure you’re getting a balance of activities that fuels the relationships that bring you the most joy, love, and acceptance possible.

Don’t confuse your free time with the time that you are available. I have seen that phrase surfacing all over the internet and I am famous for squeezing as much into a day as possible when it comes to human interactions. But even with the people that energize us and that we love spending time with we can inadvertently create stress for ourselves by overbooking our calendars. It’s okay to block out time to sit home and binge “Love Is Blind.” It’s allowed to have an hour free for lunch where you don’t sit with anyone else if you need a moment. I have struggled as a people pleaser to say no to friends and family, people I adore, because I don’t want them to think I don’t love them, but taking time for myself and sitting in my sweats at home doing nothing is sometimes what I need more than anything. Take care of yourself.

Notice how certain relationships affect you either positively, negatively, or neutrally. Decide what you want to do with your time and honor your wants and needs. Take stock of how this affects your stress level. Do you feel less stressed? More stressed? No change? Remember this is all up to you, do what allows you the most peace, love, excitement, joy, and freedom.

Time of year

Maybe it’s just because I am both the daughter and the wife of an accountant, but April is the busy season (and this is your gentle reminder to call your accountant and do your taxes…omg I cannot believe I am saying that in a blog post…the CPAs in my life are taking over!!). There is so much going on at this time of year for my daddy and Domi. Work is piling up, clients are getting stressed, and then somehow my dad and I even start to feel the stress that tax season brings. We all have different seasons in the year and in life that are going to be the busiest for us and the people around us.

Notice what times of the year these are for you. It could happen multiple times, it could catch you by surprise, or it could be the same year after year. Just become aware of the times that are busy for you.

Decide how you want to treat these times of year differently, if at all. Maybe these periods require a little extra grace, more alone time, or more of what fuels you.

Stress isn’t going anywhere any time soon and since I don’t think all of us are going to up and move to Finland, which is the happiest country on the planet, we should learn to cope with our stress and meet ourselves where we are in our lives at this moment. Stress is normal. We all experience it. So let’s normalize stress and then find ways to deal with and create a little more breathing room that most of us need so urgently.

Episode 13: Ready or Not a Baby Is Coming with Guest Austin Huston

Tue, 11 Apr 2023 17:44:42 GMT

With Chelsea just a few months away from welcoming her first child into the world, Kevin and Chelsea decided it was probably a good time to ask some pressing questions about giving birth. So, they sat down with doula, Austin Houston, to get some answers! If you’re curious what it means to support your partner through the birthing process, are nervous about giving birth yourself, or just curious what the difference is between a doula, midwife, OBGYN, etc. (and what to pack in your hospital bag), you won’t want to miss this episode!!

More about Austin:

Austin Huston is a birth doula with The Birth Collective PNW based out of Tacoma, WA. She is married to Matt and has three young boys (5, 3, and 8 months). Austin is a full time birth worker, passionate about empowering families to have positive birth experiences of all variations. Austin believes it’s not about the type of birth you want, it’s about the empowerment that comes from information, support, respect, and autonomy in the process of becoming parents! She believes that your birth matters!

Instagram: @untetheredbirthdoula

Website: untetheredbirthdoula.com

Episode 12: Feeling At Home In Your Skin with Guest Erin Perencevic

Tue, 04 Apr 2023 17:03:12 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea sit down with the founder of C-Suite Makeup to find out if beauty is really skin deep and it turns out makeup and skin care have a lot more influence on our self-worth than we might think. From how to pick out makeup that allows you to feel empowered to owning what your favorite parts of you are without apology, laugh along with Chelsea, Kevin, and Erin as they talk about all things cosmetics, family, food, and more.

More about Erin:

For 15 years Erin has had the pleasure of styling makeup for women throughout Southern California. After attending college at UCI she followed the “conservative” route and worked a number of corporate posts for 10 years. However encouraged and supported by colleagues whose makeup Erin had been doing for years, she took the plunge to set off on her own . Before she knew it Erin was styling makeup for debutantes, brides, and C-Suite level executives in the music and entertainment industry. Many of you h ave seen her work in national magazines, TV, and at The Oscars. All of Erin's clients have shared their frustration about knowing what makeup to buy and how to properly apply it., and so Erin developed C-Suite Makeup: designed specifically for today's modern woman who needs guidance as she navigates a confusing world of trends, products, and services that come between her and her real goal: looking like herself at her most confident!

Instagram: @csuitemakeup

TikTok: @csuite.makeup

Website: csuitemakeup.com

Episode 11: Saying No When You're A People Pleaser

Tue, 28 Mar 2023 21:42:37 GMT

Kevin and Chels
ea are both known people pleasers that have been working to move away from that title ever since they discovered their people pleasing tendencies. This episode covers how to get over disappointing others, what to do when you notice yourself doing things out of obligation, and how all of this can begin to look like self-care.

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking prog rams, or Blog check out her websi te chelseaaustin.com . You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here!

Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

I nstagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 10: One World, Billions of Perspectives with Guest Nina Steinberg

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 23:03:18 GMT

Chelsea’s back with another solo episode and this week is all about taking some time to update the systems and routines we utilize in our lives. Sometimes we don’t even realize it, but we’re just barely allowing ourselves to survive when we have an opportunity to thrive and find joy in the mundane and in the way we operate on the whole.

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com . Be sure to connect with her on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW

Episode 9: Time For a System Reboot

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 00:07:07 GMT

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com . Be sure to connect with her on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW

Episode 8: What We Stand to Gain From Every Interaction with Guest Lily Clayton Hansen

Wed, 08 Mar 2023 17:27:56 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with author, actor, and host, Lily Clayton Hansen to talk about what human interaction means to us, why it’s vital that we maintain face to face contact, and how getting curious about each of our interactions with others can bring us joy, closeless, and help move us away from loneliness. This and so much more in today’s episode!

More about Lily:

Lily Clayton Hansen is a three-time author, actor, and TEDx speaker with over a decade of experience as a multimedia storyteller. In her career, the writer who is known for her biographical niche has written a best-selling book about the people of Nashville. Word of Mouth: Nashville Conversations has been called one of the best books ever written about the city for its authenticity and originality. The book attracted collaborations with institutions such as Vanderbilt University and the Nashville International Airport, both of whom hosted yearlong exhibitions and event series around Hansen's work. Hansen has also been commissioned to write hundreds of biographies for global corporations and to create and publish books to commemorate special occasions, such as the groundbreaking Fifty Voices to commemorate HCA Healthcare's golden jubilee. In 2019, she spoke about her interviewing process and ability to connect with anyone under the sun, from household name celebrities and CEOs to artists, refugees, and victims of homelessness, in a TEDx talk. "Talking to STrangers is my Self-Care" was voted one of the most popular talks at the event for its simple yet powerful message: treat others with kindness, dignity, and respect and get to the core of who they are. Hansen loves little more than having heartfelt conversations and capturing others in their best light.

When she isn't writing, Hansen is working on her next film project as an actor, producer, and screenwriter. Her last short "Snowflake," about a social media influencer who suffers from a breakdown because of too much focus on herself, won Hansen the Best Performance award at an international film festival. Her acting style has been called gritty, raw, and naturalistic.

Instagram: @lilychansen

Website: biographyexpert.com

How to Update Our Personal Operating Systems in 3 Steps

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 17:00:01 GMT

You may not know this about me…but I tend to be someone who runs at about 100% until I absolutely have to stop. No, it’s definitely not healthy, but it’s been a coping strategy for me for years and sadly in a way it’s worked. I’ve been able to get so much done, show up for family and friends, travel, meditate, journal, and take time for continued education on topics that matter deeply to me. Then I did this thing—I went and got pregnant…and somehow I thought I would still be able to run at 100%. I wanted to show the world that I wouldn’t miss a beat, I could keep up. I could keep going at the same pace. I wanted people to look at me and think wow, pregnant women really can do anything!

After months of this and a lot of therapy and time with my thoughts and being sicker more often than I ever have been in my life I realized I wasn’t trying to show the world, I was trying to show myself. I was painstakingly attempting to grit my teeth and hold on through a windstorm of change.

Change is really overwhelming for me because there’s something unknown on the other side. What is my life going to look like? Will I still be the same person? Do I want to be the same person? But really what this time showed me is that the way I’ve been operating for the last, oh, I don’t know, let’s say 20 years, wasn’t actually working for me. It’s never really worked for me. Yes, I got a lot done, but at what cost? Feeling like a whirling dervish everywhere I go? Not being able to really slow down, relax, and take time for me? Scheduling every second of my day, even my relaxation?

As I laid in bed with the stomach flu last week, I was the sickest I’ve been in probably a decade. It was the first time I can remember not checking my emails, taking a single call, and canceling all of my appointments for the entire week. It’s kind of sad to think that it took until I was 29 to do that, but hey, better late than never…

However, the whole time I was laid up I was getting more and more anxious. Surely, the to-do list was piling up, the emails were going unanswered, and the phone calls were sitting there just waiting for a callback. As Sunday night approached before I was going back to work the Sunday Scaries set in like never before. And then this wild thing happened the next day…the world kept turning.

What I know about pregnancy now is that there is no pushing through the exhaustion. There is no, just do one more thing on the list. There is sleep, more sleep, and getting things done in the sometimes small gaps where you aren’t sleeping. Since being pregnant I have napped more, been out of the office for a week, been violently ill, and worked less than I ever have in my life, and still (now here’s the real magic) everything has gotten done.

So, instead of fighting this new phase of my life, it’s time to embrace it. Now, this doesn’t just apply to being pregnant. Anytime you enter a new phase in your life regardless of what it is it requires some adjusting…I’ve just been really good at avoiding these adjustments in every other phase of my life, but it would’ve been a lot easier had I just given in…

So, how can we create a new way of operating in a new phase of our lives?

I believe each human has general operating instructions that they love to live by, but we have to take the time to see what’s serving us still and where we might need to update to a 2.0 version of our operating system.

1. Ask yourself ideally how you would like your life to look.

This can be in terms of your work, personal life, or any and all facets of your life. Ask yourself what you would like your routine to look like. What would feel good? What would be most productive for you? What has been working in the way you currently operate daily?

2. Then it’s time to evaluate reality.

My ideal routine and my reality don’t quite align at this moment and maybe the same is true for you and that is totally okay! Take a look back at what your ideal routine/mode of operating looks like—does it make sense with the way your life looks right now?

For example, I’m someone that tends to love to work in large chunks of time and then want to go home and shut off for the night, but in my current reality with the way I can get tired out of the blue, I have to make space and find a way that makes sense for what my body and mind need right now that will keep up my productivity and allow for long pauses in my work day. I know I’m most productive and creative in the morning, so one way I can make my life easier is by blocking out two hours in the morning for those creative activities that need my attention and pushing meetings to the afternoon. I also know that right now, four meetings back to back isn’t feasible, so I have to be more diligent when booking and spreading things out across my calendar in a way that makes sense for this phase.

3. Always, always, always celebrate.

Change is a scary thing for so many of us and adjusting our operating system is a huge deal. Always remember to celebrate yourself for being open to change and making the changes in small or big ways. You are always worth celebrating no matter what.

The biggest lesson out of all of this is, Domi was right…please no one tell him. He’s been telling me for months to take better care of myself. To slow down. To find a new way of operating that works for pregnant Chelsea and I didn’t listen. I wanted to prove him wrong so badly. Because if I had to change the way I work that would also mean admitting that the way I work isn’t working and I so strongly identified with my means of operating. So, don’t forget to listen to those that care about you and are trying to take care of you. Take their advice under advisement. I learned a beautiful thing in all of this. I can actually work smarter, not harder. It is truly a possibility, so it’s time to try on a new mode of operating for size. One where I am not constantly trying to prove my work because yes, I have become known as the “we define our worth” lady, but please know I talk about this all so much because it’s something I’m still working on, and struggling with. I am right here with you, this whole journey, every step. I love you, I’m thinking about you, and I hope you have an amazing day. XOXO, CAMDW

Episode 7: Everything is a Decision with Guest Bill Rossi

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 18:34:18 GMT

We hear it all the time, in fact, Chelsea and Kevin say it all the time, “you just have to let go!” But how? How do we let go of the things that are holding us back and bogging us down and what exactly are those things for CHelsea and Kevin these days and how are they working through them? All of this and more in today’s episode!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @the familynextdoorbook

Episode 6: But How Do You Actually Let Go?

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 18:31:08 GMT

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @the familynextdoorbook

What I Didn’t Expect While Expecting: 6 First Trimester Musings That Apply To Every Day Life

Fri, 17 Feb 2023 15:02:15 GMT

In case you missed it, Domi and I are having a baby!! We are beyond excited to welcome a new member to the family, but the roller coaster of emotions I’ve felt since looking at those two pink lines on the (third) pregnancy test I took that fateful Sunday in November has been overwhelming. No, it wasn’t a shock that I’m pregnant, but somehow, even though it was planned, it was a surprise. Now that I’m in my second trimester and am not consistently hovering over a bucket or toilet I’ve had some time to mull over everything I’ve been learning while being pregnant and have realized there are so many things that apply to every stage in life that I hope I will take with me beyond pregnancy and I thought they might be helpful for you too.

All emotions are valid.

Of everything, this one is the biggest lesson I’ve had to learn over and over and over and then over again. I’ve said this so many times pre-pregnancy, but somehow I forgot that it still applied to pregnant Chelsea. I cried several times in my therapist’s office after finding out we were expecting because I felt like I wasn’t excited enough. There had to be something wrong with me. I looked at the positive pregnancy test and there was a glimmer of excitement that quickly faded into barely veiled panic and nausea (and that was before the morning sickness started). Thoughts of the future and what would happen to my career, my relationship with Domi, traveling as a couple, and everything changing terrified me. I thought that feeling that way meant that I was going to be a bad mom. That I had made a mistake. That I didn’t care about this little nugget growing inside of me. That I had to hide this from Domi or he would think I was a terrible person. And this was especially shocking to me because I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I felt very alone, even more so since it was a time when we weren’t telling people that we were going to have a baby. I was isolated, scared, and distant. None of this was what I expected would occur when finding out that I was pregnant. But this started to change after a little while. I began getting excited, like really excited and began feeling like I couldn’t wait for the next chapter. And then I’d hit a day where I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed because I was so overwhelmed. Please know, this is very hard for me to write. I still feel a little embarrassed, but the idea that maybe one other person doesn’t have to feel alone in this is reason enough for me to be brutally honest with you.

With any big life change, you cannot anticipate how you are going to feel. You have no idea, but please remember, your reaction regardless of what it is to anything even what you believe should be joyous news is normal, natural, and exactly as it should be. Every emotion is welcome, it’s all a journey and something you can learn from. And emotions can change quickly, especially if you have hormones raging throughout your body, but even if you don’t. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself time to adjust to change. It’s okay to be afraid, terrified, and not excited and it’s also okay to be thrilled and over the moon and not afraid or simultaneously terrified and excited.

I started to feel more excited when I talked to Domi and realized he was nervous too. Then I became much less nervous as we told family and friends and I learned again that I’m not alone. Being able to talk about how I was feeling was so helpful.

Life is a rollercoaster. Change is constant and the more we can lean into whatever it is we’re feeling knowing it’ll change the easier we can make it on ourselves.

The best advice my therapist gave me about parenting is that Domi and I get to do it our way, we don’t have to do it anyone else’s and that was a huge relief. It was a realization that if we want to travel to Europe with a five-month-old, that’s our prerogative, regardless of the parents that will read this and think, “okay, just wait until you actually have the kid.” But remember that this applies to anything you do. You can do life your way. So take the pressure off and allow yourself to be exactly as you are right now without judgment.

There is nothing that will magically take your body image issues away.

I also thought that the day I found out I was pregnant I would magically think that my body was perfect, beautiful, and amazing. Much to my chagrin that did not happen. I was sometimes even more judgmental about my body. Why didn’t I work out more before I got pregnant? What was I doing eating so much when we were on vacation? What I learned from this is that no matter where we go, we go with ourselves. So, even if we change jobs, locations, or states of being we are still there and so are the things that caused us stress before.

What this means is that there is also an opportunity to change the way we feel about ourselves, our beauty, and our worth every single day. Don’t wait until you’re pregnant, change jobs, or relocate to decide you and your body are incredible, beautiful, and fascinating. You can decide that now. Sadly, there’s no easy button past these things, but that also means there are opportunities everywhere to grow.

Listen to what your body is telling you.

I have always been an expert at ignoring my body’s cues. Whether it’s so I could just get one more thing checked off of my to-do list or stopping myself from eating something I really wanted, I nailed it. Sadly. But there’s something that happens when you’re pregnant, you don’t get to ignore those cues anymore because it’s not good for you and another little human. But why wait until you’re pregnant or someone else is relying on you to listen to your body? Our bodies are so powerful and will tell us so many things about what we need whether it be food, sleep, or a good cry. You don’t need an excuse to listen to your body. It is not a luxury. It is how we should function daily. We’ve been taught to ignore what we’re being told by our greatest instrument by so many scripts that we receive from family, friends, and society, but let that stop today and allow yourself to listen to what you need. This will take practice and patience, but I believe in you.

The journey isn’t all magical and glow-y all the time.

You may love your job. You may love your spouse. You may love being pregnant, but nothing is glowy and perfect feeling all the time. Allow space for every part of it. Whatever “it” is.

Ask for help.

You are always allowed to ask for help. You don’t need permission or a reason to be overwhelmed you can just want help. It doesn’t make you weak, less hard-working, or not good enough, it makes you human. The more help we can ask for the more we can free up the space to do the things we love, take care of ourselves and our loved ones, and find the enjoyment that we all deserve in life.

Find a community of experts that you trust and choose the people you involve in how you feel and what you need carefully.

As you can tell I’m pretty much an open book. I love answering questions and nothing is really too personal, but I’ve also found during this journey that sometimes we need to go to specific people with specific needs and not everyone needs to know everything about your experience. This is mainly because everyone has an opinion and a reason why they think they’re right.

For example, someone who has never carried a child may think they know the best things you should be doing or someone that already has children may think you’re overreacting to these things that are new for you, but this is true about anything in life. Opinions are just that, opinions and if they don’t jive with you-chuck them out.

You don’t have to be an open book and sometimes figuring out who to go to at different times in your life can make those moments even more special for those you decide to share with.

I think it goes without saying that everyone is going through something in life. Whatever it is, whether it be a big life change or just life being life give yourself grace and ease. You are exactly where you need to be. You will figure this out. There is so much wonder and amazingness ahead.

I love you, you’ve got this. XOXOX, CAMDW

Episode 5: Can We Ever Really “Get It Right?” with Guest Thomas Soares

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:57:30 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with co-founder and VP of strategy at SocialQ Agency, Thomas Soares, to talk about what it means to “get it right,” especially when it comes to social media. How we can show up authentically, empathetically, with resonance, and not offend or hurt anyone is a major concern for many of us as we post on social media, yet is it really possible? And Thomas asks us all the question, do we really want to get it right all the time?

More about Thomas:

Thomas' passion for digital marketing strategy comes from a deep empathy and curiosity for how people think and interact with each other and brands. With over 10 years of hybrid strategy and account experience across big brands like Spotify, Coca-Cola, Adobe, P&G, and countless start-ups across D2C, Thomas has seen the shift towards 360 ecosystem strategy and operations it takes to resonate and reach today's consumer.

Instagram: @socialqagency

Facebook: @socialqagency

LinkedIn: SocialQ Agency

Website: socialq.us

Episode 4: What Is a Lost Day? And Is It Really Lost?

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:56:43 GMT

In Chelsea’s first solo episode of the season she highlights her struggles on sick days where she can’t be (or chooses not to be) productive, how challenging it is for her, and what giving yourself grace can actually look like. For all the people pleasing perfectionists out there, this one’s for you.

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com. Be sure to connect with her on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW

Episode 3: Well, That Wasn’t What I Expected…

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:55:58 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin get vulnerable and honest this week about their reactions to the news that Chelsea’s pregnant…and spoiler alert, it’s probably not the reaction you expected. This week is all about how to give ourselves grace when we react in ways we don’t expect, even to things we’ve been wanting forever, and understanding that we are never alone in our feelings. If you’re going through feeling a certain way, chances are there is someone else feeling that way too.

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com. You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 2: Let Your Dog Show You You’re Worthy with Guest Bethany Johnson

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:54:00 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with dog trainer extraordinaire, Bethany Johnson, for a look at how dogs can influence our self-worth, especially when it comes to dog training. Bethany looks at how we can redefine our relationships to our furry friends, empower ourselves and say no, and take care of ourselves better…and this all starts and ends with finding those boundaries with your fur child.

More about Bethany:

Bethany is a pet sitter turned dog trainer with a love for helping owners go from ‘I’m so overwhelmed,’ to ‘We’ve got this!’

She knows that having a challenging dog can feel overwhelming, but training doesn’t have to be. She’s been working with dogs and their owners since 2018 and from that has learned a lot. What works - what works really well. And turns out, it’s really about you.

She’s not just a dog trainer … She empowers you with the tools you need to stop the struggle, and live the life you dream of with your dog. And she knows how, because she did it with her dogs. It takes your confidence to another level!

Instagram: @walkingdogtraining

Facebook: @walkingdogtraining

Website: walkingdogtraining.com

Episode 1: Let's Have Some Fun!

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:52:41 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin kick off Season 5 of Worthiness Warriors with intentions for this season, stories of the holidays, and how we can all tap into the newness of a new year.

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, speaking programs, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com. You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 15: It’s Time To Celebrate YOU!

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:50:28 GMT

It’s the final episode of Season 4! Thank you for all the love and support and getting us here today, friends. We are so grateful! In today’s episode, Chelsea and Kevin talk about why we don’t celebrate ourselves as much as we should and how we can celebrate ourselves and others in small and big ways! Come along with us today for some celebration!

For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com. You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 14: Finding Your Bridge to Change and Happiness with Guest Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:49:28 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with author, and founder of The Best Ever You Network, Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino to discuss how, why, and when people change and how we can motivate ourselves to change!

More about Elizabeth:

Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino is the founder of The Best Ever You Network and Chief Executive Officer of Compliance4. Through these companies, she has helped individuals and organizations around the world be their best and achieve world-class excellence with gratitude-based behavior and belief systems. She is one of America's foremost personal and corporate development consultants specializing in mindset, gratitude, facilitating change, and taking action.

Elizabeth is a Master Life Coach and the bestselling author of 8 books including the award-winning book Percolate – Let Your Best Self Filter Through (Hay House/Penguin Random House, April 4, 2014) and The Change Guidebook – How to Align Your Heart, Truths, and Energy to Find Success in All Areas of Your Life (HCI/Simon & Schuster, 4/5/22)

Elizabeth lives her daily life with multiple, life-threatening food allergies. Elizabeth and Sally Huss have co-authored three best-selling children's books: A Lesson For Every Child: Learning About Food Allergies, Self-Confident Sandy and Best Ever You.

Elizabeth is a member of the Forbes Business Council and serve as a leadership advisor for the Olympia Snowe Women's Leadership Institute.

Elizabeth and her husband, Peter R. Guarino, Esq., live in Maine with their four sons.

Change Guidebook Quiz: besteveryou.com/changeguidebook

Website: elizabethguarino.com

Instagram: @elizabethguarino_official

Facebook: @ElizabethHamiltonG

Episode 13: Cultivating a Passion that’s Greater Than Your Fear with Guest EJ Harrison

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:47:15 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin speak with poet, musician, teacher, and director of The Gay Men’s Chorus Los Angeles, EJ Harrison about how music can heal you, using social justice as inspiration, moving through mental health challenges, and overcoming fears when it comes to something you’re truly passionate about.

More about EJ:

Ernest Harrison is a poet, musician, and teacher. He is a proud graduate of Tuskegee University (2010) where completed his Bachelor's in English Liberal Arts. He later received his Bachelor's in Vocal Performance from Auburn University (2014), where he studied voice with world-renowned composers/conductors Dr. Rosephanye and William Powell. He then received his Master's in Choral Conducting from the University of Missouri (2016) under the tutelage of Dr. R. Paul Crabb. Ernest is currently ADB, concluding his Doctoral studies in Choral Music at the University of Southern California under the direction of Dr. Jo-Michael Scheibe.

Ernest became a member of the international Grammy Award winning choral ensemble, Conspirare, in 2019. He was an associate conductor for the Grammy Award-winning National Children’s Chorus (2017-2022) and conductor of the Pasadena Conservatory of Music’s Cantare Chamber Choir (2019-2022). Ernest is now Music Director and Head of Education and Outreach of the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles. Ernest has also taught as an adjunct professor at Pepperdine College, the University of Southern California, and Columbia University. He is currently teaching Voice and Music & Social Justice at Loyola Marymount University. Ernest is dedicated to the fight for social justice, equity, and inclusion in the choral classroom, on the concert stage, and in the world. Whether it be as a conductor, composer, arranger, vocalist, choral clinician, poet, or lecturer, his passion for people is the guiding light in every facet of his music making.

Instagram: @ej92187

Facebook: Ernest Harrison

Gay Men’s Chorus Los Angeles (for tickets and more info!): gmcla.org

Episode 12: TW// Gun Violence-What To Do When All of Your Labels Weigh Too Much with Guest Neema Bahrami

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:45:52 GMT

TW//Gun Violence. Chelsea and Kevin talk with event producer, LGBTQ inspirational speaker, and survivor of the Pulse Nightclub shooting, Neema Bahrami about self-acceptance, the challenge labels present, especially ones like “survivor” that carry so much weight and what to do when labels you are given aren’t ones you identify with.

More about Neema:

Neema Bahrami is an event producer, survivor and LGBTQ inspirational speaker. His life has not been an easy journey. At a very young age, he became estranged from his family when they learned he was part of the LGBTQ community. As a confused teenager trying to find his place in the world, Neema turned to friends for support, even living on their sofas for a brief period of time.

Determined not to let his situation hold him back, Neema committed to becoming the best he could be. He began working 3 different jobs to make ends meet and get back on his feet. Always focused on the positive, when asked to look back at that pivotal time in his life, Neema laughingly says he simply convinced himself sleep was overrated and he persevered.

Since those early years, Neema has overcome tremendous obstacles to become a leading voice for the LGBTQ community. His is now driven by a passion for helping others learn to accept themselves and overcome their own personal tragedies.

Neema was the event manager the night of the tragic Pulse Nightclub mass shooting in 2016 in Orlando, Florida, during which 49 people were killed and more than 53 others were injured. Many were coworkers and close personal friends. Since that time, Neema has traveled the world, sharing his journey toward healing and speaking out about what he’s done to overcome the tragedy in his own life since that tragic night.

Instagram: @neemathehost

Website: neemabahrami.com

Episode 11: How do you come back when your dream has been cut short? with Guests Aastha Lal and Nina Duong

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:45:09 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down to have a deep, loving and vulnerable conversation with Amazing Race contestants Aastha Lal and Nina Duong about who they are and what they’ve learned as individuals and as a couple since being eliminated first on Season 34 of The Amazing Race. This episode covers everything from resilience, to the power of detachment and meditation, coming out stories, and so much more. Here is your chance to get to know the humans behind the short clips you see on your TV screen and gain incredible information in the process.

More about Aastha:

More about Nina:

Nina is a born creative thinker with an unrelenting desire to solve problems through unique solutions. She served in the US Army National Guard for seven years, with one deployment (Operation Iraqi Freedom). She now serves as the Director for Business Development and Senior Consultant at Fisheye Learning, working on special projects and turnkey business solutions for clients including Facebook and Microsoft. Add her on LinkedIn: Nina Duong.

Instagram: @aastha.lal @sillybanina

TikTok: @aastha.lal

LinkedIn: Nina Duong

Episode 10: “Do not blame your body, blame the product first” with Guest Charline Zeroual

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:44:04 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin sit down with sustainable stylist, Charline Zeroual, to discuss how your personal style isn’t just about making a good first impression, it goes much deeper. From how your clothes can affect your mood, how you feel about yourself, and impact the way you present to the world, Charline shows us that clothes are more than just skin deep.

More about Charline:

Charline is a Sustainable Wardrobe Stylist dedicated to helping women everywhere benefit from the fundamentals of personal styling while also focusing on a more conscious approach to fashion consumption. She has helped many women of all silhouettes and life stages—each with unique needs and tastes. And she has seen first-hand what a boost personal styling can be for self-image and confidence. She is honored to provide a service that is truly transformative!

On a personal note, Charline is a French-mompreneur of three little ones who enjoys working out, traveling, and cooking. She approaches every challenge with good energy, good vibes, and plenty of good humor! So, when you’re ready to take that next step towards creating your perfect wardrobe and reclaiming (or claiming for the first time) that confident glow, she can’t wait to meet you!

Instagram: @sustainable.wardrobe.stylist

Website: charlinezeroual.com

Episode 9: Making Friends Is Hard

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:43:24 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea talk about how making friends in adulthood can sometimes bring up the things that scare us that most. Whether we are romanticizing what adult friendships look like because of the media or we feel super lonely we are in this together and you’re definitely not alone. Come along today for some camaraderie, tips, and tricks of how to tap into friendships regardless of the stage you’re in in life.

Some additional notes:

What are secondary emotions exactly? They are emotions fueled by other emotions.

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 8: Taking Responsibility for Your Life with Guest Andrea Lowell

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:42:19 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea sit down with former radio and TV host turned self-mastery coach, Andrea Lowell to talk about making self-mastery approachable and understandable. From hitting your emotional rock bottom, feeling out of alignment in your career and taking the leap to leave to radical self-awareness, Andrea walks us through her own spiritual journey and its practical applications to your life.

More about Andrea:

Andrea Lowell, a former TV and radio host for The Playboy Morning Show (No.2 on the SIRIUSXM charts), quit her successful hosting job to pursue a higher calling after feeling miserable and bored for far too long. Taking that leap of faith, she is now a Self Mastery Guide and the creator of The I AM Everything Project, her signature self mastery mentorship program.

Her potent coaching centers around the never-ending practice of self awareness, which propels the spiritually-minded to next-level frequencies, mindset, and connection to The Divine (and therefore next-level manifestation!).

Andrea has more than a decade of experience in this type of work, assisting women on their journeys of expansion with absolute success, due to her unique style of practical integration, spiritual alignment, radical self-honesty, and mind-body-spirit balance within daily life.

Andrea’s practical methods of spirituality and self-healing are profoundly life-altering. Always straightforward and sustainable, she guarantees bliss to those who follow her loving and simple suggestions.

Instagram: @theiameverythingproject

Website: andrealowell.com

Episode 7: Advocate for Your Happiness

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:41:29 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea talk about why sometimes it feels so hard to just be happy and what are some fun new (and old classic) ways to tap into that happiness and maybe even realizing that happiness doesn’t have to be the answer.

Some additional notes:

The books mentioned in the episode:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

And the word Chelsea was looking for in the beginning was, in fact, norepinephrine, which is a naturally occurring chemical in your body that can be stimulated to increase your mood when taking a cold plunge.*

*Please note we are not scientists…this information came from Google…and here is an article where the many benefits of cold plunging can be found

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Episode 6: “A Little Bit of Fabulous and a Little Bit of Funds” with Guests John & David Auten-Schneider

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:40:52 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea talk with personal finance experts and hosts of the Queer Money Podcast, John & David Auten-Schneider to talk about why it’s easier to talk about sex than money and some of the barriers the LGBTQ+ community experiences when it comes to financial well-being.

More about John & David:

After working in the pale, male and stale-run financial services industry and seeing their community constantly left out of the conversation they decided they wanted to help more folks in the LGBTQ+ community reach not only financial sustainability but to thrive financially.

Thriving financially is more than just making a lot of money. It's also using tools and tips that help us keep and grow the money we work so hard to earn.

Over the past 5+ years, they’ve published over 300 episodes of their podcast with notable guests such as Dominique Jackson of POSE, Gaby Dunn of BuzzFeed and author of Bad with Money, Patrick L. Riley, field producer for Oprah, Todd Sears of Outleadership and many more.

They break down often hard-to-understand money topics into easy-to-understand stories that highlight folks across the whole rainbow spectrum. Their goal is to see more queer folks reach financial freedom.

Podcast: The Queer Money Podcast

Motley Fool Study: LGBTQ+ Finance

Instagram: @queermoneypodcast

Twitter: @debtfreeguys

Episode 5: Coffee and Conversation with The Fam

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:39:40 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea sit down with their partners to dive into how to make a family business work, what it means to support those you love versus enable them, how to treat your family

like an ecosystem, and what makes our family unique besides the whole two gay dads thing.

“It’s complicated” is without a doubt the most used phrase in this episode. And we all know that family is complicated and if you feel that at times with your own family, you’re definitely not alone. We’ve all been there even when it looks like we have it all together on the outside.

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 4: Why Not Me? With Guest Benita Fitzgerald Mosley

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:38:49 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea talk with Olympic Gold Medalist and purpose-led champion, Benita Fitzgerald Mosley about Benita’s story and how sports or any passion can have a profound effect on your sense of self and confidence.

More about Benita:

Benita Fitzgerald Mosley, an Olympic Gold Medalist and purpose-led champion in sports and business, is responsible for stewarding LeagueApps partnerships with North American professional sports leagues and their respective youth development initiatives. She also drives the advancement of the NextUp community platform and as President of FundPlay leads this LeagueApps program to support youth sports organizations and foster sports experience opportunities for young people from underserved communities. Prior to joining LeagueApps, Fitzgerald Mosley served as the Chief Executive Officer of the Laureus Sport for Good Foundation USA and also previously worked as Chief Operating Officer for the United States Olympic & Paralympic Committee and Chief of Sport Performance for USA Track & Field. Fitzgerald Mosley is a graduate of the University of Tennessee with a B.S. in Industrial Engineering and a charter member of the Tennessee Volunteers Hall of Fame.

LinkedIn: Benita Fitzgerald Mosley

Instagram: @benitafmosley

Info on FundPlay: LeagueApps.com

Episode 3: Cultivating Curiosity Through Travel

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:37:58 GMT

Kevin and Chelsea talk about ways to cultivate curiosity as a means of expanding your definition of self-worth and tapping into your self-worth and confidence. And SPOILER ALERT…Traveling and getting curious doesn’t always have to mean that you leave your own home…

“Living requires curiosity and vulnerability, otherwise it gets very lonely”-A little quote from today’s episode!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @ChelseaAustinMDW @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 2: It’s Just So Straight Forward

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:37:00 GMT

Join Chelsea and Kevin in conversation with Billy Aberle and Chris Sabol the creators of the new musical, “Straight Forward,” and Mike Iamele, whose life the musical is based on. From discovering your sexuality, to finding your place in the entertainment industry, and how to turn life into art, this episode covers so much deep and meaningful ground.

For more information on “Straight Forward” visit straightforwardmusical.com.

And be sure to connect with Billy, Chris, Mike, and “Straight Forward” on Social!

Instagram: @billyaberle @chrissabs @mikeiamele @straightforwardmusical

Episode 1: What About You, Chelsea?

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:34:29 GMT

After many requests, in the first episode of Season 4, Kevin finally interviews Chelsea about all things from how she knew she was in love to the hardest thing about having two dads and so many goodies in-between!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 16: Happiness vs Joy

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:32:53 GMT

In the final episode of Season 3, Chelsea and Kevin talk about the differences between happiness and joy (and glee!) and how to tap into them regardless of what situation you might find yourself in.

There is no prerequisite for joy, you can start feeling it right here right now and we have some ways you can tap in ASAP! This and more in today’s episode!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 15: Normalizing Fertility Struggles and Heart Disease with Tess Kossow

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:32:11 GMT

Chelsea and Kevin talk to fertility coach, speaker, and author, Tess Kossow, about her experience overcoming obstacles to become pregnant, change the societal mindset around different ways of creating a family and letting go of shame. She also shares her experience as an incredibly healthy person who also has been diagnosed with heart disease and how that’s changed her perspective on life and how we can best take advantage of what life has to offer.

About Tess:

Tess Kossow is the author of the I'm Very Ferris books, a speaker on infertility and heart health awareness, and a certified fertility coach with a focus on the heart.

She was named "Inaugural Indianapolis Woman of Impact" with American Heart Association and Go Red for Women. She lives in Carmel, In with her husband, son, dog and cat!

Instagram: @tesskossow

Facebook: @tesskossow

LinkedIn: Tess Kossow

Website: tesskossow.com

Episode 14: Is Discomfort Always a Bad Thing?

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:31:35 GMT

In this episode Chelsea and Kevin discuss discomfort and how there are actually two sides to the discomfort coin. Positive discomfort can actually inspire us to make our world bigger and negative discomfort can also tell us certain things about who we are and what changes we may want to make in our lives.

Not sure what kind of discomfort you’re experiencing or how to use the discomfort to your advantage? All of this and more is covered in today’s episode!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 13: Passion, Purpose and Following Your Dreams with Julie Chan

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:30:21 GMT

In this episode Chelsea and Kevin talk to host of “The Julie Chan Show” and former news anchor, Julie Chan, about finding your passion, figuring out where that meets your purpose and using that as fuel to follow your dreams!

About Julie:

From working as the CBS morning anchor in Oregon, to hosting and producing her own one-hour morning show, USC alumna Julie Chan is a gifted journalist, thoughtful commentator and a force to be reckoned with in the media world! Known for in-depth interviews (i.e. Andrew Morton, Joan Lunden) where she brings her subjects' authentic stories to life, Julie is a proud Trojan (B.S. Business Marketing, 1998). Julie’s ultimate goal is to become “Asian Oprah,” which she plans to do while also raising her three, lovely teenage daughters and following two of her greatest passions: tennis and worldwide travel.

Instagram: @thejuliechanshow

Website: thejuliechanshow.com

Episode 12: Making Manifestation Approachable with Milli Fox

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:29:43 GMT

In this episode, Chelsea and Kevin talk to Manifestation Coach, Milli Fox, about why it can be such a struggle to get into manifesting, where our blocks might be coming from, how to shift through our emotions, get curious, and even how we can talk to our children about gratitude, abundance, and trusting themselves.

About Milli:

Milli Fox is obsessed with all things self-worth and manifestation. Think Brené Brown meets Gabby Bernstein with a sprinkle of goofy on top. Milli’s super power is her ability to clearly see women in all their divine perfection and to reflect that back to them. She has a vision for each woman she works with and helps them manifest that vision. Milli has been called to live a big, bold life of luxury in order to expand what women believe is possible for them. She aims to raise the collective consciousness and heal generational trauma (emotionally, physically and spiritually) through her coaching, programs and internet dance parties. Milli is a published author and voracious reader- who is currently writing the next NYT bestseller on Manifestation.

Instagram: @millifox

Podcast: The Milli Fox Show

Episode 11: Trusting Yourself Is Hard

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:29:09 GMT

In this episode, Chelsea and Kevin cover all things when it comes to trusting your heart. Bottom line: trusting yourself is not straight forward. It’s complicated and convoluted, but there are ways to tap into your intuition to figure out how to trust yourself and how to find peace in your decision making. In today’s episode, listen to Chelsea and Kevin wade through the muddy waters that are learning to trust yourself.

How do we tap into our intuition? What does trusting yourself look like? Why is it so hard to do? All of this and more in today’s episode!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 10: Connection and an Openness to Change with Katie McMinn

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:28:03 GMT

In this episode, Chelsea and Kevin talk to entrepreneur, mother, entertainer, and coach, Katie McMinn about transitioning into parenthood, setting a gracious table with ease, how to find the fun in cooking Thanksgiving dinner, spiritual practices and more!

About Katie:

Katie has a Master's in Strategic Communication and worked as a communication coordinator for the State of Utah for over a decade. Now she loves working with people and giving them a different way of looking at their thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors by using mindful techniques and a holistic approach to coaching. She runs a small business Hint of Lavender where she inspires people to gather and she sells the Social Cards which are conversation starter decks of cards that help people start conversations, deepen connections, and strengthen relationships.

Instagram: @hint_of_lavender

Website: hintoflavender.com (Get your social cards here!)

Facebook: @hintoflavender

Episode 9: It’s Not About Obligation, It’s About Choice

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:27:13 GMT

Today’s episode is all about setting boundaries and how complicated it can be, but why it is ultimately so worth it and how to start setting those most challenging boundaries. Also, today, Kevin surprises Chelsea with a pop quiz!

How do we set those difficult boundaries? Why do they bring up so many emotions? Why is it so hard to stick to our boundaries once we set them? This and so many more goodies in today’s episode!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 8: Bite-Sized Goals For Big Impact with Lindsey Kaszuba

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:26:00 GMT

In this episode, Chelsea and Kevin speak with health and mindset coach Lindsey Kaszuba all about creating new habits and goals and letting go of habits that no longer serve us. Everything from learning to trust ourselves and teaching our children to trust themselves to tapping into what we want to value and beyond is covered in this episode!

Lindsey is also giving away a free 30-minute health strategy session to the first 3 people to reach out! So be sure to email me at chelsea@chelseaaustin.com if you’re interested!

About Lindsey:

Lindsey is a certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach helping women ditch the diet and transform their health. Her mission is to teach women how health and lifestyle can work together realistically. Her unique coaching method is based on science and spiritual practices and is rooted in sustainable change and mindset work. Lindsey lives in New York City with her two daughters, husband, and Italian Greyhound.

Instagram: @lindseykaszubahealth

TikTok: @lindseykaszubahealth

Website: lindseykaszubahealth.com

Episode 7: Self-Acceptance and The Gay Gift

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:25:20 GMT

In this episode, Chelsea and Kevin talk about the gift you are offered when you’re already considered not the “norm.” They get into everything from letting go of needing outside approval to doing things out of obligation and people pleasing to finding your chosen family. Do we need to be first accepted by others or first accept ourselves just as we are? Find out what Chelsea and Kevin think about this and so much more goodness in today’s episode! For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com. You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well! Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 6: Finding Common Ground with Joe Solmonese

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:23:58 GMT

In this episode, Chelsea and Kevin speak with the wildly patient and uber calm, Joe Solmonese about his career in politics, advocacy, and more. Joe shows us how we can find common ground with anyone and build bridges across major ideological divides while remaining calm and not sacrificing what we believe in.

About Joe:

Joe Solmonese is Senior Vice President for Government Relations and Strategic Communications. He oversees the organization’s government relations efforts at both the federal and state levels, as well as managing all aspects of strategic communications.

Joe has broad experience managing large and complex organizations, most recently serving as CEO of the Democratic National Convention, successfully planning and executing the first entirely virtual convention. Prior to this, he was the transition chair for Planned Parenthood Federation, managing the day-to-day operations of the national office, interfacing with 50 affiliates in providing care to those who need it most. And, as a partner at Gavin/Solmonese, he assisted corporate clients in navigating public policy issues and improving corporate responsibility.

Having spent an entire career advocating for equality and human rights, Joe served as president of the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest LGBTQ advocacy organization. Prior to joining the Human Rights Campaign, he worked for thirteen years at EMILY’s List, serving as CEO in his final two.

Joe is currently on the board of directors of the National Partnership for Women and Families, as well as the Planned Parenthood Action Fund and the advisory board of the Obama Scholars Program at Occidental College.

LinkedIn: Joe Solmonese

Twitter: @JSolmonese

Buy Joe’s Book!: The Gift Of Anger

Episode 5: How to Communicate Productively

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:23:07 GMT

Just communicating isn’t enough for most relationships whether they be love, platonic, or in business, it needs to be productive communication and today Chelsea and Kevin go through their methods, ups, downs, and everything in-between when it comes to communicating.

Do we want to be right? Or do we want to be happy? And is the question that simple? Find out in today’s episode!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 4: Defying the Diagnosis with Aaron Baker

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:22:27 GMT

In this episode, Chelsea and Kevin talk to the amazingly resilient, Aaron Baker about his recovery from a spinal cord injury that altered the course of his life and how we can all find a way forward despite the odds we’re given. We also touch on what the writing process has been like for us, as three authors.

About Aaron:

In 1999, as a professional motocross athlete, he sustained a career ending spinal cord injury. He fractured his cervical vertebrae 4, 5, and 6 rendering him a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the chin down. He was given a “one in a million” chance of every feeding himself again.

From the onset of his injury, he focused on rebuilding and redefining his life. He became a student of his mind and body, and has mastered a set of fundamental tools he uses and shares daily.

Today, he is a recovering quadriplegic husband, father, adventure athlete, author, orator, entrepreneur, and ambassador for spinal cord injury. He co-founded the Center of Restorative Exercise and represents Red Bull’s non-profit charity-Wings For Life Foundation as a member of the Board of Directors, USA, and Chairman of the Ambassador Council.

Website: imaaronbaker.com

Youtube channel: Aaron Baker

Instagram: @imaaronbaker

Twitter: @ImAaronBaker

Episode 3: Finding Value Beyond a Paycheck

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:17:34 GMT

In this episode Chelsea and Kevin discuss their atypical career paths that have led them to developing their self-worth beyond what they do for a living. If you feel like your identity gets wrapped up in what you do, are struggling as a new entrepreneur, feeling undervalued in your work as a stay-at-home parent, or ever felt like you’ve questioned your enough-ness, this one's for YOU! For more information and to buy Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me, learn more about her Flip the Script course, or Blog check out her website chelseaaustin.com. You can also learn more about and order Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door, here! Be sure to connect with us on social media as well!

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 2: Managing Depression and Anxiety with Danielle Gray

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:16:26 GMT

TW for this episode: assault, anxiety, and depression. Season 3 of Worthiness Warriors’ first guest is,Danielle Gray! And with Danielle, we got deep, fast. In this episode, Danielle shares her story of being assaulted after she, in her words, “let her depression and anxiety go unmanaged.” She gives us all hope, inspiration, and even a good laugh, along with deep, meaningful takeaways for anyone, especially those struggling with depression and anxiety. About Danielle:

Danielle is a formerly competitive gymnast who became a personal trainer after leaving her full time desk job to pursue coaching and fitness modeling. She founded her own company, Train Like A Gymnast, to show people they’re more capable than they think they are. While she can help anyone who is interested, TLAG’s primary demographic is former female athletes who miss the accountability, camaraderie, and structure of organized sports. Her training style is challenging, yet approachable with a heavy focus on form, mindfulness, and intention. She is also a Wilhelmina Fitness Model, an iFit Trainer, a Ninja Warrior, professional pole dancer, photographer, among many other things that make her a multi passionate entrepreneur.

Website: www.daniellegrayfit.com

TLAG: www.trainlikeagymnast.com (Use code LISTEN for a discount for Worthiness Warriors listeners upon checkout here! trainlikeagymnastapp.com)

IG @daniellegrayfit @trainlikeagymnast

Episode 1: No, I Didn't Need a Mom

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:15:17 GMT

We’re back warriors! After a brief hiatus we’re here with Season 3 and a new co-host, Chelsea’s dad, Kevin Montgomery. This season will have both interviews with guests on self-development, self-love, self-worth, and more, and episodes with just Chelsea and Kevin doing what they do best, having tough, funny, and exciting conversations as a father and daughter, a straight woman and a gay man, a 28 and 65 year old. This episode is all about the question that Chelsea has most often been asked in life, “Did you miss having a mom?” So, today we get Chelsea and Kevin’s takes on what it felt like on the inside of their family with two dads and no mom.

Instagram: @chelseaaustinmdw @kevinscot

TikTok: @chelseaaustinmdw

Twitter: @chelseaamdw @KevMontDub

Facebook: @thegirlwithfivenames @thefamilynextdoorbook

Episode 21: How to Navigate Changes Within the Parent-Child Relationship with Kevin Montgomery

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:13:27 GMT

Chelsea Austin speaks to her dad and next season of Worthiness Warrior’s co-host, Kevin Montgomery! This episode covers everything from the changing relationship of being your child’s parent to being their friend, how to let go and let your child start to make their own decisions in adulthood and more! To connect with Kevin you can follow him on Instagram @kevinscot and check out his book, The Family Next Door. And one last time…don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 20: How My Daddy “Did” Prison with Dennis Duban

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:09:54 GMT

Chelsea talks to CPA, owner of DLD Accountancy, LLP, and her amazing Daddy, Dennis Duban about what his experience was like in the federal prison system and how he was able to maintain a mindset focused on joy regardless of being confined in a prison camp. You can learn more about his experience in Chelsea’s book, Inexplicably Me. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 19: How to Meet Yourself Where You Are Now with Brooke Rozzie

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:09:06 GMT

Chelsea talks to certified nutritionist and personal trainer, Brooke Rozzie, about moving forward with grief, doing things that scare and challenge you and more! To join Brooke’s Balance Body program or connect with her visit her website brookerozzie.com or follow-along her journey on Instagram @brookerozzie. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022

Episode 18: How to Find Your Creative Outlet with Joey Held

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 02:08:26 GMT

Chelsea talks to writer, podcaster, and author, Joey Held about all things creativity. From finding your niche, to learning how to spark your creativity, creating a podcast, blog, newsletter, and so much more! To connect with Joey or buy one of his awesome books, visit his website joeyheld.com, listen to his Good People, Cool Things podcast here. And connect with him on Twitter @josephcurrency. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 17: How to Create Community with Julie Costa

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:20:56 GMT

Chelsea talks to business coach and certified clinical hypnotherapist, Julie Costa, about creating the community we’ve been craving, taking the pressure off of yourself in your business, setting boundaries with ourselves, and beyond! You can connect with Julie on instagram @julie.m.costa and learn more about her work on her website juliemcosta.com. You can also download a free hypnosis audio recording for anxiety and stress by Julie here! And to book a hypnotherapy session, click here! And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 16: How to Redirect Negative Inner Thoughts with Rebecca Schauer

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:20:15 GMT

Chelsea talks to registered dietician-nutritionist and wellness coach, Rebecca Schauer about trading in the time we spend thinking negative thoughts about ourselves and our bodies, refocusing it to where we can find more joy and freedom, and so much more! You can connect with Rebecca via her website findfreedomwithfood.com or via email rebecca@findfreedomwithfood.com or connect with her on social @rebeccaschauer_rdn. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 15: How to Find Inner Peace With Alexis Pierce

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:19:42 GMT

Chelsea talks to leading soul purpose expert, Alexis Pierce about who we can create our own peace, not be defined solely by what we do, but by who we are and how to find those first small steps you need to create real change in your life and so very much more! You can connect with Alexis via her website alexispierce.com and join her facebook group At Peace on Purpose with Alexis Pierce. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 14: How to Decolonize Wellness and Really See Others with Dalia Kinsey

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:18:59 GMT

Chelsea talks to Registered Dietician and Inclusive Wellness coach, Dalia Kinsey about feeling seen, working on really seeing other, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, white supremacy, listening for understanding, activism and SO MUCH MORE! You can connect with Dalia via her website daliakinsey.com, connect with her on social media via her facebook group @decolonizingwellness, and listen to her podcast, Body Liberation for All on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and buy her book Decolonizing Wellness here! And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 13: How to Go From an Idea to Reality with Courtlyn Jones

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:17:52 GMT

Chelsea talks to graphic designer and founder of The Design Database, Courtlyn Jones about how to put yourself first, leaving a toxic work environment and taking the leap of faith to work for yourself! You can connect with Courtlyn via her website thedesigndatabase.net, on Facebook or Instagram @thedesigndatabase, on Twitter @thedsgndatabase and via LinkedIn. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 12: How to Powerfully Feel Everything with Isabelle Tierney

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:16:24 GMT

Chelsea talks with stress management specialist, behavioral science expert, speaker, and LMFT, Isabelle Tierney about the feel good life methodology that she has created and now teaches all around the world inspiring individuals to live lives of more joy, abundance, creation, emotional freedom, and beyond! You can connect with Isabelle through her website thefeelgoodlife.com, her facebook group, or on Instagram @ourfeelgoodlife. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 11: How to Use Awareness As Your Springboard with Elise Micheals

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:15:26 GMT

Chelsea talks to relationship-science trained, trauma informed coach, Elise Micheals, who focuses on coaching those that identify as men to help them heal subconscious trauma to become better fathers, spouses, and leaders, but what she has to say has something for all of us regardless of our gender identity. You can connect with Elise on LinkedIn, Tiktok @elisemicheals, Instagram @elisemicheals_ , or visit her website elisemicheals.com. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 10: How to Move From Deep Negativity to Being a Light for Yourself and Others with Kel Bauer

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:14:27 GMT

Chelsea talks to trauma-informed life coach, Kel Bauer, about his incredible and inspirational story of growing up in a deeply neglectful environment and how he’s used that to fuel his passion for helping others see their value and what they can accomplish regardless of their circumstances or past experiences. You can connect with Kel on Instagram @becomewhoyouneeded. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 9: How to Make the Impossible a Reality with Dr. Sharon Adams

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:12:39 GMT

Chelsea talks to retired pediatrician turned insurance agent, Dr. Sharon Adams about her inspirational story of growing up in the only Black family in Austin, Minnesota, putting herself through medical school, overcoming thoughts of suicide, and how to be your own biggest champion. If you were looking for inspiration and a reminder to believe in yourself, THIS IS IT! You can connect with Dr. Adams on her website drsharonadams.com or connect with her on Instagram and Facebook @turnthepagewithsharon. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 8: How to Communicate Effectively with Nicole Seawell

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:11:24 GMT

Chelsea talks to motivation and communication expert, team strategist and dynamics coach, Nicole Seawell about all things communication, especially as it pertains to the Enneagram personality test. To take an Enneagram test click here! To learn more about Nicole or work with her check out her websitesailorssweetlife.com or follow her on instagram @neseawell. The definition for Enneagram in the introduction to the episode was found on truity.com. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 7: How to Overcome Burnout and Set Boundaries with Naomi Rotstein

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:10:21 GMT

Chelsea talks to personal trainer and business coach, Naomi Rotstein about how to overcome burnout, set boundaries at work, make peace with your body, how take maternity leave when you’re an entrepreneur, and so many other goodies. For more information on Naomi and what she’s up to check out her Instagram @naomi.rotstein! Also be sure to check out her group coaching program, freebie on “5 simple steps for getting more clients with referrals,” and her 12-week follow along workout program (which Chelsea has done and loved)! And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 6: How Faith Can Inform Your Self-Worth, Love, and Care with Aastha Lal

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:09:29 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to comedian and founder of The Hopeful Hindu, Aastha Lal about faith, karma, reincarnation, and all things Eastern Spirituality, especially how faith can inform your self-worth and help you judge yourself and others less. For more information on Aastha’s work check out thehopefulhindu.com or @thehopefulhindu on social media! And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 5: How To Get Back To Your Relationship To Yourself with Mary Allard

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:04:37 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks with entrepreneur, mom, yogi, and tea-obsessed Mary Allard about finding your element no matter what season of life you are in, figuring out what to do about feelings of competition, finding ways to boost your self-worth without any fancy tools, and so much more. Chelsea mentions Episode 0 of season one of Worthiness Warriors which you can find here! For more on the Ellement Collective visit ellementcollective.com, or check them out @ellementcollective on social media. To check out The Third Place Podcast head over to thirdplacepodcast.com or find them on social @thirdplacepodcast, and don’t forget to check out more of Mary’s amazing work at maryallard.com. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 4: How To Make Every Minute Count with Lisa Nutt

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:03:31 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks with entrepreneur and the founder of makeeveryminutecount.com, Lisa Nutt, about being your own best advocate, finding gratitude everywhere possible, and understanding how self-compassion accompanies self-growth among so many other things. You can connect with Lisa on Instagram @la_nutt or on Facebook @LetsMakeEveryMinuteCount and get more involved with the Make Every Minute Count Project via makeeveryminutecount.com!And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 3: How To Make Your Self-Care Work For You with Nina Lowman

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 00:00:31 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to the founder of Indica Dreams, Nina Lowman, about creating a balanced wellness routine, finding a path for self-care that works for you in every season of your life, and so much other goodness! You can connect with Nina @ninalofficial on Instagram, as well as Indica Dreams @indicadreamsllc on Instagram, @indicadreamsofficial on Facebook, and be sure to check out indicadreams.com for some truly self-care inspired CBD products. And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 2: How To Find Your Confidence In 3 Steps with Alex Ray

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 23:57:25 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to LGBTQIA+ Confidence Coach, Alex Ray, about how to access your confidence in three easy steps, how you’ve been using labels backwards and so much more! You can connect with Alex Ray on Instagram @coachalexray or through his website coachalexray.com. Also, be sure to listen to his podcast, “The Queer Confidence Podcast” on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 1: Welcome Back Warriors

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 23:54:39 GMT

Welcome back to season two, friends! This episode will give you a sneak peak into what you have to look forward to this season, as well as get a little life update from Chelsea and finally hear about what she’s been up to these past few months! And don’t forget! If you pre-order Chelsea’s Book Inexplicably Me: A Story of Labels, Worthiness, and Refusing To Be Boxed In and either email her your receipt (chelsea@chelseaaustin.com) or post your receipt and tag her on social media (@chelseaaustinmdw on Instagram @thegirlwithfivenames on Facebook) to receive a personalized thank you, a bookmark, AND 25% off Chelsea’s Flip The Script course in 2022!

Episode 41: Self-Worth and Marriage Part II

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:05:02 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks with her hubby, Dominic Wächter about being newley-ish-weds and navigating self-worth within their relationship as two very different human beings. Just in case you forgot where to find Chelsea’s social media here is her Instagram @chelseaaustinmdw, Facebook, and websitechelseaaustin.com. And you can find more information on Dominic, his travels, work and life on his Instagram @dumaid. This episode concludes the first season of Worthiness Warriors! See you in season two friends coming fall ‘21!

Episode 40: Self-Worth and The Brain

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:04:31 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to NYC-based actor, singer, and brain training specialist, Emilie Leyes about self-worth and how to create thoughts and feelings of worthiness through brain training. Chelsea and Emilie even do a demo of what brain training can look like LIVE! To learn more about Emilie’s amazing brain training programs you can visit The Resilient Self Program, and The Resilient Actor Program or click here for a Free Guided Practice. You can also find Emilie on Instagram @emilieleyes and on TikTok@emilie_leyes.

Episode 39: Self-Worth and Therapy

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:03:58 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to CEO and founder of Makin Wellness, Sara Makin about why therapy is so integral to developing our self-worth. To learn more about Makin Wellness, and gain access to their mental health resources, visit their website makinwellness.com, or check out their Instagram @makinwellness. For more information on Sara, visit her instagram @thesaramakin and don’t forget to check out the three books she’s written, From Depression To Joy: A Parent’s Handbook For Teenage Wellness, Medical Cannabis & Mental Health, and The Happy Entrepreneur: Eliminate Stress and Kick Ass In Business.

Episode 38: Pride Month Pt 7! Self-Worth and Trans Iden

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:03:22 GMT

For the final episode of Chelsea’s Pride Month series, although we’ll be celebrating Pride all year long, Chelsea Talks to AK Nell, who identifies as a non-binary transmasculine being and uses the pronouns he/him. AK resides just outside of Washington D.C. and works as a transitional kindergarten teacher. This episode will help you better understand what it means to identify as trans* and why labels, definitions, and asking questions is so important. To follow along with AK’s journey, check out his Instagram @im_out_and_about. Also, please consider donating to The Okra Project, a group that provides meals to trans people of color.

Episode 37: Pride Month Pt 6! Self-Worth and Same-Sex P

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:02:44 GMT

We’re extending Pride Month just a little bit longer! Chelsea Austin talks to her friends and supermoms, Sophie and Kimber Sargent. Now that Baby B has arrived Chelsea follows-up to see how their self-worth has grown and changed since becoming moms. Sophie and Kimber also run two incredible companies WeeSit and Holistically She and you can follow along with their journey as moms as well on Instagram @sgt_sophie and @timber_times.

Episode 36: Pride Month Pt 5! Self-Worth and Non-Binary

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:02:10 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend Joseph Baca about what it means for them to identify as non-binary, how to get comfortable asking for pronouns, letting go of judgement, queerness in Disney and so much more. Joseph enjoys performing on stage, dancing, educating children, playing board games and is, as Chelsea describes him, a walking heart. To learn more about Joseph check out both of his Instagram accounts @jobaciii (personal instagram) and @baca.desu (queer stories and beyond!).

Episode 35: Pride Month Pt 4! Self-Worth and Marriage P

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:01:39 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her Dad and Daddy about what it is to fall in love, stay in love, and build a healthy relationship on a strong foundation. After almost 40 years of being together Chelsea’s dads definitely know what it takes to be through many seasons of a relationship and build something beautiful. To learn more about Chelsea’s parents’ stories check out her Dad, Kevin Montgomery’s, book, The Family Next Door, or visit their website montgomery-duban.com.

Episode 35: Pride Month Pt 4! Self-Worth and Marriage P

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:01:11 GMT

Episode 34: Pride Month Pt 3! Self-Worth As Told By “A M

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:00:36 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, Kelly Kirkley, arts administrator, performer and recent nine to fiver about his story, expectations, dynamics in varying social groups, intersectionality and beyond. This is the third episode in a Pride Month series focused on LGBTQ+ voices with an emphasis on intersectionality. To learn more about Kelly and the work of the Underground Skills Exchange you can check out their website undergroundskillsx.com or check out their instagram @undergroundskillsx. Or check out Kelly’s personal Instagram @kelzkirks14!

Episode 33: Pride Month Pt 2! Self-Worth and Drag

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:59:58 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, Tyler Holoboksi about the incredible drag persona he has created in Petti Cash, how doing drag can affect your self-worth, the moral and social opportunities there are in drag, and so much more. This episode is full of honesty, fun, and a lot of heart. For more information regarding advocacy for the AAPI community, please visit stopaapihate.org. To learn more about Petti Cash head over to her Instagram @petticashnyc, Facebook or check out her website petticashnyc.com!

Episode 32: Pride Month Series Pt 1! Self-Worth and Bein

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:59:04 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, Kevin Kulp about his story, building community, how peoples’ words affect us deeply and beyond. This is the first episode in a Pride Month series focused on LGBTQ+ voices with an emphasis on intersectionality. To learn more about Kevin and his work as a performer, photographer and his work in social media, be sure to check out his Instagram @kulpy. For additional resources regarding combating racism in America check out stopaapihate.org

Episode 31: Self-Worth and Sex

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:58:26 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to sex therapist, Jacqueline Mendez about how intimately connected self-worth and sex are. The conversation covers everything from how we can talk to our partners about sex, to stigma around women and sex, and to how we can get comfortable in our bodies to have amazing sex! To learn more about Jaqueline’s practice and her work you can visit her website or check out her Center For Relationship and Intimacy Well-Being. You can also follow her on Instagram @jacquelinemndz!

Episode 30: Self-Worth And Pushing Through Your Fears

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:57:50 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to PR Guru and CEO of Mekky Media, Michelle Mekky all about confidence, success, cancer survival, and pushing through your fears. With laughs and lots of love Chelsea and Michelle discuss personal trauma and what they’ve gained over time in regards to letting go of judgment and living the life they’ve always dreamed. To learn more about Michelle and Mekky Media visit their website or follow Michelle on Instagram @michelle.mekky or on LinkedIn!

Episode 29: Self-Worth and Investing for Women

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:57:07 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to financial advisor, Roxy Maddahi, all about investing and why it’s so hard sometimes for women to talk about money. Hint hint…we’re all capable, it’s just that societal norms and history tend to get in our way. Roxy does an amazing job breaking down how we can find our own financial intelligence and has some amazing resources we can turn to including the “Morning Brew” newsletter and iwillteachyoutoberich.com. To learn more or get in touch with Roxy about her services you can email her @roxana.maddahi@spwm.com!

Episode 28: Self-Worth and Privilege

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:56:29 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to Bryana Clover, CEO and founder of 1619 Consulting, a company dedicated to help forward-thinking organizations create brave spaces to have tough conversations about race and inclusivity without causing harm or overwhelm. Bry is also studying Anti-racism in Urban Education with UNC Charlotte. This episode is all about unpacking our privilege and boosting our self-worth so we can learn to have those conversations that maybe we’ve been avoiding and to do the inner work that is so necessary for the advancement of ourselves and our society at large. To learn more about Bry, you can find her on Instagram, as well as, on her website 1619consulting.com!

Episode 27: Self-Worth and Mindfulness

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:55:58 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to writer, consultant, and executive, Erin Coupe, about all things mindfulness. Mindfulness is pretty interconnected with our self-worth and can be an incredible tool in accessing your worth on those less-than-worthy feeling days and Erin guides us right to where we need to be! Erin provides consulting, group facilitation, seminars, webinars and more about living authentically, self-awareness, mindfulness, emotional awareness, and beyond to her clients in all different kinds of businesses. You can find more information about Erin on her website, and Instagram!

Episode 26: Self-Worth and Social Life

archal.rami@ramiconsultinggroup.com (Archal Rami) — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:55:00 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to fellow podcasters, and super fun and funny humans, Paige Klibanoff and Alsion Spor about what having a social life has looked like during this unprecedented time we’re living in and what boundaries we have to have in friendship. We also speak to the age old question, how do I make friends? That so many of us have always wanted the answer to. You can learn more about Paige, Alison and their podcast, For the Love of Punch and Allo, on their website, and Instagram!

Episode 25: Self-Worth and Social Media

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:54:17 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to social media gurus and entrepreneurs, Lynzee Krohne and Kayla Weich about all things social media. From how social media can be used to our advantage and how we can make sure we are not letting those analytics take away from our inherent value and self-worth. If you are Instagram insights obsessed, this episode is for you!! (And if you’re not and still not sure what Instagram is, Lynzee and Kayla have incredible advice and information about where to start.) You can learn more about Lynzee and Kayla and Leo and Laine on their website, through their Instagram, Facebook, and if you live in Southwest Michigan and are thinking about trying out a new co-working space you can check out one of Kayla and Lynzee’s many ventures, Thinkbar Coworking!

Episode 24: Self-Worth and Second Chances

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:53:49 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to singer, song-writer, and all-around inspiration, Jamar Rogers about his history with addition, his HIV-positive status and how he gave himself a second chance and how we can all give ourselves and others a second chance. They dive deep into how to build empathy, how to understand others and just how we can start to take our own power back. You can learn more and follow along Jamar’s journey on his Instagram @jamarrogersofficial, facebook, and twitter, and take a look at his music on spotify!

Episode 23: Self-Worth and Your Heart as Your Compas

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:53:19 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to creative coach, dancer, choreographer, and teacher, Michelle Boulé about finding the courage to follow your heart, as well as, using your desires as a map for your self-discovery. This week we’re very much going about things from the inside, out. To connect with her, sign up for her free audio “Realign Towards Your Dreams” at michelleboule.com and follow her on Instagram @michelle.boule! To learn more about the Compassion Prison Project discussed in today’s episode please go to their website: compassionprisonproject.org.

Episode 22: Self-Worth and Rejection

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:52:15 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, Emily Jeanne Phillips, NY-based actor, singer, dancer about rejection because certainly in the entertainment industry you face a lot of it, but this conversation goes just beyond one industry. It’s about how to turn rejection into something positive for yourself, the purpose of wants and dreams and the question that keeps on giving, “am I good enough?” For more information on Emily, please visit her website, check out her Instagram or YouTube channel!

Episode 21: Self-Worth and Purpose

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:51:29 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to Ann Hutchinson Meyers, a non-profit consultant and friend with a huge heart, about finding your purpose, or maybe discovering that your purpose has been within you all along. If you’re feeling purposeless and need somewhere to start, this episode is for you! For more information regarding Haven for Hope that we spoke about in the episode check out the website here!

Episode 19: Self-Worth and Food

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:50:52 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to nutrition coach, Hillary Ervin, about all things FOOD! The good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly. To learn more about Hillary and the services she provides check out her website here! And to take a look at her incredible, fact-filled social media take a look at her Instagram here!

Episode 18: Self-Worth and Creative Careers

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:50:19 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend Russell Norris about what it’s like to pursue a career in the arts and how decision-making is so dang challenging sometimes! They cover everything from making sure you’re listening when your gut is speaking to you to managing rejection, and they have a good laugh along the way.

Episode 17: Self-Worth and Owning Your NOW!

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:48:10 GMT

Chelsea Austin speaks with coach, podcaster, aspiring author, and entrepreneur, Michaela Belle about what it means to own your season no matter what season of life you are in. This episode is full of specific how-to’s and methods to use to navigate whatever it is you might be going through to bring you more of everything you want now! Michaela is the creator of the Savvy Single Course, A Table For Two with Michaela Belle and more. To check out her courses and more take a look at her website here and her Instagram here!

Episode 16: Self-Worth and Failure

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:47:40 GMT

Chelsea Austin speaks to the creator of Sacred Branding about how failure can sometimes be the key to self-worth and how failure also can lead us to exactly where we need to be. They explore the how-tos, the what-not-to-dos and more about how we can all utilize our sensitivities in life to find our purpose. To map your sensitivities or learn more about Mike, click the link to his website here!

Episode 15: Self-Worth and Same-Sex Conception Then Vers

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:47:02 GMT

Chelsea Austin speaks with soon-to-be moms, Sophie and Kimber Sargent about becoming parents as two women versus what it was like for Chelsea’s dads to conceive her 27 years ago. Their conversation about how self-worth impacts parenting and more can inspire beyond just soon-to-be parents, but also couples that are working together, and anyone looking for a new perspective on conception and dreams for your children in 2021. Check out WeeSit, babysitting service and Holistically She, female-led bath, body and beauty company, both created by Sophie and Kimber!

Episode 14: Self-Worth from Broadway to Your Wedding

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:46:29 GMT

Chelsea Austin speaks with singer, dancer, actor turned phenomenal event planner, Charley Izabella King, about her transition from one passion to the next and how to go out on your own and build a business in an area you’re passionate about or how to move from one passion to the next. For more information on how to book Bluebell Events click here, and you can find and watch her Bluebell Talks here on Instagram!

Episode 13: Self-Worth and Interracial and International

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:45:58 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, Kevin Kulp, about his experience being adopted and how that affected his self-worth growing up and to this day. More than anything this episode is about how peoples’ words matter and what they say can make a huge impact on an individual long-term. For more information on the documentary, Found In Korea, please check out this link here! And to learn more about Kevin and to look at his work, check out his Instagram page @kulpy!

Episode 12: Self-Worth and The Phoenix Friendship

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:45:20 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, KC Morse about their friendship that burned to the ground and rose from the ashes, like a phoenix. Over time they have slowly been able to rebuild a more solid friendship with better boundaries and more self-worth on both sides from something they thought was beyond repair. Learn more about KC, her productions and life here! And learn more about sickle cell anemia here!

Episode 11: Self-Worth and Sales

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:44:40 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her mentor, Sandra Miller, about what it’s like to maintain your worth and work your way to the top of a sales industry. They cover everything from what it’s like to be a woman in a female-dominated, but male-driven industry and how work ethic and your worth plays a huge role in your sales success. For more information on Sandra’s extensive real estate knowledge take a look here!

Episode 10: Self-Worth and Only Children

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:43:56 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her long-time friend, Olivia Stevenson about how being only children and attending all girls’ school affected their upbringing and self-worth. Their experiences although from the outside look similar felt completely different from the inside and they have some good laughs while digging through tough subjects surrounding growing up. Take a look at Olivia’s Instagram @livylouise92!

Episode 9: Self-Worth and Parenting

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:43:25 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her dad, Kevin Montgomery about what it was like raising a child as a gay couple in the early ‘90s, how to build a child’s sense of self and self-worth and what makes parenting so dang hard sometimes. Kevin shares wise words about boundaries and being true to one’s own identity and so much more. Interested in reading more? Check out Kevin’s book, The Family Next Door here!

Episode 8: Self-Worth and Reframing Talents

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:42:45 GMT

Chelsea Austing talks to her friend, Jason Avezzano, writer, director, actor and movie critic about what it’s like to take talents that have always served you and look at them from a different perspective as you grow and change so that those talents can grow with you and continue to serve you. Check out Jason’s website here! And his spectacular movie reviews on his Instagram @moovyman1!

Episode 7: Self-Worth and Giving Back

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:42:12 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, Dustin Johnson, who is currently the Executive Director of the Anacortes Family Center and has a history of working in the non-profit sector. Their conversation breaks down what it means for your self-worth to give back, how that can make you feel more worthy than ever and how to get involved if you’re not sure where to start as a volunteer or even if you’re looking for a career in the non-for-profit sector. For more information or to donate to the Anacortes Family Center click here!

Episode 6: Self-Worth and The Body

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:41:27 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, Krysta Parker about how our self-worth is so deeply connected into how we feel about our bodies and vice versa. As Chelsea and Krysta both pursued dance at the college level and beyond they speak to how that has affected their body image and Krysta’s amazing journey to becoming a powerlifter and how that shifted her thoughts surrounding her body. Krysta also has a flourishing business as an inspirational mindset coach. For more information on Krysta, her work and her journey check out her Instagram @krysta.parker here!

Episode 5: Self-Worth and Passion

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:40:42 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her honorary big sister, and incredible actor, Ana Ortiz, about following your passions, facing and overcoming barriers and handling rejection. Ana shares wisdom about the entertainment industry from an insider’s perspective and openly and honestly discusses what it’s like to follow one’s passions especially as it pertains to a career in the arts. Can’t wait to follow Ana? Follow her @therealanaortiz on Instagram and Twitter!

Episode 4: Self-Worth and Being Black in the Ballet

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:36:36 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her childhood dance partner and dear friend, Adrian Blake Mitchell, about racism in ballet, what it’s like to be Black in Russia, and the non-profit organization they co-founded with their friend KC, Dance in Color, whose mission is to create more diversity, inclusion, and ultimately systemic change in the arts by helping children throughout California and beyond pursue their dreams through dance.

Episode 3: Self-Worth, Loss and Becoming

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 18:30:10 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her friend, and personal brand facilitator, Kim Kelty, about how to work through seasons of loss and grief. Why it’s totally okay to time your breakdowns and how grief can spur you into seasons of growth and incredible journeys.

Episode 1: Self-Worth and the Shifting of Dreams

Tue, 17 Jan 2023 21:25:20 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her best girl, and incredible singer/songwriter, Juliette Reilly about their journeys post-grad and how complicated it can be to figure out who you are and what you want in your twenties, especially when the idea of what you want to me changes or doesn’t fit the norm. Connect with Juliette and listen to her incredible music here!!

Episode 2: Self-Worth and Adventures

Tue, 17 Jan 2023 19:43:21 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks to her college roommate turned best friend, Alexandria Rust on how to take a leap of faith into the unknown. What it’s like to travel alone as a woman and how to get through tough times even when everything might seem perfect on the outside. Learn more about Alex, her workshops and adventures here !

Episode 0: On the Search for Self-Worth

Mon, 26 Dec 2022 16:54:46 GMT

Chelsea Austin talks about why and how her self-worth journey began as the daughter of two gay men in the early nineties and how finding her self-worth and helping others access theirs became her life’s purpose.

How To Say No When It’s Hard To – 3 Important Thoughts To Consider

Mon, 26 Dec 2022 16:39:49 GMT

I was on my way to ballet the other day when I just started to cry. I felt so sick of being taken advantage of. I felt like I was always being used and forced into things I didn’t want to do. Domi is always asking me, “Baby, did you really want to do this, or did you just feel pressure to say yes?” And in thinking about that, I was sad that my answer is often, I just felt pressure to say yes. I had this sad little pity party for one for about twenty minutes, and then, seemingly out of the blue this thought popped into my head. I’m not sure if it was the Universe or my higher self or what was speaking to me, but it said, “Chelsea you are being complicit in those taking advantage of you when you say yes when you really mean no.”

My next thought was then, F*&% you, higher self, I am doing fine here blaming everyone else. But then I allowed myself to really sit with the uncomfortable thought that people taking advantage of my generosity or kindness has a lot more to do with the boundaries I set and me than it has to do with anyone else.

So, I’ve decided that I need to get better at saying no to things and setting some boundaries, but we all know, especially if you’re a people pleaser, that saying no can sometimes feel crushingly challenging. And because it was feeling so hard for me I thought maybe if we had a method or a way to think about saying yes or no it might feel a little bit easier…baby steps, right?

Given all of those thoughts swirling around in my head–this is what I came up with:

First, buy yourself some time.

If you’re used to saying yes automatically without thinking about it, remember that you can say you need some time to think about it. Yes, that’s easier said than done, so if that’s feeling like a challenge here’s some exact phrasing you can use:

“You know, I always say yes before I check my calendar, which has made things messy before. Let me check my planner before I say yes to this!”

“Before I say yes to this, I want to check with my partner and their schedule.”

“Before I give you a definitive yes, I want to check with my roommate.”

“Let me double check and make sure I have the bandwidth for this right now, I’ll get back to you!”

It doesn’t make you a stick in the mud to take care of yourself or to just say you need time to think about it–there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I even bet that those who don’t feel the pressure to please others may think it is silly that we contemplate so hard about saying we need to think about it or check with someone, but as someone that’s struggled with pleasing people forever and a day, I get it. This feels difficult, so if you need permission from someone to take the bull by the horns and say you need a minute to think about it–here is your permission slip.

Ask yourself why you are saying yes or no.

Once you’ve set the boundary that you need time to think about it really sit with the question of, “Why am I saying yes or no to this?”

So often we say yes as a reflex because we want to be liked, seem agreeable, or because we’re afraid of the repercussions of saying no. It’s important to understand why we are responding the way we are. And to figure that out we can talk it out with a friend, journal, sit with it, anything really that works for you!

If these thoughts come to mind as the reason you’re saying “yes” to something, maybe take a second look as to whether you really want to say yes:

“I just don’t want to disappoint them.”

“I really want them to like me.”

“I’m afraid they’ll be mad at me.”

“I feel like I should.”

“Saying no would be rude because they’ve done so much for me.”

All of your feelings are valid and if you’ve sat with these reasons and still want to say yes, then go for it, but it’s really good to know why we’re saying yes to something so that we don’t end up resenting the people involved later when we realized we wanted to say no.

On the flip side, if you’re saying no because:

You feel afraid.

You feel like someone will judge you.

You aren’t sure what other people will think.

It’s really important to think about that too. Some fear is really good, it keeps us from hurting ourselves or someone else, but sometimes fear also makes our lives smaller and it’s important to tap into why we’re doing things the way we are so that we can get clear act not just out of fear but out of what we truly desire to do.

So, you’ve decided to say “no.”

So, you’ve sat and thought about all of these different aspects of saying yes or no, and you want to say yes, that’s awesome! Go for it! Or maybe you’ve decided to say no. Deciding to say no is a huge step if that’s what you want, but still, the actual saying of the word spelled N-O can feel really earth-shattering, so again, here are some phrases to use until you find the way that works best for you. These are my starter pack of no’s so to speak:

“I’m not available then.” (This is true even if the plans are an afternoon of self-care and watching tv by yourself.)

“That’s just not something I’m really into, but thank you for the invitation!”

“I can’t make it this time, but please let me know if you’re doing this again soon!”

“That time doesn’t work for me, but I’m really honored/grateful to have been thought of/included/invited.”

Deciding to say yes or no when you’re someone who often wants to say yes to everything or feels pressure to say yes to everything can feel really overwhelming. But remember the people that will be the most upset about you saying no will be the ones that often benefited from you not having any boundaries with them. Also, remember that saying no once doesn’t mean you need to say no every time. There are many times when I say yes and I’m so glad I did, I just want us to get out of the habit of saying yes when we really want to say no because we’re worried about what someone will think, how we’ll be perceived, or if we’ll hurt someone’s feelings. You are worth taking care of and your feelings, whatever they may be, are valid.

I love you, I’m thinking about you and I know you’ve got this! XOXO, CAMDW

Why Self Worth And Math Don’t Mix – 3 Ways To Remind Yourself “I Am Worthy”

archal.rami@ramiconsultinggroup.com (Archal Rami) — Mon, 26 Dec 2022 16:35:48 GMT

Why Self Worth And Math Don’t Mix – 3 Ways To Remind Yourself “I Am Worthy”

Sometimes we learn a life lesson and it just keeps coming back to us over and over and over again. I know I’ve said it before and I will probably say it hundreds of times more, but your worth cannot be found in any number.

Not the number on a scale.

Not the number of followers, likes, or comments you have.

Not your net worth.

Not your number of friends you have.

Not the value you charge for a service.

Your worth and value are immeasurable. There isn’t any specific numeric value that you could ever assign to it because it is beyond anything worldly.

Humans love to assign values to things. We answer questions on a 1-10 scale all the time, so it is natural to want to find some way to make your value have something to do with numbers, but it’s just not possible.

As someone that relies heavily on follower growth and numbers, I forget that a lot. Sometimes I’ll even start to think that other people are more worthy or better at their jobs based on how many followers, likes, or comments they have. I threw myself into a tizzy a few weeks ago because I just couldn’t figure out how to make all of this growth happen faster. I was getting frustrated that I had friends who jumped up in followers overnight or had built a following over years. I felt behind, frustrated, and at a loss. I was aggravated that I felt like things weren’t happening at the pace I wanted them to. I just wanted it now because somewhere in my mind, I felt that if I had it now I could start feeling worthy or successful. I forgot that I can feel worthy and successful right now…regardless of how many people follow me. It sounds straightforward, but it’s not always. Our lives are constantly caught up in numbers. Maybe it’s not on social media, maybe it’s how many hours we worked in a week, or slept at night, or the number that flashes on our scale in our bathroom. Those numbers can sometimes make us feel small, but I don’t want that for us. I want us to feel worthy regardless of what society has told us those numbers might or might not mean.

So, here are the tools I used to remind myself of my worth.

Stop scrolling.

It’s so easy to get sucked into social media and it can make us feel all kinds of things about ourselves that have nothing to do with reality. So, give yourself a break. It doesn’t need to be forever, it can even be for an hour, but give yourself a moment to step away and realize that followers, likes, comments, or how someone looks on social media don’t always have to do with reality.

Step off the scale.

I also struggle with body image issues…I mean those of us who don’t, I believe, are few and far between, but I learned something valuable from a dietician on Instagram once (oh the irony…). She said if you feel happy about the number on the scale that’s just as problematic as feeling sad or disappointed about the number on the scale because it means how you feel about yourself is tied to that number. So, step off the scale because I know you might argue with me, but that number does not matter. Better yet, throw that scale out! You don’t need it to decide whether or not you can feel good about your body and I’ve spent way too long thinking that it did have something to do with whether I can be happy or sad and I think we should stop, deal?

Find your unique value proposition.

When I start to question my worth and imposter syndrome sneaks in there, I like to think about my unique value proposition because just like every business every human has a unique value proposition. There is a unique set of physical and personality traits that don’t belong to anyone but you. If you lean into what makes you the person you are, you’ll see that no one else could do the thing you’re doing or live the life you’re living, in your unique way, besides you.

Think about it this way…if I go out into the world trying to be Brené Brown or Glennon Doyle, I’m missing out on an opportunity to be Chelsea Austin. I’ll always feel like an imposter if I’m trying to do things and be things that someone else already is. But, if I can lean into who I am and how I do things I will feel like I am right at home because there is no other Chelsea Austin Montgomery-Duban Wächter that Chelsea Austin Montgomery-Duban Wächter’s like I do. We can emulate people we admire but always come back to knowing you have something special to offer the world that only you can offer in your special way.

We all have moments where we forget where our worth and value lie, but please remember that it is in who you are, not in what you can do for others. It’s in how we show up as our truest selves, not in numbers that try to tell us things. That’s what we have to remember.

I love you, I’m thinking about you, and don’t forget that we define our worth.

XOXO, CAMDW

P.S. I have one caveat when it comes to numbers. After writing this, I received my first set of sales numbers and royalty check for my book, Inexplicably Me. I got excited when I saw that those numbers had surpassed what I had expected. Then I started to think about this blog post…

For a second, I questioned whether or not I should be getting excited. Then I realized it’s okay to feel things about numbers if it feels right to you-just remember that any numbers you come across regarding you, your work, or someone else, and your worth are not the same. They are two different things! Just wanted to add that in there, my friends. Love you!

You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Wed, 28 Sep 2022 19:41:28 GMT

Hello, my loves! I hope you’re having a wonderful day wherever you are in the world. And whether it’s an amazing day or a day that leaves you wanting for something more, I am wrapping my arms around you.

Life is not a straight shot. You don’t shoot your bow and arrow and watch your life go exactly in one direction. There are bumps and curves and learning, and growth, and change and unexpected events and beauty and love and loss and so much more…should I say and again? (It’s really a miracle I got a publishing contract with my grammar.) But here is one thing I believe deeply—there is no one way to do life. There are no specific stages at specific ages or boxes we can check off because life is ongoing and I wish with all my heart and soul that we could remove the word “should” from our vocabulary.

The idea that we’re “supposed” to be in a certain place in our life, career, or relationships can be so detrimental to how we go about our lives every day. It can lead to us making choices for our lives that are not rooted in who we are and what we want, but what we believe others and society expect of us or want for us. So, how can we remind ourselves that there are no “shoulds” in life? Here are some things I love to do

I put post-its everywhere that remind me of that. Little notes like, “you are exactly where you are meant to be” or “this is your story, only you get to write it.”

If these sticky-note mantras are a little too cheesy for your style, you can take time every day and either just sit quietly or journal about all of the things you have been able to accomplish. Taking time to appreciate and be grateful for what you do have and what you have accomplished can fuel feelings of worthiness, which can aid in feeling confident and comfortable with where you are in life.

Just remember we are all going through something and so is everyone else we pass on the street and usually that journey is something we know nothing about, regardless of what people tell us or what we see on social media. We only get half the picture of anyone’s life, so as you start to compare yourself to others, take time to remind yourself that what you see is never the whole picture. You are a whole and worthy being exactly as you are and where you are in life.

You Can Always Start Over

Mon, 26 Sep 2022 19:39:05 GMT

After an incredible month-long vacation I came home ready to hit the ground running. I woke up ready for my first day back at work, sipped my coffee, and planned out my day. I was really excited. After some time off, I was ready to be back and working again.

However, about a half-hour into my day, I got a splitting headache. The kind where your eye feels like it’s pulsating and everything feels like climbing Mount Everest.

My day started to crumble. I couldn’t focus, let alone be creative when I felt like my bed was calling to me. But I kept resisting the urge to give in to what my body was telling me I needed. I thought it was ridiculous to need to rest after a vacation, but my body felt otherwise.

But the harder I pushed the more my head raged. I started thinking about how behind I was going to be after only 24 hours and all of the projects that had piled up over my time away. It felt like the muscle pulsating behind my right eye might just burst through my head at any moment.

I then remembered something my dietician had said when I was working with her in times where I would beat myself up because I felt I hadn’t eaten the way I wanted to, she would say, “you always get to start over tomorrow.” This felt might have been a totally different situation, but also a perfect time to apply that bit of advice.

I always get to start over tomorrow. Whether I had built up the first day back at work or not. Whether I have bit plans and tons to do, I always get to start over tomorrow.

So, I took a nap and then I curled up with a cup of tea, read a book, and then I did the most pressing things on my to-do list that I felt I could manage and enjoy doing. Simply put, I gave myself some grace.

I want to extend that same grace to you, my friends. Sometimes pushing through the headache, or the stress isn’t going to solve the issue, but worsen it.

In case you ever forget, you have an opportunity every day to start fresh.

So, do me a favor and

1) Focus today on all the things you DID get done, not just the ones you didn’t. Even the little things (okay, especially the little things) count.

2) Remember that there is no shame in stepping away and taking care of your body and mental health regardless of what society says.

3) Start to tell yourself that giving yourself grace is not being lazy, but allowing you to be the best version of yourself.

Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.

How To Be Emotionally Intelligent In Business (and Life) Plans in 9 Steps

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 20:19:00 GMT

It’s probably not surprising to anyone that I love to make plans. There’s an entire chapter of my book Inexplicably Me entitled, “Some People Have Security Blankets. I Have Lists.” I’ve been making lists and plans since I was seven years old. It’s something that makes me feel safe and, at the same […]

What is Positive Discomfort and How Can We Use It?

Tue, 14 Jun 2022 20:38:11 GMT

I feel like I’ve heard the saying, “get comfortable with being uncomfortable” over and over. In some instances, yes, I feel like it’s true, but I think it is way more nuanced than that.

Discomfort can be telling us so many things. It can show us that maybe we need to be taking better care of ourselves, that we are afraid of the unknown, or that there is a possibility to be stretching ourselves where we haven’t gone before.

I think a lot about the discomfort I was feeling when I was working in real estate. I was having panic attacks–very uncomfortable if you hadn’t guessed that–and for years I was more comfortable living in that discomfort than I was able to move into the unknown even though the unknown held so much more comfort for me. That discomfort, disguised as negative discomfort in the form of panic attacks, was telling me something and it just took me a while to listen.

There’s also a positive kind of discomfort that will tell you something as well. I think about the discomfort I’m feeling currently in my career around self-promotion. It is capital U uncomfortable. It feels weird and is something I’ve had to get used to, but it’s a kind of discomfort that has pushed me to become better at my job, make my world bigger, and has given me new skills that I am able to work with.

That positive discomfort can also come up a lot this month surrounding Pride Month. Uncomfortable conversations are things we need to get a lot more comfortable with. As we work to become allies to our LGBTQIA family and friends (not only for Pride Month but every month of the year) there will be discomfort that we have when it comes to having tough conversations with those that may not understand or be supportive. But that kind of discomfort is a positive thing because it will do more than help you grow, it could also help someone else gain a larger view of the world and will also bring many people comfort to know they have you supporting them.

So, this Pride Month, I am paying special attention to discomfort, both in the positive and negative sense…I have so many more thoughts about this as well, check out the video below for even more thoughts on what discomfort means to me and how you can check in with yourself and your discomfort.

Slow Down: It’s For More Than Just Peace of Mind

Wed, 06 Apr 2022 20:32:57 GMT

Have you ever driven home and realized you don’t know how you got there? Or had a day where it just felt like everything was going wrong and the energy was off and stuff just kept happening to you? Have you stopped to take a moment to think about why it might be happening?

The last two days I’ve had two experiences that felt exactly like that.

Lately, I’ve been really busy. I have been feeling like I’ve lost control of my ability to stop and take care of myself. I just keep going and going, like the little energizer bunny banging away at its drum. My mind is constantly running and so is my body, but it doesn’t feel like they’re running in the same direction or same place at the same time. I haven’t felt connected, grounded, or in the present moment in weeks.

Yesterday, I was walking Moe. I was listening to an audiobook and also thinking about work at the same time, not paying any attention to where I was walking when I noticed that Moe got spooked by something. I looked up just in time to see an off-leash dog running towards us, his teeth bared. As I tried to put myself between Moe and this dog I tripped up the curb and fell catching myself on my hands and knees. I was pretty much unscathed, the owner got her dog back before it got to Moe, and Moe was mostly concerned with whether or not I was okay. But it all just seemed to be happening to me. I walked home feeling flustered and confused and not connected at all to my body or what was happening at the moment.

Then today I was driving to work thinking about my plans. Drafting emails in my mind. Wondering what I was going to eat for lunch. Again, listening to an audiobook…but not really hearing anything. I pulled into the parking lot. The same lot I’ve been driving into almost every day for the last seven years in the same car that I’ve been driving for the last twelve years. I know how to park this car and I know the size of the spots in the lot, but today I was somewhere else in my mind as I did the parking job I do every day my autopilot took over. But my autopilot is not nearly as effective as I am when I’m in the present moment, and I hit someone’s car. Everyone was fine. There wasn’t even someone in the other parked car and of course, we immediately offered to pay for any damage I’d done. However, my ego was deeply shaken. Now, I want to be clear, I wasn’t texting, my phone was not in my hand, I wasn’t calling someone, I was just not present.

I called Domi, who works in the same building, and he came running out. I was sobbing. I felt stupid and confused. I didn’t even understand how it could happen. It didn’t make sense to me. Because he’s the best he held me and told me not to blame myself, that it was fixable, and reminded me of what my family always says in these situations, “It’s called an accident for a reason otherwise it would be called an on-purpose.” I slowly started to calm down and we went on with our days, but something still felt off. I wanted an answer to understand where my mind had been at that moment. The only thing I could think of is that I truly was so distracted that I let my autopilot take over without realizing it.

I took a minute when I got up to my office and took a few deep breaths. I cried and let out my frustration, embarrassment, confusion, overwhelm, and everything came up and out as it had wanted to for weeks. Then I did an evaluation of what I needed to shift to get out of this weird space I’m in.

Here’s what I came up with:

New self-care routines are needed as my life shifts and changes.

To get back on track and/or create a new habit I need touchpoints.

I’ve had a pretty amazing self-care routine for the last six months or so and for a long time it was working. I stayed centered, felt inspired, and was very deliberate about how I went about my day. However, the way I work has shifted recently so my routine has to also shift to fit my needs now. What worked a month ago isn’t keeping me in the same headspace today, so it’s time to spice it up a bit and find a new way to connect my head, my heart, and my body, and bring myself more consistently to the present moment.

And I know whenever I create a new routine I need to be reminded of what I’m supposed to be creating so that I don’t slip into old habits. Reminders on my phone to breathe, putting post-its on my computer that say, “Be here now,” setting aside time for a cup of tea in my day, and/or finding other small ways to remind myself of what I’m trying to do are imperative in creating this new routine.

Even when life is exciting, sometimes the excitement has us more in our heads than our bodies. Especially in these times, it’s important to bring our bodies to meet our minds and vice versa, it’s imperative to ground ourselves.

You don’t need something dramatic to happen to you like hitting someone’s car to realize you might need a self-care routine change or recognize that you’ve been out of the present moment. You can use this post as a way to remind yourself that maybe it’s time to bring yourself back to the now for you, your safety, and to find more joy, peace, and awareness in life and for our relationships.

The Magic of Awareness

Tue, 01 Mar 2022 21:29:10 GMT

Our alarm goes off every morning at 5:50 am…Domi hits snooze and we’re jolted awake again at 6. Groggily I roll over and hit the light next to our bed because that’s the only way I know I’ll get up—with light shining in my eyes. I grab my glasses and my phone and head into our bathroom. Before I’ve even taken two steps my eyes are poring over texts, emails, and social media notifications that have come in overnight. I’m starting to mentally organize my day before my day has even really begun before I’ve even had that relieving, magical first sip of coffee before I’ve taken a few minutes to meditate.

It feels unconscious—the unlocking of my phone to see what might have happened during the eight hours I haven’t been attached to it. It feels like it just happens. I so often ask myself Why am I doing this? Why is this the first thing I do every morning? But I never actually answer the question. I just keep doing it day after day. I’m almost instantaneously mad at myself afterward because even if there’s nothing to stress me out in my messages I’ve gone through my morning without really being present. The day has started and the barrage of what’s before me is upon me without me having the chance to ease into it. I hate that the first thing I do is look at my phone. So, why do I do it?

Easy—it’s a habit.

And how can I change it?

Easy again—start with awareness.

It’s so easy to go about our lives doing things day after day without knowing why we do them, but without understanding why we do them it’s next to impossible to make any kind of change, let alone a long-lasting one. But with awareness, the process begins and I’ve found makes things pretty clear cut and simple. When we become aware of what we’re doing we realize that we have a choice—we can continue with the habit we’re accustomed to or we can make a new choice. The cool thing is, is that whether you choose the old pattern or start something new it’s valid and totally okay, but by knowing why you’re choosing to do something the habit loses its power over you because you’re making a conscious choice regardless of what the decision is.

Awareness is like any muscle though, it requires strengthening. When I first set out to stop checking my phone first thing in the morning I kept getting in my way because I didn’t make it easy for myself. Oftentimes first thing in the morning awareness doesn’t just happen to come easily. It doesn’t feel natural to ask yourself the question, What choice do I want to make today? Do I want to check my phone first or do I want to do something else with that time?

Here are some things you can do to start flexing your awareness muscle that I have garnered from breaking my phone-checking habit.

1. Make it easy for yourself.

Leave a post-it note somewhere, or a reminder on your phone’s lock screen where you’ll see it reminding you to ask the question of why you are doing what you’re doing and asking yourself if you want to make the same choice today as you did yesterday.

2. Ask yourself the same questions every day when the old pattern comes up.

Why am I doing what I’m doing and do I want to be making this choice? By asking yourself every day it becomes easier to remember to ask the questions.

3. Practice mindfulness.

Create a mindfulness practice that works for you. Whether by meditating, journaling, or just sitting quietly and noticing what’s going on around you and activating your five senses you’ll also start to strengthen that awareness muscle by being more present.

How to Prioritize with One Simple Question

Tue, 01 Feb 2022 21:25:08 GMT

Lately, I’ve had this nagging feeling that I have too much on my plate. It’s really hard to admit that for me. For months now I’ve been wondering why I can’t seem to prioritize the things in my life, why it feels so hard. I make lists on lists of my priorities and I forget about them or they get so long that I get overwhelmed by them.

I used to think that prioritizing meant figuring out how to fit everything in somehow and just ranking its importance and then from there getting it all done by pushing harder, having long hours, and stressing myself out more. However, I’ve realized that prioritizing can also be letting some things go or putting some things on pause until there’s time to prioritize them since I’m not Hermione in Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban (for my HP fans out there) with a time turner.

I sat on Zoom with my therapist and complained for the millionth time about not having enough time and that the time I do have seems to evaporate and a clear understanding that I very much have created my own stress by biting off more than I could chew and not wanting to admit that maybe I’m not superhuman. And for the thousandth time, I started complaining about the dedication and studying and hours it’s requiring to get my pilot’s license. “I’m spending twelve hours a week on this with no end in sight, but I can’t stop, I just can’t, I have too much invested now.”

“But why not?” She asked me, “Why can’t you stop?”

I had to think for a minute because I wasn’t sure. It just felt like an innate pull that I had to keep going, to keep pushing, to not take anything off my plate until it’s completed. I was the kid that had to do the pages of the coloring book in order…there was no skipping around even if I didn’t particularly like a certain page of the coloring book. A part of me realized it was the competition I had internally with Domi, if he could do something, so could I, but a much bigger part of my inability to even pause my lessons was because I have never started something without stopping. My therapist pushed me a little here to see if that was really the truth…of course, it wasn’t. There was one other time.

When I was a senior in college I signed up for an aerial acrobatics class because I mean, how cool is that? All the cool dance majors were doing it and it sounded like an incredible opportunity, however, there was one small problem…I didn’t have much in terms of upper body strength. The professor made it clear that if we wanted to succeed in this class we’d have to do strengthening work outside of class. I wanted to, but given the rest of my course load, the shows I was rehearsing for, doing my homework, and wanting to spend time with my friends in my last semesters of college I didn’t make the time. I would go to that class, every Saturday (I know, it was on a Saturday…I mean…ugh…) and I would struggle. It seemed that everyone around me was a natural flying up and down the silks and around the room with ease and there I was in the corner trying to accomplish the simple task of climbing up the silks and I couldn’t physically do it. I was embarrassed, I was overwhelmed, I was tired, and I was failing. In my entire college career, I had never withdrawn from a course past the add/drop period where there wouldn’t be some big “W” on your transcript. This was the first time. I decided it wasn’t worth feeling humiliated every weekend or not getting a good grade in the class. It wasn’t worth me missing out on time with friends and time to dedicate to my other courses. It wasn’t worth my having a pit in my stomach every Friday night before class on Saturday.

About halfway through the semester, I withdrew from the course. I made my peace with the “W” on my transcript. I felt instantaneously relieved. I didn’t miss the class. I didn’t feel like a failure, I felt like I could relax and breathe again.

I hit one of these forks in the road again when it came to my flight training. I didn’t want to stop, I had already dedicated so much time…I also know that I am barreling towards the launch of my book, new seasons of my podcast to be released, the running of a non-profit, time for self-care, and wanting to have my version of a social life. I asked my therapist, “but what if I never finish.”

To which she replied, “So what?”

It left me a lot to think about. It was time to hit pause and give myself a break. I told all necessary parties that I was putting my flight training on hold. Much to my surprise, the world didn’t come crashing down around me. No one called me a failure or lazy or not enough. I felt immediately relieved. I gain twelve hours a week with which I can do what I please. I have time to do all the self-care I’ve always wanted to make time for. I have more freedom and time and it feels ridiculously good. I’m also a little sad. I actually miss flying.

I am also able to clearly prioritize for the first time ever. It became immediately clear how I wanted to divide my time when I let the “noise” fall away. I just had to get clear on what it is that I need in each moment.

There are times when I would suggest pushing through challenges and not giving up on yourself. There are also times when it is paramount to recognize that you’re forcing yourself to do something for no reason other than feeling competitive with your peers or a fear of being seen a lazy or a failure or a multitude of things we can create in our minds.

Prioritizing isn’t just about giving something a number and checking off tasks in that particular order, it’s also about taking stock of what you can and want to do right now and hitting pause or stop where necessary and play in the places that make sense.

I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day, and I’m thinking about you. XOXOX, CAMDW

A Gift For You Today

Tue, 25 Jan 2022 21:22:55 GMT

When I was a kid I was desperate to be liked by people. I wanted to be liked so much that I couldn’t have even told you my favorite color because I wanted people to like me so badly that I would adopt theirs.

I’ve caught myself thinking so many times, well, when I’m older I won’t worry about this. I’ll stop thinking about what other people think of me. I’ll be able to relax. I won’t stress out as much about the small things. I will be more open to change and possibilities. Then I thought how sad it would be to wait to experience all of these things and beyond that, if I don’t start cultivating a space for those feelings, wants, desires, and needs to grow, who is to say that they will start to come with age.

It isn’t a given that as we get older we will get wiser. We may learn more, but it’s about what we do with that learning. We can wish until the cows come home that it didn’t matter so much what other people think, but I’ve caught people much older than me still worrying about those things…so why don’t we do something about it now?

There is an opportunity every day to give yourself a gift that you believe will just magically come to you with time. You don’t have to wait for it, you can give it to yourself today. You get to choose what’s important and what matters to you. If you want to stop caring about what other people think of you—you get to, starting right now. It is truly your choice. This is much harder done than said, I know, and it’s something I have a feeling I will be working on for a long time, but if I start now, maybe I’ll give myself a shot at having this gift sooner rather than later. Because we don’t have control over how other people perceive us. We can try our best to craft our image one way or another or do anything we can so that we can get others to see us the way we want them to, but ultimately they are going to see whatever it is that they want to see and the only person’s perception you have control over is your own and that’s great news.

You have control over how you feel about yourself. You get to decide how you feel about yourself and that’s a gift that you can have right now. So stop for a moment and remind yourself how incredible you are, how worthy you are, how beautiful you are. Spending so much time trying to be everyone’s cup of tea is exhausting…trust me, I’ve tried it and I’m tired. So instead ask yourself who you are, what makes you you, and start to fall in love with that person you are right now. There’s nothing special you need to do. You can just love yourself as you are.

What I’ve Learned From Bumblebees

Tue, 04 Jan 2022 21:19:26 GMT

I’ve always thought that bumblebees were kind of cute. I mean, I’m not sure if “cute” is the right word, but there was something about them. They aren’t scary like other bees, they’re all fluffy looking, covered in pollen, they remind me of summer, and they put a smile on my face, but it wasn’t until a few weeks ago during a conversation with my Auntie Melanie that the bumblebee became one of my favorite beings on this planet.

I am not surprising anyone when I say that I’ve always been someone that’s dreamed big. But lately, as what I’ve done has become more and more public I started getting a little bit afraid of my big dreams because people started to tell me that they might be too big and for some reason, momentarily, I started to believe them.

I began to think that maybe I should be more realistic about the goals I set. Maybe I should make things more achievable. I picked up the phone to talk to my Auntie Melanie because she always knows what to say. I wasn’t sure what I needed to talk to her about, but I knew I needed to talk to her. I started to tell her about my massively large dreams potentially being “too big” and instead of agreeing or telling me that my dreams are, in fact, too big, she read a quote to me that had helped her over the years:

“Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway.” –Mary Kay Ash

When I heard those words it was almost as if everything stopped for a moment and the Universe shook me and reminded me that I decide my limitations. I decide whether or not my dreams are too big and I decide what is possible for me. I had to giggle a little bit when I realized that all of these dreams I’m talking about are in regards to my book and goals I have surrounding it…a book, written by me about my belief that anything is possible…and here I was putting limitations on what’s possible for a book about nothing being impossible.

We all need reminders. We all have moments when we forget why we are here and what we believe, but if we surround ourselves with people or even just one person who can remind us that anything is possible, that our big dreams are only too big if we believe them to be, we can keep persevering and making the impossible a reality.

So, if no one else has said it to you today, or maybe ever…I believe in your dreams. I believe in you. You are a bumblebee and you can fly even when the laws of aerodynamics try to make it an impossibility.

Your Wishes Don’t Have to Be a Secret

Tue, 28 Dec 2021 21:14:21 GMT

You go to a birthday party. The cake comes out. Everyone says to the birthday person, “Okay! Make a wish!” The birthday person closes their eyes, makes a wish and blows out the candles. “What did you wish for?” Someone in the crowd asks. Every head turns to stare—doesn’t that person know better than to ask? You’re not supposed to say your wishes out loud. This is an age old ritual…well, at least I think it is…

But why? Why can’t you ask what someone’s wish is? I have a hunch that it’s because we are so afraid that our wishes aren’t going to come true and if they don’t come true and all of these people know what we wished for maybe it’ll be embarrassing, maybe we’ll look stupid, maybe we’ll feel like we’re not enough.

However, I have a new theory about this tradition. What if we spoke our wishes aloud? Not just on our birthdays, but always. We don’t have to tell the whole world, we can even just tell one person we trust, but I believe that being bold and speaking our wishes out doesn’t set us up for failure, but actually increase our chances of them coming true. I believe there is power in speaking something aloud for the universe to hear how serious you are about what you want and your confidence in believing it can be a reality speaks volumes. Of course, we have to let go of things like the timing of when wishes will come true and exactly how they will happen and whether or not they will look exactly like we envisioned them, but if we allow ourselves to speak our wishes out loud we give them the power to come to fruition and it also gives you people to support you in your wishes and dreams and accountability.

Think about it. If I told everyone that came to a birthday party of mine that I wished to become a published author don’t you think those people would be more likely to let me know if they heard of an opportunity that might help me or introduce me to someone that might be able to help? And on top of that I also have a group of people then rooting for me to succeed and when we put out those positive vibes only good can come from it. Even if it’s scary, by sharing your wants, wishes, and dreams with people you trust you are opening yourself up to amazing possibilities and opportunities. You also become accountable. You’ve put out there what you want, there are people who know you want it so what are you going to do about it? How are you going to make your dreams a reality? Because I know you can. You don’t have to be afraid to dream big. The world will not come to an end. And even if you change your mind and decide you want a new wish you get to change your mind. It doesn’t have to be set in stone.

You don’t have to be afraid of your dreams. Love them and embrace them. Make them your best friends not something that scares you. Partner with the universe to create your dreams and know that they are yours for the taking and it doesn’t all have to be so hard.

So, I’m going to make this my new tradition. I will speak my wish aloud and then blow out my candles. I will ask people to root for me, my wishes, and my dreams. I’m excited. What do you think? How do you feel about sharing your wishes and dreams?

You don’t have to wait until your birthday, you can start now. It’s almost the new year, what a beautiful time for a new tradition, right?

I love you and I hope you have an amazing day filled with beautiful, big dreams. XOXO, CAMDW

PS There are two tools I have found particularly helpful in opening myself up to the Universe and releasing my hopes, dreams and allowing myself to dream big. One is, Deepak Chopra’s 21 day abundance meditation that you can find on the Chopra Institute website and the other is Gabby Bernstein’s book, Super Attractor and accompanying meditations. Both of these tools have been fundamental in how I approach manifestation, dreaming, and growing.

How To Give Yourself More Grace-Tools From a Student Pilot

Tue, 07 Dec 2021 21:11:01 GMT

A few days ago, I woke up feeling crappy. That feeling you get when you know a cold is coming on. That sluggish, icky, I’m fine, but I’m not really fine feeling. My very first thought was, not now please. (Honestly though, when is there a convenient time to get sick?) And because of the times we’re living in my second thought was to panic and book a COVID test. (I am negative…phew.)

I didn’t have time to be sick. I was about to give a virtual keynote speech and then the day after I was leaving for Pennsylvania to speak at my alma mater and because I tend to sign myself up for more than I can handle—I’m working on it—between the keynote and the flight out to PA I had also booked a flying lesson. I texted my flight instructor to let him know that I wasn’t feeling well and that I was negative for COVID but I didn’t want to make anyone at the flight school nervous or freak them out. “Should I cancel?” I asked him.

“Only you know the answer to that,” he replied. Ugh…it was back in my court and I didn’t know what to do. My mind was racing. On the one hand I grew up with the mindset that I just needed to push through. Just keep going, sickness doesn’t have anything on me. I was rewarded for my ability to push through just about anything and so my first reaction was to say, just do it Chelsea you can manage. Then he sent me another text that read, “maybe this is a good time to look at the I’m Safe checklist.”

The I’m Safe checklist is something that pilots use to decide whether or not they are in a state to fly a plane, after all, even if you’re just flying yourself you are putting your own life and the lives of others at risk. One of the most important things for a pilot to have under their control is their decision-making ability and mental sharpness. There’s a lot going on when you’re flying a plane and so being on top of things is paramount. Here’s what the checklist stands for:

Illness

Medication

Stress

Alcohol

Fatigue

Emotion

If any one of these is a red flag you are not supposed to fly. I looked at that checklist and thought, damn, I have to cancel. I am way too tired. I was so worried that my instructor was going to be disappointed in me, that he wouldn’t see that I have this ability to just push through it all, but I screwed up my courage and hit send telling him that if fatigue was a factor I wasn’t fit to fly. His response? “Congratulations. Half of being a pilot is knowing when you can and cannot fly.”

He wasn’t mad or disappointed, he was proud. All of the sudden taking care of myself wasn’t just a luxury, but a necessity and I got to thinking more and more about this checklist. All of those words: illness, medication, stress, alcohol, fatigue, and emotion affect us more than just if we’re flying a plane. We are taught to push, that we can be superheroes, but what if we had to go through that checklist every morning as we got out of bed? What if our jobs put other peoples’ lives at stake? How might we treat what we decide we can and cannot push through differently? Because even if what we do isn’t putting anyone in physical danger if we’re tired or emotional it’s worth taking stock of where you’re at each and every day and thinking like a pilot. Self-care isn’t just for you. When we take care of ourselves we also treat others differently. We’re more patient, calm, and collected. We can take things in stride. Maybe we even feel less stressed. We make better or at least more well-thought-out decisions.

So maybe it’s time to start thinking like a pilot in our day to day lives and not just constantly push through. Congratulations. Half of being a human is knowing what you can and cannot handle. Pushing through shouldn’t be rewarded, but it is, so how can you start rewarding the opposite for yourself? Food for thought.

Slow Your Roll-Why Am I Freaking Out About Nothing? And How To Stop

Tue, 30 Nov 2021 21:09:21 GMT

Have you ever gotten a text and thought, what the hell?! And then a few moments or hours or days later reread the same text and thought, woah, how did I interpret that message that way? Or even have read the message completely wrong? Yeah, me too. Every single situation and interaction allows us to interpret it and when we do so we are bringing all of us with our interpretation—meaning oftentimes our past experiences, emotional worlds, and beliefs are dictating a situation to us that isn’t reality.

Here’s what I mean…

A few weeks ago I asked a friend if she would like to have a pro bono coaching session with me, one of the things I was required to do to complete my coaching certification. She responded very kindly that she has to see if that would be something she could commit to right now and would need some time to think about it (yay amazing boundaries, friend!), but in my mind, I read it as rejection. I was immediately embarrassed that I asked. I started doubting myself, assuming that she thought I wasn’t “good enough” to coach her. My insecurities around my newly developed coaching skills interpreted that situation completely differently than had I felt more secure in my abilities.

So often our knee-jerk reactions have so much more to do with how we feel about ourselves than they do with what is actually happening. A few days later I reread the text she sent me and it sounded completely different once I knew she had taken me up on my offer. Weird, right? But normal and natural. We all do this. We jump to conclusions, we assume what people mean and so often we are wrong because we’re too engrossed in how we feel about ourselves. Lately, I’ve started noticing when I have these knee-jerk emotional reactions and I’ve stopped myself to ask this question: “Is what I am feeling actually happening, or is it a reflection of how I feel about myself?”

Your feelings are 100% valid, whatever they are because they are real to you, but sometimes we have to take a step back and make sure we’re actually seeing the reality in front of us. Because I love a good process, here’s one I’ve started to develop for these situations:

1) I allow myself to feel whatever emotion is coming up for me.

2) I ask myself the magical question: Is what I am feeling actually happening or is it a reflection of how I feel about myself?

3) Once I have the answer to that question I dig in—okay, so why am I feeling that way? What might be coming up for me? You can answer these questions just quietly in your mind or as is my favorite thing to do, whip out that trusty journal, or talk it out with a trusted person.

4) Then ask yourself, what might be another way to see this situation? What might the other person also be thinking that isn’t a negative reflection of how I feel about myself?

Our emotions aren’t to be ignored, they are there for a reason and they’re telling us something so please don’t ignore how you’re feeling, but take some time to unpack where they’re coming from so that you aren’t hopping from situation to situation feeling bad about yourself or assuming the worst. Or Maybe your emotions are telling you something important about a relationship or an interaction and this is really good information to have too. Either way, taking this time to unpack what it is you’re feeling and why gives you good intel.

Also, READ AND REREAD—I tend to move way too quickly from one thing to another because I’m busy. I have left so many emails and text half-read—which allows for even scarier interpretations. Slow down. Read the entire message. Reread it to make sure you have it—it won’t take but two seconds and can save you a whole lot of heartache.

How To Make Decisions Like A Grown-Up

Tue, 02 Nov 2021 19:48:22 GMT

Domi and I have now postponed a month-long trip for the two of us to Southeast Asia not once, not twice, but three times due to COVID and I know, it’s not a big deal, except for the fact that we happened to tie taking this trip to being the last big trip we’d take the two of us before we have kids. When the question came up the third time as to what we wanted to do we had to decide to postpone again for another year due to our schedules, which also would postpone us having little ones or to cancel all together and stick with our plan to start trying to have babies. Making this decision brought up all kinds of emotions and deep questions about our future. Also, everyone and their mother had an opinion about what we should do.

All I wanted was to have the decision made. I didn’t want to think about it anymore because every time I thought about it more it felt like I was muddying the waters and making things more complicated and emotional than they needed to be. My husband on the other hand? Well, he wanted time to think and process and then come to a decision. We also didn’t necessarily, initially agree about what we should do, which is not the norm for us.

The whole process was driving me bonkers. I hate having decisions that are waiting to be made, but I also couldn’t just make this decision without him because it affects both of us.

So, as per usual, I needed a new process to make a decision that allowed us to both have what we needed in our process of coming to a decision. I was desperate for something to cling to that would make sense when it felt like such massive decisions were up in the air.

Who else here feels like decision-making is one of the hardest things to do as an adult?

Okay, well, I can’t actually see your hands, but I feel like you raised yours, and if you do feel that way you are definitely not alone because I deeply feel the same way.

I can’t stand having decisions loom over me and for me, it creates such urgency in even making the simplest decisions that I often don’t make decisions I’m really happy with because I am in a rush to get them off of my plate. I tend to make decisions from a really emotional standpoint without taking time to also balance the logical side of thinking. I don’t believe we should necessarily weigh logic or emotion one more heavily than the other, but I think some balance between the two in addition to our intuition being used in our decision-making can feel life-changing.

But what do I do when I desperately just want the decision made already? Well, I have a new process that is working wonders for me.

1) Set a time boundary. Decide when you’ll have the decision made.

2) Don’t sit alone in your decision-making if you don’t want to. Call on your people, you don’t need to isolate yourself or put all the onus on your to make any decision if that’s not what you want.

3) Check-in and get quiet and listen to your intuition—not the loud screamy voice that’s yelling in fear, but the quiet brave one that tells you what your heart is really feeling.

This holistic way to make decisions has become a huge comfort for me because I don’t feel alone, I don’t feel like the sword of Damocles is hanging over my head and I also get to tap into my heart and my emotions which feels very right to me.

You have freedom in how you make decisions and you can get more sleep at night with some boundaries for when you want to think about the decision and when you don’t and I love sleeping more at night.

You Can Stop Explaining Yourself Now And Here’s Why

Tue, 26 Oct 2021 19:46:32 GMT

As long as I’ve been alive I’ve required an explanation. How did you come to be? Why? How did it work? Was that hard for you? Did you ever want your family to be different? And don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually mind the questions, I just have realized that I am very used to explaining myself and I do it without thinking, even when an explanation isn’t required…like when making plans.

It’s really hard for me to say no to things. Do you know that feeling? I’m working on it, but something I’ve had to work through in the process is my need to explain why when I do say “no” to something. I used to feel that there always had to be a solid reason to turn something down, but here’s a not-so-secret secret, there doesn’t have to be any reason to say no to something. If you don’t want to do it that is reason enough to say no. You don’t have to come up with an excuse, you don’t have to try and finagle your way out of it you can simply say, “Oh, that doesn’t work for me!” or “Sorry, I won’t be able to make it.” Or any version that works for you.

We’re all so used to explaining ourselves and not trusting ourselves when it comes to what we do and don’t want to do, so let’s take a step back…when you’re asked to do something or make plans actually ask yourself:

1) Do I want to do this? If the answer is a genuine yes, then great! Woohoo! Say yes! But if the answer is no, or not sure, let’s ask ourselves some more questions…

2) What is behind my “no” or “not sure”? Is it fear? Is it because I truly don’t want to? Is it something else?

3) Allow yourself to explore the answer to those questions and feel free to say no or yes or whatever you feel without an explanation or rescheduling if that’s not what you want to do.

I’ve spent so much time saying “yes” to everything and then realizing I have to cancel because I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, or not in the mood and then I feel flaky, but what if I had the confidence and courage to say no, or to pick a date and time that works for me and my schedule in service of my self-care as opposed to constantly accommodating everyone else? What if we just said, “no?” What would happen then?

Food for thought, my friends. I’m thinking about you. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

You Do Not Need To “Earn” Your Fun

Tue, 05 Oct 2021 19:44:19 GMT

When was the last time you consciously had fun? I mean, really, just unbridled joy and fun and enjoyment of something without feeling like you needed to earn it first.

So often I feel like I get sucked into the idea that I need to earn my fun. That once I’ve done a hard day’s work then I am allowed to have fun. But I also somehow am the one that’s deciding that that is the way it needs to be…so I can also decide that that is not the way it needs to be.

Go have fun for no reason, whether you feel you’ve earned it or not. We’ve discussed this before, but we will over and over and over until it settles in—there is no one way to do life, so there is also no one way that we are “allowed” to experience fun.

If it’s been a while since you’ve thought about what fun is for you take some time to brainstorm some fun activities, or call up a friend or family member and ask them to remind you what fun looks like for you. You’re not alone in not remembering. We get so caught up in all of the “have to’s” we sometimes forget the fun stuff that can happen both during and after, which can turn the “have to’s” into the “get to’s” or “love to’s” as my friend, Veronica once reminded me.

You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Tue, 28 Sep 2021 16:11:54 GMT

I put post-its everywhere that remind me of that. Little notes like, “you are exactly where you are meant to be” or “this is your story, only you get to write it.”

You Can Always Start Over

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 16:16:07 GMT

However, about a half-hour into my day, I got a splitting headache. The kind where your eye feels like it’s pulsating and everything feels like climbing Mount Everest.

I always get to start over tomorrow. Whether I had built up the first day back at work or not. Whether I have bit plans and tons to do, I always get to start over tomorrow.

I want to extend that same grace to you, my friends. Sometimes pushing through the headache, or the stress isn’t going to solve the issue, but worsen it.

In case you ever forget, you have an opportunity every day to start fresh.

So, do me a favor and

1) Focus today on all the things you DID get done, not just the ones you didn’t. Even the little things (okay, especially the little things) count.

2) Remember that there is no shame in stepping away and taking care of your body and mental health regardless of what society says.

3) Start to tell yourself that giving yourself grace is not being lazy, but allowing you to be the best version of yourself.

Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.

How Would Your Treat Yourself If You Were Your Own Best Friend?

Wed, 04 Aug 2021 20:27:40 GMT

I was in the car a few weeks ago with my family. We were on our way back from a wedding, huddled in the car with snacks in preparation for the five-hour drive home. Just one more week until we would finally leave for Germany to reunite with Domi’s family, who have really become our family, too. I started looking at my to-do list for the week. I saw things piling up and I was getting stressed and still looking at ways to squeeze just one more thing in. I finally said, “Okay, I have to find something I can cancel, this is ridiculous.” And then I started going on and on about not knowing what to cancel because I so badly didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

From the backseat, my dad chimed in, “What would Chelsea do?”

At first, I was confused, what do you mean, what would Chelsea do? Chelsea doesn’t know what to do! And then I realized 1) That I’m a little slow on the uptake, and 2) He meant what would I tell a friend to do.

I rolled my eyes because this has become a pattern. My family loves to throw my own advice back in my face, which I love, and also simultaneously hate. I’m glad they hold me accountable, but dang, it’s a pain when you know you have the tools to figure these things out and you aren’t using them.

I sat for the next hour of the drive or so sorting things out in my mind. What to move, what to cancel, what to change, how to get over my need to please people…it was a busy hour. But after that time spent thinking of the best way to move things around I remembered something I’ve been told over and over in my coaching certification program. “Meet your clients where they’re at.”

It’s our job to meet our clients where they are in life, with the knowledge, tools, needs and wants at that moment. We don’t push them or force them in one direction or another, we just meet them where they are and ask them where they want to go. I wondered what would happen if I applied that same kind of grace to me. What if I woke up in the morning and asked myself, “Where am I at today?” Instead of constantly pushing to “do my best,” and squeeze everything into a short period of time, maybe it’s time I extend some grace to the way I do things. Which led me to think about another conversation I had with my friend, Kim, about what it means to “do your best.” (I know, I know, my mind moves a million miles a minute.)

Stop Making Decisions From The Eye Of The Storm

Tue, 06 Jul 2021 20:41:32 GMT

So, I’ve noticed that for myself, sometimes the smallest things will incur a very intense emotional stress response. Especially when I am trying people please, at work, on vacations, trying to protect everyone from themselves and me, which seems to be a theme in my life.

Trying to make people happy is like playing whack-a-mole and there are never-ending moles that will always pop up all over the freaking place.

So, I realized whenever I have a strong emotional response to anything (my fight or flight response seems to kick in at the drop of a hat these days) and am also trying to figure out what I want to do about it, instead of having a knee jerk reaction where I send emails and/or texts I regret or where I unnecessarily stress myself out I will go through these steps to cool my jets and get my to a place where I can make a decision or move forward without the tornado siren going off in my head:

1. Stop. Take a step back and take a damn breath (or five)—go on a walk, just stand up and walk around the room, put your attention somewhere else for just a minute

2. I ask myself why am I doing what I’m doing (am I trying to fix peoples’ problems? Am I trying to make things “okay” for myself and everyone else? Or is it something else?)-I love to use this time to free write for five minutes and see what comes out, oftentimes I’m shocked with the answers that are sitting inside my mind that I had no clue were there

3. Reevaluate-Ask one of, or all of these questions: what’s another way to see this situation? What’s really going on here? Is there a compromise that does not compromise my values and my well-being?

Then from this place, I can make a more level-headed decision instead of one from the eye of the storm. Sometimes this can be done in five minutes, sometimes it’s going to take a heck of a lot longer. It’s not foolproof necessarily, but it’s helping my decision-making immensely and helping me see things from a bird’s eye view a bit better. I hope this helps you too!

Why Is Competition Hindering Our Learning?

Tue, 15 Jun 2021 20:54:43 GMT

It’s been a while since I sat in a class and started learning something new. It’s been a while since I sat in a class and felt like the teacher was speaking a different language (and they aren’t). It’s hard to admit when we don’t understand something. It’s a challenge for me to be less competitive in a learning environment and take a step back so that I can give myself the space I need to learn. My competitive nature was impeding my ability to learn and grow and so I needed to take a look and re-evaluate what actually was going on.

Here’s what I mean…

New Things Are Scary-But You Can Do Them!

Tue, 08 Jun 2021 20:59:08 GMT

There is so much new in my life right now, which is shocking to me because newness often scares the utter crap out of me. But I’m taking these new things on one at a time and I know you can do. Whatever your Everest is—you’ve got this! I believe in you.

Making Life Easier By Building Vulnerability Bridges

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 21:06:53 GMT

Vulnerability is an opportunity and while sometimes being vulnerable can be hard, I also think it can make life easier in certain situations.

Social Butterfly Exhaustion

Tue, 25 May 2021 21:09:27 GMT

It’s so exciting. Things are starting to open up. We’re able to start seeing our people again, and I don’t know about you, but I’m freaking exhausted. It’s a beautiful exhaustion, but nonetheless, I am experiencing exhausting from so much socializing in person and on Zoom. So, this is a reminder that we may not be up to the social schedule that we were a year and a half ago.

It’s time to give ourselves some grace and time, and it’s okay to say no and to take some space. You are allowed!

You Know You Better Than Anyone: Ergo, You Get To Define What Self-Care Is

Tue, 18 May 2021 21:20:16 GMT

I’m big into defining everything in my life for myself and that extends to my definition of self-care. You define your self-care and whatever that looks like for you. Don’t let other peoples’ judgments about how you take care of yourself stop you from doing things the way that make your heart sing.

Why Make The Hard Things Harder…The Easy Way to Have Tough Conversations

Tue, 11 May 2021 21:29:09 GMT

Tough conversations. We all have to have them in our lives, but I have a method. Because I love a good method for approaching almost anything.

So, to sum it all up:

Let’s manifest those conversations going well

Let’s have a plan of approach before we enter the conversation

Let’s have a phrase we know we can go back to in case things are going haywire

Let’s use mantras to focus on getting our energy in the right place before we have those conversations

And if things don’t go as planned

Let yourself feel the emotions that come

Breathe and let your body, mind, and heart process

Vent (especially if you’re a verbal processor)

Allow yourself grace

I love you, you got this!!! XOOX, CAMDW

Just Try it First

Fri, 07 May 2021 21:34:05 GMT

Have you ever started something and then pretty quickly decided it wouldn’t work before you really got a chance to dive into it?

If yes, this one is for you! Because I so feel that tendency. The potential interruption to our life that we tell ourselves is running so smoothly. The idea of change. It can all be scary to start and break out of our habits and routines and try something new.

So, maybe it’s worth giving things and actual go of it before we shut them down. Here’s my little story about how I am eating my proverbial broccoli in the form of time blocking. Intruiged? Take a gander here.

PS At this point, I am a few days into my time blocking journey and let me say how wrong I was. I have gotten more done in the last few days, and been more focused than ever. So, thank goodness for my coach who gave me the nudge I needed. You got this friends! Enjoy your vegetables and make sure to take an entire bite before deciding they aren’t for you!

We’re Always Making a Choice: How to Prioritize in a Nutshell

Tue, 06 Apr 2021 21:40:33 GMT

I am the queen of making excuses.

For weeks I have been saying to myself, I’m not meditating because there’s just not enough time. Or, the classic, well because Moe is home it’s too hard for me to workout. Or, self-care? There’s time for that tomorrow.

Then a few days ago, I woke up, I had my coffee time with Domi, I fed, walked, and took Moe to daycare, I worked out, and I showered. And then I meditated and wrote in my journal for an hour. Yes, you read those words right, AN HOUR.

Now, I could tell myself that miraculously thing morning I just had more time, but I know that’s not the case. The fact of the matter is I made a choice. I made a decision. I decided to block out time for myself to meditate and journal and workout. I did all those things that I, “never have time for.” Yes, there are weeks where I am so busy the idea of making time for things that I consider self-care sounds overwhelming, but the truth is we always have a choice.

We can choose to find the time to do all the things we’ve been putting off, or we can continue to put them off and make excuses for ourselves because it’s

1) easier and

2) convenient as all get out.

There’s always a way to make it happen if you want it to happen.

I could be meditating every morning with ease if I woke up fifteen minutes earlier. But the idea of those extra minutes of sleep is just too good to let go of for me so I make the choice every day to sleep a little more and make finding time for meditating more complicated. And that is a choice and right now it’s the one I feel best about.

Sometimes making these choices can be paralyzing, so I’ve started to break it down:

1) I ask myself what decision I am actually making. In the instance I used above I am choosing between sleep and meditation. For a long time, it just felt like I was putting off meditating, but I wasn’t. I was making a choice without even realizing it.

2) I prioritize. I decide for me, at that moment what feels like the priority, or what does the priority need to be. Lately, I’ve been really tired, so right now the priority for me is sleep.

3) Then I ask myself how I feel about making that decision. I’m okay with it. I understand I will want to find time in my day to meditate and it might be a little more complicated if I don’t wake up earlier, but I want to feel rested, and therefore I am choosing sleep and that feels good.

4) I remind myself that I can choose again at any time. Maybe tomorrow the priority will be meditation because of the multitude of benefits I know I get from it. So, I can choose again tomorrow. The choice is always mine.

We always have a choice. Do I sound like a broken record yet? So, when you feel like there just isn’t enough time in the day, this is a practice I’ve adopted and is there for you too. It brings to light the choices I am making and makes me feel more powerful as opposed to at effect of life going on around me. Recognizing that you always have a choice will help you stand in your own inner power. We can make a choice in how we feel, in what we do every day, and beyond. However, sometimes choosing or recognizing there is a choice is a challenge because it requires us to stop blaming the outside world or our circumstances and forces us to own what we do and how we do it. So, sometimes changing this mindset will take time because taking responsibility isn’t always easy. But we’re here to do this together, right?

Happy choosing my loves, XOXO, CAMDW.

We Are Always Choosing

Tue, 06 Apr 2021 21:37:42 GMT

I posted last week about decision-making and the notion that we always have a choice. Then another entire facet about choosing and choices occurred to me that I got really excited about.

Having a choice goes beyond deciding what our priorities are and how to make time. We also have a choice in how we respond to people, places, things, and situations. Every time something or someone crosses our path we get to decide how we want to react.

My dad and I were at a grocery store a few weeks ago. We ran in to grab a few quick things, some of which we had asked a store employee to hold for us at the front. When we got to the register we asked the woman checking us out if she wouldn’t mind grabbing what was being held for us. Kindly, she obliged and brought back some of the items that were being held for us. In the meantime, another woman got in line behind us. Dad and I were laughing and joking when we realized the woman helping us at the checkout hadn’t gotten all of our items from the clerk’s desk. We asked if she could possibly get the few remaining items that hadn’t been brought over, and she once again, kindly obliged. But this time, the woman behind us in line had apparently had enough of us. She yelled, “OH NOW THEY WANT TO GO BACK FOR MORE STUFF AFTER THEY’VE ALREADY CHECKED OUT!”

Obviously, that wasn’t the case. Initially, my dad and I were shocked and slightly embarrassed, and then almost instantaneously we were both PISSED. How dare that woman accuse us of something we hadn’t done? I could see both Dad and I start to boil over, so I tried to explain to the woman behind us in line what had happened. She wasn’t understanding and got continuously more and more frustrated by my words and presence. Dad and I, trying not to haul off and scream back at her, made a beeline for the car. For the next fifteen minutes, my dad and I sat in the car talking about how ridiculous the woman in line behind us had been. How she had no right. How it was so incredibly rude. That she didn’t understand. That we hate when people assume things about us. We went on and on and on.

About a week later, my parents caught someone trespassing on their property and utilizing the space under the stairs as a bathroom. Understandably, that upset both of my parents, but pretty quickly the situation escalated and my dad was yelling at the woman who had used his house as a lavatory.

Now, I don’t think it was entirely uncalled for that he got so upset. But what I do know, is that the woman did not know that my dad’s father was currently in hospice and within a week had gone from perfectly healthy, to perhaps only having a few hours left to live. All of the emotions behind the situation with my dad’s father were a part of his reaction.

When I heard this story from my parents, I had to think about the woman in line behind my dad and me at the supermarket. A seemingly pretty benign situation seemed to have deeply upset her. I realized that I had no idea what was going on in her life that day. For all I know she could’ve been going through a situation similar to my dad’s and her reaction to us not having all our groceries lined up could have triggered something deeply upsetting to her.

So, we have a choice. We can react any way we want. And as we start to react we can remember that that other peoples’ actions and reactions have nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. We can choose to find empathy for anyone because we have no idea what they are going through.

Our thoughts, emotions, and plans are all choices we make, and things we can shift at any time. A little reminder as we head into the weekend and as things bring us joy, or anger, or sorrow, or glee. It’s all a choice and whatever you are feeling is valid, just remember that you can choose again at any time.

I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day, weekend, and everything in between. XOXO, CAMDW

Why Do We Create Stress For Ourselves?

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 21:52:11 GMT

Stress is something I have a love/hate relationship with. Sometimes stress motivates me to get things done and sometimes it gets to the point where I stop sleeping well and I want to tear my hair out. I think we can find a happy medium with stress. A life where we learn to manage stress in a way that works for us without creating unnecessary stress for ourselves.

We’ve been groomed to believe (or at least I have) that the more stressed we are, the more productive society members we are. The more tired, the more rundown—the more valuable, but I want to interrupt this messaging because it has been incredibly damaging to my psyche. I am working harder, maybe, but my work isn’t necessarily as good as it would be if I didn’t believe that the value was in how stressed, tired, and overworked I am.

So, the next time someone says to you, “oh my gosh, I am so tired and so stressed,” you ask them how they can find a way to lower their stress level instead of finding ways to make you more stressed out. AND the next time you see someone that is rested and feeling good, instead of thinking that they must not be working hard enough, or that their job isn’t as stressful as your job, think about ways you can open yourself up to the idea of creating more space and less stress in your life.

What do you think? Are you in?

Alright, I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day and I’m thinking about you. XOXO, CAMDW

Challenge Not Accepted Is Also Okay To Say

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 21:48:59 GMT

I have always been a “yes” person. I have a ton of trouble saying “no” to people, especially when there is a challenge involved. I love proving people wrong (not one of my cuter qualities), and I have a really hard time letting go when I have been offered a challenge whether consciously or unconsciously by someone else.

But I have learned in life that if we accept every single challenge we’re offered we are going to get tired sometimes and I want to give you the permission to say, “challenge not accepted.”

Every time you’re offered an opportunity or a challenge in life you get to make a choice and the choice is all yours and I want you to know that if you turn down that challenge or that opportunity there is no shame in that. There will be more opportunities. Always. The Universe will keep offering you opportunities so just keep looking out for them if you’re not in the mood to say yes to the one that’s directly in front of you.

This has been my fun new way of looking at things lately and I’ve found it takes so much of the pressure off of my decision making since I know more challenges and opportunities will continue to present themselves even if I don’t decide to take the one directly in front of me. And if you’re someone that doesn’t tend to take opportunities when they’re presented maybe now is a new chance to take the bull by the horns and go for it. Another day, another mindset shift.

You are worthy as you are, taking on more opportunities or choosing to wait for the next one to come along.

Feeling Burned Out? Do The Last Thing You Want To Do…

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 21:46:10 GMT

I am so used to running so fast throughout life that when I start to feel burnt out the last thing I want to do is take a break.

The break feels like the enemy, when in reality, if we can lean into the break we will be able to bring so much more of ourselves in a much better way to our every sector of our lives every day.

So, the key to burn out is not pushing harder, which I’m sure you know, but then why, when we’re feeling so exhausted do we just think pushing to get a little bit more done will make us feel better?

Here are my thoughts…

How to show up for someone in grief

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 22:00:24 GMT

It’s really hard to know what to do when a friend is struggling with something really difficult. For example, grief. What do you do when a friend is grieving and there seems to be no “right” thing to say.

Well, let me let you in on a little secret—there is no right thing to say. Whatever you say will not be able to change their grief, or help them move through it faster. Grief is a process we all have to journey through in our own way and time.

Sometimes we have the best intentions. We want to do something to make someone feel better because watching people we love in pain is heart-wrenching. But sometimes the best thing you can do for those you love when they are suffering is to just be there with them in the icky part.

Sometimes it will feel so uncomfortable and we won’t know what to say so we won’t say anything at all. It seems maybe a little easier to keep others’ uncomfortable emotions at an arm’s length and tell ourselves they’ll reach out when they need us.

Having just recently lost someone close to me, I know this first-hand and from both sides. While I was sitting in my grief I noticed people all around me handling me differently. So, I thought maybe it would be helpful for us to debrief here on some tips and tricks to support loved ones going through it.

Here’s what I was thinking as I watched people I love very much around me deal with my grief:

1) We all have those intentions to save, to help, to caretake, and that’s a beautiful thing, but sometimes the best thing we can do is ignore the tendencies to want to make things better and just love our people as they are in the tough stuff and let them feel it and let them know we are there. Phrases like, “he lived a long life,” or “I understand,” aren’t all that helpful in the eye of the storm, especially when each of us has unique lived experiences and there isn’t a way possible to understand anyone else’s perfectly.

2) Just keep showing up. It’s uncomfortable to watch someone else’s grief and feel like your hands are tied, but keep showing up for them and letting them know you’re there. To know you have a community to fall back on can be healing. And it’s better to show up and stick your foot in your mouth and apologize later than to not show up at all. Never once when I was experiencing grief have I looked at a kind text message from a friend on my phone and thought, “man how awful that they checked up on me.”

3) If the grieving person doesn’t respond don’t take it personally.

4) If someone doesn’t ask for your advice, don’t give it. (I’ve learned this the hard way.) And if you want to give advice, but aren’t sure, it may be a good idea to ask if someone wants it first.

5) If someone doesn’t tell you that they lost someone or are grieving don’t take that personally either. It doesn’t mean you aren’t part of their inner circle, it just means they need to take care of themselves right now, and broadcasting their grief maybe isn’t what they want to do. Someone else’s grief is not about you.

There is no sidestepping grief. We will all experience it if we haven’t already. We will all watch people we love experience it and it will be hard and gut-churning, but it’s a part of life. Showing up and showing love is the best way to be there for another human being in grief and in life. I am beyond grateful for anyone that has helped me through a trying time by being there, by day after day continuously showing up for me. Making sure I’m eating and drinking water and getting rest and knowing that’s all I wanted and needed. Even when I don’t want to talk about my feelings (shocking, I know), even when I just want to sleep, they just kept showing up and I am so very grateful.

Grief isn’t fun, but it’s life and it’s human, and we can come out of it on the other side. And if you are grieving right now and happen to be also experiencing moments of joy amongst the moments of pain know that, that is valid and is not disrespectful to the one you lost. All feelings at all times are valid because they are yours. Normalize it. I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day. XOXO, CAMDW.

PS This is a reminder that I am not a trained mental health professional, but a life coach in-training and a human who has experienced these emotions. If you are suffering do not suffer in silence. Reach out and let’s find a trained mental health professional that can help you.

Using Our Emotions As Information

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 21:57:43 GMT

Has anyone every told you, “you’re too sensitive?” Or, “you’re just too emotional.” Or, “you should learn to take the emotion out of things.”

Yeah, me too. And I had this epiphany about the difference between taking the emotion out of things versus taking things personally. Those two things are not the same. And I am here to say that I think it’s time we put our emotions back into everything we do. Emotions are not bad things. They can be our information, our guides. Just because society says emotions make others uncomfortable or complicate things doesn’t mean we don’t get to have them and express them liberally.

So, here’s my two cents. (Although I think this one is really more worth like $1.50…)

I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day. XOXO, CAMDW

The Promises We Make To Ourselves Are Of Value

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 21:54:50 GMT

I am guilty of overlooking my self-care. A lot. Even when I schedule it in my calendar I always seem to find a reason or an excuse or something that is more important because I’ve been trained to think that taking care of myself is selfish and of less value than my work or the people I love.

So, this is a new perspective I am trying because how I do one thing is how I do all things and it’s time to make me a priority so that I am not burned out at the end of the month or the week or the year or before I’ve even gotten the chance to have children.

We are worthy of the care we give to other people. We deserve that care and more for ourselves.

I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day. XOOX, CAMDW

Let’s reduce our stress NOW!

Wed, 24 Mar 2021 22:07:35 GMT

Happy April, friends! I hope so far April has been very good to you.

I am very big on talking about self-care and reducing our stress levels, but honestly, I’ve been kind of crappy at taking my own advice. I really don’t like being a hypocrite, so I decided enough is enough of my own mishegas and getting in my own way, it’s time to take some action.

Every time a new month rolls around it feels like a fresh start and so I thought it would be fun this month if we did a little challenge to help reduce the stress in our lives since *fun fact* April is stress awareness month! And I promise to do this alongside you because I can make excuses out the wazoo for why I don’t have time for self-care while preaching that you do, and I am not doing that anymore!

So, here is the challenge I offer you!

1) Carve out 10 minutes per day for self-care—whatever that means to you and whatever your heart desires!

2) Find 10 minutes per day to get outside without looking at your phone while you’re out there!

That’s it! PUT IT IN YOUR CALENDAR, SET A REMINDER, DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE TO DO.

This isn’t hard or complicated, but it’s somewhere to start, and starting a new good habit and learning to take care of ourselves is so important and can be so very difficult if we don’t make the space for it. So, here is the space. It’s twenty minutes per day. Are you up for the challenge? Can we look at this as an opportunity for kindness to ourselves that we so desperately deserve?

Who’s with me? Should I ask some more questions?

Anyway, I love you, I am excited to be starting off this month with you and I hope you have a wonderful day. XOXOX, CAMDW

Time For A Routine Change-Up

Tue, 23 Mar 2021 22:10:27 GMT

If we are better to ourselves we become better for the people in our lives too. This is not a new idea, so then why is it that we selectively forget that taking care of ourselves and reducing our stress level benefits more than just us?

It should be enough that we’re doing it for ourselves, but sometimes we need that little motivation of knowing how our actions of self-care will benefit others as well. I feel like we so often give the stamp of approval when we tell our friends, our partners or our family, “yes, treat yourself. Take care of yourself.” But then when it actually comes to us doing it that stamp of approval no longer exists.

So, I will let you in on a little secret. If you tell a friend they deserve to take time for themselves, or you’ve ever looked at someone and said, “Yes, self-care is amazing!!” You should know you are just as deserving of that self-care and treat-your-self attitude as the person you are talking to.

Self-care isn’t just about taking care of ourselves. It’s about changing our perspective so that we have more opportunities for creativity. It’s about being the examples for our friends and family and children that when we take care of ourselves as we would like them to take care of themselves we are kinder, more loving humans.

Self-care is not self-ish, okay?

Still not convinced? Take a gander:

Worth and Numbers

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 22:40:24 GMT

Worth. Worthiness. Do I talk about this sh*t enough? No, definitely not because you can never talk about how worthy you are enough!

Sometimes we confuse monetary value with personal value and I am here to shout from the rooftops that those are TWO VERY DIFFERENT CONCEPTS!!!

The media and society as a whole may try and make us think that our worthiness is tied to our net worth, or our number or followers, but it isn’t. In case you need a longer reminder, here you go:

I love you. Have a wonderful self-worth-filled day. XOXOX, CAMDW

Talking and Punching

Tue, 09 Mar 2021 23:48:38 GMT

I feel like the number one reason we get frustrated with people is because we either don’t take time to see things from their perspective, or conversely, they don’t take time to see things from ours.

I caught myself getting frustrated with my husband because he didn’t want to do things my way…pretty much marriage 101 of things not to get pissed about…but still I was letting the fact that we weren’t seeing things the same way get to me. Then I had to take a step back and see maybe how his way works for him, while my way works for me and neither of us is wrong.

It sounds simple. But it is something we forget to do all the time as a society. We cannot live as though our way is the only way—doing that would cut us off from beautiful people, experiences and more that we could be living if only we would open our minds to a different way of doing things.

Your experience is valid. So is the experience of any single person you run into. Sometimes we just need a reminder of that.

I wish you a beautiful day of doing the somewhat, sometimes exhausting work of understanding people and loving them regardless of them seeing things differently than you. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

PS I still think therapy is valuable for anyone and is something that can create a longer-term solution, but I do think we need to do what feels best for us in our hearts, whatever that is.

Big, Scary Questions

Fri, 05 Mar 2021 23:51:13 GMT

I was recently faced with the question: What is your greatest achievement?

I was almost paralyzed trying to figure out what my greatest achievement is. It felt like a pretty serious question for someone that’s only lived twenty-seven years of life.

The words alone sound big. Greatest. Achievement. As per usual, I started to break it down and question everything. What does greatest even mean? Is it what you’re most proud of? Is it what has received the most accolades? Is it the thing that’s the biggest “deal” in your life?

As per usual, I was taking a homework assignment to existential crisis level. It seemed somewhat unnecessary to put my psyche through this.

It was hard for me to understand exactly what I wanted to say. There are many things in life I’ve done that I’m proud of, but perhaps my greatest achievement thus far in my life is something that is not yet finished. My book.

I am still on the journey of finding a publisher for my manuscript, but it is perhaps the thing I am most proud of accomplishing thus far in my life. The time it took and the emotional rollercoaster it caused writing down the ins and outs of my life was an unforgettable experience and one I am incredibly proud of going through. Not only did I take the time to write it, but then I gave it to people for feedback…holy scariness.

Two editors and a proofreader later and learning not taking all of their criticism about my life story personally, I certainly have achieved something, but it feels unfinished because no publisher has given it the stamp of approval yet and so for me, there is a part of me that feels like I can’t call it my greatest achievement because it’s not yet finished/hasn’t been given the world’s approval.

Two things here:

1) Yes, I would love a publisher, but no, I don’t need anyone’s approval to tell my life story and

2) What if some of our greatest achievements are still our works in progress? What if we didn’t have to be finished with them to have them still be the greatest achievements of our lives thus far?

I add thus far to everything because I would be sad if my greatest achievement was something that I did when I was only twenty-seven…I certainly hope there’s more to come out there.

What if the journey is the achievement, the time, love, care, and effort we put in is the greatness. It’s not the box we check in achieving, but everything it took to get there. Because really isn’t that what makes the achievement an achievement?

Achievement can encapsulate so much more than the definition we’re used to. So let it. Be proud of what you’re achieving by waking up in the morning and doing what you do all day long, no matter what that is.

Instead of asking what our greatest achievement is, which is a freaking loaded question, let us ask what the things are that we are proud to do every day. Or ask what our most incredible journey has been.

I’m proud of more than what is just my achievements. One of the greatest things in life is not just what we achieve, but how we work to be ourselves and live our lives every single day sometimes against all odds.

Change those definitions. Reword the words. Do it your way. I’ve spent so long worrying that I’m doing the homework (by homework I mean life) right…maybe instead of worrying about that, I can just answer the way that’s best for me instead of trying to give everyone the answer I think they’re looking for.

You do you. Okay? Okay. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

Pearls and Breadcrumbs

Tue, 02 Mar 2021 23:54:37 GMT

My friend KC and I were exchanging a myriad of voice memos the other day and we kept talking about how so many things have just randomly popped up in our lives. People we didn’t expect. Job opportunities we never saw coming. I sat down at my computer to work and saw my phone ping with another voice memo from Kace. I figured I had time to have one more exchange before getting to work (KC’s voice always puts me in the best mood anyway). I pressed play. “You know Chels, I don’t think these things are random. I think they’re all happening as they are supposed to be at the perfect time. The Universe knows what it’s doing.”

Immediately, I was so glad I pressed play. She was so right. There is no such thing as a random series of events because when you look back they look like a perfect string of pearls leading to where you are now.

These events may look like pearls (or something scary) when you look back, but when you look forward to me those events all occur by picking up breadcrumbs. Confused? Yeah, me too. Maybe just watch the video…

I love you. Here’s to great big breadcrumb adventures. XOXO, CAMDW

My Value Is Not My Accomplishments

Fri, 26 Feb 2021 23:57:57 GMT

“Hey, can you talk later this afternoon?” A friend of mine texted me a few mornings ago. I started typing and kept deleting my answer to a seemingly innocuous question. I really wanted to talk to her, but a part of me felt super guilty that I would be taking time out of my day and away from my work…aka where I believed my energy “should” be going. Since the want in my heart to talk to her was greater than the little voice inside my head telling me I should be working I scheduled a call with her for later that day. Hours later, when I hung up, I immediately started beating myself up. Thinking about all the things I could’ve accomplished in that hour. All the things that needed to be done. But there was this little warmth in my heart that was there because I connected with someone I loved.

Later in the week, I told my therapist about this. That:

1) I felt terribly guilty for taking time out of my workday to talk to a friend and also

2) that I felt super guilty that I took thirty minutes at lunch to watch some TV. I felt like TV wasn’t something I “should” be doing during the day.

And I think it’s important to note that should is a dangerous word because things we “should” be doing often mean we are not listening to what we need most.

When I spoke with my therapist she pointed out that my brand is me and therefore speaking to a friend is part of what I need to do to keep myself whole and afloat and that watching TV in the middle of the day is a part of my self-care that I so desperately need to pay attention to because if I don’t I’m going to burn out. The script in my mind is constantly telling me that I am not doing enough. Not working hard enough. That I am not enough unless I am accomplishing things.

So here are some things I am doing to help me flip the script on my accomplishment mindset:

1. At the end of the day instead of reviewing my To-Do list for all the things I didn’t do I quietly sit and go over in my head all the things I did do, even seemingly mundane things like the dishes, or making our bed.

2. I remind myself that self-care is just as valid as money-making activities. My value does not lie in what I produce, but in who I am. And who I am is not what I do.

3. I sit with my journal at the end of the day and write down three things that brought me joy.

4. I write out weekly goals at the beginning of every week for flexibility. I don’t then constantly feel behind because it’s impossible to get everything done in one day. I can spread it out over seven days into doable chunks with an understanding of the overall goal

These are the lessons I am hoping I can take with me even after a pandemic. The reminder that spending time connecting with friends and family is just as valuable as work activities. That doing something that brings you joy in the middle of the day isn’t a waste, it’s what leads you to a sustainable life.

I love you, please for all that is good in this world take care of yourself. It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture when you haven’t left your house in a while or when your work is about ten feet or less from your bed, but it’s necessary to create that space for self-care. There are so many blogs and podcasts and people talking about it for a reason. We can only give what we have and if we’re running on empty…well, you know what’s going to happen. I love you, I’m thinking about you, and I’m sending you so much care and hoping you can be a little less hard on yourself today with me. XOXOX, CAMDW

Permission and Partnerships

Wed, 24 Feb 2021 00:00:31 GMT

As we grow and navigate the world, more often than not we will encounter times of working with other people and having to make a decision that will work the best for us long term.

Instead of looking at it as hiring someone or firing someone, look at these opportunities to work with people as partnerships. It has to work for both parties in order to be the most beneficial relationship possible for all.

So, here’s my gut check on creating sustainable partnerships…so much more I could say on this topic, but we’ll save it for another day.

I hope you have a wonderfully fulfilling day today surrounded by bunches of amazing humans. I love you, XOXO, CAMDW

Tea and Warm Fuzzies

Wed, 17 Feb 2021 00:02:49 GMT

Today is all about taking a pause even if only for thirty seconds or one minute to center yourself. It’s so easy to get swept away in the stress and anxiety of the day, so let’s just be together here for a few moments so I can give you my latest and favorite ways to center myself.

https://youtu.be/m91lBoQRDlU

I hope you have a wonderful day and don’t forget you can turn back to this any day, any time. I’m always here if you need a reminder. XOXO, CAMDW

Body Language As A Roadmap

Wed, 10 Feb 2021 00:05:51 GMT

We are so often told to lean in. To lean in to fear, to love, to change. But I have found that sometimes leaning in doesn’t serve me, but stresses me. Our bodies and our body language signals so much to other people about what headspace we’re in and oftentimes the subtext of our words without us even knowing. However, we seem to read other peoples’ body language without taking a second look at our own.

Today, is all about reverse engineering our body language—about moving our bodies as a method of shifting our mental state.

There’s more than one way to do this, but here’s my first tip to get you started.

Even if you aren’t paying attention to your body language constantly (it’s impossible to do anything constantly) let this be a little reminder to check in with your body throughout the day whenever you do remember.

I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

Creation Within Chaos

Sat, 06 Feb 2021 00:08:27 GMT

The kind woman who runs Moe’s doggy daycare texted me: “Hey Chelsea, I’m so sorry, but daycare will be closed this week.” To most, the text seems pretty mundane and unimportant, right? Well, to me, it didn’t.

I started to panic.

For those of you who don’t know our little puppy, Moe, I should tell you this: he is an unrelenting tornado of energy disguised in a teddy bear’s body complete with a set of the world’s most endearing eyes that look into your soul. He is certainly one of my greatest loves, and simultaneously one of my greatest annoyances.

Now you may be thinking I’m a horrible puppy mom to say that he is as annoying as f&%? a lot of the time, but hey, it’s the truth. He is cute as hell AND drives me nuts. He is a walking oxymoron.

I started to panic because, after months of feeling all over the place, I had finally created the perfect scenario so that I could both adore having our puppy and also make sure I could get work done. I especially made sure that I created two days per week where I wouldn’t schedule any appointments and Moe would go to daycare so that I would have time to feel inspired and turn that inspiration into tangible goods.

See, in my mind, in order to be inspired and to create everything had to be just right. I had to have my desk clear, Moe would have to be at daycare so that I wouldn’t worry about what he was going to get into. My tea would be the perfect temperature and I would have time to myself without any interruptions…the Universe had other plans.

Exactly the night before my new plan for being creative and inspired on schedule everything went to hell because Moe was going to be home and if there’s one thing I knew for sure it’s that when Moe is home for much of the day it’s impossible to get anything done.

I panicked. I tried to get back-up babysitters. I begged Domi to come home from work early. And then I stopped. I took a deep breath and I looked Moe square in the face and said, “Bud, you and I are going to learn how to do this whether there’s doggy daycare or not, okay?”

I’m pretty sure he said, “Okay Mom” back, but with that squeaky toy in his mouth there was really no way to be sure, but either way, I took that sparkle in his eye for agreement.

I let go of my idea of everything needing to be just right to create. I took off the pressure of having to have something to show for my day. And somehow today, the first day I’ve had Moe home while trying to create and find inspiration I’ve had more time to create and feel inspired than I have in months.

I took the time he needs to walk and used it as a time to also spend with my thoughts. I played with him and reminded myself that he brings out my inner child in the most beautiful way. I stopped my meditation when he started barking and gave him the attention he needs and deserves and told myself I’d get back to it when the timing was better. And now, my sweet tornado is at my feet napping while I write this.

I am learning to create within the chaos—and I have a feeling I’m going to need to learn how to do this more and more as we broach the idea of kids. Moe is a blessing to me. He teaches me even when I didn’t know I needed to be taught. He forces me to take breaks that I desperately need. And he sleeps a whole lot more than I ever realized.

My dad always says, “what you resist will persist.” I have resisted for months now having Moe at home while I’m trying to get work done, and in turn, every time he has been home while I’ve tried to work it’s been a nightmare. Then I gave in. I knew he was going to be home all week so I just decided that we would make it work and somehow I would figure out a way to create with interruptions.

Life is chock full of interruptions and no matter how hard you try to create the perfect plan and the perfect space you’ll never be able to quite get there because there is no such thing.

Now having him home while I work feels like a blessing. I get snuggles in-between paragraphs and walks to cure my writer’s block, and yes, I still sometimes get annoyed when he starts to destroy something when I’m not looking, but that happens a lot less as soon as I decided that we have an opportunity to work together instead of working against each other. (And as my family will constantly remind me—I am the one that wanted a puppy.) I adore this puppy and have from the moment he came into our lives. He can still be frustrating as hell because he’s a puppy, but resisting your scenario isn’t going to make it any easier for you to find the outcome you’re looking for. Embrace what’s in front of you as it is and find the beauty in the situation. It’s there.

Happy day lovelies. Sending you big chaotic creation hugs! XOXOX, CAMDW

Rethinking the Mundane

Wed, 03 Feb 2021 00:11:32 GMT

Life gets repetitive. It happens. But sometimes we take that repetitiveness and make it something negative in our minds instead of finding ways to make the mundane, everyday life special.

I noticed when I start to take the “mundane” as not exciting enough, or wanting more, drama in my life starts to appear, but when I start to appreciate those “mundane” everyday activities the drama starts to melt away.

So, tell me, what is it that you want to turn into an occasion, or something fun that’s started to seem plain and boring?

I love you. Have a wonderful day. XOXO, CAMDW

PS Check out @michaealabelle on Instagram. She has amazing courses and I’m obsessed with her content for some feel-good and healing vibes!!

Climbing to No Everest

Wed, 27 Jan 2021 00:18:35 GMT

Having faith is complicated and requires an element of trust, however, I sometimes find it’s one of the best ways forward. I have had a lot of people I love walk out of my life. Sometimes for no reason, sometimes with very good reason, and sometimes very much with me clinging to them begging them not to leave.

I used to despair when this would happen. I would cry and have a pity party and say things like, “why don’t they love me?” and “am I not loveable?” or “what did I do wrong?” I am a big proponent of giving yourself time to feel those feelings so that you can move past them, but I think wallowing in them is a mistake. So, I started to think about what happens after someone leaves. Did my life fall apart? No, for the most part, it did not. And I started to see that every time someone left, a new person or new opportunity entered my life that wasn’t there before.

So, now, instead of despairing for much longer than I think necessary I remind myself that the right people will walk in and walk out of my life, and sometimes I just need to give the Universe/insert-the-name-of-a-higher-power-if-you-believe-in-one here my faith and know that there is a good reason for the entrance and the exit of every person and experience in my life even if I don’t understand it at the time.

My dad used to tell me, “if it’s the right person, no matter what you do you’ll be able to make it work, and if it’s not the right person, no matter what you do you won’t be able to make it work.” That gives me peace and faith and hope. So, if you’re in a season of despairing or feeling like someone has recently walked out of your life when you thought they were meant to be there forever, hand over a little faith to the Universe and keep your eyes peeled for new people and experiences that might just be heading your way.

Have a happy day. I love you, XOXOX, CAMDW

How to Relax When You Suck at Relaxing…

Sat, 23 Jan 2021 00:22:34 GMT

For some people relaxing comes naturally. For others, like myself, relaxing is less natural. So, I’m giving you my weird, yet strange method for how to calm myself down on vacation. I know…it seems like an oxymoron…just hear me out, okay??

I love you, I hope you have a happy day and best of luck with the relaxation. XOOX, CAMDW

Relaxation for Overachievers

Wed, 20 Jan 2021 00:26:16 GMT

Relaxing at the drop of a hat has never really been my strong suit, especially on weekends. It’s one thing when you’re on vacation, but when it’s Saturday and I start to feel guilty about emails piling up or feeling like I should be getting ahead on work for the week ahead to make my life in the future easier it’s hard to stop, take a breath and purely relax.

HOWEVER, I have found one magical way that’s helped me slow down and take a breath, and no—it has no meditation or journaling involved!!!

This is going to sound weird…but here me out…when I really want to relax I make a schedule. Okay, okay, I know this sounds like the opposite of relaxation, but when you’re used to powering through and going constantly to just go cold turkey without a plan can be occasionally (or constantly) panic-inducing.

For those of you that also struggle with really letting go, as weird as it sounds, I’m telling you to give this a try. By a schedule, I don’t mean I plan out everything in 30-minute intervals (although boy howdy does that sound incredible to me), but I do give myself chunks of time and block those out.

For example, I have a tendency to feel guilty when I binge watch a show on a weekend instead of doing the things on my to-do list—however, taking time for myself, which sometimes for me means staring at a TV screen is also important.

So, instead of beating myself up every time I hit “play next episode” before I sit down in front of the TV I tell myself, here’s the plan:

Watch TV for up to three hours

Take a bath for up to one hour

Read for up to one hour

Do one or two items on the to-do list, if and only if it sounds fun

What I’ve found is that by telling myself that I am going to take three hours and watch TV I stop feeling guilty and I can really just relax into it because it’s all part of the plan for the day.

I do absolutely know that I must work on my guilt/self-worth issues when it comes to feeling like I need to constantly do more, but we also need fixes in the meantime while we sort out the bigger issues and I’ve actually found that sometimes these fixes in the meantime start to help me sort through the larger issue at hand.

I repeat this is not a permanent fix for the underlying issues, but the more and more I schedule in this relaxation the more I find that the world doesn’t come to pieces when I stop overachieving for a day or two, which, in turn, helps me see that I can slow down and take care of myself and know that, that is also as important as how much work I get done. Two birds…one stone…I hate that saying.

Alright loves, I hope you have a wonderful day and take some time for yourself even if you have to schedule it in. XOXOX, CAMDW

Becoming Bilingual

Sat, 16 Jan 2021 00:31:15 GMT

Languages have always followed me throughout life—mostly I think because I am always so nervous to speak them.

So, when I met and fell in love with someone who comes from a non-English-speaking country, I knew the Universe wasn’t going to let it go. I was going to have to face my fears.

Here’s a little update on how learning German has been going for me and a note of my utmost respect and empathy for anyone learning to communicate in a second language or having to communicate full time outside of their mother tongue.

Ich hoffe ihr ein sehr schönen Tag haben werdet! Ich habe euch lieb, XOXOX, CAMDW

Language Barriers as Marriage Savers

Wed, 13 Jan 2021 00:55:01 GMT

When Domi and I were first together, Domi’s English was not what it is now and my German was, well, non-existent. One day shortly after we moved-in together, about three months into our relationship, we were grocery shopping. Innocent enough, right? Well, sometimes even when you speak the same language, communicating can be hard—now add the pressure of just having moved in together and speaking two different native languages. We just wanted to buy some food for dinner. We may have also been a bit hungry, and neither one of us is good at operating with low blood sugar. Okay . . . so we were both hangry!

“The rotisserie chicken looks good and we don’t have to do much work,” I said.

“Okay and let’s get some feta, tomato, and onions to bake it with,” Domi said.

“Why would you bake it if the chicken is already cooked?”

“No, you bake the feta and tomatoes and onions.”

“I understand that,” I responded, “but why would you put the chicken back in the oven if it’s already baked?”

To which he replied, “No, we’re going to make it with the feta.”

Having now heard a similar phrase several times, I started to get a little annoyed.

“Why the hell would you bake the feta and the onions and tomatoes with the already baked chicken?”

What I wasn’t understanding was that Domi was saying we would bake the feta, tomatoes, and onions separately, as a side dish. (At that point I had never heard of baking feta, so you can understand my confusion.) Domi got so frustrated trying to explain what he meant that he started screaming in gibberish, like a child having a tantrum, and sat down on the floor of the Vons. I was so embarrassed that I took one look at him behaving like a child and ran away to hide in another aisle. When I realized how ridiculous we must have looked to our fellow shoppers, I started cracking up and walked back to where I had left Domi on the floor of the produce section. He was laughing, too.

I said, “Just buy what you want, we’ll figure it out at home.”

For a while, most times Domi felt he had upset me, he would try to pull the language barrier card, claiming he didn’t “understand what he was saying.” I let him get away with this excuse for a while because, let’s face it, communicating in a second language twenty-four hours a day is exhausting. However, when he started university in LA to finish his bachelor’s degree and was getting straight A’s, I decided enough is enough. There is no such thing as a language barrier between us anymore.

What I have come to realize is that two people from the same country also suffer from this “language barrier” syndrome because we all communicate differently. Sometimes it is valid to use the language as a reason, even when you’re speaking the same language, for why the other person seems to be making no sense at all.

I have come a long way in my German skills as well. Three and a half years after we started dating, at our wedding in Germany, I stood up in front of all of our family and friends and said my vows and gave a toast to my new family in German. I was very proud. I had worked so hard, and I was so nervous, but out of necessity I finally overcame my fear of speaking another language and, more importantly, my fear of sounding stupid, and now we’ve started speaking only German at home in order to increase my chances of becoming fluent. Communication is so vital to human existence. What I have consistently found is that when the need arises for people to communicate with each other, even if they do not speak the same language, they will find a way. However, there is an insane gratification that comes with learning a new language if you’re willing to put in the time and energy. Whole words that do not exist in English exist in German. It’s like a new world opens up when you have the capability to express yourself in not just one language, but two. More importantly, learning a second language taught me that I will forever be a student, and I will never be perfect. And that is perfectly alright with me.

Learning languages has been one way that I have worked to expand my world view and also learn how to keep trying even when things seem incomprehensible. Do you have something similar you’ve been working on or thinking about working on? I want to hear all about it. Happy day, I love you, XOXOX, CAMDW

Push Through the Hard

Sat, 09 Jan 2021 00:58:59 GMT

Sometimes there are beings in life that I never would expect to be teachers for me, but somehow, miraculously, they are-like the dead crow I found in our backyard a few months ago. I never would’ve expected from that story to come this idea of how to push through the tough moments on the way to a breakthrough.

Happy day, lovelies. I hope it’s wonderful. I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

Rejection Is My Light-Up Gameshow Arrow

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 01:02:17 GMT

I started to put together my manuscript and proposal of my memoir to submit to publishers and started to panic just a bit. What if I should do one more revision? What if I should have one more person read over it? What if they hate it? It’s my life story, does that mean they hate me? All of those evil little dragons in my mind started to breathe untenable amounts of fire until I remembered one of the very stories I told in my book about rejection.

When I was applying to colleges I was going the strictly Bachelor of Fine Arts in Musical Theater route. I was submitting not only college applications, but I was also putting together auditions and flying around the country trying to make the perfect impression on my favorite schools. All the schools I applied to were BFA programs except for two: The University of Hawaii, which was an option because it sounded pretty, and Muhlenberg College, a small liberal arts college in Allentown, Pennsylvania that my college counselor had recommended to me.

I won’t go into every sordid detail—you’ll have to buy my book when it comes out for the whole story—but I will tell you the college audition and application process was grueling. After months of waiting and hoping and wishing and praying and praying and praying and then praying some more the letters started rolling in.

I was pretty sure I would have a good shot at getting into schools. I got excellent grades, did pretty well on my SATs, my essay was in top shape and I had two different coaches for my college auditions. I was as prepared as I was going to get. I was feeling confident. And then the rejections started rolling in.

One after another, after another. My top BFA choices had quickly been ruled out, as were my second and third choices and every other choice that included me studying at a BFA musical theater program. I was dejected and heartbroken. “Why don’t they want me, Dad?” I had asked, ripping my dad’s heart out while asking the question. “I don’t know, baby, they’re crazy not to want you.” He replied, but no amount of consoling seemed to repair the hole in my self-esteem. However, I just kept doing what I knew how to do. Working hard in school and at dance, voice lessons, and acting classes. I just kept going because my heart felt meant for it. Eventually, it came time for decision making and I did, in fact, have a choice. Neither felt ideal at the time. There was one BFA program where I had been priority wait-listed and then there was the liberal arts school in Allentown, PA. Here was my dilemma: I could go to the BFA program, which is what I had dreamt of and more, except I thought the people at this particular school were unkind and got the feeling I wouldn’t fit in well there. Or I could attend the liberal arts school, which was completely different than what I had imagined for my college education (having become obsessed with the label BFA), but it had a stellar reputation for its theater department, and better than anything the most lovely people on the planet seemed to cover the campus from students, to faculty, to staff.

No shocker here, I chose the place with the people I felt most at home with and four of the most incredible years ensued. I got to perform like I always dreamed of, got a terrific education, and was surrounded by people I felt really cared about me, my well-being, and my future. All of this rejection had led to a new beginning. All of these no’s put me where I am today, and I am grateful every minute for that.

So, as I started hitting send on each email containing my life story and sending it out to people I don’t even know, the acid reflux started to subside. Rejection has always put me exactly where I need to be and I know this experience will be no exception.

Rejection is not a door slamming in your face (although it does often feel like that…) it is more like a massive arrow pointing you towards where you are supposed to be. Rejection isn’t about your failures it’s about your journey and future success. No matter what you will end up in exactly the right place and exactly where you need to be at the right time, just like I did in college and just like I’m sure will happen with my manuscript.

Happy day, I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

Words Matter

Sat, 02 Jan 2021 01:05:49 GMT

My goodness, it’s 2021. Good riddance. About damn time!!!

In the spirit of a new year, I have done a lot of soul searching in terms of what I can offer people and what I can bring to the table without feeling depleted at the end of the day and without over promising and underdelivering (one of my biggest pet peeves).

So, I’ve done a reevaluation on how I present myself and the words I use to convey that expression of myself because as my dear friend, Kim, always reminds me: words matter.

You don’t have to have a personal brand to think about how you want to present yourself to the world. You can start to look inward and see what you have to give and make sure you’re not over-extending yourself. It’s the first day of a new year and we’ve just been through one hell of a year. Let’s not start by already burying ourselves below expectations we don’t know that we can meet.

Have an amazing first day of a new year. I love you, happy new year!!! XOXO, CAMDW

Pressurized Human

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 01:09:37 GMT

A few months ago I sat ensconced in pillows, on our sofa scrolling through my phone. (#mostof2020.) I came across an apology video from Ellen DeGeneres on Instagram after the whole debacle she had this summer. I didn’t know the ins and outs of what happened…I don’t pay much attention to celebrity news, but I remember one line from the video where she said (and I’m paraphrasing here), “If you ever pick a catchphrase, don’t make yourself the ‘be kind lady’.” I chuckled and scrolled to the next video in my feed thinking how true Ellen’s words were. She is the “be kind lady.” And because of this label she gave herself, society started to put so much pressure on her to constantly be not just a person, but the person who is kind. She doesn’t get to have a bad day. She doesn’t get to be angry or sad or mad because we expect her to only be kind.

AND THAT IS ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE AND WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE FOR ANY ONE HUMAN ON THE PLANET. EVER.

A few days after seeing that video and having completely forgotten about it, I was on the phone with a friend of mine discussing my branding. I brought up that I was feeling uncomfortable with the phrase, “friend to all” in my Instagram bio because I started thinking, what if I can’t be everyone’s friend? Am I lying? Should I be pretending?

I would love more than anything to be able to say I am friends with everyone I come into contact with, but that’s quite literally not possible. Friendship requires effort. It requires time and energy and a feeling of security. Friendship is also a two-way street, so how can I sit here and continually offer friendship if my definition of what it means to be a friend can’t possibly be met. I thought about Ellen. She became the “be kind lady” and then people expected her to be kind 100% of the time. I didn’t want to be “the friend lady.” I didn’t want to do that to myself. I wanted to be honest about what I could give and what I am capable of receiving because my definition of friendship is very long and specific and I cannot offer that to every single person I come across in life. So, I took that part of my tag off. I got honest with myself about what I can offer people and it got me thinking on a scale of not just what I can offer people through my work, but also in closer relationships.

We need to be honest with ourselves about what we can offer and what we can’t. Setting realistic expectations for other people about what you have the ability to give is a start. Don’t just promise the world because you want someone to like you if that’s not what you have to offer—if you promise what you don’t have to give (in time or energy or what have you) everyone ends up disappointed and sometimes deeply hurt. You are better off promising what you know you can offer in personal and professional life because:

1) The people that are meant for you will stick around if they are meant for you no matter what you can offer (My dad always says: if it’s meant for you there’s no way you can make it not work no matter how much you screw up, but if it’s not meant for you there’s no way you can make it happen no matter how hard you try…brutal, honest truth, thank you, Dad.)

2) You will feel less stressed because you won’t constantly have the feeling you aren’t living up to unrealistic expectations.

Let’s start the new year off right by starting to be honest with the most important person, ourselves. You deserve to not spread yourself too thin. You don’t need to be everybody’s everything. There’s no humanly way possible. You just need to be your everything and all the rest will fall into place.

I love you, 2020 is almost over HALLELUJAH. XOXOX, CAMDW

What’s Worthy of Celebration?

Sun, 27 Dec 2020 01:15:09 GMT

We’re in a time of year where there’s a lot of celebrating going on…regardless of whether it’s happening the way you thought it was going to.

This year in the midst of celebrating those I love I have learned two things:

I need to start asking for what I need even when it’s a challenge

I get to decide what is worthy of celebration in my life–not anyone else

Happy, merry all the holidays! Celebrate them all, and any new ones you may have thought up in any way you see fit. Just be safe and take care of yourself and your fellow humans.

I love you, have an amazing day. XOXOX, CAMDW

Celebration Realization

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 01:19:30 GMT

Domi and I stood at opposite ends of the kitchen. Moe sat halfway between us tail wagging on the floor, oblivious to anything that wasn’t food. I wasn’t sure what to say. For weeks I’d been thinking about saying something, but the little voice in my head kept saying, “Chelsea, Domi is so busy, don’t bother him with this.”

Or something along the lines of “Chelsea you’re being ridiculous launching a podcast isn’t that big of a deal.” I had been feeling frustrated for a while. I always made sure we celebrated everyone in our family. I tried to make sure that all of my family members felt that each and every accomplishment regardless of size was recognized with a meal, or a drink, or a card, or at the very least a text message.

And lately, Domi had a lot of celebrations—all VERY much deserved, but I had started to feel resentful. I had also hit milestones in my career and yet they were going unnoticed. I didn’t know what to say though. I felt guilty and silly for feeling undercelebrated. I kept telling myself that my accomplishments weren’t really a big deal because if they were a big deal my family would know to celebrate them without my saying anything.

Then a thought occurred to me—my path is not a typical career path. So, maybe my family doesn’t even know what they should be celebrating or what is a big deal because I haven’t told them. And while I preach asking for what I need—I only tend to do it when it’s easy or convenient. I don’t like to do it when it may make the other person feel bad or guilty. But Domi and I are married and I knew he would want to know what was on my mind. I also could feel the passive aggression bubbling up inside me and I knew that no one likes seeing that side of me—especially me.

I stood in the kitchen knowing that this was my moment. I looked at Domi, who was busy working on his phone, and I put the large kitchen knife in my hand down. (I know I tend to gesture a lot when I talk and thought this might be an inopportune moment to have a large, sharp weapon in my hand.)

“Baba, I know you’re busy and I feel silly telling you this now, but I know if I don’t say something I will end up saying something I regret.” He immediately locked eyes with me. My husband is an incredibly active listener. We could all learn a thing or two from him about being a supportive partner…however, I digress.

“I’m feeling undercelebrated,” I said.

“My podcast is launching today and I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s not a big deal, but it is. I’ve worked really, really hard and I feel like no one cares. It’s just that we celebrate every time you pass a part of the CPA exam, and you do so deserve to be celebrated, but I feel like if we do that then I should get to be celebrated too.” I could see his heart sink in his eyes. One of the things I love most about my husband is that he never gets defensive. He listens and really hears and responds…unlike me…

“Oh my gosh Baby, I am so sorry,” he replied,

“I feel horrible. You are right. I have been so distracted studying and working, and that’s not an excuse, I know, but I’m so sorry. I will make this right. Of course, you deserve to be celebrated too, every milestone. Tonight, okay? I’ll put it together. We’ll call your parents and we’ll make it special, I promise. Oh my gosh, I feel horrible.”

My heart swelled. I felt horrible for making him feel horrible, but I knew we would both get past it. I didn’t want to run into this issue again, so I gave my family examples of my career milestones that I thought were worthy of celebration. Thankfully, my family is incredible and they filed away the list for future use and all got on board immediately.

I felt ridiculous and guilty saying anything at all because my family is beyond supportive. To an extent most people don’t experience.

I learned several things during this celebration realization:

1) Your feelings are valid even if they seem silly to others

2) Voicing your needs is even more important when it’s hard than when it’s easy and when you do ask for that you need more often than not you get access to exactly what it is you want

3) It’s okay to seek validation and even enjoy it as long as you don’t find it necessary to continue pursuing your dreams

4) You decide what is worth celebrating and let everyone else get on board with you (Not every celebration has to be huge, it can be small—a card, or an email, or a home-cooked dinner with the ones you love is sometimes all it takes, but you are worthy of being recognized for your accomplishments even if it requires asking people to recognize you.)

We always, always, always have to define and redefine our worth, and sometimes that means asking for what we need or saying something out loud to someone you love even if you think it’s silly. It’s not—if you’re feeling it, it’s there for a reason.

I love you, and I’m thinking about you and all of the celebrations coming our way. No matter what it is you’re celebrating—Happy day. XOXOX, CAMDW

A Well Known Crier

Sat, 19 Dec 2020 01:22:59 GMT

When you’re a positive person and people rely on you for positivity it can sometimes feel like a failure when you start to feel sad, or angry or any kind of emotion that’s not associated with optimism. But the fact of the matter is, I’ve always had a stronger and healthier relationship with my emotions when I’ve allowed myself to experience a full spectrum of emotions. I was always so good at this and then somewhere along the way I became afraid of feeling those emotions and sometimes even guilty for feeling them when I have so much to be grateful for.

But let’s take a step back and recognize that we’re all human and experiencing every feeling that comes our way is part of our gift. So, instead of feeling crappy about feeling—let’s enjoy every aspect of our experience while we’re on this planet and if some of those moments are spent feeling sad, disappointed, angry or frustrated that is so wonderfully just how it is supposed to be.

None of these emotions will last forever, so let’s feel them all to the fullest while we have the ability to do so.

I love you, sweet friends. I’m here feeling all the feels right alongside you.

Dentists Make Me Emotional

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 01:26:28 GMT

I was about fifteen years old and sitting in my dentist’s chair. Dentists have always made me anxious. As someone with a history of needing oral surgeries, I’m always on edge when I’m in that chair. Even the idea that my dentist may tell me I have a cavity brings me such anxiety I get shaky and my stomach turns sour. After years of root canals, having braces and retainers, and teeth growing into my sinuses removed, any time a dentist pauses during a cleaning I seize up. I wonder what it is they’re seeing and mostly whether or not whatever it is they’re seeing will require Novocain. One of my worst nightmares.

I squirmed as the doctor looked and looked. Then he called my dad in. He told me that I might need braces again, likely another root canal, and potentially some gum surgery.

It was all I could take not to sprint out of the office as fast as I could. A full-on panic attack took over my body and I started sobbing. My dad stood by my side and stroked my hair, “It’s okay baby, we’ll figure it out or maybe there’s another solution.” Nothing worked. I just kept crying and crying.

My dentist averted his eyes while I had my breakdown. Slowly, as I was able to regain my composure, still sniffling just a touch, he opened his mouth and said, “you know, it makes me really uncomfortable when women cry.”

Well, that was that, my dad all but pulled me out of the chair and all but slapped the dentist in the face. Thankfully, I never had to sit in that chair again. It was time for a new dentist.

Sometimes our emotions make other people uncomfortable. They would rather we not have emotional breakdowns or any emotions at all in front of them that aren’t pleasant because it makes them feel awkward. We become conditioned to stuff our emotions down. That they aren’t for other people to see or experience, at least not the less favorable ones. We are told to save our emotions for later. We develop unhealthy patterns unless there’s someone that tells us to do otherwise.

Thankfully I grew up in a family of criers. We all do it. My dad, my daddy, my auntie, and everyone I was around was very comfortable with their emotions and expressing them all in various forms. So, this doctor didn’t shame me out of my tears because I had examples of what it was like to emote in public and I knew it wasn’t something to be embarrassed about. I was just having a human experience.

Emotions aren’t something to be shamed out of people regardless of your gender identification. My tears are my superpower. They help me process and move forward. Feeling my emotions allows me to be more clear-headed because when I stuff emotions down or don’t talk about how I’m feeling things get ugly. I get passive-aggressive and mean. I scare people with my intensity. (Seriously ask any friend with whom I’ve avoided confrontation and they will hands-down tell you I scared them.)

Emotions are natural and experiencing them is normal.

I saw this article floating around on social media a few weeks ago about Harry Styles and how he loves to play with his clothes and his wardrobe, and then I saw a commentator respond saying Harry is weak and that we need more manly men. I became immediately beyond aggravated when I saw this. Men who express their emotions and feel the freedom to wear whatever they please are manly men to me. Emotions are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength because feeling is not always easy. Allowing yourself to feel instead of numbing the feelings is hard work. So people who can cry or talk about their feelings are my heroes. A person who has the strength to confront their emotions head-on are warriors to be held in the highest regard because it’s scary and vulnerable, and it makes people uncomfortable.

This is what I’ll leave you with. It is not my job to make you feel comfortable with my emotions. It is my job to make sure I set the best example for my friends, family, and future children about having a healthy relationship with one’s emotions and trying and failing and then trying again. When I cry, if you need to walk away, do so. It’s okay. I am strong enough to handle my tears on my own. So feel freely, my friends. Your emotions are not your hindrance, but your superpower. Work through them and not around them and surround yourself with people who support you in that work.

I love you, I hope you have a magical day. OXOX, CAMDW

Excellently Flexible

Sat, 12 Dec 2020 01:31:07 GMT

Sometimes following in others’ footsteps is exactly what you want and need to do and sometimes we get to be our own trailblazers. It’s totally your call, but maybe ask yourself this question first before moving forward:

Is it serving me to follow in someone else’s footsteps?

If no, amazing! Get out your weed whacker and blaze your own damn trail

If yes, awesome! Keep researching and following and growing, you got this!

Secret option 3…maybe we make a combo wombo out of the first two options?

We get to blaze our own trails when we want to and we get to follow someone else’s lead in order to help get us to the part with the machete. It’s all up to us, but I ask that you allow yourself the flexibility to know that you don’t have to do it exactly like someone else is because you’re your own person and that means what works for someone else may not work for you.

Happy day friends, I love you and wish you much flexibility in work and life and everything else. XOXOX, CAMDW

The I-Have-Two-Gay-Dads Gift

Wed, 09 Dec 2020 01:34:29 GMT

My family was always two doors down for “normal.” We were atypical at the time. I didn’t know anyone else growing up that had two dads, especially no one who was biologically related to both of them…

For some reason growing up and feeling different from everyone else was freeing. Our family didn’t fit the typical mold and therefore neither did I. I could do things my way, even if people that it wasn’t the cool thing to do.

My dad calls that, “the gay gift.” Well, technically, I think my Uncle Herb was the first to use the term. But it means that because someone is gay they are automatically sitting outside of what is considered normal and therefore can sometimes stop feeling the pressure to fit in because they know they are different anyway. For my dad, it took off the pressure of being the child he thought his parents wanted. He was gay and therefore felt that he could never be that “perfect” idea of their child, so he just marched to the beat of his own drum and found magical possibilities on the other side, and landed in a place of acceptance and love.

So, I feel like even though I’m not gay, I kind of got this gift from my parents. We weren’t going to look the same as other families so why would we have to ever do things the same as everyone else?

I was a different kid. I never rebelled, actually, I would rejoice when my dad would show up at school to volunteer—even in middle school, I would jump up to hug him the second I saw him enter the room. I had a fantastic and very mature palate and absolutely no inkling of ordering off of the kids’ menu…in fact, I was somewhat offended when a server would hand me one…like how dare you assume I want chicken nuggets, I’ll take the lamb and a Caprese salad, please! I also stuck to my guns and was very bonded to my values at a very young age and didn’t like to veer from them.

Sometimes this made me less “cool” and less “popular” in the traditional sense. I didn’t get invited to many parties, or when I did I would turn them down because I’d rather go to dance class. Most of the time I didn’t mind that I didn’t fit in. I always had some friends and when in doubt I would remember that I was different from the start so there was no sense in trying to fit in now anyway. It was my I-have-two-gay-dads gift. (Thank you, Dad and Daddy!)

Someone asked me recently if it was hard growing up in a family that was different. Funnily enough, considering how much I think about myself daily, I hadn’t ever really thought about it. I took some time to mull it over and then I answered, “It wasn’t hard, it was freeing because no matter how hard I tried to look like everyone else, I was always going to be different.”

Here’s the thing though…everyone is always different in their own way. Even the kids that fit in. But so few of us actually permit ourselves to wholeheartedly be ourselves.

I’ll let you in on a little secret—you don’t need the gay gift or the I-have-two-gay-dads gift. You don’t have to be different on the outside to decide it’s okay to march to the beat of your own drum or to define what you believe to be right and feel good to you. You were born with the gift of being uniquely you. There’s no need to contain yourself or fit into anyone else’s box, label, or idea of who you are. Do things how you believe they should be done. Maybe that means you’ll be the first one to do something a certain way…inventions and movements wouldn’t have been created if people didn’t begin to think differently than those that came before them. So be different with or without a gift or anyone else’s permission because you have the greatest gift I could ever imagine. You get to be you.

Happy Day lovelies, I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

Holiday Dysmorphia

Sat, 05 Dec 2020 01:38:40 GMT

Today, I have taken quite some liberties with the definition of the word dysmorphia, but to me it means seeing the same things differently than other people do. This is an exciting time of year, that is likely looking a whole lot different than it normally does.

So:

1) Let’s be patient with each other,

2) Let’s have empathy for ourselves and others, and

3) It’s time to give ourselves a free pass and stop drilling down on all of the things we think we’re “supposed” to be doing, or feeling or thinking right now.

I love you. I am here for you. I hope you have a wonderful day. XOXO, CAMDW

Pizza, and Ice Cream, and Fear Oh My!

Wed, 02 Dec 2020 01:45:16 GMT

I love food and I love to eat and I love to cook, but about two years ago I started dieting hardcore and it seriously messed with my body and my mind. I got to a weight that I never would be able to maintain for our wedding…I was the same weight that I was in middle school…but people told me I looked good and so every time I ate something I felt was a “bad” food or something I “shouldn’t” eat I would regret it for hours and sometimes days. Finally, about a month ago I had had enough. I didn’t want to play mind games with myself anymore around food. I wanted to not be hungry anymore and I wanted to feel confident in my own skin again.

I was talking about my frustrations around my body and my ideas surrounding food with my friend Kim. She mentioned that she had started working with a dietician, Phyllis. The word dietician scared me and I told Kim that I didn’t want to diet anymore…I wanted to just live and enjoy life and feel healthy again. Kim helped me understand that the last thing Phyllis would have me do would be to go on a diet. It’s not about dieting, it’s about finding the right foods to fuel your body that you enjoy.

I thought it couldn’t hurt to reach out and I also realized that if something was wrong with me physically or mentally I would always seek professional help…but something had stopped me from doing so in this one area of my life. Was I afraid I’d constantly be eating kale (which I hate no matter how hard I try) and avoiding desserts for the rest of my life? Was I afraid of facing those demons in my mind? Absolutely. But one thing I knew in my heart is that if I didn’t change something or try something I was going to be perpetually aggravated, disappointed, and exhausted in this one area in my life.

I reached out to Phyllis and we started working together. This wonderful woman has all the charm, kindness, and care of Snow White…and bonus, she’s funny. I was so anxious about taking this new step in my life that on my intake form for Phyllis where she asked what foods I liked I listed: cookies, cake, brownies, pancakes, sushi, ice cream, burgers, and pasta. It was almost like I wanted to test her and see how she’d react to that. Like, don’t you dare tell me I can’t eat these foods anymore. She took it all in stride and responded to me with care and kindness every step of the way.

She promised me three things:

1) I would never have to be hungry

2) I would never have to stop eating the foods I love

3) I would not have to eat anything I didn’t like…cough cough no kale for me…PHEW

She asked me if I wanted to do regular weigh-ins and I told her I did not, or at least, at the time was not ready for that. She totally understood and didn’t at all push me to do that before I was the one that decided I wanted to. She never asked me to count my calories, or skip my little snack I always like at 10pm.

All I can say is the diet industry f?*&#d us over. We’ve been taught to think that we have to be hungry, that we can’t eat our favorite things, that we must deprive ourselves to look the way we want, and that confidence in a body looks only one way.

If you are struggling to get out of a dieting cycle and feeling flexible about the food you put into your body, I hear you. It’s freaking hard and scary. It’s hard to allow yourself the pleasure of eating what you want when you want it, but it’s possible and Phyllis showed me the way. She helped me find my groove so that I could feel good in my body and eat what I want and find healthy (and super yummy) options too. Initially, I didn’t weigh myself, and then because I totally didn’t believe Phyllis when she said I’d naturally start to lose weight when I started to shift my mindset and way I approach food I decided I wanted to…I wanted proof. I didn’t go into this to lose weight, but I certainly hoped it would be a side effect and low and behold it was.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL OR TO BE VALUED, SEEN A SEXY, OR HAVE SELF-WORTH. YOU CAN ACCESS ALL OF THOSE THINGS RIGHT NOW JUST AS YOU ARE. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AND INCREDIBLE. I want you to believe that, okay? The message here isn’t, let’s lose weight, the message here is you can be healthy and not be hungry. You can be healthy and eat your favorite foods. I ate pizza, pasta, m&ms, and ice cream this weekend and not like that cute low-cal ice cream, like legit ice cream, and I am feeling amazing in my body, better than I’ve felt in years because regardless of what the scale says I am empowered in what I am eating.

Phyllis and I are working on flexibility and me being less rigid, which is scary but is necessary to live a full well-rounded life. If you have something that’s prohibiting you in your mind from living a full, joyful life you can alter that perspective. It takes time. I’m certainly not there yet, but I can see change happening. It’s never too late to change.

I love you. You are a beautiful human. We can all conquer our demons together. And bottom line, if you are blessed enough to be able to put food on the table please don’t ever force yourself to go hungry. XOXO, CAMDW

Gratitude Hangover

Sat, 28 Nov 2020 01:48:02 GMT

I had to stop writing in my gratitude journal for a while.

I know. It sounds strange coming from the girl who preaches gratitude like it’s the bible. But here’s the thing I had to ask myself if I’m writing things down in my journal as a routine without truly being present and focusing on what I’m writing, is it really serving me? Should gratitude be done by rote and feel like a chore? Easy answer—no.

I didn’t stop being grateful, but I stopped making gratitude a have-to. Yes, gratitude can pull you out of dark times or can be used to celebrate incredible times, but it is something special and when I’m expressing gratitude I want to show up with my whole self. When it started to feel like a chore or a must it wasn’t working for me anymore.

My gratitude felt like it had lost its magical powers.

So, I stopped making gratitude something I absolutely had to do every day. When something popped in my head that I felt grateful for I made a note of it, appreciated it, really felt present, and then moved on with my day (total of about fifteen seconds).

During his time of year being grateful and feeling thankful are things that we’re “supposed to” be kicking into high gear (and who likes anything they’re supposed to do). So, I decided to really figure out what it means to be grateful versus being thankful. What I found on my friend the google machine is that the difference is that being thankful is a feeling whereas being grateful is an action. And when I act on something, it’s really important to me that I be present in that act.

When we’re busy gratitude can feel like another action to perform in addition to everything else we have to get done. And in the past few weeks, I’ve been busy—launching my podcast, submitting my manuscript to publishers, making sure Moe doesn’t tear up the entire house—and it was hard to sit and focus and be in just one place at one time. It was hard to get back to the root, to the act of being grateful, and expressing gratitude in a way that felt genuine to me.

So, I took gratitude off of my to-do list (I mean, really, are you shocked it was on my to-do list?) and gave myself the space to feel grateful without it being forced.

Turns out, when you take a step back from anything you’ve been forcing it’s much easier to allow it to come back into your life naturally and feel genuine. I can apply this same principle to getting inspired for my writing. Ever heard, you can’t force inspiration?

Some things aren’t meant to be chores. Gratitude is certainly one of those things, so if you’re forcing gratitude or forcing meditation or squeezing out inspiration chances are it’s not feeling good anymore. So instead of getting upset or angry or frustrated with yourself, take a step back.

You are not a bad person if you stop meditating or if you stop practicing gratitude. When it feels right it will step back into your life on its own and maybe in a different form. Maybe I don’t need lists on lists on lists on lists of what I’m grateful for…because sometimes when I make these lists I stress myself out thinking if I don’t absolutely put every single thing on there then the Universe is going to think I’m not grateful. ( By the way, I’ve learned that’s also not the way the Universe seems to work.)

Maybe gratitude is reintroducing itself into my life when I take a walk and take a breath and something or someone I’m grateful for crosses my mind. Maybe it’s just a momentary flash while I’m taking a shower.

No one gets to tell you how to practice gratitude or feel thankful, or when you absolutely must do so. We don’t stop being grateful or thankful when we stop making lists, it just takes on a new form and that’s good too.

I am working to stop putting pressure on myself to make additional time for self-care when it stresses me out. Self-care is sometimes handling your to-dos. Sometimes it’s even working late. Or sometimes self-care is taking a bath, breathing, or meditating—but the point is that you get to define your means of taking care of yourself, feeling grateful, and being thankful without guilt. It’s all up to you.

The world is your oyster, you go out and find your favorite way to practice self-care and gratitude, and when you find new ways I want to hear all about them if you’re willing to share.

Happy day, lovelies, I am sending big hugs and wonderful wishes for an amazing weekend. XOXOX, CAMDW

PS There is also no expressing “too much” gratitude. If it flows, let it. Show it. If you’re feeling it by all means don’t stop yourself.

Grateful For You

Wed, 25 Nov 2020 01:51:37 GMT

Thanksgiving this year will certainly not look like it does most years. It’s a strange and scary year—we’ve established this. But one thing that can be the same this year and every single year is that we can feel thankful for all of the things we do have right now. I think it’s more important than ever that we ground ourselves in gratitude and find anything and everything we can be grateful for even when it feels sometimes like our lives are unrecognizable.

I am sending big grateful hugs from my home to yours. And since they’re over the internet they don’t even have to be socially distant…thank goodness. I love you. Happy almost Thanksgiving. Eat without regret and take care of yourselves.

The Unrealized Broken Heart

Sat, 21 Nov 2020 01:55:17 GMT

I used to think I had never had my heart broken because I had never been in love until I met Domi. I thought you could only ever really have your heartbroken by someone you were in love with. I believed this until I was on the phone with a friend talking about how hard it is to make friends. We talked and talked and at some point, I mentioned that I had lost three of my closest friends in the past two years.

“Wait, Chelsea, that’s huge,” she said.

It caught me a little off guard. I guess that is a lot. As we kept on talking about these friendships of mine that had dissolved I realized something. Each time one of those women walked out of my life a little piece of my heart broke. They were people I had loved fully and deeply.

I thought I was over it. I thought I was healed…I mean, after all, I had written multiple blog posts about these friend “break-ups” so I’d dealt with it already right? Sadly, wrong. There is so much work to be done. Because I found that they have made me afraid of loving a friend in the same way again.

It didn’t make me afraid to love fully in my romantic relationship because with Domi I feel safe. I feel secure. He is actually the first relationship in my life where I haven’t been afraid that he’s going to leave or felt a need to hold on tightly because I have a calm about me when it comes to him. He doesn’t make me feel insecure or like if I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing one time it’s over. Sadly, in many of my friendships, I have felt that way. So, sometimes I hold on too tight. Sometimes I am like a vice-grip, but in my mind, I have good reason to feel that way because time and again when I am truly myself I have had people I love walk away.

Does that mean I stop being myself? Absolutely not. It just means I wait and have faith that the people who will love me just as I am will show up.

As I write this, I realized I’m not ready to forgive these friends just yet. I’m just not. And that’s okay. Maybe tomorrow I will. For now, I honor this new feeling. I used to have a hard time listening to friends talking about struggling to love again after a breakup and I didn’t understand. I said, “but you have to love again! You’re going to be fine”. It wasn’t until now that I truly grasped what it feels like for your heart to be raw and to want to protect it at all costs because it hurts like hell when people leave your life—even when it’s for the best. And it’s not always going to be easy to forgive them right away, or maybe even for a few years. But there will come a day when we will be able to forgive and love again in the same way we did before. I refuse to not let my heart love to the fullest and I refuse to stop myself from experiencing what it’s like to love and be loved by a friend.

Heartbreak of any kind is hard. And healing takes time. That’s why they put casts on broken bones…because they don’t heal overnight and neither should we expect our hearts to do the same. We need to allow them the space to feel let down and angry and hurt and wronged. We need to let our hearts know it is okay to be broken because in the broken bits we learn and grow into the people we become and those are beautiful people. That the shattered bits of our love won’t last forever. Slowly, and surely each piece will get glued back together and our hearts will love with reckless abandon as they are built to do and each time they are broken they can heal. Our heart is a muscle. Muscles heal. Your heart can heal no matter how many times it’s been beaten down or made to feel insignificant. But to me, a world in which I am not allowed to love to my fullest extent is not a world I want to live in.

Friends, I’m scared. I’m scared to love and that’s something you never hear me say. But it’s the truth. My heart has been broken many times and I have not given it adequate time to heal because I’ve “worked through it,” and I’ve “let it go” when deep down I know I haven’t.

I finally understand in all of those romcoms when someone says, “I will always love you, but I can’t be with you.” I thought it was so cheesy, but I think sometimes it’s the truth. There will be some people we will always love. And they will not be the people that are healthy to be with or be around. And I believe that even if we love them forever we can get over the heartbreak they have caused and love again. Because we are built to love. And the right people are out there waiting for our brand of love.

No, my heartbreak cannot be fixed by writing posts, but it’s a start.

To my friends that have broken pieces of my heart,

I will probably always love you and there will likely always be a piece of my heart that will be yours, but the good news for me is that my heart is infinite and you have a piece that does not subtract from my ability to give and receive love with other people. And maybe in time, I will forgive you. I’m just not quite there yet. What I will do is I will sit down and be grateful for all of the incredible friends I have in my life. I will manifest more relationships that make me feel whole, and wanted and secure again. And I will tell those that I love that I love them every freaking day because I want them to know it and screw it if it’s too much. I know I mean it and that’s all that matters.

Bottom line:

1) Heartbreak isn’t cured overnight

2) You still have the capacity to love no matter how many times your heart has been broken

3) Writing letters to those that have hurt you that you won’t (or maybe you will) send is helpful in the healing process…it gave me the permission to be angry, which I sometimes struggle with. And feel free to be brutally honest on the page and burn it later no one needs to read it

4) It’s not helpful to force yourself to forgive or let go before you’re ready. Take your time—healing from heartbreak isn’t a sprint (although I sure wish it could be—maybe sometimes it will be…just let your heart have the experience it needs and be honest with yourself)

My heart may be broken, but my heart is stronger than the pain that’s been inflicted upon it.

All heartbreak is hard. But we were built to conquer and heal from hard things.

I love you. I mean it. XOXO, CAMDW

Give Where You Feel Passionate

Wed, 18 Nov 2020 01:58:52 GMT

It’s nearing the holidays and I can feel the giving spirit in the air!!! This is a time of year where we are hopefully feeling grateful for what we have and are taking the opportunity to spread that gratitude by giving to others.

This year in particular I feel a very special connection to giving as I co-founded a non-profit with some fantastic people in my life and it’s become more apparent to me now than ever before how important it is to find where in the world you can make a difference. I believe it’s important not just to give for giving’s sake (although it’s still awesome), but to give in an area where you feel passionate and deeply moved by a cause and want to make the change.

I believe we can be most effective in creating change in our world by finding where we feel passionate about making change. What is that for you? What are you inspired to change? I can’t wait to hear all about what inspires you most to give and make a change in our world!!

I am so excited and proud to be moving forward along the path of my passion and change with Dance In Color and I am beyond grateful for your support in whatever form feels best for you. Feel free to check out our website danceincolor.com, follow us on Instagram @dance_in_color, or like us on Facebook @danceincolor. We can’t wait to hear from you! For questions or more information feel free to email us at admin@danceincolor.com.

I Guess We Need a Day to Be Kind?

Sat, 14 Nov 2020 02:02:04 GMT

Did you know today is World Kindness Day? I didn’t until very recently…when I also realized we have a day for literally everything…including grilled cheese. But World Kindness Day piqued my interest.

A) I found it kind of sad that we needed a day to remind us to be kind

B) It’s nice to have a whole day to focus on being kind or as a reminder to be kind for the rest of the year.

The first thing I did when I learned that it’s World Kindness Day is looked up the definition of kindness because I find there are so many words we use every day that we don’t know the true definition of. According to the google machine, kindness is defined as, “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” Kindness is more than just being nice. Kindness implies genuine care for someone else, which I think is quite special.

It also got me thinking about a time when someone did something really kind for me. Immediately my mind went to our friends, Keith and Lauren. They are hands down some of the kindest and most considerate people I know. Last year when someone broke into our house and we were busy patching up the glass and crying over the invasion of privacy we felt, our doorbell rang. We weren’t expecting anyone, and as we were a bit shell shocked both Domi and I jumped. Having become very security conscious in the days following the break-in before we opened the door we checked our security camera. Much to our surprise Keith and Lauren were standing on the other side of the door. We were totally taken aback. They lived over an hour away and we hadn’t planned anything. We couldn’t figure out what they were doing there. After we finally got over the shock of the surprise visit we came to our senses long enough to realize we should probably open the door for our friends.

“We brought you some cookies,” They said in unison.

They handed them over, we hugged them and then they turned to go.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“We didn’t want to bother you, we just figured you guys must feel pretty shaken up and we wanted to bring you something to say we’re thinking about you,” Keith said.

“Are you kidding? Get inside! Please at least stay and hang out for a little bit!” Domi answered.

It was so very kind of them. So beyond thoughtful. They drove over an hour just to show us they were thinking about us. I cried…no real shocker there…I couldn’t remember the last time I had gone so out of my way to do something like that for someone else. I was deeply touched.

Their kindness made me want to be more kind. Their thoughtfulness made me feel so grateful and because of them I started to find more ways to make other people feel as cared for and loved as Keith and Lauren had made us feel.

Being kind is more than just being nice. Being kind makes other people feel loved and taken care of, even if it’s a small random act of kindness that takes two seconds—in those two seconds you’ve likely inspired someone else to go out of their way to be kind.

Kindness is exponential. Even when you’re kind to someone and it goes unrecognized…which sometimes it just will—you can still feel good about the decision you made to be kind.

I have never regretted being kind to anyone in my life and conversely I have never wished I had been less kind to someone. Kindness costs you nothing and can make a world of difference.

So, today, on World Kindness Day, I hope we can all remember to be kind and to keep it up for at least the next 365 days and keep it going for as long as possible. And even if we occasionally forget and do something unkind there is always the possibility of starting over, apologizing, or choosing to do something filled with kindness in the coming moments.

In case you need somewhere to start, I’ve compiled a list of some acts of kindness I imagine would make people feel pretty darn good…most of them cost nothing to do:

1) Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and genuinely ask them how they’re doing

2) Pick something up that someone has dropped…or because it’s corona-times at least let them know they have dropped something

3) Pay for someone’s coffee in the drive-thru line

4) Write a handwritten card or letter and mail it to someone

5) Flip over a penny that’s tails up to heads up for the next person that walks by (use a tissue and hand sanitizer please)

6) Reach out to a friend and support them—let them know that you are proud of them, or happy for them. Only do this if you genuinely mean it.

7) Buy flowers or a card randomly for your spouse, friend, or roommate

8) If someone you know is working hard on something support them in it. Ask them how you can help or give them a little bit of your time and energy.

9) If you say you’re going to do something, do it. It sounds like that’s not an act of kindness, but in a world where so many of us exercise so little follow-through, it will mean more than you realize.

But remember, we’re not doing this for the accolades, if your kindness goes unnoticed then you just need to know in your heart of hearts you can feel good about your choices to be kind to someone.

It doesn’t take a whole lot to be kind, but it can mean the world. Small opportunities will present themselves all the time. So, let’s take hold of them and enjoy every minute of kindness we can eke out of our day. Happy World Kindness Day friends, I love you. XOXOX, CAMD

Slow Cooker Using Puppy Parent

Wed, 11 Nov 2020 02:05:51 GMT

As a kid I rarely fit in with my peer group, I mostly hung around adults. I never wanted the kids’ menu and I had a shockingly mature palate and sense about me. Conversely, the first time I ever sat down to code my credit card and pay my bills a strong feeling of imposter syndrome took over. I felt like a child in an adult’s body. I have simply never felt my age.

But that’s when I realized what a construct age is. It’s a number that rarely equates to what you’re feeling on the inside, so I’m trying this new idea of cross-pollination. I am bringing a childlike sense into my adulthood. I am finding the capacity to be both serious and silly. I am allowing myself the space to enjoy both the grocery shopping and daydreaming of Disneyland.

We don’t have to pick either/or, we can bring both/and into our life because each moment requires a different part of us to take the main stage and we should at the very least allow ourselves the space to incorporate every age inside of us in our daily life.

Happy day, Friends, I love you! XOXO, CAMDW

Back Up Off My Label Please

Sat, 07 Nov 2020 02:09:29 GMT

Labels. Love them, hate them—they ain’t going anywhere. We are experts in labeling and putting people in pretty little boxes that make us feel safe and warm about ourselves and others. So, I’ve decided that if we are going to continue to label each other and ourselves in one category or another we should, at the very least get to define what those labels mean to us because NEWSFLASH: only we get to decide who we are and who we want to be and what that means. And NEWSFLASH NUMBER TWO: through redefining our labels we hold the keys to our inner power and accessing our self-worth.

Maybe this is old hat for you, or maybe you have never thought about redefining what it means to be a wife, mother, executive, father, flower smeller, home cook, or anything of the like. Take a label that you love and wear it with your very own definition with pride.

Here’s the exercise in case you missed it:

1) Take time to write out every role in life you feel you fill

2) Then pick some of those that you find the most key in your life and really think about and flush out what your definition of that label is

3) Every time you question how you are fulfilling your roles in life go back to your meaning of the word, and know you don’t have to be excellent at it all, all the time. You will have to pick and choose sometimes because we are not superheroes we are just incredible people living a full human experience and who you bring to the table is beautiful every day in every form.

I love you. All I ask is that you dare to be yourself as often as you humanly can. XOXOX, CAMDW

Your Route Is Being Calculated

Fri, 06 Nov 2020 02:34:34 GMT

I was always the girl that knew exactly what her life was going to be. I was going to go to school and study theater, then move to New York. I would be on Broadway, then I’d meet the love of my life and then I would come back to LA and settle in my hometown and have babies and become all domestic and then of course I would book a sitcom and that was exactly what life was going to be. I mean it was planned, that meant it was supposed to happen, right? I was planning, planning, always planning. Everyone else around me felt like they were flailing, but nope, not me! I was planning and sure and if I had a plan, nothing could go wrong.

I know you all know the end of this story already. Of course my plan did not go to plan or I would currently be belting my face off on a stage somewhere in NYC and thankfully, because it didn’t all work out the way I thought it would I learned about the gift that is loving to reinvent myself.

I graduated college, I came back to LA…first alteration I needed to make in my plan. I started auditioning and I hated it…uhoh…that’s a problem if literally the life of an actor is auditioning, so, my plan needed to be edited further. I tried real estate and while I’ve stuck with it as a means to make money, I kept searching for what felt good to do every day in life. I thought about philanthropy, I mean what can be more giving, than running a non-profit organization? I planned all of two philanthropic events when I realized that was definitely not my cup of tea. Then I thought it would be a dream to own a performing arts complex. I worked for about a solid month on an in-depth business plan when I realized it was totally not meant to be my thing. Each time I decided I was going to try something new I threw myself head in. I told myself just go for it. I was sure it was going to be my thing and then when it wasn’t my thing I had to learn not to judge myself for not continuing. I had to learn to look at all the avenues I’d tried and refuse to see a graveyard of failures or think that I didn’t try hard enough and I had to remember to not beat myself up for wanting to find something that made me truly happy in a vocation.

I just kept reinventing myself and with every new me I learned something and I got closer to finding my calling. I don’t try something with the intention of stopping or with what other people refer to as “quitting,” I try something with the intention that it will succeed above all else and I dedicate myself to it for as long as it feels good and when it doesn’t feel good anymore, I stop. Dive in, not fun, get out of the water and dive in from a different angle. I have exhausted my family with new ideas, wanting them to go all in and believe whole-heartedly with me and bless them, they do every time. I told my friends about these plans as if they were sure things, because to me they were, until they weren’t anymore. This doesn’t mean that every time I hit a wall or something challenges me I stop, it means that when the not-so-fun things outweigh the fun things I reroute and reinvent.

Some people may call this a quarter life crisis…I call this almost every other Tuesday. There is no shame in finding that something you thought was supposed to be your be-all and end-all isn’t anymore. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up or that you’re a sell-out; it means you’re starting something new and what’s more fun than a fresh start?

People will want to put you in a box. They will want to say, “but what are you?” And I will say, “Today I am a writer. Today I am having fun and seeing what else seems fun.” And when something seems fun I dive in. I give it my all and hope that one of these times when I dive in I won’t want to get out of the water. It will feel so good. Sometimes it will feel like treading water, sometimes it will feel like the water is silk, but the water will be so enjoyable that even amidst the choppy waves it will still feel better to be in the water rather than out of the water. (Should I say water one more time? Okay…water.)

The first time the reroute is always the toughest. It was the hardest to justify to myself. I felt like I had to explain myself to others. Why wasn’t I going to continue? Was I going to try again in the future? Then I realized I didn’t have to answer these questions. I don’t have to explain. Maybe I will go back to it, maybe not, I’m not really sure. I just didn’t want to do it at this moment and for the foreseeable future. I wanted to try something else. And then something else and then something else and eventually I will find the Cinderella slipper that fits so beautifully I’ll never take it off. Or maybe I will continue to reinvent myself my entire life as things come and go and life changes. Life is wonky, not straightforward and it’s a lot easier if you take the pressure off of yourself. There is no one you were “supposed to be,” just who you are now and in this moment. Just who you wake up and want to be. There will be mistakes and missteps and confusion on this yellow brick road to Oz, but then you’re in Oz! And even then the Emerald City isn’t what you thought it would look like, but it’s beautiful in its very own way.

You are not stuck. You can do anything you feel like. Yes, packing up and leaving the life you thought you were “supposed to have” is a massive challenge. But after you’ve done it a few times around, it gets easier. You learn to travel lighter. To hold on to only the stuff that feels good. To carry the relationships with you that bring you joy and light. Be just like the little British lady inside the navigation system and give yourself permission to reroute (and if you’re like my google maps you’re doing it all the damn time). It doesn’t matter how many times you do it. It doesn’t matter what other peoples’ ideas regarding success are, what matters is that you wake up in the morning and the good stuff outweighs the negative stuff and on the days where that’s flip-flopped you know it’s temporary. You’re good honey. You’re all set. You have everything you need to reach inside and find what’s calling you and if it’s not what you thought you came out of the womb to be, how cool is that? You fooled us all.

Happy Tuesday friends! To things that serve you and make life enjoyable. Like cups of tea. Have a wonderful day xoxoxo

Breathe. Vote. Breathe.

Wed, 04 Nov 2020 02:12:31 GMT

It’s election day so I won’t take up too much of your time here, but there are some things I think we need to just remind ourselves today.

VOTE!

The American flag belongs to everyone in this country…one side or the other does not get to claim it

Take deep breaths

Don’t watch election results with people whom you know it won’t be pleasant

If it’s triggering to you STAY OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Do what’s best for your mental health

Let’s lead with love and kindness

That is all. I love you. We are in this together. XOXOX, CAMDW

Scary Honesty in Service of Growth

Sat, 31 Oct 2020 01:15:52 GMT

Authority. Some of us have it, some of us don’t. Some are afraid of it, some rebel against it, some want anything and any way to gain it. And many of us, myself included, have a complicated relationship with it.

I used to work in a customer service industry. The client was always right and I consistently felt like a punching bag no matter how hard I tried. Then I left that business and became the client. I thought this would be so much easier. I went from working for people to people working for me. I am acutely aware of how it felt to work for someone, give them my all, and then be put down no matter how hard I worked. I never wanted anyone working for me or with me to feel this way, but then I went to the other extreme. I started not being able to tell people when I was frustrated with their work or their timeline, and I still looked at those providing services for me as people to appease. (#peoplepleaserworkingonit)

One thing will never change. I will always go out of my way to be kind. I don’t need to yell or scream to get my point across, but when I am working with someone it doesn’t help either of us if I’m dishonest with my feelings about their work, or if I don’t speak up when something frustrates me or isn’t what I expected. That just makes for short-lived, frustrating, and disappointing work relationships that never reach their full beautiful potential.

As I was coming to terms with my new position as an authority figure and running my own business I watched myself completely shut people down before they could even get started because I was so afraid of ever having to tell them I was unhappy with their work. I accidentally got honesty confused with a lack of kindness.

I was on a coaching call with my personal brand facilitator, Kim. I told her that I had incorporated a new social media company into my team and I was really excited. I also told her that I had guidelines. I proceeded to list everything I didn’t want them to do and exactly how I wanted the job to be done. I went on and on about all the things I was sure before we had even begun, that I was going to be frustrated with in the future and I wanted to lay out exactly in great detail what I expected of them.

After I stopped talking, about eight minutes later, Kim asked me, “Chelsea, what is it that you’re feeling?”

My knee jerk response was, “Nothing, it’s all good, I’m just getting prepared.” But knowing Kim wouldn’t accept that, I took a deep breath and worked through the thoughts swarming my mind. She sat patiently, or at least that’s what I imagined, on the other end waiting for me to respond. I took a deep breath.

“I’m afraid I’m losing control,” I said.

I had started to use my authority as a shield. I was so afraid that in the future I may have to talk about this new company about things I wasn’t 100% happy with, afraid of having to be honest about my feelings, and I was so afraid of relinquishing a part of the control of my brand to someone else, I had found fifteen ways from Sunday to cut off their creativity before they could even begin. I was…okay, we’re being honest here, I still am afraid of this change.

When you’re on the precipice of something new when you’re growing something faster than you ever thought it would grow you have to start asking for help so that you can continue to grow instead of hindering yourself or selling yourself short. But it’s scary. It’s scary when you have something you’ve worked so hard on that’s just yours. It’s scary to try something new, to let other people in, who are authorities in their own right—in business or in relationships. But if we cut people off before they even have a chance to get going we will never know what could be. We won’t ever have the pleasure of seeing our fledgling of a dream grow into a great soaring bird because we’re so afraid to

1) ask for help and

2) relinquish some control in service of growth.

Having authority is hard and a delicate balance. Relinquishing control can be frightening, but is ultimately opening up your world to so much more, and guess what? If you go ahead and relinquish some control and it doesn’t go the way you planned you can always change, reroute, and start over.

Nothing is fixed or set in stone. I’m learning the balance between maintaining kindness, giving people creative control, and making sure my needs are met in both working and personal relationships. We’re walking a tightrope friends, but what else are tightropes really made for if not to conquer something amazing when you’re able to get all the way across one?

Here’s to taking chances, being kind, and working on control issues. I love you, have a wonderful day. XOXOX, CAMDW.

There Is No Putting Toothpaste Back In the Tube

Wed, 28 Oct 2020 01:20:46 GMT

I would love to sit up here on my little soap box and proselytize my beliefs. I would love to be able to do that and still call myself an open person, but I am no longer sure that that is the most effective way to change hearts and minds and build a more unified future.

So, instead, I will leave you with this. And for the love of all that is good an pure freaking think before you speak. Deal? Cool.

I strive every day to expand use of unconditional love and to truly and fully grasp what it means to love without conditions. I question myself every day. I catch myself in the act of not loving unconditionally all the dang time, but I will keep striving to do so, every damn day.

Take-Out Menus Became My Nemesis

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 01:23:54 GMT

It comes as no surprise to most people that I have control issues…mostly because I talk about having them all the time. Control issues are all about a fear of something going out of control (obvi) and fear of the unknown. So, basically, COVID-times are a nightmare for anyone with control issues laced with anxiety because we have no freaking clue what tomorrow, let alone next year, will look like.

I got on the phone with my daddy the other day as I hiked up my perpetual hill on the treadmill, and he sounded low, which is rare for Daddy…especially when I’m on the other end of the phone. He always thinks I can’t tell when something is off…he’s wrong. I asked him what was the matter and the first two times he brushed me off. “I’m fine honey, just on my way to work.” Daddy never wants me to worry or think that everything isn’t perfect. To him, I am still his little girl with whom he doesn’t want to burden his thoughts, feelings, and problems. What he doesn’t realize though are thoughts, feelings, and working through problems are my bread and butter. So, I tried one last time.

“Okay, Daddy, something is up. Why don’t you just tell me what it is?”

“I guess I’m just low. I’m sick of not knowing anything right now…in politics, in knowing what the future will look like, just in everything. Nothing is the same anymore.”

You might think that Daddy, as someone who has had all of his power stripped away while spending time in a federal prison camp, would be someone used to feeling powerless, but the funny thing about powerlessness is that every time we see or feel our power being taken away it’s like reopening an old wound, but it somehow feels new and different every time. I’m not sure why.

Control issues are also about making sure there is no situation in which we feel powerless, but never feeling powerless is not an option. It’s not just my daddy that’s struggling right now. I am working with a dietician on how to feel more comfortable around food and making decisions that will best fuel my body and are not made out of fear of what the food will do to my body. This work is really hard for me. Every week she gives me recipes, several for each meal of the day, and every week I make all of them because I know they have the right proportions and because I can trust that they will be good fuel for my body. On my latest call with my dietician, she said, “Chelsea you are making every single recipe I give you. Usually, my clients will make one a week, if I’m lucky.”

“Really? I mean you gave me the recipes why wouldn’t I make them all? I’m a good student and you’re a good teacher, I’m just following what you’re giving me.”

She then made this suggestion, “Chelsea, this week, why don’t we work on flexibility? Order in if you want to, make whatever you’re feeling in the moment, there doesn’t need to be some big ‘to do’ around an exact recipe.”

Much to her surprise, I started to cry. She had pushed the button I bury deep down in my control issues…flexibility. Flexibility scares me. If I order in I can’t control what they’re putting in. If I don’t have a plan I may not do it all perfectly. (Oh, did I mention control issues usually come with a solid dose of perfectionism?) “I’m scared,” I said.

To most people, it may sound strange that I am afraid of a take-out menu…especially when I’m a person that loves food so much. But I have also become really rigid and controlling around my diet because as things all around me are changing it’s all I feel I have control over.

What I am sure about is that feeling powerless can be crippling and we are all experiencing an element of powerlessness right now, and many of us may be trying to find some way to control something to feel less out of power. For some of us feeling powerless might be new, for other it may be a feeling we are more than used to, but either way, it feels like the world or the country or our own minds are failing us, we feel lost, and confused, and there seems no good place to go for legitimate information, which can spiral us into more fear and crippling depression. It’s easy to feel helpless and like the world is a lost cause, and it’s important to feel those feelings fully and appreciate their depth, and then it’s equally as important to encourage our minds and bodies to climb out of the whirlpool. It’s not easy, but there are some things we can do that bit by bit will stop the tornado in our mind for long enough to find moments of peace.

When I feel powerless and afraid, I turn to these tools, usually in this order (you can jump around if time pressure is an issue):

1. Stop and take some deep breaths

2. Think about what I’m grateful for

3. Journal on my perspective and then shift my perspective as much as I can

4. Workout/get outside/get some exercise…endorphins are real!!!

5. Remember what you can control—enter my friend, the serenity prayer, “God/The Universe/Insert your favorite higher power here grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the ability to know the difference.” THIS. ON REPEAT.

Our lives have always been filled with the unknown and with elements of powerlessness in one way or another, but in these times it has become acutely apparent how quickly meaningful things in our life can be taken away. Loved ones. Freedom. Family. Friends. Choice. Jobs. Smiles. It is scary out there, friends, and the line to healing and feeling powerful isn’t straight and narrow, it’s long, winding, confusing, and sometimes has you walking in the wrong direction entirely, but what’s important is finding moments where we can step away from this fear even just long enough to inhale and exhale peacefully for thirty seconds.

I crafted this list for myself and for those in my life who have been afraid and unsure of how to move forward. We all have an opportunity to choose how it is we feel in every moment and it’s okay to choose to feel powerless and to feel it fully, as long as you know your power is right there waiting to be picked up and taken back whenever you feel ready even if that power feels different than it did before. And fear is there to be put down and put in perspective. Fear will always exist, but what we choose to do with it is something within our control.

I love you, my friends. I am scared, and anxious, and excited, and joyful, and powerful, and powerless all at the same time and that is truly okay and acceptable for me and it is for you too. XOXOX, CAMDW.

What to Do When What You Do Isn’t Everything.

Wed, 21 Oct 2020 01:28:00 GMT

We all have so many roles that we fulfill in life. Like more than you realize you have. Seriously take a moment and think of some of the roles you have or the labels you give yourself…there’s a bunch, right? (Wife, daughter, puppy mom, writer, speaker, traveler, home cook…those are some of mine just to get you started.) However, sometimes I think we start to wrap our entire identity in one singular role that we play, when in reality that is only one faction of our life. One of those factions that always comes to mind for me is what we do for work.

Of course how you make a living or what you’re passionate about is incredibly important, and it certainly can be all-consuming, especially when you love what you do. But what happens when you connect your entire identity to only a portion of the beautiful human you are? What happens if you lose your job? Or retire? Or what happens if you’re a performer or an artist and there’s all of the sudden a global pandemic and your whole identity feels lost because who you are became what you do and you are unable to do what you do in the way you are used to doing it? (Should I say do again? Okay. Do. You’re welcome.)

It’s not about disassociating with that portion of your identity, it’s about a wider lens and an understanding that you are more than just any one portion of yourself, even when you love what you do. Here are some of my musings on how this has taken effect for me…

Can Openers Really Do Slow Me Down

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 01:36:48 GMT

I very commonly am running at about a million miles per minute. I think a part of that comes from not wanting to deal with/think about things going on in the world or fears that I have and a part of it is always that damn proving my worth.

As the tornado of my mind speeds up so do my actions and I start running carelessly through life. I become absent in everything I’m doing and my mind is always attempting and consistently failing to be in more than one place at once. When I speed up I make careless mistakes and sometimes even injure myself—like today. I was running so fast I cut my silly little finger and while it really was barely bigger than a papercut I’m a big weenie and fingers bleed a lot so I’ve been annoyed by it pretty much non-stop since it happened and super aggravated with myself that I let it happen in the first place. I said to Domi as I wrapped a band-aid around my sad little finger, “Why did I do this? This is so stupid!” To which he replied,

“Um, Baby, I’m pretty sure you didn’t do it on purpose.”

That’s for damn sure, but I could tell it was one of those things that if I had been thinking rationally and present at the moment I could’ve prevented it. And it got me thinking—this time it’s a small cut, but tomorrow it could be something worse if I don’t take the time to get present. So, it’s time to start focusing and getting my mind in the same place where my body is.

When I notice myself spiraling and speeding up and I chose to do something about it I have a few options. I can take time to meditate, or, just take a few deep breaths, or journal, or talk it out with someone I love. These are all grounding activities to me, but they may not work for you. We are unique beings each with individual needs, so take your time and find your way to bring yourself back to the present moment. What seems to work for you? I am super curious. I’m always looking for more ways to bring me back to center.

I love you, I wish you the happiest of days and I am sending big, big slow hugs. XOXO, CAMDW.

Celebrating is Not a Four-Letter Word…Literally

Fri, 18 Sep 2020 20:25:25 GMT

It’s such a weird time right now and sometimes it doesn’t feel like there is anything to celebrate. The funny thing about my family though is that we always seem to keep celebrating even the tiniest things. We are a family of over-sharers and perhaps also a family of over-celebrators. In these really tough, confusing, sad, and complicated times, it’s important to not stop celebrating even the tiniest of wins. Did the barista at your local coffee shop remember your name? Win. Go celebrate. Was the air cool enough that going for a walk in your neighborhood with a mask on was remotely comfortable? Such a big win. Go celebrate.

Sometimes we will want to celebrate, but we will feel like we shouldn’t. The world is suffering right now. That is absolutely true. But you will not negate the world’s suffering, nor will anyone think you are less empathetic because you’re taking time to find your wins and celebrate them in any way you can fathom. And if someone does think it’s weird, then let that person go and find someone new to celebrate (likely virtually) with. We don’t need to rub our mini-celebrations in people’s faces, but we can enjoy ourselves and feel positive and without anyone really knowing why it will be uplifting. And we need to feel uplifted whenever we have the chance for as long as it lasts.

It is not all unicorns and rainbows. I totally understand that. There are days where celebrating feels wrong and on those days you don’t have to. Listen to what it is that you need. That is the most important and if you have a tiny little spark inside where something made you feel good and it makes you want to get in your car and blast your favorite song give yourself permission to enjoy and have a mini-celebration with yourself. Positive energy does not mean we don’t know that collectively the human race is struggling and some much more terribly than others, but putting out good positive energy when you feel drawn to do so will only help uplift you and others.

Whatever wins you are finding in this world right now deserve to be thoroughly enjoyed. Earlier this week I sat in my car crying at the grocery store and couldn’t get it together about the state of the world and an overwhelming sadness pervaded my entire day. Then yesterday, I had the opportunity to catch up with not one, but two amazing friends. Things change on a dime and it made me feel like celebrating. It’s going to ebb and flow. You aren’t going to feel like celebrating all the time, but when you run into something or someone that makes your heart do a little happy dance—run with it and enjoy by basking in the feeling. Or in any way you feel fits.

Just in case you aren’t sure anymore what qualifies as something to celebrate, here’s a nice little starter list:

1) You made it through an entire day

2) Someone called you out of the blue

3) You passed a test

4) You cooked something and it didn’t burn

5) Something you’ve been waiting for, for a long time finally came to fruition

6) You cried and it felt really freaking good because you just let yourself experience your emotions

7) You met a cute dog on the street

8) You had a whole day where you didn’t have to make any major decisions

9) Someone you know loves you back

10) It’s your birthday!

11) It’s your pet’s birthday!

12) It’s your first day of work

13) Someone made you feel good

14) You made someone feel good

It’s the small stuff friends and it’s so worth appreciating and feels so good to revel in it I can’t even tell you. When the feeling arises go with it and go on a mini-wave of enjoyment. It will leave you feeling like you can conquer whatever is next and coming your way, even if only for five minutes.

And…In case you need a list of ways to celebrate because it’s hard to come up with them these days…here you go:

1) Dance around in your kitchen

2) Sing your favorite song using a hairbrush as a microphone

3) Call someone and tell them you love them

4) Snuggle an animal

5) Get/make your favorite kind of coffee or tea drink

6) Eat cake and ice cream all by your damn self and enjoy it

7) Put your pj’s on and watch your favorite tv show (popcorn optional, but recommended)

8) Do something kind for someone else

9) Make a donation to an important cause

I love you. You are worth celebrating every day. And celebrating a lot doesn’t make big celebrations less special, it makes them even more special. If you need someone to give it to you, you have full permission to enjoy yourself regardless of what’s going on in the world if you feel like it. Fly. Be free and celebrate. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW.

I Know Now That I Want the Chicken, I Love You, And I’m Going to Do What’s Best for Me.

Tue, 15 Sep 2020 20:29:30 GMT

My face when someone asks me what I want for dinner/when I am trying to make a big decision…

Making decisions is hard for me. I have a hard time moving forward when I don’t feel like everyone I know and love is on my side and is 100% on board. Well, the thing is, I have a lot of people I know and love and the likelihood that we’re ALL always going to be on the same page is pretty unlikely.

The bottom line is when it is my life that I’m making a decision about and I know in my gut how I need to move forward the opinions and agreement of others needs to take a backseat. Thank you, Dad for helping me figure that out today. (My Dad is freaking awesome by the way…)

So, I encourage you to ask yourself two questions when you’re making a decision that I am now employing as I move forward with big decision making:

Who am I doing this for?

What matters more to me? Listening to what I know to be true in my heart? Or making other people happy?

Most importantly remember that a disagreement with your decision by people you love does not equate with a loss of love.

Happy day friends, I am sending lots of love and hugs and easy decisions. I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

My Accidental Preference for a Hamster Wheel of Stress

Fri, 11 Sep 2020 20:33:04 GMT

I have not been sleeping very well lately. But in particular, a few days ago it had been rough. Our alarm went off at six am and it felt like the middle of the night. I had this nagging cough I could not shake (don’t worry I’ve been tested, it’s not COVID) and it made me so beyond frustrated as I laid awake night after night unable to sleep. This particular morning, I forced myself out of bed. I let the dog out into the yard and started making the coffee in a sleepy stupor. Domi walked into the kitchen and looked at me as I stood with my head resting on my arms waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. Willing the warm brown liquid to move faster through the filter and into my cup.

“Baby, why don’t you go back to sleep?” Domi asked.

“I can’t. I have way too much to do.” I replied.

He looked at me empathetically and pulled out two mugs and our respective kinds of milk. I went through my day just barely functioning I was so tired. Around two o’clock in the afternoon, I returned home. “I’m just going to take a quick nap for twenty minutes, okay?” I told Domi.

As I started walking towards the bedroom, he caught my arm, in the most loving way, and pleaded with me, “Chelsea, you’re exhausted. Just go and sleep. Don’t set a timer. You have no deadlines that weren’t created by anyone but yourself. Just sleep. You’ll be better off tomorrow and more productive the rest of the week if you just take some time for yourself today.”

He was right. I was trying so hard to keep pushing through, but why? After a long nap and several hours of soul searching I came to the conclusion that I have always known was lurking in the background. I very often push through my exhaustion and refuse to rest because I am still, regardless of the work I’ve been telling others to do, obsessed with proving my worth.

Especially since I started working for myself this fear of mine has kicked into high gear—that since I am not making money at this moment, there is nothing to quantify the work that I’m doing and therefore people may see it and therefore me, as worthless. They may think that I don’t work “as hard” as my husband or my Daddy or everyone else in my life because my hours or my monetary gain looks different.

I talk about wanting inner peace, but when I have the opportunity to access it, do I really want it? If someone handed me the easy button to inner peace, would I even take it? Am I afraid of losing my chaos? Do I define myself by my ability to run a million miles a minute even when it is to my detriment? Would slowing down feel like a loss of my identity?

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think a lot of people talk about wanting inner peace, but when they are given the opportunity to access peace they would rather tirelessly work to prove just how much they can do by being tired and stressed because it’s easier than letting go.

Changing your perception of yourself and who you show yourself to be to the world is no easy feat. However, if on the other side of that is being able to be comfortable with who you are and the life you live isn’t it worth fighting yourself for?

I know in my heart of hearts that I am enough. I know that I am productive enough. I know this intellectually, but there is a disconnect between my intellect and my fears. Or maybe my fears are preying on my intellect.

My friends, to me, this is the hardest lesson that exists…to stop trying to prove to ourselves that we are enough, and to be okay adapting our vision of ourselves to create a healthier version, but I think this may be the most important lesson of all. If you need someone to hold you accountable let that person be me and goodness knows please hold me accountable. It’s okay to take a breath. It’s okay to need time…even when there isn’t a global pandemic. Ask yourself what you really and truly want–to continue trying to prove your worth or to give in to the peace that is beyond. I don’t have an easy button for this, but deciding in each moment where your worth comes into question that you want to choose peace is a good start.

I love you, I’m hugging you, have a wonderful weekend. XOXOX, CAMDW

Productivity in the Time of Corona

Tue, 08 Sep 2020 20:36:22 GMT

“Mommy, are you done and can we play now pretty please with cherries on top?” -Mozart Von Domsky

I was sitting at the dining room table getting work done. Things were moving slower than I expected and I noticed our puppy, Moe, starting to get a little antsy. He’s a high energy little dude and sometimes when I go too long without playing with him or taking him for a walk his energy busts out in not-so-cute ways…actually it comes out in absolutely destructive ways.

He and I play the least fun game ever, daily, for about an hour where I will keep saying, “Just let me finish one more email!” And he will persist in finding my favorite thing in the room and chewing it to bits as his way to say, “No, Mom, I’m your baby, pay attention to me.” I don’t love this game. I don’t really think Moe does either.

I turned around just in time to watch Moe tear apart my notebook. “Ugh! Moe, come on!! I just needed ten more minutes!” I was trying to get a dog to understand my human schedule and responsibilities. He looked at me, cocked his head and walked to the back door. I was absolutely pissed off at my dog as I went outside with him to run around and play for a bit. I was visibly agitated. It must’ve looked ridiculous. Moe running around like he was in heaven, me red in the face aggressively tossing a rope toy. My mind kept running over my to do list as I chased him around the yard. After five minutes I started really freaking out, if he keeps interrupting me like this, how am I ever going to get anything done? I thought.

Here’s the deal. When I have the “time” I actually adore playing with Moe. I love watching his cute little face all aglow as he chases his ball and bounds around the yard. He’s the sweetest, but when I’m preoccupied thinking about my to do list while we’re playing, neither of us are having fun. So, I did a little reframing…

Our worth is not measured by our productivity, friends. Run wild with your dogs and your babies and reframe and reschedule accordingly. Your to do list will get done.

Here are a few things I’m working on doing to help me with this:

I don’t put everything I know I have to do for the week on one to do list, I have started breaking it up into realistic chunks throughout the week so that I can actually feel like I’m getting somewhere and accomplishing things

I set realistic deadlines for myself when the deadline is my decision

I plan out my day differently. I set aside time for specific breaks, meals, times to do emails versus times to create content or edit. Obviously, your scheduling blocks will look different, but breaking up the day keeps both Moe and I much happier and more fulfilled and accomplished.

When I take a break, I actually TAKE A BREAK. No phone, no emails…or whatever your crux is. I used to think taking a break meant I would stand outside and have a coffee while I continued to answer emails…that is not a break, that is working from a different location while standing up. (Breaks don’t have to be long, but I find making them a legitimate break means that even 5-10 minutes can do the trick.)

Accept that when I don’t complete my to do list I am not a failure or even remotely unproductive…I just didn’t finish my to do list. Whoopdeefreakingdoo.

Happy day, friends. I am sending you love and wishing you much joy and breaks and productivity when and how it makes the most sense for YOU. I love you, XOXOXO, CAMDW

Where Dreaming Meets Manifestation

Fri, 04 Sep 2020 20:40:07 GMT

I was never the most naturally gifted dancer. I was never the best in the class, but man, I was dedicated as all get out. I started dancing when I was three years old teetering around in a mommy and me class…but with my Dad, of course. As I got older I started to try other after school activities like horseback riding, soccer, painting, piano, violin, flute (okay, pretty much every instrument under the sun) and so many others, but as soon as there was a conflict and I had to choose, I always chose dance. It was a no-brainer for me. It was what I loved doing more than anything in the world.

I remember being in class when I was eleven years old where we were being tested to see if our feet were strong enough to wear the most-coveted pointe shoes. When it was my turn, I walked up to the teacher and delicately lifted my heels off of the ground to see if I could maintain a balance on my tippy toes for long enough without signs of weakness. I was so nervous and excited I couldn’t help but shake. However, luckily, I passed. And off I went to the dance store to purchase my very first pair of pointe shoes.

As the years went on I continuously dedicated myself to the craft. I knew I was not going to be a prima ballerina from the time I was an itty bitty, but I still had major dreams. I was determined to play the Sugarplum Fairy in our studio’s annual Nutcracker during my senior year of high school. Before I could get there though I still had years of training to undergo.

One day, when I was in ninth grade, I was standing in line to go across the floor. We were practicing partnering with the only two male dancers at the studio and tensions were high. We were all pretty excited. It felt like the next big step in our dance training. I had partnered with the boys in my flat shoes, but never in my pointe shoes. When it came my turn my teacher, whom I will let go nameless, came up to me and pulled me out of line and loudly said, so that the entire class of my peers could hear, “Chelsea you’re not strong enough to partner, why don’t you sit this one out.”

It was a dagger to my heart. I didn’t understand. I worked just as hard, if not harder than so many of the other dancers in my classes. I felt deflated. For a moment, I let the dream of being the Sugarplum Fairy slip away. Clearly, it wasn’t mine for the taking.

A few days past and I still wasn’t over the fact that I had been told I wasn’t strong enough. My resolve and desire to be the Sugarplum Fairy returned stronger than ever. I approached my parents and told them I needed to come up with a plan to make myself stronger. They obliged. I had another dance teacher that was willing to come over to the house before school to train me three times a week. I would get up at four o’clock in the morning and start my workouts with her. I increased the number of classes I was taking every month. I started working out after class, too.

Around the same time in my life, my Auntie Melanie gave me a beautiful little glass box. She told me that if I wrote down my dreams and put them in that box that it would help me manifest everything I wanted. I wrote down my strong desire to be the Sugarplum Fairy. Two years later the cast list went up for the Nutcracker. Right there, at the top, was my name.

Sugarplum Fairy: Chelsea Montgomery Duban.

I squealed with delight. Years of hard work, practice, and manifestation had turned my dream into a reality. I took that notion of being able to manifest, work hard, and believe in my dreams and turned the process over to something slightly more complicated…finding a life partner.

Inspired by some family friends, I wrote down everything I ever wanted in my perfect (if there is such a thing) person. It was a looooooooong list.

Exhibit A:

It covered everything from personality traits to physical appearance and beyond. I took that list and wrapped it with a bow and put it in a drawer and didn’t look at it again. This time there was no easy solution or goals I could set like—hire a trainer or take more classes. But still, I believed this dream was mine for the taking that I was destined to find a magical unicorn of a human that was able to meet all the criteria I had on my human wish list. Every time I was rejected by someone I took it in stride knowing that they weren’t meant for me. It still hurt like hell, but I always held in the back of my mind that my unicorn wish list was at work and that I just had to trust and believe that my dream would come true and that my person was out there and that it was the Universe’s job to handle the timing. So, I waited and dated. I figured every person I dated that ended up not being my person would lead me closer to my mate and would help me learn something along the way and learn I did.

When I was twenty-two this magical unicorn in the shape of a sweet, kind and may I say hot as hell German guy walked into my parents’ real estate company. We fell madly in love (there’s a nice long story there at some point for anyone who’s willing to listen). Finally, after many years collecting dust in my drawer, I pulled out the list. We read it together. He had everything on there. Well, everything except for blue eyes which I can decidedly live without.

There have been several times in my life where my dreams have collided with my power of manifestation (which by the way, you totally have too). Sometimes dreams are achievable by goal setting and hard work. Sometimes they are completely out of your control and you just have to have some kind of faith that they are yours for the taking. But a willingness to dream is something that has gotten me to where I am today. It has helped me believe that I can create the life I dream of—even with the things that money simply cannot buy.

All I ask is that you give yourself space to dream—even for a minute. Even if you’ve been beaten down or told you cannot. A willingness to dream and pick yourself back up is all you need to start. Then comes the belief in yourself. Then comes the manifestation in any form that speaks to you. Then comes knowing timing is not up to you, but just start with a small willingness to have a dream and believe that dream is yours for the taking the floodgates will open from there.

I love you so much and I hope you have wonderful days ahead of dreaming and manifesting and if you ever get stuck please don’t hesitate to reach out so we can come up with a plan together to move forward. XOXO, CAMDW

Willingness to Dream

Tue, 01 Sep 2020 20:44:20 GMT

When Domi adds fun things to the shopping list…it’s another little way to dream

I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer. Yes, sometimes my head gets stuck in the clouds, but more often than not my dreaming leads to my belief in my ability to achieve. Dreaming isn’t necessarily a solution, but a springboard. A willingness to dream can open you up to possibilities that maybe you believed were beyond your grasp. Dreams my change or dreams may not come to fruition. That is okay. But to stop dreaming would also be to stop believing in yourself. Allowing yourself to dream, even just a little bit can simply get creative juices flowing so that you start to see your world in a different way or it can keep you working towards a goal.

There is no shame in dreaming. There is no shame in believing you deserve the best.

Your life does not necessarily become perfect even when you are living your dreams and that’s okay it doesn’t mean you stop dreaming, as my friend Alex just pointed out to me, “it means you are having a full human experience.” But it would be a sad, sad day if I stopped dreaming or stopped believing I could achieve my dreams.

Happy day friends, I love you and am thinking about you and supporting you in my most important of dreams. XOXO, CAMDW

Owning It and Eating Gravy

Fri, 28 Aug 2020 20:46:21 GMT

I sat in one of the last rows of the bus on the way back from the theater. My Theatre and Society class had just gone to see a show in the City…I have no idea what it was. I was totally distracted. All night I had been hemming and hawing about one singular decision. Do I tell my best friend I am in love with him or not? I’d been thinking about it for a long time, but for some reason that night it felt urgent. I had to do it or I thought I might just explode.

I am not great, nor have I ever been great at not expressing my feelings to people. I wear my heart on my sleeve is a cute way to say it, but does not adequately describe the way I launch my emotions out of myself and into the world daily. When I don’t talk about how I feel it makes me physically ill. And on that day in 2011, during my freshman year of college, I was feeling awful.

I had known I was falling in love with my friend for months. We did everything together. He took care of me. He made me feel things I certainly hadn’t felt before. Let’s be honest, I had been at an all-girls school for seven years, he could’ve looked at me sideways and I would’ve probably been in love. I felt truly connected to him though. I thought he must be “the one.”

Sitting in the back of that bus I quietly and urgently discussed the situation with my other wonderful friend, Russell. Do I tell him? (Let’s call him Joe, shall we?) Do I let my stomach lining eat me alive? Russell patiently let me waver back and forth between my options. Everything felt like it was leading up to this moment in my eighteen-year-old mind. At dinner before the show Joe told me, “I think I have a crush on someone.”

Immediately I asked, “Who?? Tell me!” Careful not to be too overly excited.

“It’s someone you know.” He said.

“Come on, just tell me, I promise I won’t think you’re crazy,” I answered, being absolutely sure I knew the answer.

“No, I’m too embarrassed. I’m afraid she won’t like me back.” He uttered as he stared down, embarrassed at his plate of pasta, and then he changed the subject.

I felt like I had been sitting on a cliffhanger all night. Whatever show it was that we saw was going to be difficult to write a paper about since I had been so totally elsewhere sitting next to the boy I loved in the theatre. Feeling the heat of his body lightly grazing my arm. It was electric and too much to handle.

The bus slowed to a stop in front of the Center for the Arts on our campus and we made our way back to our less-than-charming freshman dorm. Before Joe could slip up the stairs to his room, which was coincidentally directly above mine I asked to speak to him. He followed me easily, as was a habit for us, to my room. He plopped himself down casually in my pink butterfly chair while I paced in front of him.

“Okay, I just have to say this to you because I think if I don’t I won’t be able to stand myself. Joe, I think I am falling in love with you.” I said it. I didn’t beat about the bush, I just came out and said what I was feeling and the pressure lifted off of me immediately. The guy I thought I knew so well smiled his perfect, crooked smile and replied,

“Oh Chelsea, I was worried something like this might happen. You’re my best friend in the world, but you and me together? Like in a relationship? That will never happen. By the way, I’m having some friends over later—you should come up too.”

I watched my world turn topsy-turvy in front of me. I muttered some response and defeatedly hugged him as he walked out and left me in a puddle behind him. I flopped down in the indent he’d left in my butterfly chair and cried. And then I cried some more. I cried for about an hour straight. Then I took a deep breath and splashed some water on my face and thought to myself—you’ve done it. You’ve told someone you love them and they said they didn’t love you back and you survived and you are okay and it will be okay even though it is very much not okay right now. I didn’t drown myself in any more tears. In fact, like a nut, I marched myself up to his room and took my very first shot of vodka, just one, because I don’t overdo it with alcohol and I watched the boy I loved flirt with every girl in the room. It stung horribly. I had been totally and completely rejected, but I was also proud. I did the hardest thing I had ever done emotionally and I had survived. Actually, I had more than survived. I had shown myself that it was better to put it out in the open so I could move on instead of always wondering, “what if?” Okay, so it wasn’t going to be him I spent my life with. Major bummer dude. On to the next. (And thank goodness, I mean have you seen my hot German husband? I’m grateful Joe said no…)

I look at my eighteen-year-old self that took such complete ownership of her feelings and boldly showed them off in the light of day. Now, when I notice myself clamming up and not wanting to speak openly and proudly about how I feel because I’m afraid of rejection, or feeling stupid, I remember this part of me that knows the other side of being vulnerable is finding my strength, and finding my people. Vulnerability is that strength.

It’s tough to take ownership when we screw up, and it’s also surprisingly hard to take ownership when we do something amazing. It’s sometimes hard to take a compliment, share our feelings, or say I’m sorry or admit when we’re wrong. We avoid ownership of our words, thoughts, and feelings because of fear of other peoples’ responses, but what if we didn’t? What if we stood proudly sharing our emotions, accepting our mistakes, and being gracious and grateful when we receive compliments? It’s hard, but not impossible and eighteen year old Chelsea knows the best secret there is to taking ownership and that’s being able to let go and move on afterward. Once you take ownership you can let it go. Let it roll off of you like water off a duck’s back or soak up the compliment like my Dad’s Christmas gravy (trust me, so worth soaking).

It’s a gift to share your heart and fears and screw-ups and then let go and if there is pain associated with the ownership it will be temporary and you will heal. I believe in you.

Happy weekend, friends! I love you and am sending you big vulnerable hugs. XOXOX, CAMDW

The Annihilation of the Word “Just”

Tue, 25 Aug 2020 20:50:30 GMT

A picture of the bird house I painted as a child just because.

I am not talking about the incredibly important use of the word just as in justice and justly. I am talking about the much less important use. As in: just curious, just asking, just wondering. The word, just, has become such a fixture in my vocabulary and I’m not sure when it made this entrance. I’ve noticed though that it is more than a word filling space, it is me actively making my words, thoughts and feelings smaller by inserting it as a shield in front of whatever follows.

It attempts to help me hide behind it in case someone thinks what I say is strange or someone disagrees or someone gets offended, but people are going to feel and do all of those things and I have to become okay with this and own my words regardless because words have weight.

Instead of shrinking my words, I will stand boldly behind them because I believe in what I say and when I screw up I will apologize and do better next time and when the words don’t come out right I will try again, but I don’t need to hide it is time to do away with “just!”

Do you do this too? With “just” or another word? Tell me, let’s work on this together. We don’t need to hide, we are brilliant, beautiful beings with thoughts, feelings and questions that matter and we can share them as they are without any caveats or shields.

Happy day, friends. I love you and am sending big hugs. XOXO, CAMDW

A Blunt Six Year Old With a Master Plan

Fri, 21 Aug 2020 20:53:51 GMT

When I was six, my separation anxiety from my parents was at its peak. The thought of a sleepover was utterly terrifying, which is why my parents thought that maybe sleeping over at my Auntie Melanie’s, one of my very special, chosen Aunties would be a good stepping stone before staying at a friend’s house.

The scariest part of a sleepover was always the sleeping part so I made a plan before I went to Auntie Mel’s house that we were to follow. It was designed to change activities in half-hour increments and went all the way until eight in the morning so I could avoid sleeping at all costs. My Dad and I met Auntie Melanie for lunch, then I took my mini red and green rolling suitcase out of my Dad’s car and Auntie Melanie drove me to her house. I was really nervous, but I knew if I just followed my plan everything would be okay. When we arrived at her home, I showed Auntie Mel my detailed itinerary. She was amazing. She did not let on that she feared she would not sleep all night, and she told me it was a great plan and was happy to go along with every step of my agenda. Immediately, I felt comforted and relaxed. Okay, this is all going to be alright. We started the second we stepped into her place. First, we played with the marbles she collected over the years, then we organized said marbles, then we organized the marbles in a different way. Then we had a snack. Then we read a book. Having babysat my fair share of kids at this point in my life I look back at my Auntie Mel on this day with only the utmost admiration. I cannot believe she went along with every single thing, and she didn’t even drag her feet through the process.

Then it was time for dinner. However, something weird happened. Auntie Melanie’s boyfriend, Todd, came over. I did not know Todd. I did not particularly like Todd, and most importantly, Todd was not a part of my plan. I let him stay through dinner figuring he would leave shortly thereafter, and we could get back to the scheduled programming, but he did not seem to want to leave. He even brought me a book in an attempt to win my admiration, which I politely thanked him for and then requested to speak with Auntie Melanie privately in the kitchen.

“Auntie Melanie, Todd is not on my schedule,” I said.

Since she is the most remarkable human being ever, she promptly told Todd that he had to go. I also took a moment to let Auntie Melanie know that I did not think Todd was right for her, apparently, I was a ridiculously blunt six-year-old.

We were able to get back to my schedule—finally. We were approaching four-thirty in the morning, and I saw Auntie Melanie was getting tired, and I became alarmed. We still had so many things left on the schedule!!! She asked if we could sleep for just a few hours and then get back to the schedule, and I begrudgingly, but sweetly, acquiesced. She said she just needed until eight o’clock. So at about seven fifty-nine, I got as close as I could to her face without actually touching her and stared at her, willing her to wake up. I hated and still hate waking people up directly, so I always have found inventive ways to do such things. I figured staring at her would do the trick, and I was right. Auntie Melanie popped out of bed much more gingerly than I deserved, and we went downstairs because the next thing on my list was to make hot cocoa.

Now, not having given Auntie Melanie a copy of the schedule prior to my visit (rookie mistake) she was not adequately prepared with hot cocoa powder. Nonetheless she, of course, saved the day by having chocolate chips and milk, and we attempted to make a hot cocoa of sorts. We sipped hot chocolate and had a yummy breakfast, and I felt much more relaxed having been through the whole sleeping part of the sleepover ordeal. We finished breakfast, and moments later my Dad was there to pick me up, and I ran into his arms. I was so beyond happy to see him but so sad to leave Auntie Melanie. He promised I would see her again soon, which was not a lie, and off we went so that she could take a nap, and I could make some more plans.

My little girl tendency to make lists and plans as a means of controlling situations has extended into my adult life, too. It makes it really hard to be okay when plans change. I am not someone who easily rolls with the punches. I love things to be planned out and to know exactly what is going to happen. Unfortunately, that just is not the way life works. Everything is always shifting on its axis and the whole world, and even me, it seems, is changing, too. As I get older I have had to learn that you can have as many plans as you want, but you have to be okay when things veer off the deep-end, too. The surprises—both good and bad—teach us lessons and make life beautiful. I don’t have to be afraid of falling off balance because I will get back up, and maybe even learn a thing or two, and sometimes I can even get back to the plan I had in the first place.

Happy day, friends. Here’s to opening ourselves up to change and when plans slip from our fingertips and morph into something even more magical than we imagined–even if not immediately, then eventually. I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

Honey, This Was Not the Plan

Tue, 18 Aug 2020 20:56:25 GMT

I am a stickler for being organized and having a plan. A good plan to me is like the world’s most incredible security blanket. I feel safe and warm and wrapped-up in having control. Well, what happens when you take one hyper-organized person and pair her with someone who thrives off of spontaneity? Well, at first, panic.

I married such a spontaneous human and I adore that about him. He loves to randomly decide to do something or change plans and to me that incites everything short of a panic attack. Even if he’s just changing our plans for date night I get a slightly unsettled feeling in my tummy and have to allow myself time to readjust. So, yesterday, when he thought we should change our plans for the next month completely I got stressed and overwhelmed and shaky.

Here’s the nutty thing. When he proposed this new plan, it was something I had always dreamed of doing, but of course, I thought we would have planned this adventure in advance not on, as we jokingly say in my family, “the sperm of the moment.”

My initial reaction was to say, “That’s a nice thought, why don’t we do it next year instead with some advance planning?”

He responded with, “Honestly, why not now? We’ve always talked about doing this. This is a perfect time. We were supposed to be gone the entire month of September anyway. Next year I’ll be working full-time, this is a perfect time.”

Everything inside me wanted to resist. Everything inside me was saying, “No, we have to stick to the plan. We have airline tickets and rental cars, it’s too much.”

But this little tiny, annoyingly insistent voice said, “He’s right. If not now, when?” So, we made the decision to stay in our little slice of heaven for much longer than planned and my creative side was doing a happy dance knowing this is what I’ve always wanted to do, while my linear side was sidestepping every landmine in my mind that exists. But when we made the decision everything really started to fall into place. I moved the one appointment I had scheduled…getting Moe neutered (congrats bud, you can keep your balls for another month) and everything started to align.

So, I did not plan on filming this video here, with mediocre lighting and imperfect sound. I did not know I would be spontaneously talking about spontaneity. But here we are.

Everything is complicated and confusing right now and plans are changing rapid fire—most of the time without us having any control over them. If slowly, little by little, we can lean into spontaneous decision-making we might actually become more comfortable instead of less. We don’t have to chuck our plans out the window, but maybe it’s okay if they aren’t ironclad. Maybe there’s a little trap door in our plans that allows for incredible adventures to sneak in.

Happy Tuesday friends, I love you and I hope you have an incredible, spontaneous day. Here’s to unexpected adventures during an unprecedented time. Be safe. Take care of yourself and follow your heart. XOXO, CAMDW.

Is it Too Much to Ask?

Fri, 14 Aug 2020 20:58:19 GMT

I was sitting on my parents’ deck earlier this week trying to meditate. It was not going well. I could not concentrate for the life of me. I was too focused on all these things I wanted to say to people but was refusing to. I started wondering what the heck was going on. I realized that I have a tendency to always ask for what I need and want when it comes to my husband, but not so much when it comes to other people. I am constantly afraid that my asks will come off as “needy” or “too much.” (Oy—there’s that “too much” thing again…my inner voice just did a major eye roll…)

My question to myself became, how will I ever know if I never ask?

No matter what the need or question is—if I choose not to say it, even the tiniest thing will come back to haunt me and eat my psyche alive. So, I have three choices:

1) I can ask for what I need and see what the response is

2) I can let it go

3) I can let my psyche eat itself alive

Chances are that when I say whatever is on my mind the world will not implode in the way my mind thinks it will. If I choose not to say what’s on my mind, which is also a totally valid option, I have to deeply and from my core let it go—just like Elsa in Frozen—because if I am not going to say what I want to say or ask what I want to ask the thought serves no purpose and does not deserve any more of my brain space or time.

The only other option is to allow myself to play my very own mind games and make myself insane…this seems like the least desirable option, however, seems to be the option I currently employ the most readily.

Asking for what you want or need is a form of self-love, self-care, and self-respect. It is not selfish. If the person you are asking is unwilling to give you what you need or want then that is another conversation entirely about evaluating that relationship or whatever the ask is, but chances are nothing earth-shattering will happen. We shouldn’t be saving our wants and needs for only when we’re comfortable, we should be able to express ourselves comfortably in more situations rather than less. This is not easy, at all. But that is something important to work towards.

I always was (and still am a little if I’m being honest) terrified of putting people out, or of asking for too much….trust me, I’ve been told I am high maintenance enough times. It was so bad that when I was a kid and I would go to a sleepover I never wanted to use the bathroom at night, lest I wake the sleepover host or any sleepover guests. I was literally ignoring my bodily functions just so I could make people feel more comfortable or, what in my mind, was more comfortable. It wasn’t until I was twenty-two and was sleeping over at Domi’s apartment for the first time that I actually got up to pee in the night when I needed to. I woke up and panicked, preparing myself for another night of being uncomfortable and unable to sleep for my aching bladder. I knew if I wanted to go to the bathroom I’d have to climb over his sleeping body and that scared the living daylights out of me. My fear of putting people out had become so intense it was practically physically impossible and somewhat paralyzing for me to do what most people think of as a pretty mundane, routine thing. I stared at the ceiling. The usual thoughts started circulating in my mind, “Chelsea you are being ridiculous. Get up and go to the damn bathroom. But what if he wakes up? Then it will be weird and I will feel bad. Just go! What the hell is wrong with you?” I was, as you can see, making myself totally crazy. Finally, thankfully, the sane side of me caught on, and this facet of my brain decided to explore what having a modicum of sense might look like. It said to me, “Chelsea. You are safe. It is okay. And let’s face it, if you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, you better learn how to pee in the middle of the night or you are up for being uncomfortable for eternity and that is a really long time to need to pee.” I got up, I went pee, went back to bed and the world seemed to remain on its axis. In that strange moment, somehow, I became comfortable expressing to Domi what it is that I need and want and we were able to start having open and engaging conversations about both of our wants and needs and still the earth seems to be turning just as it was before.

Here’s the catch though. To this day, I was only comfortable doing this kind of communicating with Domi—not anyone else. I noticed this as I sat in my meditation on the deck going back and forth in my head over things I felt I needed from people and for some reason was refusing to ask for.

It’s time for me to shed this fear and face it head-on. I can expand the “peeing in the night” concept beyond just my husband. No, I do not expect my entire mindset to change overnight, but I owe it to myself to ask for what I need when I need it. This is my new version of radical self-love and self-respect.

Okay, so maybe you don’t have a weird fear of going pee in the middle of the night, but I am sure there have been times when you knew so clearly what you wanted and refused to speak up for yourself out of a fear of rejection or inconveniencing someone or deep down having someone else discover that maybe you aren’t as lovable as you thought you were. This is normal and this is our minds feeding us untruths. We deserve to ask for what we need. We are lovable regardless. Even if someone says no to whatever your request is, the shocking truth is that the world will continue to spin on its axis. So, let’s live in the land of radical, or maybe what should be pretty typical self-care, love, and respect. And just when you feel low and like you can’t do it, just imagine me having to pee in the middle of the night and how ridiculous that is, get a good chuckle, and then speak your mind.

Happy day, friends. I am sending major love your way and please for the love of all that is good go pee when you need to. XOXO, CAMDW

The Terrifying Thought of My Future Offspring

Tue, 11 Aug 2020 21:04:05 GMT

This is what we do. We barbecue and we think about/occasionally argue about our future kids.

Domi and I think a lot about our future children. We have pretty much since the day we met (yes, I know, we’re crazy people). I guess, sometimes that’s just what you do when you’re excited to have kids, but not quite ready for the actual endeavor of bringing tiny humans into the world.

Lately, I’ve been really focused thinking about how terrified I am about what I will pass down to my kids from my own issues and insecurities. I have made it a project to start working on some things I am struggling with not just for me, which is super important, but also for my future offspring. It’s a major motivator and when I am ready to give up the eternal quest of learning lessons and making myself a fuller, more well-rounded, at peace version of myself it helps motivate me to keep going.

Mostly, I’ve been most concerned about what I will pass on to my children surrounding trust. It’s something that once broken isn’t easy to rebuild. Especially when it’s with yourself, but it’s so, so important because who knows you better than you do? And who knows what you need more than you do? No one.

I think it’s next to impossible to help someone trust themselves, I believe that it’s a decision you have to make on your own and when you’re ready, but I also know that the day you decide to trust yourself is the day it feels like the whole world opens up. I want to help my children to live in a world where trusting yourself is priority number one.

Trusting yourself starts with really listening to your inner voice—no, not the one that continuously beats up on you, but the one that really knows what you want and need and what inherently feels right. When I make a decision that really feels right for me I get all giddy and I’m impossible to shut up. That’s how I know when I am trusting my decision making and listening to the cues my mind is giving me.

I’ve been struggling with a different part of learning to trust myself as of late. Not only trusting my heart and my mind but my body and what it needs. This is something I am acutely aware of not wanting to pass on to my little ones. I pray that they know how to listen and understand their hunger cues and they don’t lose that ability when the outside world starts to get into their minds. I know, I know, parents all over the internet are rolling their eyes at me. I have no control over what I will or will not pass on to these beings, but I believe it is my responsibility to work on my sh*? so that there is less of a chance of me engraining less-than-ideal thought patterns into the sweet (I hope) souls that will become our responsibility to parent and raise.

Do not get me wrong. I do this mostly for myself, but in those times where I am going in circles in my mind, I think, if I had a daughter or a son or a magical non-binary child, would I want them to be thinking this way about themselves? Would I want this internal struggle for them? I become instantaneously more kind to myself and thoughtful of what destructive thought patterns exist in my mind.

Happy day friends, it’s worth trusting yourself, for you, for your future and who knows ultimately who it could end up benefitting that you decided to be the most real, full version of you? XOXOX, CAMDW

Floating in the Infinite

Fri, 07 Aug 2020 21:06:22 GMT

A long time ago, on an adventure with my Dad in Hawaii, we decided to swim way out into the ocean. I was only about ten or eleven years old and thankfully a very strong swimmer. We just kept swimming and swimming until we reached a rock formation that stuck out of the water and had a shaggy, torn-up flag attached to it. I laid my head down on the water, floating in my aquatic home. After a few minutes of just allowing myself to float in the vast Pacific Ocean I turned to my Dad, “Dada, I love the water because the water is where I feel closest to God.” I don’t remember my Dad’s response, but I am sure he was somewhat dumbstruck by a ten-year-old with a spiritual connection.

Whether or not you are religious or believe in God or the Universe or a higher power of some kind maybe you know that feeling. The feeling when you look at something and gratitude fills your body from head to toe. Where you find peace in the crazy world and feel so small and insignificant, but at the same time infinite. I feel like this every time I am near water. Any body of water, really. Well, anything larger and less chlorinated than a swimming pool. Sometimes it’s just a fleeting moment, or maybe you get chills, or maybe you feel so excited the only thing you can think of to do is just dance.

Sometimes gratitude finds me like that, completely by surprise, but more often than not I craft my gratitude to bring that feeling of infinity to me wherever I am in the world.

During the pandemic, we have been out of touch with a lot that makes us realize what we are grateful for. Or maybe we have found entirely new things to be grateful for. Either way, if you have a touchpoint as I do with the water, just remember you have a powerful imagination. If you can’t get to your “water” then craft that space in your mind and feel that feeling. Think of what it feels like to have the sun hit your skin, to hear waves crashing in the distance, or to look out at the horizon in all of its never-ending glory.

When you can find a touchpoint like that in your mind it’s easier to then remember everything you’re grateful for. From the tiniest little thing, like watching my puppy sleep peacefully, to the most massive things in the world like my work, my family, my friends, and nature. All of it. Any of it. Recognizing what you’re grateful for sends out incredible signals that tell the Universe to bring you more of those things that make you feel grateful, or at the very least having gratitude be your focus can bring momentary peace.

What I am getting at here is that gratitude can be found within you constantly and that infinite feeling is still there when you take the time to go on a trip in your mind. (No, regardless of what this might sound like I do not do any kind of psychedelic drugs.) Maybe visualizing isn’t your thing, but a great start is taking the time to write down three or more things you’re grateful for every day. This habit gets those feelings of being infinite closer to you as often as possible, so even on those days when you wake up and think good night nurse we’re still in the middle of a f*&?!%$ pandemic you can find temporary, and sometimes, lasting solace.

Here is the quickest way I find to infinity:

1) Think of that place that makes you feel giddy and infinite

2) Think of all of those feelings you get, write them down, or just be present with them

3) While you’re in your infinite home start thinking about what you’re grateful for and make a list either mentally or in a journal, notebook or on a post-it note

4) Wake up the next day and repeat, or, if you’re short on time…read your list from yesterday…I’m all about making life easy.

Gratitude opens the doors to so many things. Literally, there is science to back this up. Just use the google machine and see what you find when you search “benefits of practicing gratitude.” Whatever your background whatever your beliefs inner peace is something I think we would all want if we could attain it consistently. No, I am not the most peaceful human you’ve ever met, but, when I practice being grateful I get a heck of a lot closer.

Happy weekend, friends! I hope your days are filled with things that bring you joy. Just remember to be grateful for them. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

Grounding in Gratitude

Tue, 04 Aug 2020 21:08:45 GMT

People talk about gratitude a lot, so much so that I think we get desensitized to it sometimes. But there is a reason that so many people are talking about it. It’s because gratitude is life-altering. From the time I was just an itty bitty baby, my Dads ingrained in me a sense of what it means to be grateful.

I was definitely spoiled as a child, and really, as an adult, I am, too. But my parents never bestowed anything upon me without making sure that I had an understanding that I should be grateful and why. Gratitude was a necessity in our household. I learned to be grateful for the tiniest things and the largest things and all the stuff that falls in-between. At night my Daddy would help me say my prayers and teach me to methodically remind myself of what I had to be grateful for.

Gratitude is a means of grounding yourself, especially in the crazy times we are living in now. I give out gratitude like candy. I would so much rather everyone know how grateful I am for them instead of hoping they know or being worried that it makes me seem silly that I say it so often. Connecting to gratitude is to connect to something bigger than you and me.

Happy day friends, I love you so much and I am very grateful for you. XOXOX, CAMDW

PS Happy Anniversary Baba. I love you to the sun and the moon and back and then some. Here is to many, many more.

PB&J and Bales of Hay

Fri, 31 Jul 2020 21:11:30 GMT

When I was in first grade my class went on a field trip to a pumpkin patch. My Dad, as per usual, was chaperoning. It came time for lunch and I went to sit on a bale of hay next to my friend Isabella. I pulled my peanut butter and jelly that now had a dent in it after I accidentally sat on it on the bus out of my brown paper bag. I dug in. Nothing has ever stopped me nor will ever stop me, perhaps bar the apocalypse, from eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I started talking to my friend, Izzie. I don’t remember what we were talking about. We were best friends. We talked about everything. However, what I do remember is while I was mid-sentence, Izzie stood up and walked over to her mom, who was also a chaperone on the trip and said, “Mom, I just can’t stand her! She won’t leave me alone.”

I was still within earshot. Tears stung my eyes. I was now tasting peanut butter mixed with my own salty tears. I wiped my eyes and turned away. I didn’t want anyone to know I had heard. Somehow that felt like it would make it worse. My Dad came over and sat with me, as would become a pattern on field trips when I struggled with my friends and he rubbed my back. Neither of us talked.

That night when we got home from the field trip I asked my Dad, “Why doesn’t Izzie want to hang out with me?” I can remember the sadness and anger in my Dad’s eyes. I’m pretty sure as a parent all you want is for your kid to be treated well and be loved by their peers. I know that’s what my Dad wanted for me. My Dad took a deep breath and told me the truth, as he always does. “I don’t know, baby. I think sometimes you love people so much they don’t even know how to handle it. But that is not a bad thing. That is one of the best things about you. And you will find the perfect people that understand the way you love. I know it’s hard now, but please never stop loving the way you do. You will find the right people and until then you always have Daddy and me. And just know, when people don’t understand you send them love and white light. Sometimes they are going through something you know nothing about.”

As a six-year-old, I shrugged my shoulders and walked away with a somewhat heavy heart.

When my friend in middle school told me I was annoying because I texted too often and told her I loved her too much I again thought about trying to change myself and the way I love people. Maybe I really was, “too much.” But the more I tried to change myself and my brand of loving, the more I realized that my kind of love runs deep within my veins and my Dad was right. His voice would always echo in my mind, “That is one of the best things about you…and…when people don’t understand send them love and white light.”

So, I spent years sending love and white light. Instead of being mad about the way I love, I started to see it as a great thing. In turn, I also started breathing, and knowing the right people would come my way and as I relaxed and stopped holding on to my friends with a vice grip, I learned to love myself more. Eventually, my tribe did show up and boy howdy, was it worth the wait when I found the right people. I even had a friend that didn’t think it was weird that I would text her right after she left to tell her I love her one more time.

Maybe my brand of love would be overbearing and exhausting for you, too. That’s okay. I’m just here to say if your brand of love is one that other people don’t understand—don’t change yourself, just wait for the right people who understand you to come along because they will. And in the meantime send love and white light because people are on tough journeys and going through difficult seasons we know nothing about.

Priority one: learn to love yourself. Through positive self-talk. Through a new viewpoint. Through taking the time to actually get to know yourself.

Priority two: love the way that feels best for you and know the right people will be attracted to you. There is never love that is not worth giving. We all need it. We all crave it.

Priority three: remember everyone is going through something—most of the time it’s something we know nothing about so spread patience, light and love like warm butter.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends. I love you bunches. I mean like—A LOT. XOXO, CAMDW

Ferocious Infinite Love

Tue, 28 Jul 2020 21:14:43 GMT

Sometimes love is dignified. Sometimes love is silly. Sometimes love is the most fun in the world and sometimes love comes with challenges.

I adore all kinds of love. I would like to think I am fluent in all love language with the amount that loving other people brings me joy. I also know that sometimes while I get carried away loving other people I forget to circle back and love myself.

And I don’t think I’m the only one that does this. So while we are ferociously loving other people I also want us to make the decision to love ourselves without abandon because we are so worth loving. For every second of every minute of every day—from now until forever.

Take a vow to love yourself. We stand up and proclaim our love for someone else in a marriage, but when do we take the time to stand up and proclaim to the world that we are going to love and respect ourselves? This is a safe space to do just that. To take that vow to love yourself.

You can do it quietly in your journal, or you can take the vow with a friend, or you can shout it from the rooftops. Just please do it. For me. You deserve love. Every kind of love. Every single day and if you aren’t getting it from someone else please know it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. It means that they don’t understand your brand of love, but if you keep loving yourself those that do understand your brand of love will come. I promise. I am living proof.

Happy day friends, I am loving you big time. XOXOX, CAMDW

Life is not a To Do List

Fri, 24 Jul 2020 21:17:00 GMT

Domi (my hubs) has been studying late into the night for his CPA exam and working almost around the clock. I have found myself, especially, in the last few days creating things for myself to do so that I can be just as exhausted, stressed, and busy as him. While he studies I do laundry. If there is a chore that hasn’t been handled at the end of the day I do it–even if it’s not urgent. Like wrestling with the slipcovers to our outdoor furniture…as if that has to be done at 11pm. I swear I almost pinned myself to the ground with a large cushion…not cute.

I know in my heart, in these moments, I just want to pick up a cup of tea, sit on the sofa, and watch some TV or read a book.

Domi and I used to have the same job—so it was easy to measure my productivity and never feel that one of us worked “more” or “harder” than the other. Then I started a new career path where it’s not so easy to check boxes of things done in a day. Where sometimes I need to take time to get inspired, however, problematically, I was still comparing my work schedule to Domi’s. I was watching him study late into the night thinking—even though he would never agree with this—Domi is going to think I’m lazy if I am not being productive when he’s studying. I need to show him I am still working hard.

So, question. Well, actually several questions.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we focus on all of the things we aren’t able to get done in a day instead of all of the things we do accomplish? Why is it our goal to put ourselves down and make ourselves small when we give our mind time to recover and when we do an activity that brings us joy?

Our productivity is not a measure of our self-worth. We get to define our worth, remember?

I way too often beat myself up for not being superwoman, or for trying and failing, or for trying and succeeding and then being exhausted. This is a lose, lose, lose situation. I beat myself up for taking time to talk to my friends and color in my coloring book and doing things that my brain tells me “aren’t necessary,” but things my heart knows are what will lead to me reaching my highest potential in joy and ultimately will make me a lot better at what I do.

So, here are some things that I have now decided aren’t only fun, but also totally necessary for my mental survival. When times are easy, when times are hard, no matter what times—taking moments to really engage without guilt in joy activities is what I am focusing on. What silly little fun thing do you do to bring you joy? I want a never-ending list, so please, share away!!

1) Dancing around to an amazing song (Currently, this is Leslie Odom Jr.’s album “Mr.”)

2) Going for a drive

3) Calling a friend

4) Writing a letter to a friend

5) Coloring in a coloring book—no, Domi, I don’t care how nerdy you think this is…

6) Journaling

7) Watching TV

8) Reading

9) Taking a bath

10) Going for a hike (mask on—promise)

11) Going for a walk (mask also on here)

12) Making a super special coffee or tea drink that takes way more time than it should

13) Watching videos of puppies on social media—I mean legitimately, how can you not smile? Yes, Juliette, my entire TikTok feed is puppies, thank you for asking

14) Giving myself a facial or mani-pedi—I am absolute s?*& at painting my nails, but it’s still so fun

I am going to work on not having guilt about taking time for myself. I will stop constantly comparing my productivity to those around me. SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS: MY PRODUCTIVITY AND MY SELF-WORTH ARE TWO DIFFERENT, UNRELATED THINGS. You are an incredible human no matter how much you get done in one day. You are a fantastic mom, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, partner, father, anything person regardless of how much you get done. Just because your partner is working late into the night doesn’t mean you need to keep working or finding ways to make yourself busy so that you keep the same hours as they do. Newsflash—you probably work two totally different jobs where the requirements are different, and where the expectations are different.

I think it was Theodore Roosevelt who said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” He was totally right. So catch yourself as you start to compare yourself. No one is living the same life you are. No one knows you better than you do. You know what you need. Take care of yourself. Please. For me. We need lots of wonderful, compassionate, loving humans on this planet. Don’t deplete yourself until there is nothing left.

Have an amazing weekend friends. I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

Feel Hugged and Take a Breath

Tue, 21 Jul 2020 21:19:20 GMT

Little Chelsea says, “Please please breathe when things get tough!”

I have one solid reminder for you today and that is to please, please, please remember to BREATHE! When you aren’t breathing it is easy to start to panic and to start to stress about every little thing. I know that feeling so well. The feeling of an entire continent sitting on your chest. So, I am here to give you any permission you think you may need to breathe. Take a minute. Take a break.

If you’ve been stuck sitting inside all day working, walk around your space if you’re not comfortable walking outside and just inhale and exhale for a second. Give your mind room. Your mind is asking to do so much these days. It’s not only processing what it directly in front of it with work, family, friends, and more it is also trying to process a pandemic and unspeakable atrocities, so give yourself some space, okay? The world will not implode if you take a ten-minute break. (I used to think it would.)

You’ve got this. Keep breathing and when it feels like the world is ending breathe some more.

Happy day friends, hang in there. I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

I Am a Flower Smeller

Fri, 17 Jul 2020 21:20:58 GMT

I am currently in the process of building a brand. A part of that requires me to dig pretty deep into who I am as a person as my brand is pretty much just a little old me. My exercise this week has been trying to synthesize all of my roles (writer, speaker, wife, friend, daughter, etc.) that I see in myself into six key roles. It’s damn near impossible.

I had no problem defining myself in 60,000 words in my book but in six? Are you kidding?

As I was struggling with this exercise I called on some of my family and friends to help me. When I asked my husband what he thought one of my roles is, he answered, “You are a flower smeller.” I burst out laughing. Then I thought, oh crap, he’s right.

When I was about three years old my parents took me to Butchart Gardens in Victoria, British Colombia. I remember walking in the entrance thinking I had found nirvana. To this day I love flowers. All kinds. I am an equal opportunity flower lover…except for carnations, I do not like carnations, but all other flowers—yes, amazing, I love them.

I remember walking through the long, winding pathways of the gardens and being amazed by the sheer amount of colors, smells, and shapes. As we wandered through each garden I started smelling the flowers.

Every. Single. One.

God bless my parents who let me stop and sniff each individual petunia, rose, peony, tulip, cactus, and beyond, from the time the botanic gardens opened until they closed. Every two feet I would bend down, lift my curly auburn hair back and smell each new species. I would then look up high in the sky at Dad and Daddy and say, “smell this one!” They always obliged. From way up above, they would bend down and take a whiff. My eyes would light up with the joy of sharing the experience and appreciation that each new flower brought to me.

When I was seven-years-old my Daddy took me to an art museum. I brought my journal. To me, it seemed the only logical thing to do if I was going to be surrounded by art. Every time we walked by a painting I would stop. I would look at the painting, sit down on the nearest bench, and balance my journal on my knees. I would write down how the painting made me feel, the colors that were used, what I thought the artist was thinking when he painted it, and what the painting meant to me. This became something I always did in museums. It would take my parents somewhere between four and six hours to get me through just a few exhibits in a museum. (Just imagine the time they took me to the Met…three and a half hours in the Egyptian Antiquities alone…) My parents have the patience of saints.

Flower smelling and journal writing are my superpowers. I tap into them now and again because they remind me to slow down and appreciate the smallest things. Life can feel so scary, but if you walk outside, find a flower, bend down to sniff it, and appreciate all of its complexity and color, life slows down for a minute. For just a moment, I find some semblance of inner peace and calm amidst absolute chaos and turmoil. I have always been a pretty anxious kid, and have grown up into a somewhat anxious adult. I think flower smelling and art analyzing was my way of making the world less scary because all you have to do for a few minutes is solely focus on one thing and break it down.

Times are really frightening now. Everything can seem scary and anxiety-inducing.

So, what if we just did this for a few minutes today:

1) Found one flower

2) Smelled said flower

3) Thought about every aspect of the flower

It’s like a meditation for easily-stressed people. It’s putting all of your attention in one place and giving you a break from all of your other thoughts. If flowers aren’t your thing that’s okay. You can do this with anything that piques your interest.

Take five or ten minutes of your time and focus on something that is not the scary outside world and the five million things you have to do today. I promise you have five minutes. Flower smelling saves me from anxiety. It gives me time to appreciate and by appreciating and expressing gratitude I connect back to my joy and ultimately that’s all I want—to find my way back to joy and inner peace as often as I can.

Happy Friday, friends. I am sending bunches of love from this obsessive flower smeller. XOXO, CAMDW

PS Tell me, what kind of flower did you smell today?

Eternal Optimism or a Way of Life?

Tue, 14 Jul 2020 21:23:35 GMT

I am in a book club currently that focuses on works of anti-racism and in our last meeting, one participant said to me, “I think we missed all the warnings and the signals and the signs and it’s too late for our country. It’s just too late.”

I was taken aback by this because I am someone that consistently believes in the good of humankind and the ability of people’s minds to change. If I didn’t, I would be completely incapacitated and unable to do any of the work in the world that promotes change because I would believe it’s a lost cause.

I am highly aware of the fact that we are in a pandemic and that expecting the best is really not what people are thinking about these days. But expecting the best isn’t just a saying. It’s a mindset and a belief that what we put out, we get back. So, if I’m here dishing out joy and expectations of a beautiful world, I start to take action to bring more joy into my life and more beauty, equality, and goodness into the world.

Sometimes even when we put this energy out, expecting the best, it doesn’t work out. I know this for a fact because I was told the absolute worst-case scenario when my Daddy was indicted is that he would get three months of prison time. I still, hearing that, expected much less than that and spent years believing it wouldn’t ever be that bad. Well, when it came down to it, my Daddy was sentenced to two years imprisonment. Yeah, that was a whole hell of a lot worse than any of my expectations, but we all made it through because we can handle disappointment better than we give ourselves credit for. If I had spent years leading up to my Daddy’s sentencing thinking he would be going to prison I would have been miserable for years as opposed to managing my sadness and disappointment when it came down to the reality we were going to have to deal with. It would not have hurt any less if I had been expecting it. It would have just made me sad for longer.

So, I will keep on expecting the best. In the world. In people. In our ability to heal this country. In our ability to be better, kinder, more accepting, and loving humans. I will mitigate my disappointments along the way and then I will pick back up and continue expecting the best so that I can work on helping create a world I believe in.

Happy day, friends, I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

PS I sent this post to my Daddy for his approval before I blasted his story on the internet, and along with his approval, he gave me my new favorite quote: “worrying about something never changes the outcome…it changes the moment.” Try that one on for size.

Time for a Check-in…Are We Looking Out or Looking In?

Sat, 11 Jul 2020 21:25:05 GMT

When I was deciding where I wanted to go to college it ultimately came down to two schools. Over months I had watch rejection after rejection come in from almost every school I applied to.

I had one school that was considered one of the top programs for musical theatre (which is what I wanted to study) in the country that was an option and I had another school that was a liberal arts college no one in Los Angeles had ever heard of. Those were my two options. I felt good about the lesser-known school. The people were kind. The campus was gorgeous. I did not, however, feel good about the other university that was so well-known and established. I didn’t find the people welcoming and I saw their program was incredibly cutthroat.

As I was trying to decide where to go I started asking everyone I knew what their thoughts were. The consensus of most of my friends, all of my dance teachers, acting coaches and my vocal coach was overwhelming that I should go to the “better” (aka more well-known) school and that I would be crazy to go to a small liberal arts college if I had the opportunity to study at a top-ranked Bachelor of Fine Arts musical theatre program.

After a week of this, I sat in the kitchen with my parents trying to decide what to do. I knew they would support me wherever I wanted to go and they had not weighed in on where they thought I “should” go even when I asked them. They wanted it to be my decision. I stared at my lap, both letters from the schools in my hands. My Dads were whispering in the corner for minutes on end, and then they nominated my Dad as tribute, “Baby, where do you want to go? It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

The entire time I had spent taking votes from everyone I knew as to where they thought I should go I had known all along where I wanted to go. I just wanted their approval. It seemed I wasn’t going to get it because I knew in my very soul I wanted to go to the place that made me feel safe, at home, and comfortable. I took a deep breath. I ignored their opinions. “I want to go to Muhlenberg.”

My parents exhaled a collective sigh of relief. They could tell that is what I wanted, but they didn’t want to push me in one direction or another. They were so proud that ultimately, I looked in, I saw what I wanted and I made the decision. I chucked everyone else’s opinion into the opinion ocean. I had known all along what I had wanted, yet I desperately was seeking approval. And four of the best years of my life ensued. I performed consistently, I studied what I had set out to study and I had a wonderful time doing it. I made friends that are still some of my very favorite people. It was the perfect decision for me.

From here on out, before you ask for someone’s opinion take a beat. Go inside, even if just momentarily and say to yourself, “Do I really want their opinion? Or am I just seeking their approval for a decision I’ve already made?”

If the answer to the second question is yes, be careful about the next words that come out of your mouth. You may not get their approval and then you may waver in your decision making regardless of what your heart is telling you. Go forward confidently. Your inner voice and your heart know you better than anyone else you could ask. Especially regarding important decisions. Trust yourself. Every other opinion that doesn’t ring true belongs in the opinion ocean. Let it float away and choose yourself instead.

As I spent time this week looking in and discovering what’s in that crazy head of mine I found so many areas where I am looking out for approval. Funny how that happens…

My challenge to you this week is to find an area where you are seeking approval and find questions you can ask yourself to redirect the focus inward and see how you really feel about it, not anyone else. Here are some examples of things I still look out for and am working on looking in for instead: my body, my worth, and my ideas. What are yours? Let’s work through this. We don’t need those opinions if we already know how worthy we are. We don’t need those opinions when we know how beautiful we are just as we are. You got this. I am in your corner. Have a wonderful weekend my friends. I love you. XOXO, CAMDW

Chuck it in the Opinion Ocean

Tue, 07 Jul 2020 21:27:26 GMT

Hi Friends!! I had a wave of inspiration so today I am coming to you right after a workout and before a shower and I am thankful that you take me just as I am. Today we are unpacking wanting someone’s opinion versus needing someone’s approval. I believe they are two different things. What do you think? I am open to discussion and working through these things together!

It’s not easy and I don’t put these ideas out there because I am already an expert, but because I struggle with them daily and this is a part of me processing. Thank you for being a part of it.

I love you! Happy day my friends! Sending big, big virtual hugs. XOXO, CAMDW

I Found Me Again

Fri, 03 Jul 2020 21:30:06 GMT

The only words I really have to accompany today’s video are those of Dr. Seuss, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is Youer than You.”

Well, those words and these: Black Lives STILL AND ALWAYS WILL Matter. (If you need a new podcast that will help you learn about the Black experience in America check out Code Switch on NPR and take a look @black_ourstory on instagram!)

It’s important to remember to refuel your joy tank so that you can keep fighting for what’s right in the world and so that you can find the most true definition of yourself. If your definition changes daily that is totally wonderful, just a reminder that you have all the permission to find joy and in finding that joy I have found that the my favorite version of myself appears and the life I want unfolds. And when there are hiccups I am able to handle them with grace and as much patience as I have ever had (which is not a whole lot, but I’m working on it…).

Have a joy-filled day, Friends. XOXOX, CAMDW.

What, Who and Why Do You Want to Be?

Tue, 30 Jun 2020 21:31:48 GMT

A grown-up kneels down next to a four-year-old child and asks, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The child’s eyes get wide with possibilities. Their face lights up with the notion that they could pick anything and make it happen. There are no limits.

That same child starts to get older. All of a sudden they are eighteen. They sit down at a holiday meal with their family and are asked, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” Or, “What are you planning on studying?” And now the question has so much gravity and permanence. And the answer has so much weight and is often met with judgment. And already this young adult is limiting themselves. Sometimes by what they’ve been told in the last eighteen years that they can accomplish due to their identity, or what’s socially acceptable, or what grades they’ve achieved in school.

They are being asked to make a decision about what they want the rest of their lives to look like before they’ve even lived perhaps a quarter of it.

I was not one of those young adults that felt limited. I was sure I knew what I wanted to do. From the time I was seven until the time I was twenty-two the answer to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” never changed. I had a plan and a focus and I was determined to make that happen. And then I graduated college and I moved home and I started working in what I thought was my dream career and discovered I didn’t like it. So, I took a day job right after my twenty-first birthday. At said day job that happened to be in the family business, I met an intern whom I almost instantaneously fell in love with. We both had started in this business without much thought. It was just supposed to be our career until we figured out where we were going in life and then we met, fell in love, and joined forces in business. We became really successful. I became really unhappy.

Not in my relationship, but at my job. I dreaded waking up in the morning and seeing emails that I didn’t want to answer or returning calls I didn’t want to make. For about four years my chest was tight and I struggled to breathe. Work was my life. It was all I really did. And I didn’t enjoy my job, which meant for about eight to ten hours per day (at a minimum) I was stressed, tired, frustrated, and anxious. And so I started asking myself the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But this time, I felt more limited. I was afraid of starting over and I was only in my twenties. How could I leave the security that I had? How could I leave a line of work where I am already successful at twenty-five?

When I started to mention to people that I was supremely unhappy in my line of work and wanted to do something else I was met with mixed responses. Everything from, “That’s awesome that you want to find what brings you joy!” to “Why would you leave a job where you’re comfortable and making good money. That’s irresponsible.” I recognize that I have the privilege to leave a job where I was doing well and having success and that not everyone will have that possibility. I also spent four and a half years putting a plan in place so that I would be financially able to quit the job that made me unhappy and for those four and a half years I dedicated myself wholeheartedly to something that made me anxious daily.

Last week I quit my job in pursuit of what brings me joy. It’s nerve-wracking and freeing all at the same time. And I have also never been happier in my life.

You can start over any time too. Don’t let the world’s definitions and labels for you decide for you. Maybe it takes years to put a plan in place because as you grow up there are more considerations to make…like being able to pay bills or support a family. But it is never too late to start over. In your line of work, in your relationships, in anything. It’s overwhelming and exhausting at times, but all I know is when Domi and I would come home at night I used to cry and whine about what I had to do all day. I used to anxiously check my emails late into the night setting off another wave of panic and sleeplessness. Now when Domi comes home from work we sit down at the dinner table and I cannot for the life of me stop talking about everything I’ve done during the day and how excited I am and what a thrill the day was.

There comes a time when it’s no longer societally acceptable to change the answer to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Might I suggest just making a slight tweak? Perhaps it is better to ask ourselves and our people, “What do you want to be?” or “Who do you want to be?” And take the whole “when you grow up” part out of the equation. We are beings that are changing and fluctuating daily and we have the opportunity to redefine ourselves every single day if we want to. We can take the box we’ve been sometimes shoved into and throw the lid off with glee in pursuit of joy, newness, and the unknown.

You are worth listening to and redefining. You are worth finding your joy. You are worth everything you desire. The outside world will tell you not to start over because starting over isn’t “easy.” You will likely hear that it’s better to choose financial comfort over all else. You will be asked to sacrifice your happiness to be secure, but please, know that if you choose joy, everything else will fall in line somehow. You don’t need to make any rash decisions. You can make a plan and figure out how to get yourself out of an unhappy state. You don’t have to upset your entire life overnight, but do me a favor and understand your worth and that you deserve joy just as much as the next person. Not any more or any less.

And if you decide your life is no longer for you, climb out of the fear, shed the skin you’re wearing, and wrap yourself in your desires instead. And then if you change your mind the next day, know it is not a failure, but a new joy you’ve found and want to discover. Reinvention is a gift. Wear it proudly.

Sending much love, Friends. Here’s to change, newness and reinvention. All things that have scared me in the past that I am choosing to bask in, in the present. XOXO, CAMDW

PS this is what my mornings look like now:

Confessions of a Dancer with Two Left Feet

Fri, 26 Jun 2020 21:33:10 GMT

There is not a single day that goes by where I do not trip whilst walking down the street. Without fail every single freaking day of my life, a crack will appear as if from nowhere and out of the blue, usually, while I’m walking my dog, I will find myself being propelled not of my own volition, but because some crack in the sidewalk has inhibited my space and sends me flying. I have always been clumsy. One time when I was performing in Into the Woods in high school I was running to my entrance and tripped over a wire on the floor and fractured my elbow. So, this is not a new thing. I am inherently a klutz. It used to embarrass me. When I would walk into walls and people would laugh. Or when I would run into someone else’s car’s side-view mirror while trying to get myself in the car effectively punching myself in the stomach by accident in the supermarket parking lot. I have a billion of these stories and I know I will continue to collect them for the rest of my life.

Ever since I can remember when I would do something less than graceful I would speed away hoping no one noticed. I’d keep my head down and pray that I was going to be able to disappear from the scene of the embarrassment unscathed. After two decades of realizing that my clumsiness is just something that will always be a part of me I decided I had two choices.

1) I could be eternally embarrassed and uncomfortable daily, or

2) I could decide that being clumsy is a part of what makes me who I am and it’s actually quite endearing and charming

I chose the latter because it seemed like a much better option and much more in keeping with my quest for inner peace and consistent joy. People still laugh at me when these things happen, but now I get to laugh with them instead of feeling deeply embarrassed that I am like a 26-year-old Bambi on ice that doesn’t know how to control her limbs.

A part of my daily mantra is “we approve of ourselves.” When we wake up every day and know we don’t need anyone else’s approval it’s different than approving of yourself. Sometimes I didn’t care what others thought, but I still didn’t approve of certain parts of myself. It makes it a lot easier to not need anyone else’s approval when you first accept yourself just as you are.

I am starting this as a new practice. Every day after I list the things I am grateful for, I write down a list of things I love about myself. For example, I love my curly hair (didn’t always love that for sure), I love that I develop deep relationships, I love how I am a big effing klutz. This is not selfish or conceited. This is the beginning of developing a healthy relationship with yourself and creating confidence and letting go of the judgment of other people. If you approve of yourself truly it won’t matter what anyone else says. It won’t matter how often people will laugh at me walking straight into a door that I push even though the sign says “pull.” Because that’s one of the things I love about myself. I’m such a goof and now I get to laugh about it all day long. In fact, I wait for my next clumsy moment because they bring me joy (and the occasional stubbed toe).

So, I challenge you every day to make a list of things you love about yourself. If you can’t come up with anything, call a trusted friend or family member so they can remind you what makes you so special because I can absolutely, 100% promise you that you are special even if you can’t see it. And daily, as you begin this practice you will notice a change in the way you see yourself and the way other people see you too. Those things that used to embarrass you will now become what makes you so beautifully special and people will start to recognize it.

About an hour ago, on our post-lunch walk, I tripped massively. I laughed, rolled my eyes, and shrugged my shoulders. My husband turned to me and said, “that, right there, is one of my very favorite things about you.” I was kind of shocked because I thought my clumsiness must embarrass him sometimes too. However, because I decided I love the fact that I am a klutz, other people around me started to love it too.

It’s worth a try. Even if you just start with one thing on your list. For one week, get up and physically write down something about you that you love. Maybe it’s the way you treat others. Maybe it’s how you listen to your friends. Maybe it’s the way you make coffee. Maybe it’s the freckle shaped like the Hawaiian Islands on the back of your right thigh. Whatever it is, it’s not too big or too small and no one else has to love it about you, just you. How cool is that?

One extra challenge. If you’re feeling brave, share one thing you love about yourself in the comments below!! You can do it! I promise!

Happy day friends, I am sending you lots of love! XOXOX, CAMDW

PS here are some amazing Black and of POC Instagram accounts to follow that always bring a smile to my face be it with comedy, life/lifestyle advice, or interior design in case you need it!

@nedratawwab

@thenapministry

@instatituss

@jnaydaily

@aliciatenise

Embarrassed You Didn’t Know What Juneteenth Commemorates? So am I.

Fri, 19 Jun 2020 21:38:03 GMT

Learning about Juneteenth from a White person is not what you need, but for those of you that read my blog, I want to take the chance and use this platform to urge you to learn about the history of our country that isn’t so whitewashed.

My husband and I took a long walk last night and had a tough conversation about coming to terms with the history of the countries we were born in and feel attached to, but have a skewed understanding of. Both of our countries have done really horrific things that are not easy to come to terms with. My husband is German, I am Jewish, and there are some ugly things we’ve talked about that happened in Germany. However, we looked at America through a lens that isn’t accurate because of our privilege and how we were both taught in Germany AND America about “what America is” through a fogged up and obstructed understanding of the truth.

I went to one of the most forward-thinking middle/high schools in the country and still we were not educated regarding what Juneteenth commemorates. I’m 26 and learning about it for the first time. That’s embarrassing and horrifying. My education let me down and worse, the fact that I didn’t actively pursue learning more about racism in America is embarrassing and a gross example of my privilege. I am deeply sorry to the Black community. I have done you all a major disservice, but I will do better.

Please find links here where you can further your education surrounding Juneteenth:

https://www.juneteenth.com

New York Times Article: “So You Want To Learn About Juneteenth?” By Derrick Bryson Taylor (click the photo below for access) https://www.nytimes.com/article/juneteenth-day-celebration.html

Also check out: @antiracismfund for more information on Instagram. Or, you know, you can just go ahead and use the Google machine.

I am sending much love and light and celebration on this day. XOXO, CAMDW

I Guess I Was Expensive, But I Don’t Really Know…

Tue, 16 Jun 2020 21:40:08 GMT

I was in 9th grade. A group of my friends and I sat around a lunch table, cracking jokes and having fun. I don’t remember what triggered it, but somehow the conversation turned to questions about how my parents had me.

If you’re new here, you may not know, but I am the daughter of two gay men that I am biologically related to. It has to do with sperm and eggs and a petri dish and then nine months later I popped out! It’s a long story, one I get into extensively in my book that is still brewing, but if I’ve piqued your interest, don’t worry the whole story will be out soon…

Back to high school.

A voice chimed in from the opposite end of the table, “So, was it, like, expensive for your parents to have you?”

I was a little bit shocked by the question. I am asked constantly how my parents conceived me. I am asked all kinds of questions about what it was like getting my period and who I talked to growing up about, “girl stuff.” And I love answering those questions and I’m always happy to and nothing is really too personal for me. The question didn’t shock me because I wasn’t offended by it, I just had never really thought about it. All the doctors’ visits and hormone shots galore. They had to have cost a pretty penny. But the truth was, I had no idea how much it cost for my parents to have me. I had never asked. It had never occurred to me. Have you ever asked your parents how much the hospital bill was when you were born?

I responded, “I guess it was expensive, but I don’t really know.”

Another girl sitting next to me followed-up with, “Well, were you worth it?”

Without thinking I answered, “I’d like to think so.”

Everyone laughed and we all went on with our days, but that exchange had me distracted all day and maybe even up until this point in my life. Was I worth it? No doubt it was expensive for my parents to have me and in addition to the monetary expense there came the exhaustion and time and energy it takes to be a parent. Even more than that my parents had faced discrimination as two gay men walking around in the early ‘90s with a baby. Was I worth all that?

I went home to my parents and told them what the girls at school had said. My Dads assured me that I was more than worth it. But still, while I believed they were telling the truth the thought stuck in my head and played over and over on repeat.

Am I worth it?

So, subconsciously I made a decision that day that I would need to prove my worth. I would go around working my butt off in school, and my extracurriculars. I needed to not only be a good daughter but the best daughter. Not just a solid friend, but an excellent one. Not only a straight-A student but an honest, respectful, and perfectly responsible one, too. I felt I needed to do more than everyone else because I had to prove that I was worth the money, time, energy, and more my parents put into having me.

I always thought I was just a perfectionist, but it went deeper than that. I always looked outside of myself to prove my worth. My worth needed to be quantified, counted and measured. My worth was something others could debate and that was bestowed upon me at their discretion. And then one day, not so long ago, I woke up and rolled out of bed and looked at a coaster that my Daddy had given me to place by my bedside so that it would be the first thing I would see every morning and the last thing I would see every night. It reads, “I am enough.”

While I had been using it to hold my water glasses and my tea mugs for years I hadn’t ever really stopped to look at it and see what that might mean. I thought back to the day my Daddy had given me that coaster. He had told me, “No matter what, Chelsea, please always remember that just waking up in the morning you are enough. I am afraid you forget that. Someone gave me this coaster, but I want to give it to you, just promise me you’ll always remember.” He started to tear up. I hugged him, took the coaster, and went on my way.

As someone that’s used to her Daddy getting a little emotional, I don’t think I registered what he was saying to me. I never really, truly read those words and thought about what the thoughts in my head might be doing to damage my psyche.

When I stopped to analyze this I decided to change the way I thought about myself. I am enough and no one else gets to tell me otherwise. I decide every day.

It occurred to me that while not everyone is likely to be in the same situation that I am, there are so many people that feel they are not enough. I mean there must be or they wouldn’t make coasters that said these things.

So, my hope is in sharing this, you will also start to remind yourself that you are worth it. If you don’t have a coaster take a post-it note and put it next to your bed, and put one in your bathroom, and one in your car and make it the background on your phone. In fact, if you want a phone background that looks pretty and says you are worth it, email me in the contact section of this website and I will send you a personalized one. I am here to remind you until you are ready to hear it. Don’t let it take ten years as it did for me. It doesn’t have to.

I developed this manifesto/mantra that I use in situations like these to remind myself what I know to be true even when I forget, I hope it helps you too.

We define our worth.

We approve of ourselves.

We choose what we identify as.

We are allowed to start over any time.

Don’t look out, look in.

Expect the best.

Breathe when things get tough.

Love immensely and deeply.

Yourself and others.

Have insane amounts of gratitude.

Trust yourself.

Laugh at yourself.

Love.

Gratitude.

Deep Breaths.

Belief.

I love you. Happy Tuesday, Friends. XOXO, CAMDW

Not a Challenge, But a Life-Long Practice

Wed, 10 Jun 2020 21:42:00 GMT

Since muting myself last week in the service of amplifying melanated voices I have grappled with how best to come back to my work because I hope to never go back to business as usual. My belief is that amplifying melanated voices should not just be seen as a challenge for a week, but as a practice for our lives and part of me utilizing my White privilege that I have benefitted from my entire life.

So, while I am way too late to the fight against racism, becoming an anti-racist, and defining myself as an ally to the Black community, I will make a promise here to continue supporting Black voices, especially those of Black women on my platform in addition to my content.

I see our future as not an ‘either, or,’ but as a ‘yes, and.’ Yes to inclusivity and equality and equity and change and a HUGE yes to the dismantling of and understanding of White privilege and White supremacy.

We have to do the work, White friends. We will screw up and make mistakes. Better to show up and screw up and apologize for your mess up, than not show up at all.

Spiritual teachers have taught for centuries that the Universe reflects back what you put out. You can call it the golden rule, you can call it manifestation, you can call it whatever you want. But one of the biggest examples of this is how we show up in the service of others. When we support and fight in the service of others the Universe will reflect that service back to you. When we put effort into someone else, the Universe will put effort into us.

We get back what we give.

This may sound like an idea that you are well-acquainted with and you may be sitting there thinking “Duh, Chelsea, what else is new?” I just wanted to gently remind you that in this time where us White people can choose to either fall into the soft, cushy comfort of our privilege and our fear of a global pandemic, we can also choose to stand up and fight for the rights of others.

We can overcome our fear and provide comfort to a friend. We can do something as simple as learning and listening and then spreading the gospel of not just tolerance, but acceptance and love and become a platform of support for our friends and family in the Black community and all People of Color. When we give out joy and support like we’re giving out hand sanitizer these days, we will get that joy back ten-fold.

I’m not saying you should only do something because ultimately it will benefit you, it’s just a reminder to think about how it would feel if your people were being killed and your friends were doing nothing because they have become so desensitized to the killing of your people.

It’s okay if you’re not comfortable going to a protest or are confused about where to start. (Newsflash, you can use Google!) But there are so many other things you can do by using your voice, being of service to your friends and communities in need, and educating yourself.

As one of the best known spiritual teachers of all time said, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matt. 7:12).

Sending love, light and blessings, friends. Better late than never. I am late too. Checking your privilege, uplifting and supporting change, White friends, is the beginning of the game. XOXO, CAMDW

Not My Voice Right Now

Tue, 02 Jun 2020 21:43:37 GMT

This isn’t about what I have to say, but below is a story from my dear friend, who gave me permission to share her post, along with accounts to follow to educate yourself on anti-racism and places you can donate in order to support the Black Lives Matter movement.

Listen. Read. Donate. Actually read, donate and listen simultaneously.

Thank you KC for allowing me use your words.

Accounts to follow on Instagram:

@rachel.cargle

@mireillecharper

@laylafsaad

@thegreatunlearn

@thelovelandfoundation

@ebonyjanice

@yourrightscamp

@austinchanning

@jessicawilson.msrd

@blackandembodied

I just joined Rachel Cargle’s The Great Unlearn on Patreon, so worth it, friends. Let’s do the work, it’s literally the least we can do.

https://www.patreon.com/thegreatunlearn

Where to donate:

Black visions collective

https://www.blackvisionsmn.org

Reclaim the block

https://www.reclaimtheblock.org/home

The Bail Project

Main Home

Communities Against Police Brutality

https://www.cuapb.org

Know Your Rights Camp

https://www.knowyourrightscamp.com

Fair Fight

Home

The Atlanta Solidarity Fund

https://actionnetwork.org/groups/atlanta-solidarity-fund

Campaign Zero

https://www.joincampaignzero.org/solutions#solutionsoverview

Minnesota Freedom Fund:

https://minnesotafreedomfund.org

George Floyd Memorial Fund:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

I Run With Maud

https://www.gofundme.com/f/i-run-with-maud

Black Visions Collective

https://www.blackvisionsmn.org

Black Lives Matter

https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

Fully Baked Unnecessary Rage

Fri, 29 May 2020 21:45:21 GMT

Full disclosure–these were fully baked by my Dad, not me…

Things rarely go as you’d expect them to. Especially not when you tell others to get better about managing their expectations, handling their disappointments, and setting goals.

I closed my computer and walked downstairs on Tuesday preparing to upload my post. I had spent much longer than usual editing my video and was ready to rejoin the family for some quarantine vacation activities. I got ready and clicked the upload button…nothing happened. I tried fifteen different things for the next hour and a half and it wouldn’t work. Needless to say, things hadn’t gone as expected and this was a pretty minute thing to get so frustrated and disappointed over, but I was missing time with my family and was quite frankly annoyed as hell.

So, I huffed and puffed as Dad, Daddy, and Domi hurled suggestions at me:

“Have you tried restarting your computer?” Dad mentioned delicately.

“YOU DON’T THINK I’VE TRIED THAT?” My patience and kindness were completely worn.

I noticed the three of them slowly backing away into a corner, seemingly hiding from me—all with little silly smiles creeping across their faces.

“What?” I asked exasperated.

They looked around at each other and nominated my Daddy as tribute. He cautiously stepped forward, tiptoeing around my unnecessary rage.

“Um, Babycake, I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but didn’t you say you just filmed a video about handling expectations and disappointments?”

I stared at him for a moment. No, I did not want to hear this. No, I did not want to take my own advice. That didn’t sound as fun as hurling my computer at a wall.

I had two options:

1) I could be a sour puss all day about something that wasn’t a big deal and sulk and whine and annoy the crap out of my family and myself or,

2) I could get better about managing my disappointment when I wasn’t able to do things in the timeline I wanted and wasted a half-day of my vacation over something that ultimately isn’t all that important. And I could move forward with a goal and a plan.

Because it would be pretty hypocritical of me to choose the former, I opted for the latter. I sat down and instead of screaming at my computer, I took a break. We went for a walk. Then I came up with a game plan so that I could make it work

It’s not easy to manage expectations or disappointment. But I channeled my frustration and energy by writing this. I created something instead of sitting in my disappointment and that helped. I came up with a new plan to get my post uploaded.

I let go of what I thought everyone else’s expectations were of me and I reminded myself that the half-day I spent wasn’t wasted, it was in pursuit of bringing something to light that I found important and ultimately I reached the goal even if it didn’t match my expectations.

Things often won’t go the way we thought they would. That’s okay. This is a pretty benign example and still, it sent me into a tizzy—so you can only imagine what it’s like when something much higher stakes doesn’t go to plan for me.

Friends, I talk about these things not because I’ve mastered them, but because I am learning about them. I would rather discuss them with you now and find a way forward together than have figured them out all by myself and spread wisdom. I am not fully baked. I am figuring it out, but I find it more fun to do it here so we can figure it out together.

When things don’t go your way remember you can always:

1) Take a deep breath

2) Change your expectations, it’s never too late

3) Channel your disappointment into something creative, write, read, draw, paint, dance, sing, or get out into nature, or garden, or pet your dog, or I don’t care, do anything.

4) And next time as you notice yourself building up your expectations ask yourself if you can find a way to set a goal instead of an expectation—it’s more fun and more practical. Trust me.

Happy day friends, I love you and please don’t think I am handing down advice because I’ve got it knocked. I hand down what I find as I find it while I’m working on it. Let’s be a work in progress together. The discovery is the fun part anyway.

Expectation Versus Reality

Tue, 26 May 2020 21:47:09 GMT

Who hasn’t posted something on social media entitled expectation vs. reality? I think we would all raise our hands if someone asked us if we have ever been disappointed by our expectations…so I thought on this a bit and tried to figure out a way forward…

Happy day, Friends. Sending you so much love and hoping that converting expectations to reality and creating art out of disappointment can be fun and challenging in the way that makes your heart sing as it does mine. XOXO, CAMDW

PS I remembered what the “sweatshirt things” are called! Drawstrings! Duh!! I was having a moment…

Fistfights and Unlocking Joy

Fri, 22 May 2020 21:48:41 GMT

If you reach into that metaphorical bag of joy…you’re bound to come up with something…

As I watched two people in front of me in a socially distanced line at a coffee shop almost get into a fistfight, I was snapped out of my reverie. I had been standing there, thinking about what I wanted to write about today. I was in my own little world thinking on joy and abundance and then I heard the screaming.

This is a strange time, friends. People have very short fuses. We are all on high-alert, ready to attack and be attacked at any given moment because there is a silent killer in our midst. And instead of recognizing that we are afraid of something we cannot see, we go after what we can—our fellow humans.

I don’t like altercations like this and I buried my head in Domi’s chest. It makes me uncomfortable when people yell at each other. I become an ostrich and I stick my head in the sand, or really, my husband’s very comfy, warm chest. I get sad. I don’t want people to fight. Then Domi reminds me that it’s perfectly normal—people get upset with each other and it’s okay. These people got REALLY upset REALLY fast and I definitely didn’t think it was okay, but I decided I had to put on my big girl panties and be okay with this part of life, too.

Our circuits are shorting faster than ever and I started to think that maybe a post on joy and abundance and happiness wasn’t right for today—then I thought, no, it’s perfect. It’s what we need.

I’ve discovered there’s a difference between happiness and joy.

The reason why we’re always grasping for and losing out on our fleeting happiness is that happiness relies on outside circumstances. Happiness requires someone to give you something, they must bestow on you a gift, physically or otherwise. It means someone makes you happy—but not joy.

Joy is a deep-seated peace with who you are, how you are, and what you are, which means—no matter what your circumstances are, you should be able to access your joy.

But sometimes it feels impossible. How could we possibly be joyful right now when it feels like the world is crumbling? How can we access our joy daily, even if only for a moment?

I meditated on this and thought and thought and thought about this all week. I am a pretty joyful person, but it took me a while to figure out how I access my joy when I am feeling low.

First of all, sometimes I don’t want to access my joy—I want to be pissed, or sad, or disappointed for a time—a short time typically, but I have learned that those feelings are valid and need to be expressed and released otherwise they fester and become something really ugly. But once I have gotten passed the time where I need to punch a pillow or cry to a sad song or go to weeks of therapy, I am ready for joy to come back. Most of the time though it doesn’t just naturally appear when I am in a dark or negative place, so I have to dig down and find my joy remembering that she is always sitting there, quietly shining her light just waiting for me to open the door and release her glow. (Yes, my joy is a she. Yours can be anything you want it to be.)

Here’s what I do to take the key down from its hiding place and unlock the door to joy:

I remind myself what I am grateful for and I write it down. Sometimes it’s only a few things, sometimes it’s pages and pages of tiny and massive things, but I write them down and I read them over and joy starts to peek her head from around the door.

I do something that gives me that warm glowy feeling (aka the beginnings of joy). I take a bath, I read a book, I go for a walk, I make the perfect cup of tea (Earl Grey with a dash of almond milk and a touch of honey—if you were wondering), I meditate, I call a friend or family member, I sit outside in the sun, I take a dance class—anything that brings that yummy heat to my heart and slowly the hinges on the door to joy’s hiding place start to creak a bit.

I remind myself that joy is there, even when it’s dark and I tell my joy it’s okay to come out even when there is pain and suffering in the world, it does not negate it—it helps me stay strong enough to help others fight through it.

I remind myself not to judge my decisions or those of others and instead look at all of my decisions as an opportunity to learn and know that anyone else’s choices are theirs and theirs alone and they have nothing to do with me so I should mind my own damn business. (My joy gets a good giggle at me during this step.)

I write down exactly what I want my life to look like—some of the things I may already have, some will be intangible and some will be very, very tangible and surface, all are good and all are valid.

I turn outwards and try to help someone else, this is when my joy busts through the door in all its glory and proclaims “I am here and I am ready to partayyyyyyyy”

Our joy may feel like it’s disappeared right now. That is a-okay. You are SO not alone. And there is no one, surefire way to find joy—joy is deeply personal, but your joy is also really, really big and bold when you want it to be. But more than anything if we can remind ourselves that joy is always sitting there, behind her door, waiting to be unlocked and unleashed she will come out and shine her light. Joy wants to come out and shine her light and no matter what is going on in the world joy is ready to be a part of it.

Happy Friday my friends, if you’re feeling down and out of sorts, just remember that joy is sitting there and she hasn’t given up on you. Just remember joy and fistfights exist in the same world. I love you. XOXO, CAMDW.

Are we allowed to feel joy right now?

Tue, 19 May 2020 21:50:15 GMT

Watching my girl play our wedding song brings me so much joy, or is it happiness, no wait it’s joy…oy I don’t know anymore…

What is happiness and what is joy? I decided to really break it down for myself. People tend to think of me as a supremely happy person, which to an extent is true, but sometimes I feel like that doesn’t cover it for me. Outwardly I may appear simply happy, where inwardly I think there’s a lot more going on and to me happiness seems not to cover my entire internal emotional life.

So, I decided to turn to my journal and the google machine for some help in answering my questions about happiness, joy and how to interact with those two quantities in the world we live in right now which is so full of fear, anger and challenges.

I hope you have a joyful day my friends and that you find ways to access the joy within you. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

Lost in Relaxation OR My Husband Occasionally Looks Like a Hurt Puppy

Fri, 15 May 2020 21:51:50 GMT

Domi wandered downstairs looking lost in his own home. It was the first day of no school in three and a half years. I had told him to also take off work for a few weeks so he could just relax and enjoy himself. It was time for a break for my boy. He was so excited for his break, but I looked at him as he rounded the corner into our kitchen and I could immediately tell something was off.

“What do I do now?” He asked me.

“Well, I’d say relax. Read a book. Watch TV in the middle of the day. Whatever the hell you want! Do anything! Just chill!” I replied, just a touch more forcefully than intended.

But I could tell he felt like he was floating. Not in the woo woo, Nirvana kind of way. The kind of floating that you can see in someone’s face on a first date when they aren’t sure where to put their hands. He was anxious. He didn’t know what relaxing meant anymore. In the last three years, he has been running two companies and going to school full-time. He’s achieved his Bachelor’s degree and today will be awarded a Master’s in business taxation. So, needless to say, he is used to being freaking busy. He runs on empty most of the time. And all of a sudden his tank was primed to be full, except he didn’t know with what.

I think people think that relaxing is inherent, but for people that are used to running a million miles per minute, relaxation has to be relearned. Learning to take time for oneself is sometimes forgotten and has to be reintroduced.

I’m someone that’s definitely had to learn how to turn on and off the relaxation button. This is not something that is in my family’s nature. We are all used to running on little to no time for ourselves (which is not a good thing). But I decided I would lay out for Domi some things I thought might help him enjoy this in-between time. It’s not easy in a major transition. When your identity goes in one day from student to master. And then what? It’s easy to get lost in thought, which is great unless your brain is slowly eating away at your psyche, then please lord have mercy, get the heck out of there! We’re also in a time where you can’t distract yourself by going places and seeing people and doing things. His entire vacation will be spent stuck in a house with me, the puppy, and not a whole lot else.

So, I thought I’d give him some option for ways to fill up the time in a relaxing way, really anything to take that lost puppy look out of his eyes:

1) Sleep in and have some coffee in bed and take time to enjoy the morning before diving into your phone.

2) Make a list of things you’re grateful for.

3) Go work out if it sounds fun—it’ll get you out of your head and into your body and your body always knows what’s best.

4) Read a book that no one is telling you, you have to read.

5) Facetime a friend you’re missing, or your family you never get to talk to.

6) As the relaxation gets easier, just sit outside and think about everything you can be grateful for.

7) Cook me something!! I’m kidding…sort of…but honestly, cooking is an amazing activity that makes me feel good and creative.

8) Watch a show you’ve been dying to see and binge it all day and promise you won’t judge yourself for taking time to just laugh and have fun staring at the box on the wall—sometimes it’s what you want and need.

9) Go for a hike—trails are open baby!! (but obviously, wear a mask and stay six feet from any human)

These are just a couple of ideas. There will be many more I’m sure I will think of over the coming weeks, but it’s a place to get started.

If you’re graduating right now or going through a transition where you have more time and are stuck at home, consider throwing some of these activities into your day to ease the feeling of purposelessness. You have a purpose. You are you and you get to wake up every day and be you and that is a purpose—when you’re in transition it’s an opportunity to redefine yourself, to take time for yourself, to become someone that joyfully practices self-care. You don’t have to be someone who always runs a mile a minute, you can find a new definition if that’s what you want. There is always time to change and morph and become who you are anew every day. Happy weekend my friends and congratulations to my baby.

To all 2020 graduates, I know this is not what you imagined and my heart goes out to you, but I am so proud of your effort and everything it took to get you where you are. Take some time. Relax and enjoy and if you feel stuck—take a look at that list and see if anything tickles your fancy.

XOXO, CAMDW

My Four-Legged Yoda

Tue, 12 May 2020 21:54:06 GMT

I am so silly. We got a puppy and I thought we were doing all the teaching. Sit, down, stay. Repeat.

Turns out Moe had some lessons he wanted to teach me. And he’s doing a darn good job of it. Never have I had a more adorable teacher, nor a teacher that needs quite so much attention.

I noticed something that Moe does that I want to apply to my life as well. Luckily, he and I can take time and do it together. He’s a mostly patient teacher…

Take a look at this week’s video where Moe taught me how to be more productive and less stressed. He’s quite wise for his three and a half months of age.

Happy day, Friends. Hang in there. And don’t forget to divide up your day with time for yourself…maybe even time without a phone in your hand? (Oh no…that’s a scary idea…) I’ll keep you posted on how taking my little Yoda with four leg’s advice goes. Fingers crossed I can keep up with his lessons. XOXOX, CAMDW

My Pen. My Paper. The Universe and Me.

Fri, 08 May 2020 21:55:21 GMT

This is what Moe says to judgment, “I’m just going to sleep here not caring at all what you think and then I’m gonna chase some squirrels.” I think I will be just like Moe…perhaps minus the squirrel chasing…

Judgment. Even the word sounds icky. It’s not fun when we are judged and ultimately judging others doesn’t feel so good either.

I put it out into the Universe this week that I was going to get better at handling judgment from the outside world and from people that I love very much (little bit more tricky). And boy howdy did the Universe is listen closely. No sooner did I say I was ready to work on this hurdle, did outside judgment start flying my way and so, lucky for me, I got the fast track to working on my issues as they presented themselves all over the damn place.

My feelings and thoughts on what I’ve discovered this week:

At first, judgment is never going to feel good and so it’s not a bad idea to let it not feel good for a bit.

Take it in, understand who is doing the judging, and no matter how close you are to that person, breathe it out and let it go (not easy, more on this in a few paragraphs).

Decide that you want to be who you are more than you want to make other people happy or abide by who they think you are.

And the next part…well, if you know me, you know what’s coming—sit down and journal it out until you feel you know your heart better. Take it from the scary place in your head that wants to eat you alive and put it on paper. Let it physically leave your body so that you’re left feeling strong about the decisions you’ve made and standing by them.

There are no wrong decisions. It all leads you somewhere for a reason. If it feels like it was the wrong decision afterward, it brought you something, in some way. I promise. Even if it was a tough lesson to learn. And it’s never too late to reroute and try something else.

Sometimes the decision is deciding to simply be who you want to be.

I had someone this week that I have been really close to decide that we were no longer the right friends for each other based on who I am as a person. Ummmm—ow.

At first, this hurt horribly. I was crushed. So, I sat down and talked about it with Domi, then I talked about it with my Dad, and some friends, then I got out my worn, leather journal and talked it out with myself. After several hours of tears, self-reflection, and a lot of thinking, I realized something—I am so happy being just who I am.

Maybe I am “too much” for some people. Maybe I do require devoted friends because I am a devoted friend. Maybe I am someone that doesn’t just have one or two love languages, but every freaking last one of them and I require a lot of love, too. And that is okay. I am so very happy being who I am.

After the tears and self-discovery, something else occurred to me. I asked that the Universe bring the right people into my life and so sometimes that means also having a clearing of people that maybe were the perfect people for me and I for them at one point, where we just don’t match up anymore and that’s no one’s fault. I literally filmed a video this week reminding the world that when someone walks out of your life you are creating space for new energy, new people, new lessons and new adventures(and new adventures always come with food and I love food).

It was time to remember my own advice.

I thought about my choices.

I thought about who I am as a human being.

I remembered that I regret no friendship and no decision because they always teach me something.

I decided that someone else’s judgment of who I am, is a-okay with me because I love me and my decisions and my occasionally bad grammar.

I cried.

I wrote about it.

I picked myself back up to accept all of the new energy and light and life that is headed my way. I remembered I am creating a community and that will sometimes mean the Universe will clean house and I don’t get to decide what gets dusted.

So, let them judge away. I will not ask them to stop. What I can alter is the way I receive judgment. When I am in love with myself and my decisions everything else starts to fade away. I can stand on top of a mountain screaming, “OKAY. GO AHEAD. JUDGE ME.” And people will and I will stop caring so dang much because each time someone else’s judgment stings I will remember I have my pen, my paper, the Universe and me.

Happy Day, friends! I hope you stand on top of that mountain and declare it’s time to start making decisions for yourself and asking yourself what you want instead of everyone in the periphery. You are so great. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

Popular and Best Aren’t Synonyms

Tue, 05 May 2020 21:57:18 GMT

As a teenager, shockingly, I was really good at remembering that being popular and choosing what was best for me were oftentimes very different things and that choosing what was best for me really outweighed caring whether I was popular or not. Then I grew up and needed a reminder.

So, I am breaking it down and remembering what it takes to stay the course of my best self and letting go of the noise. It’s a journey, but we can be in this together.

It’s hard to stop caring about what other people think, but I’ve broken down what I believe is good to remember while overcoming this hurdle and outlined some concrete steps to take that always help me. Take a look:

Happy Tuesday, Friends. I’m still in my PJs and who knows if I’ll even get out of them today and I am completely okay with that. XOXO, CAMDW

Write. Redefine. Thank. or Why I am Grateful to be a Stage 5 Clinger…

Fri, 01 May 2020 21:58:52 GMT

Relentless. The word most used by my family to describe me. And up until about a week ago, I thought it was a bad thing. Then I realized I actually need to thank my family for giving me that descriptor. It’s actually the very best thing about me.

So, maybe those words that have become associated with us aren’t a part of us at all or maybe they are something that is thought of as negative but is actually quite positive.

How do I sort that out and how can you?

1) I sit down with a piece of paper. I start writing about relentlessness, or whatever it is people describe me as and think about every facet of the word. (The definition, my associations, society’s ideas)

2) I write about how the word makes me feel and if it’s something that rings true for me when I think about it. (I know it rings true when I get that tingly feeling in my heart)

3) I write and write and write until I get to a place where I discover what these words mean to me, not anyone else.

4) I do not judge my ideas about these words or what is positive or negative. What I am writing is not a manifesto to submit to Oxford’s English Dictionary on how to redefine a word, it is not for anyone else but me.

Here is what this looks like in action:

I’m relentless, right? Which I used to think of as a really annoying way to be. I took out my journal and I started writing and I wrote all of the ways in which being relentless has brought me closer to my goals or has helped me achieve them. All of how relentlessness has made me a fierce believer. How relentlessness has ultimately brought me joy, laughter, thoughtfulness, drive and so much more. All I had to do was write about it for a while. This works with any word someone else has ascribed to me that didn’t feel good initially.

Relentlessness was a pretty easy one, but then I came across a word I really didn’t want. A word that I didn’t believe there is any positive to.

Clingy. Ugh. Ew. Get that thing away from me.

That stupid word has followed me around my whole life like an annoying shadow. When I thought about that word, I knew it was time to get out that journal again.

I got quiet.

I asked myself if being clingy is something that really rings true at my core—is it me? Am I clingy?

Okay, yes, I am. But what is clingy really? It’s loving deeply and expressing that affection often. It’s also sometimes annoying the hell out of people worrying if they still love me.

So, I write about the wonderful parts of clingy. My deep love. My fervor for people to understand how much I adore them.

Wait a second, that sounds pretty amazing. I think I actually might like being clingy.

I let the rest of it go. The downside of being clingy is the expectation of what I want from other people, which I have no control of. I write about that, too. I write and think and talk until I get to a place where I believe that maybe it is time to let that go and embrace the lovely part.

I sit.

I write about it some more. (You can paint about it, sing about it, talk it out with a friend, any way you want to.) I write and sit and think until I have pulled it out of myself until just the part I want of it is remains. And then I thank every person that has ever had the courtesy to call me clingy because it is such a beautiful word.

Sometimes I want the whole damn word and everything associated with it.

Sometimes, not. I get to pick what I take with me.

I put it down on paper—my judgment-free zone.

I redefine.

I thank.

I get to choose who I am. No one else. No one else gets to tell me with these words who I am. It is up for me to decide and act on.

How do you find what words you do identify with? You simply ask yourself: Is that how I define myself? Yes? No? Does it matter? Maybe not. Let go of self-judgment. And move on.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy Friday friends, I hope you have a second to find a word, whatever it is and write about it and decide for yourself whether it is what you want or not. I struggle with what other people think of me and I have found this insanely helpful when it comes to letting go of other peoples’ opinions and I hope it brings some peace to you, too. Love you oodles. XOXOX, your clingy little pal who is super proud of it, CAMDW.

You Bet Your Booty I’m Relentless

Tue, 28 Apr 2020 22:01:01 GMT

My Dad, who might I add, loves me very, very much ascribed an adjective to my normal state of being from the time I was about two years old. Relentless. And wasn’t that the truth. I think at the time he didn’t necessarily think it was to my benefit, mostly I think I drove him insane with my ability to be unrelenting about anything I wanted or believed. And as a kid, I think, without the ability to define what did and did not serve me best, being relentless maybe was a struggle for both myself and my parents.

However, as an adult, I have found that this quality of mine has served me more than pretty much any of my other qualities, but it took looking at it from a different angle. Being relentless is a superpower, it just takes a change in perspective.

Take a look at today’s video regarding my typically unwavering belief in what I want and share with me those qualities that were ascribed to you as a little one or an adult that maybe are seen as negative, but are truly massively positive and completely what makes you, you.

Happy Tuesday, Friends! I love you and I wish the best for your days ahead. Sending massive hugs. XOXO, CAMDW

I Finally Found a Game I Can Always Win

Fri, 24 Apr 2020 22:02:44 GMT

Scared yet?

Grocery shopping has always been one of my favorite things. I associate grocery shopping with independence…call me crazy, but it’s true. When I turned 16 and got my driver’s license I would ask my Dad if he needed anything from the grocery store and I would always find something we needed, drive there and experience my newfound independence. I would inevitably “forget” something and have to go back multiple times a day because to me being able to show up at a grocery store having driven there all by myself blasting music, buying groceries, and driving home became a ritual.

Lately, I’ve been avoiding the grocery store because it makes me a little bit sad. Waiting in a line six feet apart from others, gliding down the aisles while avoiding connection makes me just a little bit depressed. I couldn’t really figure out why. I mean, I know, going to the grocery store right now is like being on the front lines of this pandemic, but something more than that unsettled me.

Yesterday, I ventured out to the store for the first time in probably two weeks. I got almost everything I needed, being very careful not to stockpile as if this is the apocalypse, got in a line that extended around the frozen food aisle, and into the produce section and pondered what exactly I was so perturbed by. As I approached the front of the line I smiled at the checker. That’s when it hit me. I looked at the masked faces all around me and suddenly it became so obvious why my once great love for grocery stores now brings on a bout of depression.

I couldn’t see anyone smile.

I am a very smiley person. It’s how I oftentimes communicate with the world. I consider my smile a little bit like my superpower because I can say so much with it and because it’s usually massive and unapologetic. I can squeeze around someone and apologize for getting too close without having to say anything with a smile. I can show gratitude without really saying thank you with a smile. When I smile no one has to guess what I’m trying to say, it says everything for me.

But right now…I have been masked and stripped of my superpower and stripped of my enjoyment in appreciating other people’s smiles.

Quick disclaimer: Wearing a mask is crucial right now and I would never ever suggest otherwise, so please don’t misinterpret my sadness in missing seeing people’s lips for any kind of reckless behavior that I may take.

So, I have a couple of options here. I can hate going to the supermarket until we don’t have to wear masks anymore, which could very likely be a very long time. Or I can play a game.

Here is how this game works:

1) I look at the people around me and try to guess whether or not they’re smiling (1 point awarded for each person I identify)

2) I try and find telltale signs that indicate a smile or any emotion without seeing someone’s lips. For example a sweet crinkle near the eyes, a widening of the mask, bright eyes (2 points rewarded for each telltale sign I can find of any human emotion)

3) I use my words. I say “thank you,” I say “excuse me” like a normal human. I speak up, like louder than I want to, and ask for help even when I’m feeling shy because who the heck can hear a tiny little voice through these masks? (100 points per time I find myself brave enough to speak through my mask)

4) I find new ways to express a smile through body language: I put my hand on my heart, I laugh (10 points for each new way I find to communicate)

Then, I count up the ways in which I have found new ways to smile, show emotion, and to appreciate smiles and emotions and I get points and I win. I always win at this game because if I’m playing the game that is all that counts.

The things I love to do the most: hug, smile, express any and all emotions look different right now than they once did. Those are all beautiful things, but we have to redefine how we express these beauties and I think making a game out of it sounds so much more fun than looking at the world around me as a place where emotions have disappeared and my superpowers have vanished because they haven’t—they’ve just morphed.

So, I’m making up a lot of new games these days. I don’t want to hide in a little hovel or never go to the grocery store and I especially don’t want to stop enjoying life and silly, mundane activities that have always brought me joy. Life hasn’t stopped, life has been altered and we all know how I feel about change. It’s time to adapt and breathe and find games and our creative selves in this new and ever-changing world.

What are your games, friends? What are you winning at right now by making something that seems scary, and weird and icky into something that can bring a giggle or even a smile that no one can see easily to your face? Tell me, let’s make all the games.

Sending big, big love and masked smiles your way. We got this. We’ve done another week! A WHOLE WEEK!! CONGRATULATIONS I AM IMPRESSED!!! I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW

The Only Time Audrey Hepburn Has Ever Steered Me Wrong…

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 22:04:38 GMT

I was sitting at my desk this morning when I looked over at one of my paperweights with one of my very favorite quotes ever. Except for this time when I looked at it I got angry.

Have you ever heard this section of one of Audrey Hepburn’s quotes? “I believe happiest girls are the prettiest girls.” Well, what happens when I don’t feel happy? Do I become less beautiful? When the world is in flux and there is heartbreak and sadness and confusion and loss and joy and gratitude all going on at the same time, as I move from emotion to emotion does my beauty change? Does my beauty matter?

Well, maybe physical beauty isn’t a priority right now, but the kind of beauty I’m thinking of is the kind within and I refuse to believe that based on how my emotions fluctuate so does my inner beauty.

Take a look at today’s video and let me know how you’re feeling because I am inserting inner beauty into every single feeling I feel because that journey is without a doubt beautiful, even if sometimes painful.

Happy Tuesday friends. We’ve made it through another day and I am endlessly proud of us. I hope you make peace with your inner beauty today being a part of an emtoional journey. I love you so much. XOXOX, CAMDW

PS this is the first video I’ve ever uploaded without editing a thing…I think it’s important to have all of my “ums” and silent moments to see that it takes me a minute to get to where I’m going sometimes.

Puppy Love and a New Kind of Prayer

Fri, 17 Apr 2020 22:08:19 GMT

We woke up Saturday morning having barely been able to sleep the night before. Today would be the day. The day our little bundle of woofs would arrive. We were so excited. We made a plan to distract ourselves and keep us busy all day long until he came home. We set up everything he would need, watched training videos all day long and kept going for walks and trying to enjoy the sun until little Moe was finally here.

At 4:55pm our doorbell rang and there was a little crate waiting right in front of it. We opened the door, waved to the nice lady that had dropped him off, keeping her social distance from us, and looked expectantly at the little gray and navy blue box that appeared to be moving of its own volition.

We picked up the crate and brought him inside. Armed with treats and smiles we opened the door to see the newest addition to our family. He was shaking and scared, but as he started to smell the chicken liver goodies we had waiting he gained courage and marched out of his confinement and into my lap. The fear didn’t last long and he seemed to recognize that the three of us belonged to each other almost immediately.

Then the anxiety kicked in. Not his, ours. We were so excited for a puppy that I don’t think we’d begun to calculate the change that was about to occur in our lives. And most importantly we were worried we might just break him. But as our excitement quickly outweighed our anxiety the day flew by and then it was time for bed.

We knew we were going to crate train Moe since before he even arrived on our doorstep and we knew that with some puppies crate training is not easy. In our silly little heads, we naively assumed Moe would just be the most chill, easiest dog and that he would just take to his crate immediately. We had introduced him to the crate throughout the day, but when it came time to sleep…all hell broke loose.

After his crying became too painful and Domi and I too exhausted, I grabbed a blanket and laid next to him, my hand in the crate, his paw on my finger and he became peaceful. I spent another night on the floor next to him and then another. Three days in, I looked at Domi and said, I just can’t sleep on the floor anymore—my body hurts. And I knew at some point we would have to endure his cries and I knew at some point he would become used to his new sleeping den, it was just a question of who would crack under the pressure first.

On day four, as the sleep deprivation really started to settle in, I came downstairs for my shift to watch our own little nutcase so Domi could take a break and get some work done. The second I rounded the corner and saw my hubby, we both started talking at the same time. What Domi and I had both realized is that not only had Moe approached the crate with fear but so had we. We were so nervous that we would hear him cry, so anxious that we would lose sleep forever that we all entered bedtime on high alert.

We decided it was time to approach that differently. It was time the three of us all bonded with this crate. And it was time for Domi and me to change our attitudes. We had spent four days telling everyone in our lives how much we adored our little brown and white bundle of love, but how awful of a sleeper and a crier he is. We had continuously put it out into the Universe that he is the single-worst sleeping puppy that has ever walked the planet and then we came to our sense and changed our minds.

It was time to have a talk with Moe and a talk with the Universe. I held my fur baby in my arms and looked him straight in his big brown eyes. “Hi, Moe Moe. You know, I am so proud of you, right? You did this big thing coming to a new family and a whole new place and you’re doing an amazing job.” He looked back at me, eerily calm, as if he really was understanding what I was saying. I continued, “I know everything in the world is new right now, but that will change and things will get less scary every day. I love you so much and more than anything I am so proud of what a good sleeper you are.” And then I convened with God/the Universe/whatever higher power is out there. I closed my eyes and pictured Moe sleeping sweetly in his crate. Loving his new den. Being snuggled up and happy and finding it as his place of refuge from this new scary world. And then I repeated my new mantra. “Moe is such a good sleeper. Moe sleeps through the night. It’s amazing how much Moe loves his crate. I am so grateful that Moe sleeps so well at night.”

Then that night we approached bedtime differently. We smiled and spoke with joy when we saw the crate and it was time for bed. We got out yummy treats, we turned on a fun TV show that we’ve learned Moe likes to watch and in he popped, with such ease, straight into his crate. “I love you, Moe.” I said, “sweet dreams!” I gave him one more tap on his paw and slowly backed up repeating my prayer from earlier in the day. I climbed under the covers. Moe watching me expectantly. We both eyed each other and I intensified my mantra on repeat in my mind. I heard a few peeps of protest and then, silence as he plopped down head on his paws snuggled like a bug in a rug.

I closed my eyes repeating my fervent sleeping prayer and the next time I woke up, there was our little man, completely passed out, paws in the air, sleeping like an angel. I may have shed a tear or two out of excitement.

I didn’t mind if he whined because he had to go out in the middle of the night, which of course, he did. He’s still a little one and if I can’t even hold it all night, how could he? But every time I took him out and we returned to the bedroom he happily plunked down in his crate and went straight back to dreamland.

Domi and I looked at each other in the newfound silence of our bedroom, with the biggest smiles on our faces. Moe wasn’t the problem, we were. No shocker there. But as soon as we changed our mind and approach the Universe moved mountains to make our little guy comfortable.

I am a strong proponent of manifestation…I really believe that the law of attraction is out there waiting to serve us if we just have the right thoughts and the right approach. We are so often focused on the negative that we create more and more of it in our minds and then more and more of it manifests in our daily lives, but if we change all of those negative thoughts into positive ones our world can look entirely different.

Think of all the ways you can change a negative thought into a positive one. Then try it. Try changing the way you approach the same negative thought from the positive side and see what changes in your life. See what you attract. Change your situation, or perhaps, just your puppy’s sleeping habits.

Especially during these uncertain times, we can work on this. We have so many negative thoughts every day surrounding quarantine and the future and what might happen, but maybe we can work on those thoughts. Maybe, even if it’s just one a day, we can shift our perspective and slowly, with practice, finding the positive thought will become easier than resorting to the negative. You can do it. I believe in you.

Happy Friday friends. I am sending so much love and so much sleep to you all. Can’t wait to hug my friends again, and after manifesting a potty-trained dog, I’m working on manifesting that next. XOXOXO, CAMDW

Lessons from My Daddy

Wed, 15 Apr 2020 22:10:15 GMT

To the Daddy that asked me when I first started dating Domi, “Honey, does he treat you right?” And my answer was, “Sometimes he even looks at me the way you do.” I love you.

I was a blessed little girl with two adoring and doting fathers and today is one of those fathers’ birthdays. So, I thought it would be the perfect day to share some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from him.

My daddy is a kind, hysterically funny, and ever-so-loving soul. He may have felt like he wasn’t around enough during my childhood because he was working so hard to provide the life he believes my dad and I deserve, but he had such an impact on my upbringing that I think he doesn’t even realize.

Here are just some of the many, many lessons from my sage, comedian, real-estate loving, CPA (who happens to have been born on tax day) father:

He taught me what unconditional love is. He showed me what it meant to love someone unendingly and he showed me the kind of big, great love that is possible when you let your heart lead you.

He taught me what incredible determination and what hard work looks like. As a child, my daddy was bullied in elementary school, middle school, high school and beyond, yet he didn’t let that crush him—instead, it made him the fiercest of warriors determined to create the life of his dreams.

He taught me to dream and reach for the stars and then buckle down and do the work so that those dreams can become realities. Every time my daddy accomplishes something he dangles the metaphorical carrot just a little bit further. He works just a little bit more to reach his next goal and never gives up until he has created exactly what his heart desires.

My daddy showed me that no matter what your age is you can work out like a boss and that age is truly just a number. I’m so not kidding. He goes to the gym more than I do and he is 42 years my senior…I should be embarrassed!! But how can I be when my super cool father has a six-pack?!

Dennis Duban is an incredible man and we can all learn from him. These lessons weren’t just tidbits I picked up as a child, but examples that I have used in order to shape my life and I hope some of them strike an important chord with you as well. He has overcome so much and manifested and worked hard for a beyond phenomenal life. He always claims to learn from me even though as far as I can see it, his wisdom exceeds mine tenfold. But he hears my voice and appreciates my input even though I am less experienced, younger and see things from such a different point of view.

I am so proud to be his daughter. I am so thankful that he has taught me so much. I believe his heart has the ability to make the world a more loving, especially-funny place.

Happy birthday, Daddy I love you to the sun and the moon and back. I hope you have an incredible day and that the lessons you have taught me are able to ripple out into the world we live in and I hope everyone during this trying time feels the unconditional love you have shown me throughout my entire life.

Happy happy day. XOXOXOX, CAMDW

My Quarantine Buddy

Fri, 10 Apr 2020 22:15:00 GMT

To the days where we could be out and about and I still remembered how to put makeup on…

So, here we are. Another week, some more physical distancing. I realized that while I have been talking a lot about how I have been feeling during this crazy time, without really thinking about how it has affected my marriage and then when I went to think about how it affected my marriage it was really hard to say since Domi and I are pretty used to spending 24 hours a day together.

So, I decided to bring in the only other expert on my marriage that I know, my husband. We sat down and tried to put together a list of how we manage to spend so much time together without driving each other completely bonkers and instead we could barely think of anything or stop laughing long enough to actually talk about our relationship.

Here’s a little video just to make you smile, since we can’t pull ourselves together. I do know that our marriage works because we want it to and because we communicate, are kindly honest, are not afraid to admit when we’re wrong, because we act like big kids and at the end of the day we always remind each other why we fell in love in the first place.

No, we haven’t been together for decades, this is just what I have found over the last five years of falling in love. Mostly, just never forget to laugh at and with yourself and your person.

Happy Friday friends! I hope you have a wonderful weekend. We love you and are thinking of you and hope you can remember to give each other space, but always remind each other of the beautiful things. XOXOXO, CAMDW.

Epic Laughter…Only Somewhat at My Expense

Tue, 07 Apr 2020 22:16:34 GMT

Two silly goobers and some German homework…

I plopped myself down on our living room floor last night to do my German homework. I took a big, deep breath. After a long day of working, my German homework usually isn’t the thing I want to dedicate myself to.

Just in case you’re curious, no, I did not just decide to pick up German because it seemed like a fun and easy language to learn…I am married to a German dude and I want to speak his language, so here I am trying my darndest to learn, what feels like, especially at 9:30 at night, to be the world’s most grammatically precise and confusing language there is.

Through this language learning process, I have also discovered that when, at fifteen, I made a list of everything I wanted to find in a partner as a means of manifesting my perfect person and I wrote down, “European” it wasn’t nearly specific enough…I should’ve written down something like “English,” or “Irish,” or even “Italian,” and I would currently be spending a lot less time with my nose in a language book trying to figure out what the heck the genitive case is.

Obviously, I am kidding. I am wholeheartedly obsessed with my husband, he is pretty much the best thing since sliced bread (actually he is definitely much, much better) and I would gladly learn German for the rest of my life for him (in fact, I am pretty sure that’s what I will be doing), but man oh man is this language a doozy.

As I looked over my homework, which only seemed to be getting more complicated by the second, I finally broke down and asked Domi for help, which I rarely do. I especially didn’t want to last night. Domi had been having a really rough day. He had been short of breath, due to anxiety, nothing more, but shortness of breath these days is certainly enough to send us all into a tizzy. He was stressed to the max with demands being made on him. He’s not only in school but also working, and usually, I really don’t want to be bothering him to help me finish my homework for a class I have elected to take in my spare time when he has so much going on.

However, my frustration was only building, so I called him over from the kitchen. He sat down on the floor next to me and rested his chin on my shoulder to take a look at my workbook. First, like any excellent teacher, he validated me by saying what I am working on is incredibly difficult and that he is so very proud of me. Then as he read on he out of the blue got the giggles. Immediately, my initial reaction to being laughed at when I am working on speaking in another language was to punch him in the shoulder and beg him to stop laughing, but he couldn’t. He laughed and laughed and laughed at my homework. Then because I really couldn’t help myself I started laughing hysterically without really knowing what I was laughing at. When we finally seemed to get ahold of ourselves, he explained to me what was wrong with my writing, it was a little funny, yeah, but nowhere near as funny as he made it seem. And all of a sudden, something occurred to me. I realized it wasn’t that what I had written was quite so hysterical it was the fact that he needed a release.

These are crazy times and sometimes you just need to laugh. The awkward laugh. The uncomfortable laugh. The laugh seemingly at someone else’s expense. The laugh like there may be no tomorrow laugh. Because laughter is so very necessary at times. It doesn’t mean we don’t take our world and these issues seriously it just means sometimes we need to just giggle until we fall on the floor and are gasping for air from hysterics.

So, here are my very, very unwise, very simple words of wisdom for this week:

It is a-okay to roll on your floor laughing right now. It is not out of place if it is what you need. It does not mean you don’t want to save the world, it means you are taking care of releasing your fear, your anxiety, and so much more that your body doesn’t know how to get out any other way. So, please, if you need to laugh, laugh and please if someone else in your house is laughing at what you think is your expense, know that it most likely is not, they are likely laughing to release some very deep dark emotions that don’t otherwise know how to boil to the surface. (And yeah, maybe sometimes they are laughing at you just a little bit—under these circumstances, I suggest joining them.)

Laugh it out my friends and if the laughing turns to crying, so be it, but please, do not judge yourselves for not being serious for just a minute. You don’t have to be serious all the time. You can be silly and still be strong. You can be a goofball and still have the gravitas to change the world.

I just spent the better part of an hour laying on the floor laughing my head off next to my love because we didn’t know what else to do and then maybe I had to cry a little and now maybe I need to sleep a little. But I do know, that Domi and I are feeling worlds better than we did before our epic laugh. It’s all good, all of it. I hope you giggle just a little today for me. Even the most serious of us sometimes just need to shake it out and cackle until our tummies threaten to burst. And when the laughter stops and the world feels scary again, just remember that that laughter is never very far away.

Happy Tuesday my friends. I am sending big hugs and big laughs your way. Whatever you are feeling, it’s perfect and it will pass, the good, the bad, and the ugly. XOXOX, CAMDW

Two Things…

Fri, 03 Apr 2020 22:19:06 GMT

Alright, it’s Friday and we’re still quarantined. Naturally, I have had quite a bit of time to think and I had two things that really stuck out to me this week.

1) How this time is so scary for us because we actually have to sit with ourselves and our issues and

2) How we are really good at pointing out all of the people who haven’t been there for us without recognizing those that have or realizing that we can be there for ourselves.

This is an amazing time for some really deep thoughts that we haven’t had time for, or maybe didn’t want time for. Check out my video below about my thoughts on this subject….

We can be there for ourselves through patience with our own minds and anxieties, through meditation, through self-care and self-love. Now is the time to take care of ourselves. Now is also a good time to focus on all the positive influences we have in our lives. For all the people that have been there for us…not the ones that haven’t. It’s all about the way we look at it, right?

Happy Friday friends! We made it through another week!

Sending love and light and a reminder to be gentle on your self-discovery journey because it’s bumpy and sometimes the dark corners of our minds can even scare us, so take your time and don’t force it and if this isn’t your time for self-discovery then please, just do you, but focus on those that have worked to be there for you, not those that refuse to show up or maybe, just accidentally forgot to show up.

Have a great weekend and be well, XOXOX, CAMDW

A Coronappointment

Tue, 31 Mar 2020 22:21:45 GMT

So, here’s some really, really exciting news during this really tough time…Domi and I are getting a puppy!! We aren’t quite ready to have actual babies, so we decided to be a puppy Mom and Dad first.

After four and a half years of working to convince Domi that we should get a dog, last week I showed him a photo of an adorable little guy and he said, “I think he’s really cute and I think this is a good time, let’s do it.”

I immediately flipped out, not ever expecting him to say yes after so many years and millions of “no’s.” And in the end, he ended up convincing me that now is a great time for us to have a dog. We’re both home, and we decided that regardless of what happens, we can make time for a little bundle of love and light.

Right away we went into action, making sure we have everything for our little angel to come home to. We have been vociferously devouring training videos, we’ve been educating ourselves to be the best puppy parents we can possibly be. We have thrown ourselves into preparations for one Mr. Mozart “Moe” Von Domsky.

Every morning around five AM I wake up wondering how he’s doing. Hoping he feels safe and warm and knows that he is going to come to the most loving, excited two people there ever were. Then today I got a call. Moe would still arrive at some point, but because of everything going on right now travel restrictions, especially for pets, have become very difficult to work around and it will likely take an additional two to three weeks to get him to his new home.

Okay, two to three weeks extra for our puppy to arrive, given the current state of the world, or really any state of the world, really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. However, I have dedicated every waking moment when I wasn’t working, or stressing about this virus, to thinking about holding a puppy in my arms. The mere thought of being distracted by walks around the block and potty training and being woken up in the middle of the night to calm down the little goober kept me going through this strange period of fear and powerlessness.

Moe’s delay was a “Coronappointment.” Which I have defined as “a disappointment brought on by the Coronavirus.”

Yes, I should be counting my blessings. Yes, I should be not focusing on myself and should be focusing on what I can do for the world when everyone is going through a period of such loss. Of jobs, of loved ones, of the whole world they know. What gave me the right to be so upset? But at the moment where I realized I was going to have to wait a month for the one thing I’ve been looking forward to made it feel like everything was crumbling and unbearable. It felt like I had suffered a major loss when in reality it is a 14 to a 21-day delay.

I would love to say I reacted well and didn’t sit crying in our front yard for a solid half-hour. I would love to say that I said, “alright, I understand, these things happen and in comparison to what so many people are suffering from, this is nothing. We’ll see Moe whenever he gets here. Thank you! Have a nice day!”

But I didn’t. I cried and I begged and I started researching any way I could to find a way to get Moe, who I have envisioned as the great fixer of all pandemic anxiety, here faster. I wanted to run on my own two little feet and grab my little doggy myself. I got frustrated. Really? I thought. Another known quantity becomes unknown? Right now?

Yes, my reaction was self-centered and just a touch crazy, but I have decided not to judge myself (too much) for it. There’s no point in beating myself up because my sadness and disappointment and frustration is mine and the sadness isn’t just the disappointment of not getting to have my puppy in my arms next week, it is the frustration with the lack of control that I have in the world around me. Normalcy seems to have slipped through my fingers and I expected a furry, fluffy, little dude was going to bring it all back to me. But yet again the universe has said, “Slow down Chelsea. Look at what you have. Breathe. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring and that’s okay. I got this. Let me take care of this, okay?”

And so, I am surrendering yet again to the Universe, I am throwing my hands up and saying, “Okay, whatever tomorrow brings, I will deal with it then.” I am understanding that nothing is a given in life, not even the arrival dates fluff balls with heartbeats and even before this virus started turning our world topsy turvy that was already the case—it’s just now that it’s so blatantly in our face.

So, it’s okay if what may be a small, insignificant thing, or delay to someone else is a huge deal for you. It’s alright that our reactions are sometimes a bit over-reactive at this time or at any time because adjustments aren’t easy, especially not in this environment. It’s okay. Whatever you are feeling right now, you are valid in feeling that. So, keep on feeling, while remembering to be grateful for the gift of life. Keep on feeling, while writing down your blessings. Keep on feeling, while looking for ways to support others. Keep on feeling in order to let the feelings go and to remember in your heart what is most important and that this one is on the Universe. We don’t have the control and the sooner we are okay with just riding the ride, the sooner our lives will become less fraught. (Yeah, I know, working on it…)

Happy day friends, I know so many of you are suffering during this time and I wish I could wrap my arms around the world and fix it. I know it’s not possible, but it is my dream. XOXOX, learning-to-be-patient CAMDW

What Happens When You Cannot Make the Unknown Known?

Fri, 27 Mar 2020 22:22:55 GMT

This time certainly has me figuring out what is in and out of focus in my life…

One of my favorite pieces of advice in the whole world is to take unknown things and make them known things—which makes the world less scary and more understandable and it makes my world bigger. I live and breathe this rule. It is my steadfast means of growing and adapting as my environment changes.

And then, all of the sudden, my rule could no longer be applied. Just making the unknown thing, known didn’t work. I couldn’t put my anxiety at ease and it occurred to me that one of the reasons why this pandemic has become so frightening is because there is no way of making this unknown quantity, a known quantity.

Literally, unless I contract coronavirus, which I would much rather avoid, there is no making this amorphous, scary thing and its effects, known.

I sat with my journal this morning trying to figure out a way forward because sitting in fear until this is over, quite frankly, sounds exhausting to me. Especially since we really have no idea when this will be over. (Oh s*$!.)

My rule cannot be applied because the universe is actually asking us to do the exact opposite. (Insert eye roll directed at the universe here.) The universe is saying, look, guys, you’re just going to have to sit in the unknown and be okay. You will have to find peace in not having any idea when this will end, and what the world will look like when it does end.

To sit in the unknown and be okay with it? Well, that sounds like my least favorite thing in the world to do, right? Yes, in case you were wondering, that is 100% correct.

The funny thing that this quite dramatic turn of events helped me realize is that the unknown is actually around us all of the time and we are always sitting in it, we’re just really good at ignoring it and asking it to wait for another day—by creating routines and expectations and the concept of time. So, maybe, just maybe, instead of making the whole world a known experience, which I would’ve previously promoted…I can find some joy in the unknown and it will actually make my life easier in the long run. (What a concept!)

So, after lots of thinking and journaling and meditating and maybe just a little bit of weeping…I have come to the conclusion that like so many wise people have suggested and I have chosen to ignore…it is time for me to become okay living in the present moment. (Damn.) To be grateful for this second, enjoying the now and understanding that truly, this minute is what I have to celebrate. I cannot know what is out there or what tomorrow will bring. I cannot know when life will return to normal or if it will ever be what I thought it was going to be and that’s beyond terrifying. But if I can just sit and breathe and be here, in the brief moments that I can, I can take breaks from my fear. I can appreciate so much more and my priorities in life become shockingly clear.

Look, it’s not like I have this clarity and peace of mind consistently, it’s like exercising any muscle and muscles take time…just ask my biceps…but when I feel the panic rise and I think about not being able to understand the future I realize that this pandemic isn’t just about coming together and being there for each other (which is an amazing result as well) and turning our world upside-down, it is also the cosmos showing us that here we are in this moment, feeling powerless, but the power lies in accepting this moment, in breathing into this sliver of time. In trying to find peace and joy at this moment because making the unknown, known right now is simply not possible and I think I will actually be better off for learning.

There is no other option for me really unless I want to sit in constant fear.

So, here I stand, pacing back and forth in my kitchen on a Friday morning. I am feeling the sun on my skin coming through the window, I am tasting my chai tea fully for the first time. I am watching my husband hard at work and I am appreciating this moment for everything it is. I am not afraid because I am here and only here. And even if being in the present moment only lasts for a few minutes or seconds every day I can find some peace and that peace is comforting and warm and like a hug from a best friend.

This is not to deny that the hurt and suffering in our world is horrifying or to say that I am not taking seriously what is going on around us. I am just offering myself some peace and maybe you can find some peace, too, if even temporarily since what is going on around us is so beyond out of our control.

Inhale. Exhale. We will see the other side of this and no, I do not know what the other side will look like, but in the meantime, I will ask the universe to teach me about the present, to show me how I can be in the now even when I think it’s impossible. I will take this time to learn and breathe because simply, it is the only thing I have any control over.

Have a wonderful weekend my friends. I am here for you. Talk to me about your present moment? What does it look like? How can we be here for each other and enjoy what we can in this dark time? XOXOX, CAMDW.

I Am the OG Rule Follower

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 22:24:47 GMT

I’ve been talking to a lot of friends lately that have been super frustrated that some people aren’t following the orders mandated regarding “Stay at Home” orders and the like. And I am here to tell you, my friends, that I SO get how aggravating it is when you feel like no one is listening or doing things the right way. So, I wanted to tell you a little story about baby Chelsea and how she had to learn this lesson way back when as the OG rule follower.

Have a watch and know I totally get this and get you if you are also one of those that would like everyone to do things the way you think is right, or at times like these, the way things are being mandated. Breathe with me, I’m here with you–just from six feet away.

Please comment below! Do you feel this way too? Do you have things you want to talk about during this crazy time? Let me know, you know I love to talk. Happy day friends, be safe out there, do what you think is best and be conscientious (totally had to look up that spelling…) of each other. XOXOX, CAMDW

Is There Anything Else to Talk About?

Sat, 21 Mar 2020 00:27:42 GMT

Hi Friends! Chelsea here. First of all, I have the sweetest neighbor in the world that left notes on all of our doors this morning asking for our numbers so we can take care of each other. Makes my heart so full!! My neighbor is an incredible example during such a crazy time, take note from her!!

Second of all, it is officially day one of California’s lockdown and I have officially moved everything from my office to home and now I am officially sitting here wondering what on earth we used to talk about.

Seriously.

Here is my take on everything I’ve learned and all of the things I can’t remember to talk about:

Can we think of anything? I would literally like to talk about anything that does not surround #coronavirus or #quarantine. I know talking it through helps us process, which I am totally in support of, but I am also in support of finding some new, or maybe old things to talk about! But I can’t think of any and it’s driving me crazy!!!

Please friends, send me your ideas! I am in desperate need!! So grateful for you and can’t wait to be able to be closer than 6 feet to you soon, I hope.

XOXOX, CAMDW

Well, Isn’t This a Clusterf*?$

Wed, 18 Mar 2020 00:29:10 GMT

My desk looks a little bit like my brain feels right now…

A clusterf%$# is really the only way I can describe how I have felt the last few days. I would love to sit here and say I am handling all of the craziness outside–the social distancing, the quarantining, the working from home, well, but I am not handling it all that well.

I stopped exercising. I stopped meditating even though I have more time than normal. I am eating the only food that is left in supermarkets. I have no schedule and yet, I am strapped for time. I am busy beyond belief and my printer stopped working so I am not sure how I am supposed to run a business from my home–and no one has changed their expectations in terms of what I am going to be able to accomplish in the coming time. Simply put, I am expected to do all of my work and the work of those I work with who cannot work from home (should I say “work” one more time?) and see no humans and not lose my mind.

I had to take a breath today. I had to realize that because I have literally no control of what is going to happen in the future that I cannot try and strangle the outcome I want to come to fruition. I have to start breathing and knowing that whatever comes I can tackle(and so can you).

As much as I hate to admit it…I cannot change the situation going on in the world. BUT I can do my best to stay positive when possible and breathe into the situation.

It’s only day two of most of our city being shut down and we don’t even have it as bad as some areas. I realized that if this is going to be our reality for a significant period of time (or any time at all) I need to find a way to cope and I thought maybe you do, too, friends.

So, I have come up with a list things I can do and I am leaving this list here just in case it might also help someone else.

I am setting a schedule for myself for weekdays.

I am going to shower and get dressed before I sit down to my computer to work

I am going to find a way to exercise be it running, be it walking, be it an online video–I will continue to get my heart pumping

I will make a game out of trying to figure out what to make for dinner with the random ingredients I have been able to find at the store

I will play board games and do puzzles

I will play games with friends that can be played on apps all together

I will reach out to one new person every day to check on them, maybe family, maybe an old friend, who knows!

As long as I am still allowed to leave my house, I will get up and walk around the block once every two hours

I will take time to remember what are actual deadlines and what are self-imposed deadlines and which of the self-imposed deadlines are good deadlines to keep and which are adding to my stress level

I will get up early enough to meditate, do my breathing and write in my journal (people, I have gained two hours by not commuting…what the heck am I doing if not these fun things!)

I will write some letters and catch up on my correspondence

I will not get mad at myself for watching a little more TV

I will work on getting through those books that have been sitting on my nightstand waiting to be read for quite some time

I will take 10 minutes to breathe when I start to feel stir craziness going on instead of picking up my phone and answering some more emails

I will remember that we are all doing this together, none of us are alone

My friends, these are 15 things I am going to do, not every day, but I think I am going to have some time to try them out. It’s a crazy world out there, but we have to remember, more than anything else that we are ALL going through this TOGETHER (well, apart, but, together). We can bond over this and share and try and churn a little positivity out of this. We can reconnect in ways we hadn’t thought to before.

I love you all, this is so tough and so weird and horrific, but we are going to see the other side. XOXO, be brave and be strong and for a little bit of time every day, please be positive, CAMDW

PS Don’t forget to giggle a little bit every day, too. Dog videos and cat videos on youtube are very helpful in this endeavor.

Hug Your Chicken

Sat, 14 Mar 2020 00:30:41 GMT

When you walk into the supermarket and there is nothing left on the shelves it’s very hard not to panic. When you are told to stop hugging. When you are told to isolate yourself from the outside world, that too, makes it really hard not to freak out. When you aren’t getting good information or enough information, it is anxiety-inducing. The world feels like a really scary place right now. We are all becoming afraid of each other and while I understand the need to protect yourself and your family—I urge you to not stop thinking about your fellow humans and your community. I want to stress the need to stay positive and believe in something good that is just around the corner.

Click the link below and take a look at today’s video about something I think is missing from our community during this Pandemic that has taken over our world.

I know it’s scary, guys, I am not immune (pun intended) to the pandemic of fear, nor the actual Coronavirus, but a few things that I have found that have helped me in the last few days as it seems the panic has started to ratchet up are: meditating, the Wim Hof method of breathing (which helps you focus and also helps your immune system stay strong–but please watch a tutorial or use the app that guides you through it otherwise it can make you lightheaded…please use caution), staying in touch with family and friends, journaling and focusing on a joyful present and future.

Have a great weekend and be safe lovelies. XOXO, CAMDW

I Am NOT a Newbie!

Wed, 11 Mar 2020 00:32:07 GMT

My face in this photo is the perfect expression how I feel on the inside when I try something new.

Last week I sat on my yoga mat, already sweating from the heat of the room. Only it wasn’t just the heat that was making me sweat. It was the idea that the teacher might ask if it was my first time. And guess what? It was my first time at a new studio. I was already nervous before I walked in the door. I had to really get up the courage to go somewhere new. It was a new place with new people and new procedures. What if I did something silly? What if I stood out as someone new that didn’t know what they were doing? What if someone laughed at me?

For most people, these may not be the questions in your head when you walk into a new situation, but for me? It happens every dang time. I cannot stand being a newbie. I want to be an expert at everything before I’ve even tried it. I want to fit in and be the person that already has all the lingo, the style, the energy of the place I’m walking into down pat. I don’t like to ask questions like, “Where is the bathroom?” at a restaurant. I want to already know. As I write this I realize even more how ridiculous this all sounds, but for me, it’s a reality.

When I think about it, this all comes from deep insecurity I have from elementary up through high school. I was not one of the cool kids. I didn’t know their words, their mysterious ways and the only way I got let into the cool kids’ club was because I could make them laugh. However, I only wanted them to laugh when I was purposefully doing so, not at my expense…which seemed to happen more often than the former kind of laughter.

So, as I grew up I learned to silently read my surroundings, to try to fit in before I even had a chance to stand out. In a restaurant, my eyes dart around a room when I walk in, looking for the doors to the restroom—God forbid I should accidentally walk into the kitchen and look like an idiot.

I guess some people, this doesn’t bother. They accidentally step their foot into the kitchen, realize it’s not where they’re supposed to be, chuckle, step back out and politely ask someone where they can find the restroom. I am a little jealous of these people that don’t take their embarrassment so seriously. I am working to be one of those people. Because as it is, I am setting myself to be someone that isn’t comfortable in new surroundings and trying new things is what I preach and if I can’t practice what I preach, then what am I even doing here? I need to let go of wanting to control my embarrassment. At people only laughing at me when I say so, at a specific time and in a specific place.

I don’t need to be a cool kid anymore. Actually, I think being a cool kid is overrated and way too much pressure. If people laugh and stare, let them laugh and stare. I love the spotlight, but apparently, only under certain circumstances.

All of this to say, last night I decided I was being ridiculous. I went back to that same studio, I sat on my mat and when the teacher asked, “Is this anyone’s first time in hot power fusion” I raised my hand waiting for all the heads to turn and stare at me. But not many people turned and certainly, those that did didn’t turn to stare they turned to smile and welcome me. The teacher walked over to me and introduced herself. She was kind and warm and lovely. The whole community was. So, as I sat there and judged them all, deciding who was going to be mean or who was going to judge me, they sat there welcoming me. Beckoning me to practice with them.

I had to laugh at myself and I really felt bad for having judged people exactly the way I was worried they would judge me. I am the culprit, not them. Being a beginner, or not knowing the answer to something doesn’t make you uncool, or stupid, or weird. It makes you a beginner—which is not a four-letter word (I mean, come on it has eight whole letters). It means you are starting something new and how exciting? It means it’s okay to ask questions or to not already know how things work. It’s not time for panic and anxiety to set in, but excitement. And this can apply to anything: a new job, a new class, or a new group of friends, or plain just not knowing the answer to something.

It’s okay to not have all the answers, it’s okay to ask questions. In fact, it’s great to ask questions and be bold and be brave in a room full of strangers. It doesn’t matter what they think of you. When a waiter comes over and asks, “Is this your first time dining with us?” I won’t lie anymore and say, “yes,” just because I don’t want them to judge my never having been to such a cool restaurant because I realize it is only me judging myself. It is all a creation in my head because some people as I grew up made me feel silly and insecure when I didn’t know the answers to things or when I did something that was “uncool.”

Cheers to the uncool, the weird, the wrong, the different, the not knowing the answer, the asking the question, walking into the kitchen instead of the bathroom, to being an awesome newbie, cheers to it all.

I don’t think I’m alone in not liking being a beginner, right? Anyone else out there understand this strange feeling of not liking to admit when they don’t know something? Of making up an answer instead of saying, “I don’t know, but I’ll get back to you?” It’s not fun all the time, but it doesn’t make you bad at your job to not have all the answers. It doesn’t make you stupid or uncool to not know how things work, it just makes you new and hallelujah for new things. They’re beautiful! And special! And…wait for it—new!

Happy Tuesday friends! I hope you relish all the new experiences today. I hope you ask questions at school or work or in your version of a yoga class. You are awesome as newbies, as experienced-bies, as it all, just as you are. Love you lots. XOXOX, CAMDW.

Next Stop: Priority Station

Sat, 07 Mar 2020 01:33:47 GMT

This week I had to either reschedule or cancel so many plans I wondered why I even made them in the first place. This is not uncommon for me. I want so badly to say yes to everything and everyone that I say yes without really thinking or looking at my calendar. I end up double booked trying to find creative ways out of things, or telling people we have to reschedule or being delayed on projects that have a deadline.

Needless to say, this does not decrease my stress level in the least. Like, at all. I’ve realized plans aren’t about just looking at what you have going on, on a given day, but also what’s going on around that day and beyond. I’ve learned more than anything identifying your priorities and learning to say “no” even when you don’t want to is such a blessing.

Click below to watch today’s video on my quest for priorities and why now.

Happy day friends!!! Here are a few tips that I find insanely helpful when defining my priorities:

Some questions I ask myself that help me define what my priorities are. What absolutely needs to be done today and cannot wait another 24 hours? What makes my heart sing? What’s something I should do that I’ve been putting off? What am I doing that I am doing out of obligation? Can I let go of this obligation, is it necessary to my well-being? Will I benefit from doing this in the future? When is a reasonable date and time I could accomplish this by and can I make that my deadline? Am I being reasonable, or am I procrastinating?

Write your priority list down!!

Keep track of your week as you go along. I am a long-standing planner user and a supporter of writing things down and checking things off

When making plans don’t just look at what you have that day, look to the future to see what you’re going to have to do the next day and the day before to see what your stress-level might be like.

You got this!! Now go make your priorities and we can share ideas and life will be beautiful and less stressful and more joy filled. Go joy! Yay balance! XOXOX, CAMDW

I Will Not Eat Your Comparison Pie

Wed, 04 Mar 2020 01:35:33 GMT

Comparison is bad news bears. Comparison takes the joy that I am holding so delicately in my hand like the most perfect little flower and crushes it with a hammer the size of Venus. How do we cope with comparison? Why do we compare? I wake up in the morning and immediately it begins, the hammer starts to come down on my very own dreams.

Everything in my life seems to exist only as a means of comparison.

What I do is not great just because I did it, it is only great because it is better than what someone else did. How sick is that?

So, I asked myself a simple question. Does comparison makes my life better?

The short answer is: No.

Take a look at today’s video below to see what I mean and how I’ve found just one more way to make myself insane.

Happy Tuesday friends! No matter how you’re feeling or what you’re comparing. I get you and I hear you. Tell me all about your process and how these things make you feel! I want to know!! XOXOOX, CAMDW

Icky Days and Icky Nights

Sat, 29 Feb 2020 01:37:16 GMT

I get these trees. Some days are just sideways and you lean into it and there seems to be no way to stand up straight again.

I got home last night and flopped down on our sofa. I was exhausted, I was emotionally depleted and I was ready for bed and it was about 7:05pm.

I had a crappy day yesterday, but as I fell asleep I closed my eyes and thought, “it’s okay, tomorrow will be a better day.” So, I laid my head down, with a little smile on my face and all the hope in the world for the next morning.

When our alarm went off this morning it was no surprise to me. I had been lying in bed tossing and turning for over an hour. I was already pissed off and it wasn’t even seven yet. The little voice in my head whined, “but wait, today was supposed to be the better day! And it feels just the same, what the heck man!!” I told myself it was just because I was tired. I trudged downstairs and poured myself a cup of coffee from our coffee machine that has an old-timey gauge like an old-timey gas station to tell you how much coffee is in there—even in the worst of moods that coffee machine makes me smile. I plopped back down on the bed, took my first sip of coffee ready for the caffeine to have a magical effect on my mood.

I finished the whole cup and still…nothing. No change in my mood. I stared at the coffee mug, a little bit aggravated that my usual morning pick-me-up had failed me when I needed it most. So, I turned to my meditation. I put in my headphones and listened to the tinkling music and breathed. Okay, I felt a little better. I took out my journal and wrote down everything I was grateful for. The day didn’t feel so bad anymore, I could feel it turning around. And then I stopped writing and I sat back. Out of the blue, I felt like it was going to take an act of God to get me out of bed. I felt like a cranky, whiny two-year-old.

One of the hardest parts of being an adult is that no one is going to pull you out of bed. You have to do all of the pulling all by yourself. And sometimes that pulling feels like a full-time job. For the first time in a long time, I felt depressed and I didn’t know why. It snuck up on me out of the blue. I was done. Fatigued, sad, lonely, frustrated. There was nothing to turn around my mood. I’d already tried it all. Then the little voice in my head took a tiny little break for a moment and at that moment I decided I was at least strong enough to pull myself out of bed and to put myself in the shower. So I did.Just as my shower was ending I turned the handle all the way to cold and stood under the icy water. (This is part of the Wim Hof technique…google it, he’s a genius). And while the cold felt like it might freeze my skin off, I got out of the shower and felt like a new person. Somehow the cold water accessed something within my body and it got me going.

I was ready for the day. Problem solved. Everything was going to be easy.

And then about ten minutes passed and the coolness in my veins wore off. I sat down on the edge of our bed and started to cry. It all felt too hard again. I was just not feeling it today.But I didn’t stay in my bed. I got myself out of the house and to work. I booked a dance class for the evening. I planned things for the weekend that sounded like fun. I found ways to keep myself moving. I found things to look forward to.

Not every day can be beautiful and perfect and wonderful. Not every day can we want to grow and be a better version of ourselves. Sometimes we just might want to be the whiny, complain-y version of ourselves and that’s okay. In fact, we may have MANY of these days and I am not here to tell you that every day should rainbows and butterflies or that self-growth and care is easy. I am here to try and find joy amongst the icky-ness. I am working on being okay with the crappy day, making my peace with it and knowing it’s just a part of life, however, I am determined to find a way to keep us moving through, not skipping over, the icky days.

If today is an icky day for you too, I hear you. You got this though. And I hope tomorrow will be better, and if it’s not? Guess what you will still make it through because you are strong and amazing and I believe in you.

Happy weekend friends, plan something fun, seek out something great because you are greatness yourself. XOXOX CAMDW

PS I wrote this yesterday…I woke up today and everything felt do-able again. The world felt like a kinder place. My tea and coffee (and allergy medicine) made everything feel better and today it was easy to get up. So, look, I had two s&%^ days in a row–not so bad. I’m proof that it passes….I’ve also had stretches of time that felt all the ickiness for so much longer than two days, much closer to months, so if you feel like you’ve had a lifetime of this, don’t fret, you will work your way to the other side, just please, please, please don’t stop trying to find the good and don’t stop getting out of bed. I’m here if you need me.

Watch Me, But Don’t Look At Me

Wed, 26 Feb 2020 01:40:09 GMT

Chelsea as a three year-old: Dad! Daddy! Come watch my dance! I just made it up! Hurry!

Dad: Okay, Pookadella, we’re coming!

Chelsea: Okay, but you can only watch me…don’t look at me, okay?

This is a conversation I had with my parents time and time again. When I was just a little girl I already had a relationship to vulnerability in the form of making eye contact when I was sharing something that was special or important to me. I was afraid of the judgment. Afraid of what other people might see if they really “looked” at me. Would they like what they saw? Would they turn away? Would I lose a part of me if someone didn’t happen to like that part? I didn’t know what I was saying as a tiny tyke, but as an adult I decided to look back at that phrase and figure out what exactly I meant…and so it required a trip inside (as per usual…oy) to examine my aptitude at being truly vulnerable.

Watch below to see what I puzzled out about vulnerability and the conclusion I came to, which has brought much peace, excitement and understanding to both adult Chelsea learning how to cope in this crazy world and to little Chelsea who always reminds adult Chelsea what exactly is going on inside. (Click the photo/link below for today’s video!)

Happy Tuesday friends!! Thank you for going on these adventures with me! I am forever grateful! Happy day! XOXOX, CAMDW

Wait, But Do You Have a Mom?

Sun, 23 Feb 2020 22:35:35 GMT

In honor of pride month, I thought I’d take a little trip down memory lane to the day I learned what the word gay means.

But since not everyone makes it to the end of these posts, here are a list of Black-led LGBTQ+ organizations that you can support: Transgender Law Center, The Solutions Not Punishment Collaborative, TGIJP, Marsha P. Johnson Institute, The Okra Project and The Audra Lorde Project, (I found these through a post of Ellen Degeneres, I did not curate these on my own, but I trust Ellen to do her research.)

Now, for this little ditty.

There is probably no question I’ve heard more in my twenty-six years on this planet than “Do you have a mom?” Adults, children, flight attendants, checkers at the supermarket, old ladies on the street and everyone in-between all ask. My answer is always, “No, I have two dads.” My Dad has always phrased it in the positive as opposed to, “She doesn’t have a Mom.” He never wanted it to be portrayed as a loss or something negative, and that’s what I learned to do, too.

Many people, before hearing my response, assume that I’m a child of divorce or my parents are gay and got together after they left their spouses and now I have fourteen parents. I have started to say, “No, I have two gay dads, and I am biologically related to both of them.” It may be too much information for some people, and for a small few it literally scares them away and they don’t know what to say. Fine by me. For others it sparks a litany of questions about how and why and where and when? These questions were hard to answer as a little kidlet. Although my family looked different from other families, I didn’t even know what the word gay meant until I was about seven. I didn’t understand that there was a specific label for having two dads that loved each other. There was no understanding in my child mind that although my family looked different, that there is actually a category for what the type of love my parents have for each other. I hadn’t learned yet just how much the world loves to label everything. This would be the beginning of my education in society wanting to put humans in pretty little boxes with convenient labels.

We were with my Daddy on a business trip in Hawaii when I started playing with a little girl in the ocean while my Dad situated on safely on his beach towel looked on from the shade wearing a thick white layer SPF 70 that never completely got rubbed into his skin. I was talking to her, and she asked me where my Mom was. I said, “I have two dads,” and she said, “No you don’t,” and I said, “Yes, I do,”

“No, you don’t!” she repeated.

“Yes, I DO!” I insisted.

She was finally so aggravated with my insistence that she marched up to my Dad and said, “She says she has two dads!”

And he responded, “Well, she does.”

After a minute of staring at my Dad with a quizzical look on her face, she seemed satisfied enough with that answer so she came back into the surf to play, and then we started arguing again. Only this time the words my Dad heard us shouting from the water were,

“Yes, he is.”

“No, he isn’t.”

“Yes, he is.”

“NO HE IS NOT!”

And this went on for a good two and a half minutes until I marched up the beach to my Dad and said, “DAD! SHE SAYS YOU’RE GAY!!” as if she were saying they were guilty of some blasphemy I clearly couldn’t comprehend.

My Dad responded, “Well, I am.”

I thought about this for a moment, and then pivoted back to the water, waved to the girl and said, “Oh I am so sorry, he IS!”

This was the first time I had ever heard the word gay. I had never thought to ask my dads what they “were” because to me they were just my parents…they didn’t need a label for that. And difference is hard to see sometimes until someone else points it out. This little girl, whose name I don’t even remember was my someone else. She pointed and said, you’re different and here’s why. Here is a box with a neat little label on it for your family. As a kid, I didn’t think much of it . I realized, oh okay, I guess there’s a name for being two men who are in a relationship. I glanced at the box we had been put into, shrugged my shoulders and moved on. The moving on part of being labeled is not as easy for me as an adult as it was for baby Chelsea, but anyway, I digress…

This is how I attempt to understand people who don’t believe the same things I believe. Or like to label me differently than I do. They are justified in believing them, no matter how hateful because it’s what they know. It doesn’t make it okay, but I can sympathize knowing that they are defending what they know just as adamantly as I am defending what I know and cherish. It doesn’t make it right. Ignorance is no excuse for discrimination. It doesn’t make it better, but it helps to understand other people in the world and to be able to sleep at night. I have incredibly strong beliefs, and my family loves to label me “relentless,” but I try my hardest to be open to all points of view. It’s just in this polarized world we are taught only to despise and be afraid of what we don’t know. And this is my philosophy—it’s not about being blind to what makes us different. It’s about celebrating our unique backgrounds and the things that make us each special. To live as if we don’t see things like race, religion, sexual orientation, class, etc., would be to miss out on a celebration of beautiful people and cultures.

But we have to remember that no matter what a little girl on the beach may tell you, we approve of ourselves. While we’re out there fighting for equality, we must remember that regardless of what other people think, we don’t need their approval. We require their civility and tolerance and if we could achieve love and peace I would do an eternal happy dance. But while we wait for those things just remember you are not required to crawl into any box that has been designed by someone else for you. You can design your own damn box, that you approve of, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

You get to approve of yourself. No. One. Else. And this is when the mantra I created for myself comes back into play. Play this on repeat when you forget. Happy day friends, I love you, XOXOX, CAMDW.

We define our worth.

We approve of ourselves.

We choose what we identify as.

We are allowed to start over any time.

Don’t look out, look in.

Expect the best.

Breathe when things get tough.

Love immensely and deeply.

Yourself and others.

Have insane amounts of gratitude.

Trust yourself.

Laugh at yourself.

Love.

Gratitude.

Deep Breaths.

Belief.

Being a Human is Hard

Sat, 22 Feb 2020 01:42:53 GMT

A friend reached out to me and asked if I could chat a bit about letting go of things that happened to you in your past. Woof. That is a tough one and I certainly don’t have it all figured out, but there are a couple of things that I have found that can make moving on a little simpler. A lot of it relies of being around people I can talk to (if you don’t have one of those, please always reach out to me via email through my contact page), gratitude for where you are now and a willingness to work through our own issues…also woof. Watch below for some tips and tricks. And more than anything my loves, remember to breathe. So many things can be solved with pausing for a moment and taking a very deep breath.

Happy Friday, friends. Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful weekend!! You are strong and wonderful humans and I am proud of you, so don’t give up now. You got this. You can conquer anything and you can be anything and if you can do those things you can certainly let go of anything bogging you down from your past. XOXOX, CAMDW

I Can Only Think About Elephants

Wed, 19 Feb 2020 01:44:40 GMT

As someone whose mind runs on high speed pretty much all the time being in the moment is always something that I thought wasn’t accessible to me. I decided I really wanted to puzzle this one out and these are the very early stages of me figuring out how to be in the moment. I know at some point I will be able to take this a lot farther, but if you are someone, like me, that struggles to just sit and “be,” then maybe my new method of finding ways to be in the moment will help you get started.

Who else struggles with this notion of being in the moment and better yet? Who is amazing at it and can help the rest of us just figuring this out step by step? We welcome and adore all levels of being in the moment-ness, they are all appreciated, loved, special and something we can learn from. Happy day friends! XOXO CAMDW

Inside Out and Some Tuning Forks

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 01:46:24 GMT

Sometimes what you feel on the inside and what you project on the outside are two very different things.

Because I am a woo-woo California girl, I had some biofield tuning done. If you don’t know what that is…it’s a form of healing with tuning forks where someone works on what you cannot see. Crazy s$!?, right?

Well, while I was having my chakras aligned the healer asked me “do you have issues with self-esteem?” At first, I was really taken aback. Me? Self-esteem issues? No way! I’m one of the most confident people I’ve ever met! I dismissed his comment. Self-esteem? Please. Not my issue… not in this lifetime at least! I have it by the boatload.

The next day I went to a party with my family. And after the party, I posted a video of some of the happenings to my Instagram story. The hosts of the party reposted everyone else’s story posts from the party to their Instagram, but not mine…and, much to my disbelief, it sent me into a tizzy. And then I got mad at myself for spiraling about something so inane. I really couldn’t understand why. Why did that upset me so much? It’s so unbelievably stupid! Social media?! I don’t even care about that crap…except that obviously I very much do.

In this day and age, it is ridiculously easy to measure yourself in terms of followers, likes, and comments.

A little bit later Domi and I were leaving for dinner. “What’s wrong baby?” He asked me.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” I replied…so clearly not fine.

“Baby, something is obviously wrong. Let’s talk about it.”

“I don’t want to. You’re going to think it’s stupid.”

“I promise, I won’t think it’s stupid, just tell me what’s going on.”

So, I told him. And much to my relief, he didn’t think it was stupid. We sat down in the car and started to unpack…ps guys, my husband has the patience of a saint.

Two things came to us:

1) Maybe confidence and self-esteem aren’t exactly the same thing and

2) Social media is a really stupid way to measure one’s self-worth

So we needed a solution. Social media isn’t going to go away and it’s not all bad, so, how do we change how it makes us feel?

When things are going well and everyone is telling me wonderful things about myself and how proud they are, and the likes and views and comments are rolling in I don’t need to look inside for my confidence because proof of it is right in front of me. But those voices come and go. We can never be sure when they’ll come around and one thing is for sure, they are never enough.

When we use social media or ANYTHING outside of ourselves to define our self-worth things get scary. I may be outwardly confident, but gosh darn it the healer was right—I have some serious self-esteem issues.

I don’t think confidence and self-esteem are the same things. But what I do think is that both confidence and self-esteem have to come from within. I have to stop looking outside to decide how I feel about myself inside.

I have known this for years, but it took someone dancing around me with tuning forks calling on my deepest insecurities I didn’t even know were there and an Instagram story for me to realize that what I present to the world and what I feel on the inside are two massively different things.

I remembered the mantra my therapist gave me “I am enough in and of myself because God/the Universe created me to be so.” Ugh—looks like she knew about these issues too.

Regardless of what anyone else says, I have to know at my very core the person I am is enough, what I bring to the table is enough. I decide. It is my choice to believe. If I keep looking outwards I will only be disappointed. I will only feel sad when I am not getting the reaction I want.

The solution doesn’t have to be no social media, it can be if that makes you happy, heck yeah! But if you are wanting to stay on these platforms or are trying to build a business that requires on some level a presence then we just need to change how we look at things.

Your definition of you is sitting inside of yourself. No one else out there has the answer so stop looking around. Just close your eyes. Change the words you use to define yourself. I respect myself. I am enough. I am confident. I am incredible. That’s all you have to know.

But this is hard. So, it’s okay if we slip up and forget. Who else has stories of utilizing the outside world as the definition of what you feel inside? You’re not alone. While we may not be able to fix each other we can always support each other in remembering to look inside, because what’s in there is so so good. Quick. Write down a list of 3 things you love about yourself and keep it with you just in case you ever foolishly forget how awesome you are.

Happy Sunday friends. I hope you are filled with joy and confidence and self-esteem all from the inside out!! XOXOX CAMDW

I Have ZERO Chill. Like None.

Sat, 15 Feb 2020 01:48:44 GMT

What are you thoughts on chill? I want to know!! Do you have chill? Comment below, tell me all I need to know about this thing called “chill” please.

XOXOX Happy Friday friends!!! CAMDW

What Do You Do???

Wed, 12 Feb 2020 01:50:02 GMT

That picture/thumbnail is of Domi and I doing something that definitely doesn’t involve how we make a living, but something that is equally if not more important to us-traveling and being together. We are made up of so much more, so why is society so focused on how we earn a living instead of all of the other beautiful things we choose to do with our lives? What would you ask someone instead of, “What do you do?” Comment below, I want to know! I need new questions!!

Sorry, I Am Not Sorry

Sat, 08 Feb 2020 01:51:11 GMT

I apologize for everything…Maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s part of the human condition…I’m not sure, but am I alone here?? It’s not required that we constantly assign blame for everything we do, so why do we? I’m not sure, but I’m trying to work it out…

Happy Friday Friends, I hope you have the most wonderful apology-free days! You are everything you need to be so don’t apologize for existing, you are so worth every bit of space you take up, in fact, you are a gift for taking up that space!! xoxox, CAMDW

Ohhhh…I’m Allowed to Have Feelings

Wed, 05 Feb 2020 01:52:51 GMT

I’m pretty much one of the most emotional people ever…just ask my family…so when I was all of the sudden stuck and confused as to why I wanted to just put my head through a wall out of frustration and I didn’t know why…I needed to call for backup from my oh-so-wise-thank-goodness-I-married-a-sage other half. Take a look at what I mean…

So, it’s okay to have all the feelings. Manifesting your dreams and finding joy as often as you can is amazing, but don’t sacrifice feeling unpleasant emotions. Releasing them is part of the joy. Feeling them is part of being able to move through (not skip over) them to where even bigger joy exists. But a little piece of goodness I forgot to talk about in regards to pulling yourself out of those ruts is to find touch points that help you come back to the joy. Sometimes you’ve processed the emotion, but you can’t seem to rid yourself of it, so have one or two things in your back pocket, like your favorite song, or that best friend on speed dial to help you through your funk because there is so much good on the other side if you’re brave enough to face the part that sometimes feels a little bit icky.

Happy Tuesday friends!! To days with all of the emotions and feeling good and proud of them. xoxox, CAMDW

Our New Friends

Sat, 01 Feb 2020 01:54:25 GMT

A couple of months ago, when Domi started school, he came home and proclaimed, “I found some really cool friends!” I was so excited. We had, had a dry spell when it came to finding friends that lived near-ish to us, that were close-ish to our age that wanted to do the same things we do and it was really, really thrilling.

I was in the midst of throwing Domi a birthday party and I asked him who of his new friends he wanted to invite. He gave me the list. And then he issued me a warning.

“Okay, so there’s this one guy I really, really have so much fun with, but I wanted to let you know that he and his wife are Mormon.” At first, there were a couple of alarm bells that went off inside my head. Knowing that the Mormon church hasn’t always been exactly the most open to homosexuality my first questions were, “Do they know my parents are gay? And that they’re also going to be at this party?”

“Yes, they do.” He answered. “And when I told him about your dads he was super respectful and kind and asked a lot of questions, which I thought were really great.” Okay, so they weren’t going to be shocked when they saw my parents kiss. It was going to be okay. But I was still wary. I called my parents and told them, “Look maybe don’t bring up politics or anything of that nature. Maybe tone down the swearing, too. This is Domi’s birthday and he finally has some really good friends out here, so don’t mess this up!”

The day of Domi’s birthday arrived, along with his new friends. They were lovely. They were more than lovely, actually, they were people that I was really excited to be spending time with. They fit right in. They even loved my parents and wanted to hang out with them, too, so my warnings to my parents were completely unwarranted. I was a little shocked at how closed-minded I had been when I spend so much time preaching about being open to everyone and everything. I had decided that based on their religion there was no way we were going to see eye to eye on anything. I had had a massive pre-judgment about people I knew nothing about. I did to them exactly what I ask people not to do to my family and me. Whoops.

We started spending more and more time with them and we realized how they are literally some of our favorite humans on the planet. We laugh like nobody’s business when we’re together. We can all tease each other. I don’t ever have to filter myself around them and I don’t know if we’ve ever spent so much time with two people that aren’t a part of our given family. However, they have quickly become a part of our chosen family.

The only thing we have never talked about with them is politics. It seemed like maybe a line we shouldn’t cross…until last night when I heard Domi mention something about Trump, while we were downing ice cream. My heart started pounding. Oh dear God no, don’t do this Domi, was all I could think. I heard Domi and his friend’s conversation and I quickly looked up at them and said, “Please don’t break up!” I was sure if they started talking politics it was going to be our demise because I was positive we were going to land on opposite ends of the spectrum. But then as I continued my conversation with Domi’s friend’s wife (who has quickly become one of my closest friends), I tried to keep tabs on how Domi’s conversation with his friend was going. Were we still going to be friends? Was it all really going to be able to continue on from here? But I didn’t hear any screaming, nor stomping, nor crying. As we walked out of the ice cream parlor I tiptoed carefully trying to get a read on the two boys, but, much to my surprise, nothing had changed.

Domi and his friend were able to have an open, honest conversation about politics while respecting each other beliefs and boundaries and at the end of the conversation they loved each other as much as they had at the start, if not more.

For me, this was a glimmer of hope of something I had only dreamed existed anymore. To have an actual educated conversation with someone that doesn’t share all of the same beliefs and still want to be friends with them? Mind. Blown.

These friends have changed my life. They have shown me what it means to respect someone, to love someone, to be family with someone that doesn’t necessarily agree with everything you believe in. But when I look to our very cores, we do all believe the same things. We believe that love can change the world and that you love someone no matter what they look like, whom they love, what their religion is or what they have chosen to do with their lives. We believe that being open and honest are two of the most important pillars of a relationship. We believe in respect.

I love these two humans and I would be an idiot to throw that all away because of my stance on politics. I am the stubborn one. I have been closed-minded. They have opened my mind and changed my world.

I grew up in a bubble where we all pretty much believed all the same things, voted for the same candidates and spoke poorly of people that believed otherwise. I have been unfair to people that don’t believe the same things I do. I am sorry. I will do better. I will work harder at not shutting down as soon as I hear something I don’t want to hear. I will respect people I meet, with the understanding that they will respect me, too. It is possible. My world is better and bigger because of these two individuals whose backgrounds and beliefs are so very different than mine. I owe them so much for opening my eyes. Thank you, you two, you know who you are. I love you.

Happy weekend, friends! Here’s to new friendships and finding respect and love where you didn’t even know it was hiding. xoxoxox CAMDW

Someone Dropped Me Off At the Wrong Competition…

Wed, 29 Jan 2020 01:58:33 GMT

I was having such a tough time putting into words (that made sense) on the page this time around, so I am trying something new here! Most normal people would probably choose to dress up and put some fresh makeup on before filming their first video for their blog, but apparently, nope, not me…was just a little too wiped after work last night and my sweats were just a touch too comfy to warrant a cute outfit. Also, there was no good thumbnail on this one guys, so enjoy my crazy face.

Here’s to trying new things that sometimes scare us a little and to big, big joy. And a competition for who wins most spectacular life.

Xoxo, CAMDW

PS I would like to make a retraction, I don’t believe joy is a lottery, I believe joy is a choice and when I have the choice, which I always do, I hope I always choose joy.

I’m Just a Big Kid

Sat, 25 Jan 2020 02:00:19 GMT

Sometimes I think we need a little reminder of the small happy things that can happen in life. And then we need to remember that they can happen to any of us at any time.

About five years ago, my Dad and I were driving up to visit my Daddy while he was away at camp. I happened to have an audition that Friday, so we decided that Dad would drive me to the audition and then we would keep driving to Merced from there. Our bags were packed for the weekend away, and since we never pack light—not even for a trip to visit a prison—the car was pretty full. After the audition, I got in the back of the car and pulled out an outfit to change into. I made my quick change and off we went.

Now is probably a good time to mention that I have always had two stuffed animals that I bring with me. Well, not always, just if there is going to be a time where I am going to have to sleep.

We arrived at the Courtyard Marriott Merced, only to find, Scruffy, my stuffed animal that I have had since I was one, was missing. At the time I was 21 and still, the idea of losing Scruffy was devastating. He and I had been through everything together. He had been sleeping right under my chin since I was literally one year old and my heart just about broke knowing I had lost him. We realized that he had probably popped out of my suitcase when I got out my change of clothes after my audition and had likely ended up on the side of the road somewhere in Burbank and the likelihood of me getting him back was basically 0%.

My Dad and I talked for a long time. We decided that maybe my losing Scruffy was the universe telling me it was time to let go and grow up and not have my safety and security tied to a stuffed animal anymore at the ripe old age of 21.

After hours of discussion, I finally made peace with the idea of Scruffy and I parting ways. I hoped a little kid found him and was taking care of him and the idea of him going on to live a happy life as someone else of a more appropriate age’s safety and security comforted me.

But it was tough. It felt like I was inadvertently being forced to say goodbye to my childhood and that was a difficult pill to swallow. I thought the universe was being just a touch cruel. But I also believed that the universe had my best interest at heart and so, I just went with it and decided, okay, it’s time to start building my life as an adult. It was time to face, “The real world.”

I was really making peace with all of these ideas, but as we drove back two days later I asked my Dad if we could just quickly stop by where we had been parked when I opened my suitcase and where we thought Scruffy might have fallen out.

As we rounded the corner I scanned the street, no sign of Scruffy. I was pretty bummed. I had been sure that by some miracle he was going to be there.

We drove a little further down the street just as a precaution when I rather jarringly yelled, “Dad stop the car!!!!”

I hopped out of the front seat and ran. Right there on the sidewalk some incredible human had taken my Scruffy and propped him up, crossed his legs and his arms and left him there for me. (I’m guessing the person that did this probably assumed a five-year-old was missing their favorite stuffed animal…but nonetheless…).

I picked him up, rather cautiously, because let’s face it, who knows what he may have seen during his weekend on the streets of Burbank, and I placed him in the car right next to me. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t cried tears of joy.

After the long conversation with my Dad before we found Scruffy, it not only felt like I had my favorite little guy back, but it also felt like at the same time I had picked up the physical manifestation of my childhood. We drove home, both a little teary-eyed, both a little frightened of me actually growing up and both beyond excited that I still had Scruffy.

I drove by the corner where we found Scruffy this week and the story popped into my head. It got me thinking about three things. 1) That the world is inherently a good place and that we have to remember to believe in the good instead of focusing on the negative and 2) That even though we found Scruffy that day, the universe had given me the push I needed to start developing ideas and wants and beliefs for the next stage in my life. It was exactly the lesson I needed at that time, but man am I glad the universe could also bring Scruffy back to me and 3) You are never too old to be a child at heart.

Happy Friday, Friends! I hope you can focus on the joys and the little wins and know the universe is looking out for you. XOXOXO, CAMDW

I Always Feel Bad For Tuesdays

Wed, 22 Jan 2020 02:01:49 GMT

I always feel bad for Tuesdays. Even as a kid I never liked Tuesdays.

For some reason Tuesdays always made me a little bit angry because they weren’t the halfway point in the week, they weren’t the beginning of the week. They’re kind of like the February of weekdays.

But I think it’s unfair that I’m so hard on Tuesdays. So here are 5 things you can be happy about this Tuesday:

1. You woke up this morning looking at the grass from the right side. And as my Daddy would say, “that’s one blessing and a half.”

2. You’re blessed enough to have internet access to be reading this right now. Not that my blog is necessarily a blessing, but, well, you know what I mean.

3. No matter what time of day it is and no matter where you are in the world, you can start fresh. Like literally this second. What the heck are you waiting for?

4. For this picture of my parents and their dog because puppies make every day just that much happier and so do my cutie little daddies.

5. And one more thing that you can be happy about today is that you have the great good fortune of being you and there is no greater happiness than knowing that all potential happiness can be found in your heart every day. Even on a Tuesday.

Happy Tuesday friends, it’s not Tuesday’s fault that it is what it is, so let’s try and give Tuesdays a little celebration from here on out because why the heck not?

XOXOX, CAMDW

What the Sam Heck? How Did I End Up Here?

Sat, 18 Jan 2020 02:03:19 GMT

Okay, so I didn’t pee myself…this is me after Splash Mountain at Disneyland, but it’s the best example of exactly how I felt yesterday.

Have you ever driven somewhere and looked up and thought? Oh my god, how did I get here? I’m not talking in a metaphorical way like oh how did I get to this place in my life (although if that comes to mind for you-totally valid and yes, I absolutely meant to be so genius with my metaphors…), but like legit I just drove all the way here and my mind was so busy I literally do not remember driving here? Well, that’s what happened to me yesterday and it’s scary.

I’ve felt so pulled in so many directions lately that I haven’t been able to focus on any one thing or been able to do anything well at all. I’ve never been the most “centered” of people, but usually I at least know how I got where I ended up…

Yesterday, I got to the gym and realized I’d been so distracted I had no really memory of driving there. I went on such autopilot it was scary. I got back in my car after the gym and ran some errands. On my second stop I happened to go to my passenger side door and notice it was completely scraped up and sideswiped.

Most people that are somewhat using their heads would be outraged and upset that someone did this to their car. I, on the other hand, was so concerned that I had been so distracted that I was positive I had hit a car without noticing and drove off. I was so paranoid that I had caused damage to someone else’s car that I furiously drove back to the gym and started checking every white car for damage and my paint color on it. Well, there were one or two cars that maybe could have had my paint color on them, but from the way they were damaged it was nothing my car could’ve done, however, I was so convinced that I had been in my head I took pictures of the cars and their license plates determined to find out whether I had caused the damage. I showed the pictures to domi and my dads and asked repeatedly, “Did I do this? Did I cause this damage?”

The looked and looked and based on the way my car was hit and what happened to these other cars they assured me it was no way it was me.

It took hours for my panic to subside. I was positive I had hit a car without noticing and was also sure that my karma (or car-ma) was screwed for life. I had trouble breathing. My chest was tight and I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that I had caused someone damage-even when it was clear the exact opposite had happened. Someone hit my car and drove away.

This isn’t a story about my car getting hit though. This is a story about the fact that I have been so distracted lately and so not grounded or in my body that I have no idea what I am doing on a daily basis. Because I’m not present I can’t remember whether or not I locked my car, I go back and check it three times. I leave the office and go back once to grab my wallet, a second time for the Advil I promised I would bring Domi and a third time because it’s hard to leave the office when your keys are in your desk drawer.

When I’m distracted there is no part of me that pays attention to the present moment. To what I am doing NOW. This is a problem.

So, I stopped. I sat down and did my breathing exercises. I put on a meditation. And instead of feverishly multitasking I took on one thing at a time. If I’m doing my emails-I’m just doing my emails. If I am editing my book-I have to turn my emails off and edit my book.

We have been trained to believe that being able to multitask is such a beautiful thing. It’s a remarkable trait that some of us are blessed with to be treasured and adored. Well, usually, yes, I am very good at multitasking, but as of late multitasking has made me lose my mind because I am never just doing one thing at a time. Even now, I am walking on the treadmill and typing this on my phone. So, I have a problem. Yes. But it’s not too late to solve it. Multitasking is not my blessing, but my curse. Okay, so, it’s time to do one thing at a time. To put the key in the lock and turn it and be present in that moment so I don’t drive away from our house and think, did I lock the door? If I focus myself and bring all factions of my divided mind together I’m pretty sure I can do some powerful shit. But if I leave myself divided I run ragged. I am distracted. I am not focusing when people are talking to me and I am terrified that I have driven into cars that don’t exist. So it’s time to breathe and focus. To sit down, meditate, know there is always a time to take a breath and connect with the actual earth. Go to yoga and breathe. It’s time to focus on one thing at a time. It doesn’t make me slower it makes me better at everything I do.

Happy Friday friends, breathe and slow down. I’m going to try and see how this goes too. Xoxox CAMDW.

Guilt and Gratitude Spiced with Jet Lag

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 02:05:32 GMT

Okay, I am finally home. After three weeks of amazing travels and reuniting with family and friends on the European continent we have returned to our home base. It feels so good to be home, but leaving anywhere is rarely fun. Saying goodbye to people you love is definitely not fun and I am a little bit going nuts because of jetlag and going back to work and trying to put all of the feelings of leaving vacation and re-entering the real world and it being the new year and holy moly this is a train that just does not stop somewhat like this sentence.

Deep breath. So, it’s a new year. 2020. It sounds like it’s going to be a good year and I like how round and even all of the numbers are…so, I feel like that must be a good sign.

While we were traveling for over 20 hours I had a lot of time to think about what I want to get out of this year and what I need to make my priorities. The lists of my priorities are so long I had to prioritize the lists of my lists. And to be honest, you reading a list of my lists of priorities seems pretty boring, so I’m going to tell you about the other thing I was thinking about on the plane.

While we were on our trip, I had the most incredible fortune of catching up with an old friend in her new home in Innsbruck, Austria. My friend, Alex, and her favorite guy, Dominic (she got herself a Dominic too when she saw how cool mine was…kidding…kind of…) gave us an amazing tour of their city, they took us exploring and sledding—which ended with my accidentally losing control of my sled and it flying directly into their car…cut to me calling our insurance agent yesterday morning trying to make a claim for the damage I did to their car and her only response was, “thank you for making me laugh on a Monday morning.” So, well, there’s that. But sled riding and car destroying aside, they showed us their amazing world and we had an incredible time. Towards the end of our time with them there, Alex took us up to a rooftop bar overlooking the city and as we sat amidst a backdrop of the imposing and incredibly stunning, Alps, the conversation drifted towards our gratitude for the many blessings we have found in our lives. The list of our blessings is long, so needless to say this was a long conversation.

At some point amongst the jockeying for who wins the most blessed award, Alex mentioned that she is in a German class with a lot of refugees who are now living in Austria and how we really all have no idea what challenges in life are until we have seen what some people have had to go through. What we face daily is nothing compared to what so many people are suffering through and all of the sudden our conversation started to feel a little bit wrong and a little bit icky. We started to feel guilty for our blessings.

Why do we have so much when so many have so little? Why are our lives so easy? Should we be struggling more? Why are we so privileged and should we feel guilty about that?

As we kept talking on the subject I remembered a conversation I had, had with my Dad when I was in high school. I had asked him a similar question. A why me? Question. How did I end up with this life with so many blessings? It didn’t seem fair. And he told me that it would be a huge waste of the blessings the universe had bestowed on me to spend time feeling guilty about them. He told me it’s not about being guilty; it’s about being grateful. It’s a daily reminder to be grateful for every single blessing even the ones that seem somewhat frivolous. To be grateful and then, he told me, “When you have the means, you have to give back in some way.” I remember his exact words, “Look Chels, someone is always going to have less and someone is always going to have more, but it’s about doing good in the world and being grateful every day, not sitting around and feeling guilty because you may have it easier than someone else.”

I hadn’t thought of that conversation in many, many years and I was so grateful to Alex for the reminder. I am not shy about admitting that I live a very privileged life and always have, but I always remember to be grateful for my blessings because my Dad engrained that in me.

Growing up watching two parents that are so grateful for every little thing in their lives was the easiest way to learn gratitude. Both my Dad and my Daddy led by example in this. There is nothing that my Daddy looks at and doesn’t feel and express gratitude for. Literally everything he sees is a blessing and makes him well up with gratitude…as a kid sometimes I thought it was overkill, as an adult I am even weepier about my gratitude than he is. Watching that taught me what gratitude looks like. For the big and for the small.

There’s no need to feel guilty for what you have been given. Your blessings are your own to cherish and all of ours look a little bit different, just like all of our anxieties and all of our struggles, nothing is better or worse, just different.

I thought about that conversation a lot on the plane and it made my goal for this year really easy, it’s time to be more grateful daily. And in being more grateful for my blessings I also aim to care for myself more and to beat myself up less, to choose relationships that feel good in my heart and aren’t just convenient, and to know that when I feel gratitude I also need to remind myself to give back more this year. So, please, do me a favor and hold me to this because I tend to forget things quickly and I need someone to hold me accountable…thank you in advance.

Happy Tuesday friends, I am back, I am grateful and I am jetlagged. Happy 2020, it’s going to be a good one xoxox, CAMDW

PS We miss you and we love you so much German (and new Austrian) family, we’ll be back for you soon. xoxo

A Viennese Holiday

Sat, 04 Jan 2020 02:07:51 GMT

When we woke up this morning and Domi was feeling under the weather I knew it was going to be an interesting day. Domi usually can power through anything so when he told me that he thought he had to spend the day in bed I knew he was really feeling icky. So, I had two options, I could snuggle up next to him and watch friends or modern family all day long or I could go out and explore Vienna on my own.

Snuggling up to my sniffly love, while always appealing, felt like I may as well be at home, so I decided to go out and explore. I felt bad leaving my boy at the hotel, but clearly not bad enough to stay there with him…

I wandered out in the cold to go and experience everything Vienna has to offer. I ventured into the subway station to buy a ticket and head towards the city hall for a tour. Everything started off beautifully. As I boarded the train a man played the accordion. I took a seat and listened to the music while looking out the window at the scenery as it flew by. I felt like Audrey Hepburn in Roman holiday(without the sedatives and falling asleep on a park bench…). I stepped off the train at my stop and walked up to the astounding Rathaus. This city has no shortage of remarkable architecture. Everywhere you look it’s a feast for the eyes! I was sad Domi wasn’t there to see it with me, but again, clearly not sad enough, so I forged on ahead. After a while wandering around trying to find the ticket counter I finally located it only to find the tickets were sold out for today’s tour. Oh well, not so bad, I’m still in a beautiful city, so out again I went into the freezing blue yonder to find something else to do.

I navigated my way through a light dusting of snow to the nearest tram and hopped on ready to explore one of the city’s palaces. As I stepped out at my stop the wind picked up and I tugged my jacket as tight as could be around me. I missed Domi’s guiding hand on my back and his experience with the German language as I searched for the ticket counter. I came upon it rather easily only to see a line that stretched further than I was willing to wait so I checked to see if I could buy tickets online. I managed to figure that out, only to find the next available entry time was 3:15…three hours away (I totally bought it thinking it was 2:15 because military time and I don’t get along so well…)…okay so I was going to need to kill time. As I wandered looking for food or at least somewhere to warm myself I got a little sad. I missed doing these things with Domi and figuring them all out on my own I felt like I kept screwing up. I hadn’t planned ahead enough. I was cold, tired and a touch discouraged.

But the more I wandered aimlessly throughout the city, I started to realize that doing just that is part of exploring and learning a city. Screwing up leads up to little cafes where you can hide and figure out your next move. It leads you to new adventures. So, after getting a touch aggravated, I stopped thinking of these “missteps” as mistakes and that I was doing this whole exploring thing wrong. Okay, so, maybe I wouldn’t see as much in one day as someone who had planned better than me, but I saw the city in a new way. I found tiny alleys and interesting people. I learned that I have a strong dislike of being cold and not knowing where the heck I am and I learned that I am totally capable of traveling on my own and taking care of myself.

Today, I found that being in a relationship I have somehow forgotten how self-sufficient I am. Today was my reminder that I am capable, that I can take care of myself and while I certainly prefer to explore with the man of my dreams, a little adventure on my own now and then may not be a terrible idea. You see something different depending on who you’re with and where you are, every experience is valid and beautiful and getting confused and turned around and sometimes a little bit frustrated is part of the travel adventure. If you can lean into it instead of against it there’s more fun to be had. There are things you never thought you’d see and people you never thought you’d speak to and you’ll find little cafes where you can write and practice a little German and people watch. Every experience is beautiful, even sitting at home in your living room–everything, and I mean everything, is about the way you look at it.

Happy Tuesday my friends here’s to traveling or couch potato-ing or doing anything, but with a perspective of it’s all special and beautiful in its very own way. New year new perspective. Xoxo, CAMDW

New Years Jitters

Wed, 01 Jan 2020 02:09:24 GMT

It’s been a crazy incredible year and as it comes to a close I start to get a little panicky thinking about all of the anticipation that comes along with a new year. There’s so much excitement, but also a lot of pressure.

I usually love planning and preparing for a fresh start and a new year, but for some reason when I sat down to write today, the only thing that popped into my head were all of the things I didn’t quite succeed at this year. So, I decided to write myself a little new year’s pep talk. Maybe you don’t need it, but if you need a little pick-me-up like I did, take a read and perhaps some of those things that are going on in my head are going on in yours, too. If not, you can go ahead and read it anyway and if you think I am utterly nuts for writing a letter to myself, then that’s cool, too. All opinions are welcome.

A new year is a beautiful thing, but sometimes when you think about it for too long it becomes a little bit scary. While it’s an amazing time to think and analyze and look forward, it’s also okay if you just want tomorrow to be another day, because that is all it really is.

But if you’re ready for some new plans and a new year and a new you, heck yeah! That’s amazing!! Write down those goals, get that new planner going and enjoy every second!

I think I need some more time to mull over my goals. It may not happen until mid-January, or maybe even March and that’s a-okay. I have decided that can start my “new year vibes” any time. It’s about the feeling of a fresh start, not really about the date if you think about it. It’s never too late, and it’s never too early, if it feels right in your heart, then the timing is just right my little Goldilocks.

All of my love and a wonderful start to 2020, thank you for your love and support this year. I am forever grateful that you listen to my ramblings and I am sending so many hugs your way. Xoxox, CAMDW

Dearest, darlingest Chelsea,

Holy moly, it’s going to be 2020 tomorrow. First of all, stop beating yourself up, it’s all good that you’re still figuring out this whole blogging and social media world out. It’s all new and it takes time. Just breathe. You have the rest of your life to figure these things out. There are no deadlines, tomorrow is just another day. Stop defining success the way you “think” you’re supposed to define success and remember why you set out on this new path in the first place. That is what success is. It’s easy to think that maybe success is number of followers, or amount of money made, but this isn’t why you were put here on this earth, nor what your ultimate goal is. So, take a second and remind yourself why you started, why you’re here and what you want.

Tomorrow is the start of a new year, a really exciting year, but don’t forget that every single day is special in its very own way and even if something life-changing doesn’t happen in the next 365 days, it’s all good. Sometimes a little bit of a boring life is all you need. (Life is never boring if you really look at it the right way…).

It’s a journey and while it is good to have solid, concrete goals, if you don’t reach them, it’s totally okay. Just remember to never give up on yourself. Your goals and dreams may change again and again and as long as you listen to your heart and I mean really, really listen, that is all you can ask of yourself.

The universe is working all the time for you and with you, don’t forget that. You are not alone. You write these things because maybe one person can relate and if they do, amazing and if they don’t, at least you have somewhere to put down your thoughts. You are doing just fine. Love is abundant and the world is inherently good, despite the craziness that sometimes is found outside. Look for the beautiful and the good, not the perfect, but the good enough and the lovely enough and the huggable moments of 2020 because I am sure there will be many. Stop seeking outside approval, you don’t need it, all you need is to feel good about what you do every day. Advice is good to ask for, as long as you don’t form your opinion of yourself based on what others think of you and what you do with your life because at the end of the day it is your life and your dreams that you are cultivating, not anyone else’s. You have so much to be proud of and thankful for, don’t forget that please, it would be a travesty if you did.

Happy new year, love you long time,

Chelsea AMDW of 2019

PS please re-read this tomorrow as you will probably already have forgotten what you said to yourself and will have started the cycle of beating up on yourself again. Please read this every day until you get it in your head that it’s all good and you are enough. Then thank you past self for being so wise as to writing this for you

Occasionally Turning Into A Turtle

Mon, 30 Dec 2019 02:11:51 GMT

As we walked down the winding streets of Hamburg, Germany, the freezing cold wind whipped our faces. I had buried my chin into my scarf, but my breath was so hot and the air was so cold after about 10 seconds it was already humid in my little cocoon. I was cold and tired and not feeling like my cheery self. We had been sightseeing for one and a half days straight and while I am usually a great traveler, I was feeling out of sorts. I adore Domi’s family, they have really become my family, too. I am incredibly comfortable around them, but I also have a little bit of that need to be the perfect daughter-in-law, the perfect sister-in-law and I still haven’t gotten over my need of wanting to please people.

I am proud of being the easy, happy traveler, whether we’re up at four in the morning or have been going all day long, I can usually manage to be a happy camper no matter what without even trying. So, yesterday, when I was feeling a little bit low, but still wanting everyone to be jolly around me, I started getting really emotional.

We stopped for a bite to eat in a mall and I stared at all of the different options my mind swimming. I couldn’t pick anything, I couldn’t make a single decision and really, more than anything, just looking at the food made me want to cry. And looking at food never makes me sad, so I knew something had to be up in my little interior world. I found Domi in the crowd. “I can’t do it anymore Bab. I am so tired.” I told Domi.

“What do you mean, Baby?” He asked me with that sweet concerned look on his face.

“I just can’t be ‘on’ anymore, I wanted to be the perfect traveler and be everyone’s cheerleader, but I am so wiped. I just want to cry.” I answered despondently.

“Let’s get some food in you and if you need to cry we can go and do that, too. Whatever you need. But remember, you don’t have to be ‘on’ in front of my family. You can just be yourself. Whatever mood that is, even if it isn’t a good one, it’s the one you’re in and they will love you anyway.”

Domi said this and hugged me. I buried my face into his puffy winter coat and shed just a few tears. I so badly wanted to keep soldiering on with a happy face, but I couldn’t anymore. I was so afraid that if I let down and really was just in a medium mood for a few hours or even half a day that I would lose my reputation as the happy traveler, as the easy, perky daughter-in-law. I was torn. What was I to do?

Well, first of all, the food helped. Food always helps. After food there was no more need for tears, but I was still really tired and not feeling up to being my “usual” self. So, I decided, to heck with it. Domi is right. I need to just relax and feel how I feel and it’s all going to be okay. My family will still love me, even if I’m not always happy. It’s impossible to always be happy, by the way, none of my family members are constantly happy 100% of the time, so I’m not sure why I thought I had to be. And my family will still think I’m great even if my perkiness sometimes comes and goes.

So, I let go and just felt my feelings. And what happened? Well, I don’t think anyone even noticed and if they did, they certainly didn’t say anything to me. It was okay for me to grunt and not make jokes for a few hours. It was okay that I just wanted to be quiet and hide my little head in my massive scarf. It wasn’t that everyone else wasn’t giving me the permission, it was that I wasn’t giving myself the permission.

So, what am I looking at here? Well, it seems, my perception of what other people think of me is off and I care way too much about what other people are thinking. I now think I believe that even if I shut down for a few hours the essence of who I am and my soul does not disappear. I don’t become a different person, even when I am my most hangry, I just become a slightly less fueled version of myself in a different mood and that is perfectly okay. As someone that is so open about their emotions, I have a shockingly hard time being in a bad mood around other people. I cover it up with more jokes and fake laughter until I have (or think I have) fooled the people around me into believing that I am in a perpetual good mood, which, of course, is not possible and is certainly not the case.

Later yesterday evening we went back to the room to freshen up before dinner. I decided a power nap was definitely in order. As Domi and I laid down next to each other, Domi took my head in his hands, looked me in the eye and said, “the most true you can be to yourself is the best version of you there is.” I smiled, kissed the palm of his hand and laid down my head to rest.

When I woke back up, I was in a much better mood. Rested and fed, the world felt different. Everything felt more doable, but as we went through the rest of our day and then our day sightseeing today, I kept what Domi had told me in the back of my mind. The most true I can be to myself, is the best version of me there is.

So, today, when I was tired, I let myself be tired, when I was just not in the mood I shrunk my head into my massive knit scarf like a little turtle disappearing from the world and when I was in a good mood I laughed and made jokes and I did so from the heart. None of it was forced, because I just went with it.

So, for those of you people-pleasers out there that think you’re doing everyone around you a service by making them happy at your expense, please, for me (and yourself), stop. You are wonderful just as you are. Every emotion, every up, every down. Whatever it is, it’s lovely and it’s a part of you and as one of my very favorite Dr. Seuss sayings goes, “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.”

Happy Sunday friends!! It’s almost the new year, holy guacamole batman, I have a lot of reflecting to do!! Sending big, big love. Xoxoxo, CAMDW

A Little Vomit and Some Holiday Cheer

Thu, 26 Dec 2019 02:13:52 GMT

First of all, I have to make a slight amendment to my last post. I had said that I was doing away with being obsessed with traditions, but after a really special conversation with my lovely mother-in-law, I am seeing things a bit differently. She pointed out to me that it’s not about doing away with loving and wanting specific traditions at specific times of the year, but it’s about being okay with making new traditions and then incorporating those traditions into your old ones…so, instead of doing away with traditions, I have decided to become tradition-flexible. I will now be able to amend my traditions, enjoy new ones and go back to old ones when the time is right. So, there is my amendment. Thank you for your patience as I figure out life.

Second of all, happy, happy holidays. However you’re celebrating and whatever you are celebrating, I hope it is utterly enjoyable and that you’re eating yummy food and feeling happy. If not, it’s okay, tomorrow is another day and there is always time for a better day, hang in there!!

Third of all, yes, Christmas has looked very different for me this year. Our trip started out a little rocky with Domi getting sick and I stress vomiting over his being sick. However, if we’re to find a silver lining in this it’s that I have an incredible mother and brother-in-law that were both willing to clean up after me and take care of me when Domi was otherwise incapacitated.

After a brief, disgusting start to our vacation, things have really turned around. I have had time with my wonderful German family and have been pleasantly surprised by my German-speaking skills…if you don’t know this about me, up until about a year ago I was TERRIFIED of speaking foreign languages. It really made me panic. One time, when my parents and I were in France, my Dad asked me to ask someone where the nearest restroom was. Now, despite my seven years of high school French, I panicked. I literally started crying at the thought of having to speak to someone I didn’t know in a foreign language. Then about three years ago, the first time we came to Germany, after having already taken several months of German lessons, I found myself sitting in a restaurant with Domi and two of his friends. The waitress came up to our table and asked, “Möchten Sie etwas trinken?” I stared at Domi with fear in my eyes, a real, holy-s?*!-what-do-I-say look when she then said, “Would you like something to drink?” I continued my deer-in-the-headlights stare at Domi, completely panicking. It was then that Domi looked at me really strangely when I didn’t respond and said, “Baby, she’s speaking English.” I was horrifyingly embarrassed. And everyone got a good laugh out of it.

The Universe has a good sense of humor, so, of course, it set me up with a German-speaking partner and a family that speaks all German. Haha, very funny Universe, I guess you really don’t let go until I learn a lesson…damn.

So, finally, under pressure from myself, I decided I wasn’t only going to learn German, but I was going to force myself to speak it. I wanted to understand what my family was saying, I wanted to be a part of the conversation and I didn’t want Domi to have to translate for me for the rest of my life. I’m now in my third year of German classes. It has taken a long time, but finally, this trip, I am really able to talk to my family. I can make my way through the city. I can have alone time and not be afraid I won’t be able to take care of myself and I can participate without anyone having to translate for me. It feels like a huge win. Yes, I still look a ton of words up and sometimes have to ask people to slow down. Yes, I don’t understand everything that is said, but hey, I made my first pun in German last night and I’m feeling pretty proud.

So, what have I learned on this very new Christmas?

1) That I am, in fact, capable of speaking two languages (even if one is a little shaky)

2) That the holidays are about being open to all traditions, that it’s okay to miss your parents and even be a little sad to be away from them during the holidays, even at 26, as long as you still remember to appreciate what you have around you.

3) That you have to roll with the punches. Food will burn, people will get sick, you will be embarrassed that your mother-in-law has to clean up your vomit, but all of these things are bonding experiences and in the grand scheme of things? Not so bad.

4) Lastly, that the universe is relentless when it comes to lessons you need to learn. So, might as well face them head-on now. Become okay with new traditions, force yourself to speak a language that scares you, whatever it is for you. The Universe won’t give up on you, so don’t you give up on yourself, okay?

So, yeah, this Christmas vacation had a bit of a rough start (unfortunately not of the hysterical, Chevy Chase ilk) and it’s had some new faces, but it’s been really special. I have learned that the holiday spirit is completely what you make it. Instead of focusing on all the things that could go wrong, focus on all of the things that could go right and don’t buy into the holiday drama. Take a deep breath and take time for yourself. Happy holidays my friends. Fröliche Weihnachten auch (see what I did there?) xoxox, CAMDW

Baby Tevye Celebrating Christmas

Sat, 21 Dec 2019 02:15:28 GMT

I am a stickler when it comes to traditions. I always want everything to be just how it was when I was a kid. Always. No changing. Got it? I’m like a mini Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof, “Tradition, tradition, tradition!”

I have always easily welcomed new people into our family’s traditions, but I haven’t been so willing to altering the traditions themselves.

Then I did this thing. I got married. HUGE blessing, but holy crap did anyone tell you when you get married you have to like compromise with the other person and be open to their traditions???

Up until now, I didn’t really think much of the whole “compromising on traditions thing” because for the past four years my lovely German-engineered unicorn has been so giving. We have always done the things my family does around the holidays. We go with my family for thanksgiving (no biggie he’s German, they don’t celebrate it anyway) and we are always with my family for Christmas. His family is always, always invited, but never have we gone back to Germany and back to his traditions. Until this year.

Now, every logical person would be so insanely excited to spend the holiday season amidst Christmas markets in a magical land of gingerbread and wonder. I, however, had to adjust to the idea that, for the first time in 26 years I would be participating in someone else’s traditions and I would be spending Christmas without my parents.

So, maybe this isn’t a big deal to you, but to me? It’s massive. I started to get really sad actually because to me, Christmas is all about our traditions and the ideas of what we are “supposed to do together,” it’s what we’ve always done and what I assumed we would always be doing.

A few months ago, I told my dad, “I’m really excited to go to Germany, but I’m a little sad, I’m going to miss you so much and everything we do.”

And he told me, “Honey, Domi has gone along with all of our traditions for years, it’s one year, you’ll be just fine and it will be so amazing in its own way, even if it’s different.”

Different is a hard word for me because I always want everything to be the same. But also, as I grow and change I realize that the same is boring. The same is small and the same doesn’t bring you to beautiful places to meet new and incredible people. And my Dad was right. Domi has been willing for years to go along with my family’s traditions. At the very, very least, I owe him a Christmas with everything he grew up with, without kicking and screaming about it. And even though I know I love my traditions, I couldn’t quite figure out why I was freaking out so, so much about not being home for Christmas.

Since I couldn’t completely let go, we arranged a little mini-Christmas with my parents in LA with our traditional Christmas dinner and our traditions that we love. We spent the day preparing Christmas dinner and opening presents and being together. We went to pick up things forgotten from the supermarket and something strange happened. I walked into the supermarket prepared to see people rushing and panicking over last minute changes to Christmas dinner. There’s always a buzz on holidays at the market and I was completely prepared to walk face first into hullaballoo. I walked into the store and it was really quiet. Elevator music was being pumped through the speakers and I was so confused. It took me a minute to realize that it wasn’t actually December 25th. I chuckled to myself and finished up shopping and returned home to mash some potatoes.

That’s when I realized something, you can make any normal day feel like a holiday. It’s about what you choose to make of your days. It about celebrating days that aren’t even supposed to be celebratory.

The holidays have a lot riding on them. They’re supposed to be a “certain” way for many people and changing up ingrained traditions after decades is not easy for everyone, but if you can know in your heart that the holidays are about the people you’re with and that honestly, they are just one more day in the year it’s easier to let go of the traditions and to know, whatever you do, whomever you’re with will make it special because it is our decision to make these days special. And that means every day of the week should feel more extraordinary. Every day should be celebrated and every day you can create the how you feel. It’s all about perspective, friends.

Can I choose to be sad that I won’t be with my parents on Christmas or that it’s going to look different this year? Absolutely. But if I do that, I would be choosing not to enjoy an incredible moment for my husband and me, a magical place and some really, really special people that I also love very much.

So I’m deciding to hell with traditions (I know, family, don’t faint…). But, I want to celebrate every day and accept change and be excited no matter what we decide to do because it’s all up to me. (Yay!) It’s okay to panic when things are going to look different, it’s just important that you can breathe through the panic and know that change doesn’t have to be scary it can be fun and it’s a process, so don’t beat yourself up, okay?

Happy day friends. You decide, is it just another day? Or is today a special day? Totally up to you. Enjoy your holidays. If the turkey burns know it’s okay, you can try another day and make it just as special.

PS I know I make it sound like, just change your mind! But it’s so freaking hard. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s a process and it takes time. I fluctuate between being so excited to be on our way to Germany and being so sad that my parents won’t be with me for the holidays. I have to keep reminding myself. It’s all good if your thoughts don’t just “change.” Just thinking about the idea of knowing that you can change them is a step in a positive direction. Much, much love friends! xoxox, CAMDW

Bambi On Ice and Accidental Confidence

Sat, 14 Dec 2019 02:16:42 GMT

I will start by saying that I have a husband that is good at everything and not just like “good,” but pretty freaking amazing at, well…everything. He always goes into something new going, “oh my gosh, I’m not sure, I’ve never done this before…” and then proceeds to blow everyone out of the water. It’s happened at instrument playing, yoga-practicing and most recently…ice skating.

So, last night, Domi, our friend, Alex and I decided to go ice skating. I used to take figure skating lessons. Okay, so it was probably 15 years ago, but still, if I could jump and turn on the ice then, I felt like the chances of me being able to propel myself in circles without any kind of tricks were going to be pretty high. So, when I took my first step out on the ice and almost pulled Alex and Domi down with me, I was pretty surprised. I held on to them for my dear life as my legs went one way and my upper body rocked the opposite and then my legs would jut out the other direction and my chest would heave forward. It was kind of like watching Bambi on ice, except Bambi had the great good fortune of having four legs and being lower to the ground than I did. I stared at the ice about 10 inches in front of me while I basically let Alex and Domi pull me around the rink. I could not get my feet under me and this was not for lack of trying. Then Alex needed a little break and all of the sudden one of my hands was free, I looked at Domi, a sheer look of terror on my face, let go of him and propelled myself, rather roughly, into the side of the rink as I had no recollection of how to put on the breaks in ice skates.

I looked down at my hands on the railing. My white knuckles made me sad. Was I really not able to skate anymore? Have I really lost such touch with something I excelled at earlier in life? As these thoughts floated around in my head I looked up and there was Domi flying by me, one leg on the ice the other leg extended into a perfect arabesque (he doesn’t even know what an arabesque is) behind him, his arms outstretched and smiling the goofiest, cutest smile. It was then that something occurred to me. My brilliant man of many talents, is that, for sure, but he is also fearless. He doesn’t care how he looks. He doesn’t care if he falls. He could give a tiny rat’s tuchas if someone laughed at him. He is so truly confident. He tells himself he can do something and he does it. That is his inherent nature.

So, I decided to give confidence and fearless-ish-ness a try. I gingerly inched myself away from the wall and started pushing the ice away with my feet. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. Woosh, there he was again, Domi spinning effortlessly on the ice. I am nothing, if not a hint competitive, so, I lifted my eyes from the ice directly in front of me and started to pick up speed and much to my surprise I found that with speed, I actually got better. And then I got excited! I waved to Domi and Alex who were now watching me from the sidelines. Woahhhh…whoops… almost fell over there…okay, a little too much confidence came out maybe…but I felt like I’d unlocked one of the universe’s secrets. If I believed I could, I did. It was so freeing. I spent the rest of our time there somewhat wobbly and still a little bit nervous, but also exhilarated. I could do it. Maybe I wasn’t ready to take one leg off the ground yet, but I could, in fact, do it.

Domi, yet again, illustrated such a valuable lesson. He is good at so many things because he believes in himself and because he works hard and also because he doesn’t care what the heck anyone else thinks of him. So what if he falls on the ice in front of everyone? Would it really be so horrifyingly embarrassing that it would stop him from trying? Of course not. And if he falls and gets a bruise, well, is that really the worst thing? Heck no!

I’ve noticed with every year of life comes a little more fear of everything around me. I’m afraid of getting hurt, I’m afraid of trying new things, and, more than anything, I am afraid of looking stupid. When I listen to all of those fears I may feel like my life is wrapped up in a pretty little bow and that I have made everything safe around me, but all those fears are really doing is limiting my ability to enjoy life and experiences. Having enough confidence to believe you can do anything you set your mind to and not letting fears tie you down is a huge key to my hubby’s success and I’m determined to make it a key to mine. I am very good at believing in myself in the abstract, but when it comes to actually physically doing something I shut off. Ice skating and my love have taught me to look up, believe in myself and have faith that I can accomplish something on my own.

Happy Friday friends, please take a second this weekend to believe in yourself, no matter what it’s about. Maybe it’s cooking, or a sport, or work, or school, or anything! Just believe. Even if it’s not amazing right away it’ll get there and the experiences will be more fun when you’re leaning into the confidence and not just taking time to try and mitigate all of the things that might go wrong. Love you mucho, xoxoxo, CAMDW.

Matzoh Ball Soup and a Burglary

Wed, 11 Dec 2019 02:18:10 GMT

After a long day of Christmas shopping Domi and I came home on a high. We love being around the holiday spirit. We even allowed ourselves some peppermint mochas…

As soon as we walked in the door, Domi quickly and meticulously wrapped one belated birthday present for my Uncle and then we walked back out the door in an amazing mood. It was a good Sunday and we were headed for some homemade matzoh ball soup, so it was only going to get better.

I should mention that my darling husband is a little anal when it comes to security measures. He checks the stove knobs two or three times before we leave the house. He checks to make sure every door is locked and then checks again. He always makes sure our alarm system is on and then finally we head out the door. Even though I make fun of this quirk of his, I am endlessly grateful for it.

This Sunday, as per usual, he had done all his checks, he set the alarm, we closed the door behind us, locked it and then checked it one more time. When we first moved into our house someone broke-in so we are always just a little extra careful…

We laughed and talked as we walked over to Uncle Willie’s. When we got there there were hugs all around. We were all happy to see each other and catch up after what felt like ages. We were busy chatting when my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number so I dismissed the call thinking I wasn’t going to interrupt quality family time for someone I didn’t know. Then the same number called Domi….that was weird. I still thought nothing of it, but told Domi he should pick-up because it seemed strange. He did.

“It’s the alarm company. They said our alarm is going off.” Since our alarm goes off at random on occasion I didn’t really think anything of it. “Let me check the cameras,” I said. Just to be safe.

I quickly opened the app on my phone and that’s when I saw two hooded figures walking across our front porch and I heard a window smash. “Tell them to call the cops.” I said trying to remain calm. I was sure with our alarm screeching in the background there was no way they were going to stick around. When you hear an alarm you’re supposed to run, right?

“Alright, we should head over,” said Uncle Willie. We hopped in his massive car and drove as fast as we could up to our house. The alarm was still screeching. It was deafening, even from outside. Uncle Willie pulled an umbrella out of his trunk, ready to defend us Mary Poppins style…I guess. Well, an umbrella was all we had and it was better to have something than nothing. Valiantly Domi and Uncle Willie approached the house. I begged the guys not to go in, just in case. Shockingly they didn’t. I told Rebecca to stay in the car and then because I’m a weenie I climbed in next to her and locked the doors.

Our neighbor across the street ran out and called to us, “I heard your alarm go off and saw two guys running so I called 911.”

We thanked him and went over the details of what we’d seen on the cameras and what he’d caught that we’d missed. We waited for the police, alarm still blaring in the background. About 25 minutes later they showed up and searched our house. I was positive that they had run immediately after hearing the alarm so I wasn’t so concerned. It wasn’t until the police came out of the house and said, “they ransacked two bedrooms upstairs, you better go and take a look.” For a second I didn’t understand. I was shocked. I was sure we were safe with an alarm and cameras, I mean really, what else can you do?

I walked into my closet and immediately I saw it, or lack thereof it. They had gotten really lucky. We had just gotten back from vacation and so my jewelry case with all of my favorite jewelry had been out, conveniently sitting in a travel case. I had yet to put it in the safe. I felt so stupid.

I started to cry. It wasn’t the literal value of what they had taken (of course, the literal value was a hit, too) but they had gotten things that meant a lot to me. Items, to me, that were irreplaceable. I am as sentimental as they come. And then on top of what they had taken I looked around and saw that they had been in our stuff. They had opened my underwear drawer and who knows what they touched. Our dresser in our bedroom had been dumped all over the floor with the things they decided they could leave behind (luckily, my stuffed animals were of no interest…massive sigh of relief).

Rebecca, looked up at me, with her big beautiful brown eyes and in her wise-beyond-her-years way told me, “it’s going to be okay.” A thirteen year-old was calming me down in the aftermath of a burglary and I almost had to giggle. How was she not freaking out? God, I love her.

She was right. No one was hurt and we could all still have matzoh ball soup together, thank goodness. It’s almost as if Uncle Willie knew we would need special, comforting nourishment. After the cops finished their report we sat down to dinner. A little shaken and worse for wear, but okay. We talked about work and school and anything but what happened. We called my parents and asked them to come and stay with us. We were determined to stay at home for the night, but hey, we were still a little freaked out and hey, there is strength in numbers.

My parents stayed up with us, drinking tea, assuring us everything was going to be just fine. Finally, when we couldn’t talk about it anymore we went to bed. I closed my eyes. Should we move? I thought. But I love our house. I don’t want to leave. But I don’t feel safe. I went around and around for a few hours. I was so tired, but every rustle in the trees outside, every creak our bed made, made me jump. Then I remembered the mantra I learned when I was younger and would get scared at night, “I am safe and protected by the light and love of God.” And I just kept repeating it until I fell asleep. Then I would wake up and then I would say the mantra again and in and out of sleep I went all night long.

It wasn’t until I woke up the next day that I realized I had a choice. I could let this break-in that scared the bejeezus out of me rule how I felt about my life. I could lean into the drama of it all. I could cancel appointments and work from home in my pjs. I could tell people that I was just not up to anything today. I could go and ask for sympathy and whine about. Or, I could make life normal again. I could decide that my feeling of safety and security comes from within. That I love my house. That I don’t want to leave my house and regardless of what happens it is my haven. It was up to me. Because there will always be something to worry about. If it’s not a break in, it could be a car accident, if it’s not a car accident, it could be a plane crash. It could be literally anything. So, I decided I wasn’t going to let those burglars win. What they did in less than four minutes was not going to force me to move inward. To shut all our doors and windows. To create a fortress. To back myself into a corner where I am “safe.” My safety starts in my heart and my mind. My safety comes from remembering things are just things and events are just events. And shit happens. So, I decided for that instead. It feels like the more fun way to live. It’s a choice to look at the positive. (Don’t get me wrong, I still needed a good cry to release all of the scary stuff inside of me…this came after that…)

As we laid down to sleep last night domi asked me, “do you think the universe is trying to teach us a lesson with these break-ins?” I thought about it for a moment and said, “yes, I do. I think the universe is trying to tell us many things. I think the universe is saying we have to believe we are safe and warm no matter what. That God or the universe or something out there is going to take care of us. That we need to be a bit more careful about where we put things and that more than anything we have to be grateful for every day. For having each other and for knowing that stuff is just stuff. It can be more expensive stuff or it can be my ratty old stuffed animals, but it’s just stuff and we are safe. And also that maybe we need to do something about the income disparity in the United States. That’s what I think.”

“Okay Baby, I think so, too” he responded. We hugged each other.

I reminded him, “hey, tomorrow we’ve been together for four years. Happy almost anniversary, Bab.”

“Happy almost anniversary, Baby,” answered Domi in his most adorable smile. Then we went through our usual goodnight routine (we are totally creatures of habit). Laid our heads down on the pillows and fell fast asleep.

When we woke up this morning it was as if a cloud had been lifted. Things felt normal again and normal felt so good.

So, friends, here’s the deal…it’s just stuff and your safety and security has to come from within. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, so, I think it’s better that we stop trying to guess.

Happy, happy Tuesday my lovelies! I hope you have a wonderful day and that you always feel safe and warm when you put your heads down on the pillow at night and every moment in-between.

PS I want to say that this experience has also showed me what phenomenal people we have in our lives. From our Uncle willie who valiantly defended us with his umbrella, to Rebecca who kindly reminded me that it’s all going to be okay. From our friend Alex who immediately asked if we wanted to stay with her, to Juliette who allowed us to get mad about the situation with her. To Sandy who offered to come over and lend us support and security. To our friend, Joe, who offered to come help us with more security measures, being that he’s ex-military and all and his wife who offered words of comfort and kindness. To my parents that dropped everything to come and make sure we were okay and for a solid 24 hours continued to check up on us and take us to meals and helped us feel safe. To our incredible friends Keith and Lauren who drove for two hours last night to surprise us with cookies and love. And lastly, to all of the friends and family around us that had no idea that this happened and are still there to support and love us every day. I am speechless. The best thing about when scary things happen is that you find what incredible people you have around you. They are all heroes to us every day and sometimes we forget to thank them, but there are not enough words in the English (or German) language to express our gratitude for our people and our community. We are endlessly grateful.

We’re All Human, Babe.

Sat, 07 Dec 2019 02:20:01 GMT

I have always been particular about my hair. My Dad will certainly tell you that I would easily freak out if my hair wasn’t always perfect…or at least what I thought was perfect. I didn’t like my curly hair until I was in college and I used to ask my Dad to blow dry it almost every single day before school. Needless to say, there are not many people that I ever let cut/color/touch my hair. This is why I save up for a very special trip to my favorite hairdresser each year for some annual highlights. My Uncle Arthur is an artist and a magician when it comes to hair, he is like no one else—and not just because he is magic with scissors, peroxide, and hairspray. He will simply not let you leave until he’s gotten everything just right. My hair will be almost fully dry and he’ll look at it and go, “no you need one more highlight in the front.” And I roll my eyes and think, really? One more? But I’ve already been here for three hours!! And then he’ll put in just that one more highlight and lo and behold he was right, so I don’t second guess his judgment when it comes to my hair follicles. I let him take the wheel and just wait to see what happens.

He is a hoot. He makes you laugh, he can be a good shoulder to cry on, he is a support and a rock for many. Sitting there in his chair today while he went at my hair like Edward Scissorhands in walked an older man who brought him some pineapple. The older gentleman sat in a chair next to me and made casual conversation for a minute or two with Arthur and then promptly said, “I can see your busy today, I’ll stop by tomorrow to say hi again, but I’ll definitely see you at the meeting tomorrow night.” As the man left the salon my Uncle Arthur told me, “that’s my AA sponsor. He just inherited a lot of money so he quit his job and doesn’t know what to do with his days, so he brings me fruit and makes conversation.” I didn’t remember that he was a recovering alcoholic and I started to ask him some questions because I was curious about what going to AA was like. He said, “I’ve been sober for 11 years and I’m the happiest alcoholic there is because when I admit to being an alcoholic, I’m free. There’s no shame in it. I go to this meeting in North Hollywood every Saturday. People from all over, people of all different sorts come to this meeting and it is so fascinating to watch everyone work together and hold each other accountable. They are all so incredible. And especially in this age of gender fluidity, man, what a crowd. It’s just something to see. We’re all human, babe.”

Those words resonated with me. In a world where I am so particular about what I expect of myself and those around me, I think I forget that we are all human. We are all doing the best with what we’ve got and can we expect more from ourselves? Hell yes. But when we screw up or there are setbacks do we need to beat ourselves up over this? Hell no. I wish we could all be at this AA meeting Uncle Artie goes to where everyone holds each other up but also holds each other accountable. What a beautiful world. We are all human, babe. We are all figuring out ourselves and so is everyone else and as gentle as we would like people to be with our hearts and minds, so should we be with other peoples’.

That’s it. That’s all I have to say on this rainy Friday where I put a plastic bag over my head leaving the salon because I only get these highlights once a year and I certainly was not going to let my freshly blown-out hair get a drop of rain on it…okay, so I’m a little vain, but hey, I’m just human.

Happy Friday, friends! I hope you enjoy being human. Be gentle with yourself and others and also know it’s okay to hold yourself and others accountable. We can all be messy humans figuring things out and that’s a happy thing.

I Have an Internal Teleprompter Elf Problem

Wed, 04 Dec 2019 02:21:48 GMT

My family has lovingly named the part where you come back from vacation, re-entry. It’s the time leading up to landing back into the normalcy of life and all of the sudden realize you have to go back to work and everything feels a little bit terrifying. And it doesn’t matter whether you’ve been away for two days or ten days, whether you’ve been on your emails the whole time, or haven’t taken a peek at your phone, it all feels just a touch ominous and before anything has even happened yet you’re feeling pulled in a million different directions.

This is what happened to me at around 3am the night before we left to come home from a vacation…I woke up and my brain started buzzing with to-do lists, conversations with people I haven’t had yet. Social engagements, leaving for the airport, wondering if I’ll miss my alarm. It’s this half-conscious, half-asleep world where my consciousness tells me I’m being crazy, I just need to sleep, nothing bad is going to happen, while my brain continues a never-ending list of all of the potential problems the world has to offer, which, it believes, are best solved at 3 in the morning.

This re-entry brain is annoying as hell. It doesn’t let you sleep. It doesn’t let you focus on any one thing and it is an expert about pointing out every single thing you can worry about from now until 2030, including but not limited to: children you haven’t even thought of having yet, work problems that aren’t problems yet, natural disasters, the list could go on endlessly.

Out of the bright blue sky, every single item on my to-do list somehow miraculously became a ridiculously high priority and life was just crushing me, as opposed to me crushing it. This is not the sleep you want for the last two days of vacation because they are also coincidentally the last two nights you will ever have to get a good night’s sleep forevermore (or so my brain in overdrive says) and it is utterly horrific that you cannot sleep. Tired just reading this? I thought so…me too. When I saw my mind doing this I desperately tried to change its course, quickly going over in my head everything I’m grateful for. I was throwing one thing after the next not giving my mind a moment to slip into its trickery of re-entry thoughts. I was throwing gratitude bullets at my brain, thinking I had outsmarted the system, until being unrelentingly grateful at high speed only made gratitude stressful.

When I was 16 I spoke in front of a crowd of almost 1,000 people for the first time. I was already ridiculously nervous and for the first time ever I was using a teleprompter. A few hours before I was going to speak, I stood on the vast stage rehearsing my speech and slowly panic started to creep into my chest. The words were rolling too quickly. I couldn’t read them fast enough. Looking down at my Dad and up at the words, my heart started pounding. Suddenly, I stopped and called out, “Dad!! The words are going too fast I can’t read that fast what am I going to do?!?!” My Dad looked at me and very calmly explained that if I spoke slower, the teleprompter would move slower since there was someone backstage listening to me and operating the teleprompter based on the speed I was speaking. Now, it’s not shocking the words were moving fast. I am a fast talker naturally, then throw in a dose of nerves and holy guacamole Batman can I fly over a speech at top speed!! I took a breath, I started over and as I slowed down, so did the words.

My mind, I have realized, is akin to reading from a teleprompter. The faster I talk to myself the faster my internal teleprompter operator scrolls through the text, but if I slow down, so does my teleprompter. Last night, my thoughts were moving so quickly that my internal teleprompter operator, I will name him Herbert, got a little slap-happy and started flying through the thoughts like mad, but as I took a breath and started to speak to myself calmly and rationally, down went my heart rate and the thoughts seem to get less panicky, too. It was like I had given Herbert a sedative, just by breathing and slowing down.

No one likes coming back from vacation. The thought of re-entry sets your internal teleprompter elf on high alert and ready for action. Re-entry brain tells you that you’ve been missing out. That you’re behind. That everyone else is ahead. That life is somehow miraculously different than it was when you last left it. And then you get up and you check your planner and there are a lot of things in there, but not so many that they won’t all get done and work, well, it’s not that scary, it looks just like it did a week ago. Okay, so it’s not the same as laying on a lounge chair for eight hours a day reading a book, but it was doable a week ago and it is doable now.

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure I am not the only one with a little teleprompter elf in my mind. And if your elf is also at times a little drunk with power, please remember that this little elf is under our control, not vice versa.

It is all doable. Everything is possible. It’s okay to say no to things as you catch and it’s okay to ask for help. Re-entry is hard, so be gentle on yourself if you’re just getting back into the swing of things too and also just be gentle with yourself because today is a day that ends in y. And on all days that end in y we should be gentle with ourselves.

Happy Tuesday friends slow down that little elf in your mind and take a breath, you are worth the time it takes to breathe!

Vacation Expectations and Rancid Carrots

Sat, 30 Nov 2019 02:23:08 GMT

Out of the blue came a strident voice from the pool, “I’m gonna punch that little mother f*****!” I peered over the top of my book trying not to be too obvious about my staring, but it was hard not to wonder what the heck was going on. I was pretty sure the woman was referring to her eight-year-old son, which only further piqued my interest.

In front of me there laid a beautiful turquoise infinity pool spilling into the dark blue waters of the Pacific Ocean, but from that very same pool screams erupted and drama ensued. I kept wondering how people could ever be upset amongst such beauty. I mean, we’re in paradise people!!!

It was then that a thought occurred to me. Vacation, the holidays, beautiful hotels, all of it is one massive setup. You spend all year looking forward to this time that is going to be peaceful and perfect. Time spent where your children get along and you don’t fight with your parents. Vacation is like a magical carrot just waiting for you to reach it only to find that the carrot isn’t quite as orange as you expected, it tastes a little funny, in fact, it may be completely rancid…

I’ve decided it is our expectations of what vacation will be that ruins the vacation all together because when that bubble of expectation bursts and that carrot you eat gives you diarrhea, vacation is no longer vacation, but a very expensive place to discover all of your family’s issues.

Families all around us were fighting and arguing and I couldn’t figure it out, but then I thought none of these people actually spend this much time together. Ever. All of the sudden put them on a tropical island with no means of getting away and it isn’t splendor—it’s torture.

My family is definitely not immune to this. We often joke that there will always be one explosion between my Dad and I if we’re ever together for more than seven days straight, we’re both just a little too stubborn and a little too similar, however, we’re currently crossing day 7 right now with no argument in sight, so everyone—hold your breath. But if it’s not Dad and I, then it may be Dad and Daddy or Domi and me. Spending so much time together is bound to bring about some sort of deep-seated family issue.

Is the answer to all of our problems to stop taking vacations and sit at home because it’s easier to have our family drama there? Absolutely not. Time away with your family is so important, but I think it’s key to adjust your expectations of that time away. Palm trees are beautiful, but they do not magically make two warring siblings best friends. We put so much pressure on our time away and on “the holidays” being utterly perfect that the poor things never have the chance to succeed because just like you and me aren’t perfect, neither are vacations nor special days of the year. They are just more days. But if you go into these events with the sense that life isn’t going to miraculously stop and become totally different than it is at home, these trips can, in fact, be magical. If you know stuff is going to come up and family drama that you had at home will likely rear its ugly head amidst the deep blue waters then it won’t be such a meltdown when the bubble is burst and you can get over it faster and on to the rest of the trip without so much disappointment. There is no shame in family issues because we all have them. It’s fun to point and say, “look at that family, they’re crazy, at least we’re not like that.” But then moments later you’ll find yourself storming out of the pool area because something someone said pissed you off. If Uncle Bob said something inappropriate last Thanksgiving, hey, he’s probably going to do it again this Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah and New Year’s, too. But that’s Uncle Bob’s issue, not yours to deal with. Remove yourself from uncomfortable situations. Go sit alone on the beach or on a mountaintop or snuggle under the covers and enjoy some much needed relaxation. And remember that it’s okay if family stuff comes up. It’s natural and every other family is doing it, too. Yours is not alone.

You deserve a vacation, but don’t put so much pressure on a location delivering magic and don’t expect your family to become something totally different when the air is more humid. Trust me, humidity doesn’t make anything magical except for the new heights my hair can reach in it. Happy belated Thanksgiving and happy early holiday season, or birthday or anything you celebrate all year long.

Happy weekend friends, none of our families are perfect and perfect is boring anyway and I am grateful for my very much not perfect, but incredible family. oxooxox

Gratitude and Mexican Reveries…

Wed, 27 Nov 2019 02:24:42 GMT

The holidays can be a fraught time for many, but for me, personally, outside of my birthday, it’s my favorite time of year. It’s a time for traditions and a lot of food and for me, those check most of the boxes. Every year since I was seven, my parents and I have ventured to Mexico for an annual getaway for Thanksgiving. When it got too difficult to decide which side of the family to go to, and the family dynamics just got a wee bit too complicated, my parents decided that instead of suffering they would just pick the three of us up and remove us from the equation. It was time to create new traditions and ever since I was seven, we have.

So, nothing much has changed, except for that now there are four of us that go to Mexico instead of three and that Domi has inspired us to get off of our lounge chairs once in a while and do an actual activity. Today we went sailing. Being out on the water is something my entire family loves. The wind in our hair, the sparkling waters all around. It’s peaceful and special. We wandered back from our rooms in a daze. Thinking about the time we had and already dreaming of the next time we could be back out on the water. The air was so thick with humidity it wasn’t hard to imagine the cool water splashing and offering some afternoon relief. Instinctively on our way back to our rooms, we pulled out our phones which we hadn’t taken a peek at in hours. As soon as the lock screen lit up on my phone I found a plethora of missed calls, frustrated clients and people going insane over silly stuff and I felt a little bit jarred. Okay, a lot bit jarred. How dare these people interrupt my Mexican reverie! I got so pissed off. I really felt this internal stirring that had me wanting to throw my computer across the room. I was really, really angry. Well, this is just f*&^!#, I thought. An hour ago I was standing on a paddleboard, propelling myself around a bird sanctuary and now I am sitting in a hotel room with my phone in my hand and my arm twitching to hurl it at the nearest wall. What the heck? How did everything change so quickly? But slowly, I took a breath, I sat down and started handling the emails one by one. I returned each call one at a time. I took another breath and then another. My heart rate started to return to normal. I no longer felt the need to fling electronics at other inanimate objects. And miraculously, in less than an hour, I was done and sitting back at the pool, almond chai in hand. (Rough life, I know…)

As I sat on the lounge chair, thoughts were swirling around in my mind of every sort. All of a sudden, I remembered that this week is Thanksgiving. Duh, Chelsea…A time to remember what we’re grateful for. A time to give thanks to those that have loved and supported us. Again, I inhaled and exhaled. I put the work behind me and started to really dig into this giving thanks corner of my mind. What am I grateful for this year? As the first cobwebs cleared, I thought, well, duh, I am grateful for my family and my friends. (They’re the best!) Behind a few boxes in my mind, I found, I am beyond grateful for those that have come into my life and taught me lessons. These are things I am grateful for every day and remind myself of as often as possible. But when I really sat in the quiet and pushed back curtains of my mind and corners I didn’t even know existed and I felt the warm sun on my skin, my mind started to get a little bit deep. I started to feel really grateful for myself. Something I don’t think I’ve ever said out loud before. I started to be very thankful that I decided to go out on a limb this year, to try something new that I have utterly no experience in and see how it goes. And that the more I have worked on my new dreams and passions I have started speaking them with periods and not question marks. What I mean by this is that when people ask me what I am doing I have started saying confidently, “I am a writer. I am a blogger.” I don’t ask for anyone’s approval. I don’t ask for anyone to like it. I just say it point-blank, you asked, I’m telling. In the first half of this year, I questioned it a lot. I would tell people these newfound things about myself and my intonation at the end of my sentences would creep up as if asking whether or not I had permission to do these things, but the more I said it, the more it became fact. The more it became a fact the more I believed in it. And in believing more in it, I started believing more in myself.

I don’t know that I have ever reflected on Thanksgiving and thought, man, I am grateful that I am me. I have always looked outward for the things and people around me that I am grateful for, but this year in addition to all of these things I would like to also proclaim my self-gratitude. That I am proud of who I am becoming and I am thankful that I get to be me.

I wish everyone loved being themselves. I wish it was more fun for more people to just be who they are. If I could make the world a safer place for people who feel they don’t have permission to be who they are I would like to. I am not sure how to do this, but I am working on it. I promise. I am open to suggestions. Consider this blog my personal suggestion box on how to help people feel safe being themselves. If you have ideas throw them at me. I am ready.

So, I know it’s a few days away, but happy thanksgiving my friends. Gratitude is on my mind. I would also like to say how grateful I am for you. For those of you that are supporting me and loving me on my path of self-discovery. For those of you that subscribe to my blog and listen to me go on and on. (Even if you delete the email without ever having read it…you won’t see this, but I’m grateful for you, too.)

Part of what makes it easier to be yourself is when the people around you are supportive. I have so much support and if as a Thanksgiving gift I could offer you mine, please know I would and I am. Be grateful for yourself. For your body, for the time you take to feed and nourish your dreams, even if it’s only for five minutes at a time, in the middle of the night, once a week. I support that and I love that and I love you. Thank you for being you. I am grateful you chose to just let go and be yourself for a little while. Have the happiest Thanksgiving week…don’t forget to remove yourself from un-fun situations and that you are a-okay just as you are. Xoxoxo, CAMDW

Airport epiphanies…

Sat, 23 Nov 2019 02:25:57 GMT

I’m pretty sure taking one’s own advice is next to impossible…I was working on a bunch of transactions this week, all dependent on what someone else said or did. I was talking to one of my friends about how she should let go and know that the best outcome will ultimately come to light and that there was no need to worry about things that either 1) haven’t happened yet, or 2) that we have no control over. We agreed that that was the best way to move forward and not simultaneously lose sleep…

Less than 24 hours later I was texting her again talking about how I hadn’t slept and I was so stressed and I didn’t know what to do. I was so worried something was going to go horribly wrong with one of these transactions. As so often happens to me, my friend texted me back, “maybe it’s time to take your own advice?”

HAH, that’s funny, my own advice. Dang, that was good advice, but it was so difficult. I kept thinking, what if I lose this client? What if this transaction falls through? What if it’s all my fault and someone gets mad at me?

Well, I can ask What if? Until I’m blue in the face, but it isn’t ultimately going to change anything. I did lose sleep and guess what? It didn’t change anything. I have no control over the future (Damn). So, what is the point of all this worrying? Nothing. It doesn’t help me plan ahead. I cannot anticipate every move that every person is going to make. Life is simply not a game of chess that you can strategize your way out of.

As you read this I am sitting at the airport on my way to our annual Thanksgiving trip (SO FREAKING EXCITED BY THE WAY). I’m looking out the windows watching the planes pulling in and out and dancing along. The luggage goes up one ramp and down the next. Never in my life have I been afraid of flying, I actually love it, but just for one millisecond I looked out there and thought, what if something happens to my plane? Well, first of all, nothing is going to happen to my plane…I’m not putting that out in the universe!! Are you crazy?! But it was so strange that I have fallen into this pattern about worrying about things I have utterly no control over and it somehow morphed into me worrying about things that have never bothered me in my life.

I get it. I have control issues. I know, I have a therapist that I pay an exorbitant amount of money to that tells me that. But sometimes, no matter how much therapy you go to, no matter how many hours you sit on that little couch going over every minuscule moment in your life it takes giving the advice you really need to someone else and then having that advice thrown back at you in order to understand.

I am a control addict. I must relinquish my control because a) I don’t know how to fly a plane so I am safer in the pilot’s hands and b) because there is simply nothing I can do about how someone else acts or things that happen in life, except control the way I react to them.

So, there. I am safe, I am protected, I am going to be okay. Do these real estate transactions that I am panicking over have any effect in the grand scheme of things? Nope, not really. There will always be another transaction, another client, another day. There will always be more opportunities and if I can go through life apologizing when I’m wrong, loving people the way they were meant to be loved and believing that it’s all going to be okay in the end, then I think that’s a pretty great realization for a Friday morning at the airport before 6am.

Happy weekend friends. I am sending love and light and hope that you too can release yourself from the burden of worrying about things that are out of your control or haven’t happen yet. You will be able to deal with things as they come and there is no amount of planning in life that will prepare you for the universe’s sometimes crazy and mostly beautiful surprises. Okay, gotta go jump on that plane now! xoxoxo

What’s in a name…well, turns out, a lot.

Wed, 20 Nov 2019 02:27:32 GMT

I sat on the bar stool as the hair was ripped out of my eyebrows for about the millionth time in my life. Suzie, the perpetrator of the pain and also my dear friend (and incredible eyebrow, makeup artist and entrepreneur) looked at me and asked, “Have you ever actually told anyone the story of what it was like to get all of your names?” I quickly dismissed the question, saying that it was all going to be in my book and I didn’t want to give away the farm. Suzie, however, didn’t quite buy it and forged ahead, “yeah, but what about the story about taking Domi’s name and what it’s like for other people changing their name? They should know what you went through and how it all worked, you could save people so much trouble.” I stopped and thought about it for a second. She was right. I hadn’t told the story of how I got all of my names despite my blog ironically being named after my ridiculously long nomenclature.

So, here’s the deal.

You all know, or maybe you might have guessed…I have five names.

It’s pretty straight forward how the first four got there…first name, after my parent’s friend that they aren’t friends with anymore. Middle name, from a name plate my parents once saw at an art show. My first two last names, one for each dad. And my second and last but certainly not least name, my husband’s last name.

I never thought I would take my husband’s last name. Growing up I adored my last name. It was special and different and long. Montgomery-Duban. It had a little bit of my Dad and a little bit of my Daddy all mixed up in the person that made me, me. So, having both of their names was always important to me. I would get mad if someone called me Chelsea Montgomery or Chelsea Duban. I was Chelsea Montgomery-Duban. The whole thing. Because to me, to deny one name was to deny one Dad and we all know how I feel about that. (Not good…in case you didn’t know.)

I grew up thinking I would never ever want to take my husband’s last name because why should I when my name is so awesome? I used to say to my Dad, “my future husband is just going to have to take my last name.” My Dad always said that, that was because of my “radical feminism” and I always said it was because I liked my name just the way it is.

Then I met Domi. The most magical, kind, incredible human on the planet.

And the craziest thing happened. One night, when we were talking about getting married, Domi said, “I know your name is so special to you and I know if our kids don’t have your name it will die with you. I want to take your last name.” I loved him even more in that moment than I ever thought I could. I thought my heart might actually explode right then and there. He made that decision without me ever having said anything.

But something changed when I met him even before he told me that. I loved him so much that I started to feel like his last name should also be a part of my last name, another part of my journey. “I want to take your last name, too! I want to be Montgomery-Duban Wächter!” I exclaimed and then explained to him that when we got married, I knew it would sound ridiculous, but that’s what I wanted. It felt like wrapping up everyone I love and attaching it to the love train that is my name.

It was a big deal and sometimes I forget that. As I was telling this story today to Suzie and another client of hers, the other girl seemed so surprised, “Wow? Really? My boyfriend said if I asked him to take my name that would be a deal breaker.” I instantaneously was reminded how amazing it was of Domi to want to take my name in a world where that is so not the norm. It is typical for a guy to just assume the girl will want to take his name when they marry, but there is so much more to a name than just changing it out. A name has meaning. It carries weight. Are all women supposed to just throw their names by the wayside because that’s what we’re “supposed to do?” That doesn’t seem fair.

When we went to get our marriange license they asked us what I would be changing my name to (not Domi…). I looked at Domi for a minute, “what do we want to do? Wächter Montgomery Duban? Montgomery-Duban Wächter? Montgomery-Duban-Waechter?” I had no idea yet. I didn’t know I already needed to have the decision made. This was a big deal. I wasn’t sure what order I wanted to put anything in, but the lady tapping her finger behind the plexiglass assured me it would be no big deal. She clearly just wanted us to move on. There were many other things on her plate and us figuring out our names was not at the top of her list of priorities. She rolled her eyes, “look, you can get a name change whenever you want. You don’t have to put it on the license now, you can just do it later. Okay?” We nodded. “Okay, next!” She shouted. And off we went with a marriage license and no clearer picture of what we were going to do with our names.

We got married and all was fine and dandy and then a few months later I decided it was time to get this name change thing done. (We decided to wait on Domi’s until he has his citizenship since one more reason for immigration to delay things was not something we were interested in.) After making an appointment and waiting forever I got called to cubicle 13. “Can I see your paperwork?” Asked the DMV representative. I hurriedly handed over everything I had. From my birth certificate, to utility bills, to my new social, to our marriage certificate, you name it, I had…everything. “I’m sorry, but your name isn’t on the marriage certificate, we can’t accept this.” I looked at her confused. Social security hadn’t given me an issue, they just went ahead and gave me my new name. “Well, we aren’t social security.” Was her response. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

I was pretty much taken aback, I was just adding Domi’s last name to the end of my last name, but she remained steadfast. “You have to go and get a court order in order for us to change anything and that’s final. Next! Number F54!”

I was a little crestfallen, after so many months and so much planning I couldn’t just change my name like the lady behind the plexiglass had told me. But I dang well wanted this name and I was dang well going to get it!

I found all the forms online to apply for a court order. I walked up to the window and handed everything to yet another woman behind plexiglass. I paid an exorbinant filing fee. I was told I had to advertise the change for four weeks in a publication and that my court date would be on May 17th (a full three months away). I published the documents in the Malibu Times. I brought back that pile of paperwork to file at the county recorder. Then, I waited.

My Dad went with me to my court date. Having never been in court I was a little jumpy even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was talking incessantly to calm my nerves. It was a big day for a lot of people in there. A name, I realized, meant even more to some of the people in that room than it did to me, which I was sure was impossible.

The judge was almost an hour late. Finally, he started. We each took turns standing before the judge, being sworn in, watching him review our background checks, spelling out our names aloud and then following-up with a very not enthusiastic, “Congratulations. Next.” (I have found that where you find plexiglass with people behind it , you also find a lot of “next.”) And then we applauded for each other. (That part was fun.)

Finally, it was my turn. “Okay, so you really want this whole name? Chelsea Austin Montgomery-Duban Waechter?” Said the judge. “Yes, sir. I have two dads and one husband and I’d like to honor them all.” I replied. The judge didn’t look up, “okay, well, um, here goes, is this spelling correct? C-H-E-L…” I’ll spare you the full 36 letter spelling of my name that ensued. But then, that was it and I was legally Chelsea Austin Montgomery-Duban Waechter. I had the biggest smile on my face. It was the most ridiculously expensive name I could come by, I will spend a lifetime of people mispronouncing it and asking me why my name is so damn long and I am so proud to have been honored with my special name by the three best guys I know. I love every single syllable of it. Every part of my name tells a different part of my story.

So, how dare anyone just assume that someone else is going to change their name just because of what society expects. We get to choose our names (when we want to) and each one means something entirely different. Each one like a chapter in a book. There are people who call me, “Chels,” or, “Chelsky,” or, “Chellybelly,” or, “Mrs. MDW.” I love every iteration. Each way someone says my name and each name someone gives me means something about my relationship to that person and I love that.

Maybe, for some people it’s easy to swap out their name. Maybe they never liked it, maybe it’s exciting to start a new life with a totally new name. All I’m saying is no one should be able to tell you what your name has to be and if Phoebe on FRIENDS can be “Princess Consuela Banana Hammock,” then I can dang well have five names and you can have and be anything you want to be.

Happy Tuesday friends. Who do you want to be? What’s your name? All of that? It’s totally your call. Sending love, CAMDW xoxox

PS no matter what you want your name to be after marriage CHANGE IT ON THAT DANG LICENSE or you’ll be so upset that you ended up spending so much money just because plexiglass lady wanted you out of her way.

Sometimes you have to phone a friend…

Sat, 16 Nov 2019 02:28:51 GMT

Traffic was nasty and I was sitting in the car listening to NPR going nuts because the politics and the hurt in our world are just too much to listen to right now. So, I picked up the phone (I was at a stop light, promise) and after a minute of my phone trying to recognize my face (when it doesn’t I’m always slightly offended), I called one of my favorite people, Juliette.

When her familiar voice picked up my whole body relaxed. I miss Jules. She lives all the way over in Nashville and ugh that’s far. I caught her up on everything going on over here and then I asked her how she was. And let me just preface this by saying we have had a lot of calls this year that weren’t very happy. Juliette picked herself up from her hometown and moved herself to a brand new city where she knew no one just after parting with her boyfriend of five years and working in an industry that is not easy to break into. Woof. Most of our conversations have been tough this year, talking about loneliness, lack of success, struggles with social media and the music industry.

When she first moved and swore she wasn’t going to be able to survive there I told her, “you can go home anytime. You don’t have to do this to yourself. None of us would be disappointed in you. We are already so proud of you. But please, before you run home I just want you to ask yourself if you would be happy going back. I just want to make sure you are happy and you wouldn’t look back and wonder, what if? Because you’re walking through this whole new life and that’s really hard. But you are so much stronger than you think you are.” And then I also booked a flight. By the time we went to visit her she was still unsure about the whole Nashville thing and if it was going to work, but she was determined to stick it out for at least a year regardless (a massive step).

Cut back to our phone conversation this week. I had gotten out of the car at this point and was wandering through Trader Joe’s trying to figure out what to make for dinner when what she said stopped me in my tracks right next to all of the curiously shaped gourds. “Well, I am actually really, really good. I am feeling happy. And I have to say I went back to my planner to look at the goals I wrote down for this year and I’ve accomplished every one of them, I mean, except getting a tattoo.” I almost started to cry. This shy, nervous, insanely talented woman left for a new life seven months ago. She pushed through the scary, the new, the different, the difficult and off-putting, the sad, the disappointing. She pushed through all of it and accomplished everything she set out to do this year and also found her own corner of joy. “So, I guess this whole writing stuff down thing does work,” she continued with a giggle I’ve come to know so well.

My heart wanted to wrap its little gooey arms around her. She is so brave. I am so proud. She set out goals both tiny and massive and she actually made them all happen. She is living proof that you can do hard things even when they seem like the equivalent of climbing Everest. That you can think a breakup is the end of everything good and find even greater and freer joy on the other side. That you can break into (even if very slowly and a bit at a time) an industry of jaded people and harsh critics and be successful. She decided to make it work so the universe made it happen alongside her. She worked every day even through tears to make it happen. And the universe heard her calls. They helped her start to find a community and led her to where she needed to be.

And now, a note directly for my girl and for anyone that needs it today:

I am so insanely proud of you. You inspire me every day to fight for what I love and for what brings me joy in my heart. You are an angel and a godsend and I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you to hold my hand through the hard times and to show me what one can accomplish when one pushes through the muck and the mire and doesn’t take no for an answer. You are a light and a love and proof that you don’t need to be jaded and guard your heart to succeed. You succeed by sharing you and your story with the world and believing that every day is a new day and a gift and that every experience is something you can use to help your future self or someone else. I love you and I miss you and I’m a little bit weepy about that in our living room over my morning coffee.

You don’t have to believe every day that it’s all good and it’s all going to work out you just have to believe that there will be days of joy and love and laughter ahead and then you have to listen to the tiny little voice in your heart that points you in the right direction (sometimes I secretly hope it sounds like me). And then pick up your phone and call a friend and ask for love when you need some.

Happy weekend friends. Sending big love, hugs and believing in you, just like I believe in Juliette (from my blue and very comfy sofa) xoxo

Bat Mitzvah Meltdown

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 02:30:02 GMT

At least you know if it ended with me in cat ears it has a happy ending…

The class was almost over. W e were all laying on our mats in savasana when the teacher said, “some days are challenging. Okay, a lot of days are challenging. But at the end of the day if you can go out into the world and say ‘I love you’ you’re going to be just fine.”

At that moment as soon as she finished her sentence tears started streaming down my face. The good news was it was hot yoga and we were all so sweaty no one would’ve known the difference between tears and sweat as they all blended together.

This past weekend was my little cousin’s Bat Mitzvah. All the family was together celebrating a really special young woman. Two years ago, my very special little cousin and her big brother lost their mom to lung cancer. And we all knew yesterday in the back of our heads that she was being Bat Mitzvahed because that’s what my Auntie would’ve wanted. So, needless to say, there was a lot of pressure on this special day. We wanted the birthday girl to be happy, we wanted to make her mom proud, we wanted her dad to feel like everything went perfectly. We all were trying to squeeze every ounce of perfection and meaning out of this one day. It was like our whole family had a vice grip on the event. Then, in the middle of the party, when the entire audiovisual system went out during the montage of my cousin’s life all hell broke loose. Family members were screaming at the party planner who looked like a deer in the headlights. My cousin sat embarrassed with her friends on the floor. My daddy went to hide in the back room. Domi and I stared at each other.

In reality, this was not a big deal, on any other day someone would’ve gotten up and said “hey guys were having some technical difficulties. We’ll be back with you in a sec, just hang in there!!” And all would’ve been well. But instead, we all sat there flipping out. Finally, my cousin’s dance teacher grabbed me and said “everyone is panicking! We need to do something.” So, we jumped up on the stage and tried to quiet everyone down a bit and then because I didn’t know what else to do I stood there and gave a very short speech about how much we love the Bat Mitzvah girl and because I didn’t exactly have time to plan, my words came out a little more awkwardly than I would’ve hoped…but I did my best. I ended on “and she is such a beautiful dancer,” thinking her teacher would take it from there…however, she just stared at me, so what did I do? Well, I decided to tap dance in 8-inch heels, well, because what else would you do?

Everyone was staring at me and there was so much tension and pressure in the room the only way I knew how to diffuse it was to shuffle off to Buffalo in my sparkly gold heels. My cousin was insanely embarrassed. The mothers of her friends from school stared at me in horror. But finally, someone started to giggle and then someone else and just like that the palpable tension began to crack and miraculously the AV system was up and running again. I, speedily, made my exit and ran into Domi’s arms.

I started to cry. “I looked like an idiot,” I said, “I embarrassed my family.” And he held me and very gently replied, “no baby, you saved the day and your auntie would’ve been so proud.” I certainly didn’t feel like it. We were all so aggravated because things hadn’t gone perfectly like they were supposed to. Finally, I realized, what can I do? All I can do is look at my family and say I love you and tap dance a little bit. Every morning all I can do is try and give love to those I surround myself with. All day all I can manage is to love myself for caring enough to try, even if I fail. So, no, there is no magic wand to life where everything gets better and life is just perfect.

The closest we can ever get is loving ourselves and loving one another as best we know how to. And if I wake up and I love and then I go to sleep, it was a good day. It may not have been perfect, but it was good. We all miss my auntie terribly, but no amount of perfect parties is going to bring her back. So, the best we can do to honor her memory is love each other, be gentle with one another, throw almost perfect parties and know that every day you love yourself is a win.

You cannot control other people or situations, only your reactions to them and if you react out of love? Well, then that’s a dang good start.

Happy Tuesday friends I hope you love yourself and your people today a little more than yesterday, but not as much as you will tomorrow. Xoxox

It’s just 60 minutes…

Sat, 09 Nov 2019 02:32:08 GMT

The doorbell rang and I sprinted down the hallway and threw open the door to find one of my favorite people, Olivia, standing behind it with the most adorable smile on her face. She’s one of my best girls from college and I don’t get to see her all that often so every moment I do get is precious.

Immediately we were back into our flow like nothing had changed despite the length of time between our visits together. Being that I am always hungry and plan everything I do around food, I instantly asked if she wanted to go to brunch, because that is what we do, we brunch. Of course, she said yes and we started walking to my favorite little café about 10 minutes from our house. I forgot to mention this was on Tuesday, in the middle of the workweek. No, I don’t have a 9-5 per se, I can work from anywhere depending on the day and so I had said it wouldn’t be an issue for her to visit in the middle of the week. I would totally be able to make time. As soon as we started walking our delightful conversation was interrupted by my phone ringing. I looked at the lock screen and saw it was work and important work stuff. I told Liv, “I’m so sorry, but I have to take this.”

“Of course, go ahead!” She said. I took the call and worked as quickly as I could and hung up. We kept walking and made it to the restaurant, sat down and ordered. Livvy was telling me all about her time in LA before she got to me and what she had been up to. We were in the middle of a very intense story about a boy that we had to deeply analyze when my phone started buzzing again. This time it was my little cousin (and when I say little, I mean he’s 20 and taller than me). Given that I hadn’t heard from him in a year I thought I should probably pick-up because it was likely to be important. Turns out he had just arrived in LA from his new home in Australia and no one was available and he needed to use our Wi-Fi…

Liv and I dove back into the story, just as we were getting to the good stuff my noisy little phone buzzed again, it was my Daddy, of course, I was going to pick up. It was about work and again, important stuff about work. Things that needed handling. I got through the call hung up and looked at Olivia who had very patiently been sitting there waiting for me to finish.

“I’m so, so sorry, I don’t know what’s going on this day is just nuts,” I apologized.

“Please babe it’s okay, you are a working woman! And it’s the middle of the week! Don’t stress,” she lovingly answered. This back and forth didn’t stop all day. Every conversation was interrupted by calls and emails and texts. The constant stream never ended. Olivia was wonderfully understanding, but I was going nuts. It felt like Liv was holding one of my hands and work holding the other and both were pulling as hard as they could, neither through a fault of their own. Work didn’t know I had plans and Livvy was being so understanding of my work, but I was exhausted by 2pm. I didn’t feel like I was getting to enjoy one of my best girls, nor did I feel like I was really getting anything done at work.

I thought about being present. People are always talking about being in the present moment, so it must be the right thing to do. But I also thought, how in the world can people possibly be present when there are so many things that need to be done and heard and said all at the same time?

Then I recalled that, yet again, as so often happens in my life, much of the urgency and the stress I had created was in my head. There was not a single call, text or email that I received that couldn’t have waited 1 hour while we ate lunch. There was not a single message I got that someone else couldn’t have handled instead of me. (So, I may also have an issue with exaggerated self-importance as well…) And instead of feeling accomplished at work, or getting to enjoy my time with my girl, I just did both of them halfway.

A while ago I wrote about having a theme of the month. I talked about focusing your energy on one specific goal per month to feel like you could really accomplish something. I have decided that I need to break that down further. I need a goal of the hour.

Had I taken the full hour for lunch with Liv and just focused on her I would have been able to be present, listen well and be a better friend. Then had I said, “okay, I need an hour to catch up on work because it is the middle of the workday and as soon as I’m done, we can go and do something else.” I would have had an hour to get so much work done and I would have actually done a better and likely, more efficient job.

I have found in life there is really nothing that cannot wait 60 minutes (barring some very extreme examples). I have started thinking when I feel pulled in two different directions, okay, if this were my last day on earth which way would I go? Where would I take my next steps, what calls would I immediately answer? Who would I want to spend my time with? What would bring me the most joy for the next 3,600 seconds?

So, yes, a goal of the month is great, but when life is pulling you in two different directions ask the simple question, what is my goal for the next hour?

Olivia is one of the most brilliantly kind and patient friends I know. She sat and waited, she didn’t complain when she could have and she was beautifully understanding. Yes, this week has been one of the most stressful work weeks of my career thus far, but when I look back there wasn’t a single call that I couldn’t have set aside for a designated time. Set expectations, tell your friends when they’re visiting you during working hours, “yes, I cannot wait for you to come, but I am going to have to set aside a few hours here and there for work per day, but when I am with you, I will be with you 100%.” Or decide to get up before them or go to bed after them or maybe just for a few days, both. Make it work for you. But don’t try and be in two places at once. You will go nuts and you will feel minimally productive and like a crappy friend all at the same time and neither of those feelings is productive. No matter how understanding your friends are set these guidelines up for yourself.

Sixty minutes is all. Decide what you want to do for the next 60 minutes or if that’s too much, try 60 seconds. Break it down to where you feel comfortable. It’s just time.

Happy weekend my friends, I hope you get to focus all of your energy for 60 minutes at a time doing the most joyful things there are. xoxoxo

Drunk People Stress Me Out

Sat, 02 Nov 2019 01:35:37 GMT

For an extrovert, I have an incredible amount of social anxiety. Drunk people stress me out. They are unpredictable and sometimes uncontrollable and if there is one thing I can’t stand in life it’s not being able to foresee what’s coming and being able to control the situation…aka what most of life is.

One time when I was on spring break in the Bahamas my senior year of college, my girlfriends decided they wanted to go to Señor Frogs and I did NOT want to go. But, I also didn’t want to sit in the hotel room all night by myself reading a book. I started freaking out. I told Alex, my roommate, that there was no way I could go. I just can’t. She asked me why and I told her I just don’t know. My heart was pounding, I was sweating and I even started crying. I had a full-fledged panic attack in our room with poor Alex who was actually mildly excited to go. Instead of the fun getting ready to go out experience where you blast music and sing in your bra and panties and put makeup on together I presented Alex with the total opposite. Eventually she got me to calm down, she said, “Chels, it’s going to be fine and I think it’s even going to be fun and if you’re not having fun we can go home, okay?” That didn’t seem so bad actually. I could leave if I didn’t like it, what a novel idea! Okay, so we had an escape plan, I could do this. We went and ended up having an amazing time and as soon as some drunk guy spilled his entire sticky drink all over me I told Alex I was no longer having fun and that I wanted to go and, as promised, because I have incredible friends, she, and all of my other girlfriends, followed suit. Having an exit plan became my safety net in social situations. Just knowing that there’s a way to get out of something comforted my mind.

Now cut to this week, four years later, when Domi said we’d been invited to a Halloween party at one of his classmate’s homes. He called me as I was driving, “do we really have to go?” Were the first words out of my mouth. So much for being a supportive wife. I didn’t think for a second that maybe Domi wanted to bond with the other students outside of the classroom, or maybe, just maybe he even wanted to introduce his wife to some of his new friends. But that same kind of panic pit started in my stomach. “What if I don’t know what to say? What if they’re all drunk?” Over the crackly little bluetooth speaker came Domi’s voice from the heavens, “Baby, you always end up having fun at these things even when you think you won’t. And if we’re not having fun we can leave! Also, there are going to be two puppies there.” (ahh! Another brilliant exit strategy!! And puppies? Damn, now I can’t say no.) Then I thought silently, but what if they don’t like me? To which I then replied to the little voice in my head, so what? So, what if they don’t like me, there’s nothing I can do about that. All of those other questions were also just causing me unnecessary worry. First of all, there has never been a situation in which I didn’t know what to say. And so what if they’re all drunk?! I don’t have to be! And guess what, I am a grown ass woman! I can leave!

Not being able to plan things is my nightmare. For me, perfection would be always being the hostess and having total control over every event and situation that I step into. Unfortunately, my therapist tells me that this is not the way the world works. Sometimes you have to push yourself to do something that doesn’t sound fun. Just go and meet people and talk to them, in their environment, at a party that they have planned. I have proven to myself, even if I don’t want to believe it, that when I try things I am initially freaked out by, I have the best time. I spent months holed up in my apartment when I was living alone watching Family Feud and eating Mac n Cheese every night, but then one night I got up the courage to go out to an actual bar with other people my age and I ended up talking to the man I would marry. So, it’s not always bad. It’s sometimes amazing. And you don’t have to be afraid of peer pressure. Stick to your guns, only drink as much as you want or don’t drink at all and don’t let people’s weird looks disturb you.

All of this to say, for someone who is a total extrovert, who grew up in the spotlight and on the stage I have more anxiety about talking to people and being in unknown situations than anyone would think. But I’ve come to realize it’s not the drunk people, it’s the unpredictability of the situation and the fear of not being liked by everyone I come into contact with and once I was able to define where this fear was coming from (literally this morning) everything became less scary. Worrying isn’t going to get me anywhere and I may be missing out on amazing people and miraculous fun by shutting myself off from new situations. I am not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, they will not all like me and I have to be okay with that. The unknown is always the scariest. But the cool thing about the unknown is once you do the unknown thing it becomes a known thing and makes it less scary and the more unknown things you can turn into known things the bigger your world is. Also, the less you try to manhandle life and just breathe and know the universe is there to guide you the less you have to worry, and the less you have to worry, the more easily you can breathe and I am told that breathing is very important.

Happy weekend friends! I hope you all get to do fun and new things, be safe and think of me panicking about going to a party if you need a good laugh. xoxox

Take a Break, please!

Wed, 30 Oct 2019 01:36:51 GMT

I came home from work last night and wrote a to do list of items that still had to get done after dinner. My chest started feeling tight and I got beyond tired out of the blue. I made dinner and we sat down to eat when I started to feel a little bit off. Something just didn’t feel quite right. I decided it would be better if I got some sleep and got up early to complete the remainder of my list instead of forcing myself to get things done when I was so painfully tired. I got some tea and went upstairs to go to bed. I laid down and then the room started to spin. Before I knew it and I’ll spare you the gory details, I realized I had come down with some form of food poisoning and it felt like my insides were being carved out slowly and painfully. I never get sick. I mean really once a year is even a surprise to me. I went back through my day thinking of the things I ate and trying to figure out what was causing me such torture. I cancelled all of my appointments for today in the height of my illness. Finally, the icky feeling seemed to subside and I went to sleep.

I woke up this morning feeling horribly guilty for cancelling my appointments. I was feeling much, much better. Almost totally normal. I told my sweet husband, “I think I should reschedule the meetings for today again, really, I’m fine.” He looked at me, eyebrows raised, “really? That stuff can’t wait until tomorrow?” I thought about it and the icky feeling came back. I didn’t want to put anything or anyone off. I was really okay, I wasn’t in the hospital, I don’t have a fever. I could really go to work. Domi then pointed out, “there’s been a lot going on lately baby, maybe your body is telling you to take a break.” And then I rolled over and looked at my phone and a text from my girl Juliette that said almost the same thing in different words. But I did not want to take a break. The little voice in my head kept telling me how disappointed people were going to be. That I was disappointing myself. For what though? Rescheduling meetings for tomorrow and missing one German class? There was nothing on my list that couldn’t be done tomorrow, but the anxious, icky feeling was still there. No, it didn’t make me feel like I had to stick my face in a toilet, but the just slightly “off” feeling wouldn’t go away.

Yes, maybe I drank an expired juice yesterday that made me violently ill for a few hours, but I also think my body was trying to speak to me and I just did not want to listen. And when I refused to listen, it took matters into its own hands. What I’m trying to get at here is that you don’t need to give yourself food poisoning in order to take a break. You don’t need to be sick to take a breath. The curse of being an independent contractor at times is that you have so much freedom that you just keep running since no one is telling you when to shut off. The same problem occurs with people with more structured jobs when they care a lot about their work. Our bodies need time and love to recuperate, even if it’s from doing the most massively fun things. Our minds need a break. We need sleep. We need rest. We need to allow ourselves that time without beating ourselves up. I looked at Domi, “am I being lazy?” The look he shot back at me made me sure that I wasn’t, but it’s not enough for him just to tell me that. I have to believe that I am not lazy. I have to know that I am working hard enough. I am giving enough; I also need to take a little time. I need to take just a little break here and there so that I give my best, not a shaky, hollow version of my best.

Give yourself a break too friend. You don’t need to be sick. You don’t need to be anything. You need to be well and sometimes being well means taking the break before your body has to do it for you. Please get some sleep. Tell yourself you are enough. Meditate and go for a short walk outside. Hug your loved ones. I’m gonna give you a hug too (I promise I’m not contagious).

Happy Tuesday friends, I am sitting in my bed and I am proud of it. oxoxoxo

Trust Yourself

Sat, 26 Oct 2019 01:38:09 GMT

One of my favorite people and I had just finished up a lovely dinner together on our way to a concert. We’d been talking about other concerts we’d attended and how insanely expensive tickets can be. I mentioned to her that the most I’ve ever spent on a ticket was to see the musical, Hamilton and how I don’t regret a penny spent because it was one of my favorite things I’ve ever seen. I then was going on and on about this musical and that musical. We then stood up to leave the restaurant and head over to the concert next door. We were walking out of the restaurant arm in arm, giggling and leaning our little heads together…we looked adorable. All of a sudden she had this weird look on her face. “What’s with you?” I asked. She leaned even closer to me. Like so close her nose parted my hair. In the tiniest voice I’ve ever heard a grown person muster she whispered, “I really don’t like musicals.”

Well, I stopped dead in my tracks, did a very dramatic pivot, looked her square in the eyes and said, “you mean the thing I majored in?” I was laughing out loud. “You didn’t major in musical theater!” she said. To which I replied, “well, no, but I have a degree in theater and dance, took voice lessons and only once have I ever performed in a straight play, everything else has always been a musical.” She turned beet red. I could tell she felt horrible. “Oh please don’t stress, I’m only teasing you, love,” I promised. We had a good laugh about it. Walking over to the concert though I kept pressing her about musicals she’d seen and why she didn’t like them and what it was about them that didn’t appeal to her. I wouldn’t give up.

A whole week later I was still thinking about the fact that someone I love didn’t love something that was one of my greatest passions. I texted her, “Okay, so I am determined to find a musical you will like.” She was very obliging as I sent her suggestion, after suggestion. She actually listened to everything I sent her way and gave me very detailed explanations as to why each one bugged her. I finally texted my Dad who is the king of all things musical and said, “what do I do? She doesn’t like any of them! I’ve tried all of them.” After giving me a few more suggestions, my Dad, in all of his sage wisdom answered, “maybe that’s okay.”

My head immediately disagreed. IT IS NOT OKAY!! SHE MUST LOVE MUSICALS!!!!

Why did I care so much? She had promised me that she would always love to watch me perform. Well, me and Zac Efron. She had explained to me what about musicals she didn’t like and I refused to take that as an answer. I mean, my behavior will come as no surprise to most people that know me. I am relentless. I realized though that I had been trying to justify my deep love of something. The fact that my friend didn’t love musicals the way that I did offended me because to me it meant that musicals were then not a legitimate form of art. Really Chelsea? C’mon. That’s insane. Because of one person’s opinion, I felt the first 22 years of my life were delegitimized? That meant something was wrong in my head, not wrong with my friend. I was being a bit of a nut.

This whole episode reminded me of seeing one of my heroes, Glennon Doyle, speak. She talked about how her son had several friends over to the house, some boys, some girls and when she asked them if anyone was hungry the boys thought for a second and replied, “yes.” But what happened with the young girls? The question was asked, they stopped, looked around, waiting for some kind of telepathic consensus and then one girl looked up and answered, “no” for the entire group.

From the time we are young girls, women are taught to look for other people for approval of how they feel about something, something as personal as feeling hungry. When we’re hungry we don’t look inside and ask our tummy, “Hey, you hungry?” We look at our peers and ask their permission to be hungry or not. It is through this distrust of our own minds and bodies, Glennon says, that we stop trusting the decisions we make. I remember her telling this story and thinking, oh yeah, I bet some girls do that, but I don’t. I always know when I’m hungry. Then, as I avidly tried to get my friend to like musicals I realized I, too, have been tricked by society into not trusting my own likes and dislikes. If one person I know doesn’t like it, then I must be wrong. My friend is highly intelligent, gorgeous, and one of the hands-down loveliest people I’ve ever met. I assumed that if she isn’t into it, then my art isn’t legitimate. Not that her opinion doesn’t matter, but she should be entitled to that opinion, I entitled to mine and I should be able to believe enough in myself to know that my likes and dislikes are totally, 100% legitimate. I am beyond grateful for this amazing human in my life because she was willing to put up with a week straight of listening to musicals which she doesn’t like and because she brought me to the discovery that I need to learn to trust myself. If I like something, it means I like it. It doesn’t mean anyone else has to, it means I do and that is not a referendum on my intelligence or anything about me.

So, I leave you with this. Trust your opinions. No one knows you better than you do and in the words of a woman I admire very much, Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (I admittedly first came to love that quote when watching The Princess Diaries. I love that movie and I stand by that love.)

Happy weekend friends! Here is to trusting yourself, your opinions and the decisions you make, I bet you’re going to make some really great ones. xooxoxox

In pursuit of an uphill climb

Wed, 23 Oct 2019 01:39:42 GMT

I was really fortunate last weekend to have lunch with my cousin. Well, technically, she’s my cousin-in-law, but my family isn’t so into the whole in-law thing, so, she’s just my cousin. Okay, that’s totally beside the point…

Funnily enough in the past, we haven’t been that close. From the outside, we seem very different. In groups, she’s quiet and takes a backseat, and well, you can all imagine what I’m like in a group, but wallflower hasn’t ever been exactly how one might describe my personality.

As we sat down together and started discussing our mindset about life and creating and art we were totally surprised to find how shockingly similar we are. Like I’m talking crazy similar. Up until now, I had never spent much alone time with her and because of that, I hadn’t had the joy of hearing her amazing thoughts on the world.

We started discussing what happens when you make a big change in your life. And the more we talked about it, after covering topics like our mutual adoration for sushi, we discovered that we’d both come to so many of the same conclusions. When we decided to put out into the universe that we wanted a big change or we started working to create change in our lives we have encountered two kinds of people…

There are people that will come to us that have made the same changes as we have and tell us just how hard it is. How they’ve struggled and struggled and never been able to make it happen. They will also not be shy about telling us how much we’re going to struggle and likely fail. They will tell us not to do it and that it’s just better to stick with what we know because change is scary….and then we talked to other kinds of people. These other people also have made big shifts in their lives. I have decided to name these people The Jewels (for no reason other than that I love pretty things). These Jewels will tell us how amazing the change is. They will be able to talk about this change for hours and hours on end with positivity. They tell us how their lives have become something wholly different but in the most magical way. They hammer home how obsessed with this change they are. How the journey has been at times frustrating, disappointing, aggravating, sad, but that they wouldn’t have done anything differently because they have been fighting for the life they believe in and the life they deserve and they are proud of this sometimes easy, sometimes crazy-making belief that they can have what they want to achieve.

So we have two kinds of people here, the ones telling you how much your life is going to suck and the ones that are joyfully proclaiming from the rooftops. All of these people are working towards the same kinds of goals. They are all working day in and day out. They are endlessly giving into this creative urge; this need to pursue something they are meant for. But some of them are seeing their life as a daily struggle and some of them are seeing their life as a daily belief in something they are drawn towards. They are both probably hitting many of the same roadblocks. They are all likely pushing a boulder uphill at times, however, only some of them are enjoying the push.

Ever since I told people that I was going to have a blog or that I’m working on a book or that I dream of a career empowering people to believe in the beauty of life I have heard all kinds of messages. Many of them have told me things like, “it’s impossible for a first-time author to get published.” So many people have said, “a blog? Really?” Or, “yeah okay I guess I could see you as a speaker, but what are you an expert in?” And then there have been other people that say, “well, of course! This is what you’re meant to do!” And, “Oh my gosh, where can I read your writing?” And, “a book about your life? I totally believe that will be amazing.” So, I have a choice. I can choose to listen to the people that help, support and share my love for the work I’m doing or I can listen to the people that think I’m nuts for pursuing something that isn’t in my comfort zone. Do I think I will just magically get published without doing work? No. Do I know that I may have to self-publish and work my butt off to sell my book and spread my message? Absolutely.

I am realistic. I am aware enough to know that while I believe in fairy dust guiding the way, there are also going to be tough and frustrating days and that magic doesn’t always happen overnight, but at the end of all of this I am in pursuit of something I believe in and because I believe in it, I will succeed. You may think I’m crazy for deciding I will succeed, but I truly believe that’s the only way. I am succeeding because I am loving the journey. I told the universe that I want this, that I’m willing to work hard for this, that I want to create this and the universe has responded in magical ways. Things like one of my best friend’s mom’s starting her own literary agency and being willing to help me on my way totally out of the blue. I mean, if that isn’t fairy dust from the universe, I don’t know what is. Sometimes pursuit will look like the very perfect image of my planner and my matcha latte and sometimes pursuit will look more like this:

I am in constant pursuit. I dedicate myself to something I am learning about, not something that I’m already an expert in. I give myself to the universe and I choose very carefully whom I listen to. I have learned that it’s not about the number of people you surround yourself with, it’s about finding the Jewels that the universe creates and saying, yes, you are my people. You are my support, you are what my life is going to be made of and then it becomes about the journey of creation and enjoying the pushing of the boulder uphill at times. I mean damn, if I push this boulder long enough, I’m going to have some killer legs…and who doesn’t want killer legs?

Happy Tuesday my friends and cheers to the pursuit and choosing whom you surround yourself with so very carefully. xoxoox

PS In case you were wondering…no, I have not quit my day job. I am in pursuit, I am carving out time, but I am also interested in making my next mortgage payment and pursuit doesn’t always pay well.

Okay, I will cut you (and maybe me) some slack…

Sat, 19 Oct 2019 01:40:50 GMT

I’m pretty hard on myself and sometimes that translates to me also being hard on other people I come into contact with. I am not the loosey, goosey California girl that takes things as they come and when things get tough says, “Ommmmm.” I am a list-making, on-time running, planner-using nutcase that likes everything to be just right. I’m freaking Goldilocks.

I don’t find traffic to be an excuse when you’re late in LA since everyone has to fight traffic and those that are from here or live here permanently should just leave early enough to make it wherever they have to go. It’s called planning ahead, something I may, in fact, do too much of.

However, I’ve realized I’m not going to stop being friends with certain people or working with certain people just because they’re late or because they aren’t always as reliable as I think they should be. And if I’m going to continue to work with and love said people then I need to learn to cut them some slack. I need to learn that most people out there are doing their best and sometimes they can’t reach my unreasonably high standards and that’s okay. Most of the time I can’t reach my unreasonably high standards either…We all have lives, we all make mistakes and maybe I should learn to relax now and again, for instance, every third Thursday.

My Dad taught me that if someone is late it means they don’t respect your time. So, I try really, really, really hard to never be late. Sometimes I fail and I am late, mostly through faults of my own, which means I need to cut other people slack when they fail and know that this is not out of disrespect, but that life just gets in the way sometimes. But on the other hand…some people are always late, no matter what and that is a totally different case for a another time…

I can forgive people for being late, or missing a deadline, but I don’t have to be at effect of someone else’s poor planning. If someone is late I can leave. I don’t have to wait for them. If someone let’s a job slip through the cracks, I can find someone else that can do the job just as effectively. If I sit there and stew about the person being late the only person I’m making insane is myself. If I want a job done by a certain person and I know they have a tendency to miss deadlines, then I should set realistic expectations for myself and everyone involved so that I’m not disappointed because yelling at people and being disappointed by people gets old and not to mention, it’s beyond exhausting and might I mention it’s only exhausting for me.

Instead of me looking super pissed when a friend shows up more than 20 minutes late (20 minutes is my usual grace period for meetings, etc.) then I should just leave. I have important things to do and if they can’t make it, I should go and do my important or possibly unimportant things. I don’t have to be mad or yell, I should just tell them “I’m so sorry, but you’re so late it’s stressing me out, I had to leave, but I love you and I’m sure we’ll find time soon that works better for both of us!”

It’s certainly more effective than them showing up and me plastering on a smile and saying, “no, it’s totally fine, I’m not upset at all.” All the while not blinking nor making eye contact and tapping my foot vigorously on the floor and aggressively chugging down yet another cup of coffee. I am allowed to be upset and they are allowed to be late, but I am not allowed to make myself crazy because of someone else’s lack of forethought. I respect my time and if someone else doesn’t that’s ok, but I’m going to keep moving because sitting around watching the clock tick by stresses me out. Now let me be clear, there are some very good excuses for being late so if you’re planning on being late for me I would come up with a really good one.

Happy weekend friends xoxo, I’m celebrating the weekend with one of my favorite people up in Sacramento, my girl Olivia. <3 Find someone special to celebrate this weekend with too, oh! and try to leave enough time to get there ��

I have avoidance issues with religion…

Wed, 16 Oct 2019 01:42:06 GMT

Talking about religion feels a little bit like Cami looks in this photo. I haven’t broached subjects like religion here before because it is a touchy subject to say the very, very least. However, I think it’s important that we’re able to speak openly about complex themes and so, with the very real understanding that people may think I’m nuts, I give you my complex history with organized religion…

My Dad always told me when I was growing up, “If there’s something that brings you comfort 23 out of 24 hours in the day then it’s worth believing in.” That is really the foundation of what I’ve found to be my religious beliefs. My Daddy was raised Jewish, my Dad was raised Methodist and I married a German (non-practicing) Catholic guy so my religious life is bound to be complicated.

Since my Dad never felt much of a connection with the church and often felt excluded by the church due to the whole “homosexuality is a sin,” thing, he was happy to follow my Daddy’s faith and raise me Jewish. My parents always say they’re more spiritual than they are religious. To me, being spiritual means you get to really build your own religion. You get the take the things you like about faith and religion around the world and make that what you believe in and leave the other stuff behind.

For instance, I believe in Karma, or the Golden Rule, or whatever you want to call it. I also believe in reincarnation. I also believe I am a part of a centuries old culture and tribe of Jews and that that also needs to be celebrated within me. I usually go to temple twice a year, once on Rosh Hashanah and once more on Yom Kippur. I went to eight years of Hebrew school and I was Bat Mitzvahed, but I think my favorite thing about Judaism is that it is both a religion and a culture and if I’m being honest, I like the culture the best, especially when it means Matzoh Ball soup and brisket. I also grew up in a Synagogue with a female Rabbi and a gay Cantor. I love it when the Cantor sings, that makes me feel closer to God. So, I take the things that make me feel closest to God and call that my religion.

Sometimes I feel God when I’m out swimming in the ocean, sometimes I feel him/her in temple. Sometimes I feel her when I’m going on a long walk late at night with my husband and we’re just enjoying each other’s company.

I don’t think it’s right for people to tell you how to feel your connection with God. I think everyone gets to do it their own way and if you feel closest to God in a church or a temple or a mosque or in a giant field of wheat, so be it. Everyone gets to decide. Call me a heathen if you want, but my religion gives me comfort 23 out of the 24 hours in the day and it makes me happy and secure and that’s good enough for me.

In my religion all people are accepted and celebrated and hate is blasphemous. If you do something bad, then guess what? Karma’s gonna come back and bite ya in the booty. But God doesn’t punish, God helps you learn from your mistakes and makes you a better person the next time you run into a tricky situation she helps you make the right decision, to do the honorable and good thing.

My temple gets really, really close to how I feel about religion so it’s likely Domi’s and my kids will be raised Jewish, but I will teach them that being open is the key. Loving people, no matter what they believe or how different they look from you, is the key. If someone is mean to you, pray for them. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. I’ve learned this from plenty of times when I’ve fought back without cause and hit below the belt when I should’ve just walked away and sent someone love and white light.

I may sound like a true freak show, but everyone is entitled to their beliefs. There is no my way or the highway in my religion. We are open to all people, places and things. I have to be honest, I may sound like I got this whole being an open-minded person on lock, but I truly don’t. I screw up constantly and that’s when I ask God for forgiveness and I know that Karma will come and help teach me and I just wait to see what lesson I can learn.

In all of this thinking about religions, I have realized that I haven’t been fair to a lot of organized religions, especially Christianity. I haven’t given credit to the millions of Christians that listen to Jesus’ teachings and truly love their neighbors. There just have been so many Christians that have been so loud about their beliefs that my family is sacrilegious and wrong and won’t be saved when they day of judgement comes that they’ve drowned out the true Christian gospel. However, there are so many Christians that don’t think that way. That see all children as children of God and don’t try to change people from being what they are fundamentally. I’ve had a hard time trusting the Christian religion, but I’ve also met a lot of incredible Christians that I’ve judged before getting to know them, which doesn’t make me a very open person.

I have been closed-minded while asking others to open their minds. I have shut people off and not listened to them just because I think they are wrong, which is not what I believe. If I really took my own advice, I would listen. I would listen to what every person has to say no matter what gospel they follow and I would give everyone the time they deserve because I’m asking people to do the same with me. Let’s have a conversation, not shut people out before we know what they’re going to say. It’s just so dang hard when hate seems rampant in our country. It’s hard not to talk over people and believe your way is the right and only way. But I will vow to be more open minded because I owe that to the world, especially if I ask people to be open with me. Religion can be hard and complicated and messy. Some days I wake up not sure what to think. Some days I feel like I have it all figured out. But all I know is that I wish the world was full of less hate and more love, that it wasn’t weird that I celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas and that all people were allowed to love who they want to love and be who they want to be without judgment because at the end of the day all I know is what gives me comfort 23 out of the 24 hours in the day and for that I am grateful. Amen.

Happy Anniversary Dad and Daddy

Sat, 12 Oct 2019 01:44:30 GMT

I try not to get political here. I try to keep my very strong political beliefs to myself in this space in an effort to not reject anyone’s opinions, but to me, this story isn’t about political ideology, this story is about my family and my belief that no matter what anyone may think, we are perfect together. I will also fight to no end for my family and for all people to have equal rights and equal treatment no matter their race, sexual orientation, gender identity, level of ability, religion or anything that makes them special, but in this story, that is beside the point.

Eleven years ago today my parents finally and legally tied the knot. They had already been together for 26 years and I was 15 years old at the time. Every single time gay marriage became legal in another state or another country I would beg them to fly to that location and get married. I wanted my parents to be able to be married like my other friends’ parents. I wanted my parents’ relationship to have the same status that straight couples could have without even thinking about it. I wanted them to have the rights that people received just by being born a certain way.

My Dad and Daddy always told me, “Honey, it doesn’t matter. A piece of paper does not make us a family.” No, they are right, a piece of paper doesn’t get to decide whether someone is a family or not, but for teenager Chelsea it meant everything. It meant not having to explain where my mother was when we left the country or government officials telling us we weren’t a family because my parents weren’t married. It meant my parents having the hundreds of rights that you are afforded by a marriage that you aren’t by a civil union. I just wanted them to be equal and I couldn’t understand why people didn’t agree with that. I couldn’t fathom why my parents marrying each other had anything to do with anyone else. So, finally, when it became legal for a window of about 6 weeks before Prop 8 (banning same-sex marriage in the state of California) passed, I said they didn’t have an excuse any longer.

“If you want equal rights, you have to exercise them,” I told my parents. And so they did. On October 11th, 2008, which amazingly also coincides with National Coming Out Day, my parents married each other legally. They both told me it felt different the next day. Something about standing up in front of your friends and family and declaring their love, something about legally being able to say that you’re married (even though they had, had other ceremonies). Not having to check a box on a form that says “single” just because they couldn’t wed the person of their choosing. My parents asked me to give a speech at their wedding since their being married was so important to me. So, just as a reminder of how important and inspirational their love is to me and in honor of their legal wedding anniversary, here is my speech that I gave for my two dads on their wedding day.

My friends, I say this to every one of you reading this and even those who aren’t. Please know how deeply you are loved by people you don’t even know. Please know you are hugged and blessed to be who you are just the way you are at this moment. You are a blessing. You are beautiful. Please don’t change because other people are telling you that what you are isn’t the way you should be. Please know there is a community out there waiting for you, ready to welcome you with open arms. Keep searching until you find your people. We are here to hold you up. You are special and important and wonderful. And if you need someone to talk to, please reach out. I am here. My dads are here. Domi is here too and we all want to support you.

Have a wonderful weekend my friends and happy anniversary Dad and Daddy!!! You deserved to be celebrated! Xoxoxo

How do you say hello?

Wed, 09 Oct 2019 01:47:13 GMT

I was doing my meditation yesterday and the little voice in my earbuds was talking about how hard we are on ourselves and how we should be kinder to our own minds.

So, I decided to conduct an experiment. Every time I would catch my mind using itself as a punching bag I would put a smile on my face and see what that did to my mental state since I’ve heard you can kind of trick yourself into being in a better mood by smiling. I did some research on the google machine about this. So, obviously, I’m an expert on this subject.

First off, it’s virtually impossible to be upset when you have a real genuine smile on your face and who doesn’t want to be in a perpetual good mood?

Secondly, I decided to take my little experiment a step further. I decided to smile at everyone I passed and make actual eye contact with anyone willing and say hello. I wanted to see what it did to my human brain when I smiled at other humans.

Then things got interesting…I was positive that everyone else was going to look so rude and non-communicative and self-obsessed. I was so excited to write to you about what an open and loving person I am, always smiling at people and making the world a better place a little bit of eye contact at a time. Unfortunately, I get to tell you another kind of story.

I was smiling proudly at the floor as I walked into the gym and I felt great. I was smiling at myself in the little TV as I walked up the treadmill’s perpetual hill. I just kept smiling. Then I remembered that not only was I supposed to smile to improve my own state of mind, but I also wanted to smile at the people around me. I tried. Really, I did, but oh my gosh it was so freaking hard to make eye contact with anyone!! What if that guy over there thinks I’m flirting with him? What if this girl thinks I’m a freak because I’m smiling at her? I started to panic. As soon as I went to make eye contact with anyone I’d end up smiling at my feet again. I just couldn’t (or really wouldn’t) do it. It was so stupid hard. I felt judged just for trying to be friendly and I didn’t even give anyone the chance to judge me! It was the strangest feeling.

I grew up in a generation where, by the time we were in high school, we were more focused on the shiny box in our hands than we were on hanging out with our friends. We’d sit next to each other, all on our phones. Alone, together. We don’t interact with people in real life the same way we did when we were little. The sweet, simple time when we’d walk up to some random kid on the playground and say, “Hey, wanna play with me?” We don’t know how to say hi or hold doors or pick up something someone has dropped without feeling uncomfortable. Eye contact has literally become painful. We’ve lost the ability to make human connections and share experiences with people without feeling uncomfortable.

On Saturday night, Domi and I were out on date night when a girl I went to high school with walked by me. I didn’t stay in touch with anyone from high school unless they were one of my teachers. When I graduated from high school I made a point of not looking back. But the girl definitely would have known who I was if I had said something. I turned to Domi, “oh my gosh she’s so rude she didn’t even say hi!” He looked at me over his glasses, “well, did you say hi to her?” Annoyingly level-headed, rational person over here…

“Well, no, but she was one of the cool kids, I wasn’t, why should I have to say hi to her?” Domi chuckled and I detected a slight eye roll and we moved on. But I was desperate to capture another glimpse of her as we left the restaurant, I wanted to know what she was doing now, but I couldn’t bring myself to go over to her and say hello. A whole one-syllable word and I couldn’t get it out. I just stared from the doorway trying to make eye contact until Domi elbowed me in the back and whispered, “Baby, it was cute, now it’s just creepy, let’s go.” So, we left. I wasn’t going to go up to her. Who was I kidding anyway? But then I got to thinking…Why was it so hard to walk up to her? Why couldn’t I have just said, “Hey, do you remember me? We went on that trip to Canada together in 10th grade.” But I couldn’t because I was so afraid of what? Rejection? Yeah, probably. We don’t take risks anymore and since when did walking up to someone to say hello become a risk?

We are so glued to our phones and peoples’ lives online it becomes next to impossible to interact even when an opportunity to reminisce in-person arises. We keep our heads down. We keep to ourselves. We silently create lives for everyone around us without ever even saying hi. We live in our safe, protective bubbles where we prefer to look at our feet because they feel safer than looking into someone’s eyes because looking into someone’s eyes feels vulnerable. But we forget that the reward for vulnerability is feeling closer to people, not feeling ashamed. (Thank you, Brene Brown.)

If I smile at someone, just smile, what really is going to happen to me that is so terrifying? Someone points at me and goes, “that girl, she’s weird.” I’m telling you, I’ve heard worse things about myself in my life from people I’m much closer to, so some random person? Go ahead! Think I’m weird!

I’m going to try my smile experiment again today. See if I get any better at it. Practice it some more and make eye contact some more and ask one random person how their day is going. I can do it. (I really think I can…and if I believe I can, I will.) I am certainly not shy…I can make this happen. Here’s to gen-u-ine human interaction people.

Happy Tuesday friends. Let’s actually interact today. Xoox

So very perfectly imperfect

Sat, 05 Oct 2019 01:48:55 GMT

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of imperfection and accepting the fact that I am very much imperfect. It’s stupid hard. I would much prefer to be perfect. I would much rather that everything be easy, that my body would look exactly how I want it to (see Tuesday’s post…), that I would have the exact career I want, that I would look at my life and go, ahhhh, perfect. I’ve also realized that this is the perception of my life that I have created. It is my perception that the way I look, or the things I do or the choices I have made are not perfect.

Life typically doesn’t look perfect because perfection is an illusion. The imperfections we see in ourselves and other people are what make us all beautiful and interesting. The stories of how people got to where they are, aren’t usually cut and dry, nor are they usually pursuits of perfection.

I grew up my whole life believing I would end up on Broadway. BROADWAY (sung very loudly on a very high note). To me, that was the ultimate life. I rehearsed and took every lesson under the sun to make sure that by the time I graduated college I would be ready to move to New York and pursue my career as an actress. I would get cast in an amazing show, find my prince and life would be ideal every day. The day I left for college I was already prepared for the next step, but as I spent more time in college I started to realize a few things. 1) I don’t particularly like living in the snow and 2) I didn’t really want to live in New York. Well, that put a gigantic wrench in my perfect plan. I love visiting New York, but I could tell that New York wasn’t my home.

Los Angeles is my home. My whole family is here and when I graduated college my Daddy was away at “mandatory adult summer camp” and I just wanted to be back where I grew up and near my fam. Because of this nasty wrench in my fully-laid-out plan I moved back to LA and lived at home for a while. On this imperfect detour back to LA I met and started dating this intern named Dominic at my parents’ real estate company. I started working for the same company part-time so that I would be able to support myself while I was auditioning and part-time turned into full-time and dating that intern turned into marriage and starting two companies together. Working together showed me that I can do anything I set my mind to and also how not meant for the business world I am. Figuring that out turned into me starting to write a book, starting a blog and figuring out how to have a career as a speaker. My perfect plan? No idea where that went, but this series of very much unplanned detours lead me to where I am now, ahhhh beautiful and sometimes very complicated.

Striving for perfection makes me insane. I mess up. All. The. Damn. Time. And I get mad at myself for all of these stupid mess-ups. And then I think, but wait, so many things that I have seen as mistakes or changes in dreams have lead me to the beautiful and complicated and imperfect place I am in now. I am learning the lessons I am on this planet to learn in an imperfectly wonderful way.

So, here’s what I think. Living an imperfect life is what life is. There will be tough times and there will be times with unfathomable joy and all of those times are brilliant in their own way. There is no perfect time. There is no perfect anything. It just is what it is. There is prayer, hope and faith that most journeys will be pleasant ones, but even those that aren’t lead you to where you are so imperfectly and stunningly situated. There will come times where you have to make changes in your life, but when you do so don’t strive for perfection, strive for the things that makes you feel good in your heart. Just one good-feeling thing at a time. If it doesn’t work out there is likely some incredible lesson to learn. It’s not a failure, it’s a trial of imperfection. Being true to yourself is the goal. Learning is the goal. Enjoying life no matter what it looks like is the goal.

Perfection is saying “once everything looks a certain way I will be happy.” And that is a lie your mind will tell you over and over and over because you can achieve goals, still not be happy and still be looking for something else, for something more. It will never feel perfect, but you can feel accomplished and excited and empowered to continue on your journey. Beautiful imperfection is my goal. Creating the life of my dreams is a life of one good-feeling thing after the next. That’s what I’m after. And so far, it feels pretty damn perfect.

Happy weekend friends!! Xoxox

PS I edited this post about a million times today because it’s not perfect and it wasn’t coming off the way I wanted it to. I was so aggravated and then went…oh that’s funny…guess it’s okay that it’s not perfect too…

Holy moly we have friends people!!

Sat, 28 Sep 2019 01:52:27 GMT

I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but I have found it ridiculously hard to meet people and to make friends post-graduation and pre-baby-having.

Domi and I both are blessed with some of the most incredible friends. It just so happens that the majority of them don’t live in the same state, or, as a matter of fact, the same country as we do. And if you’re not going to make a ton of friends at work, where do you make friends?

Our answer? Force yourselves on unsuspecting victims at cooking classes…I’m kidding…mostly…

Earlier this year we decided to go and take a cooking class with my parents. It sounded like a fun family outing on a Sunday. We arrived at the class and there were about six other couples there that would be cooking with us. At the beginning it’s all kinds of awkward because you’re working in teams with people you don’t know at all and no one knows if they’re really allowed to crack jokes or if they should be taking things very seriously. It’s just altogether uncomfortable.

So, we were cooking in our team of four, when I caught sight of a seemingly cool couple across the cooktop. They looked about our age and I had seen a glimmer of an engagement ring, which led me to believe they were prettyserious about their relationship. Domi caught me staring at these people and nudged me with a baby-you’re-staring nudge. I quickly looked down at the thyme I was supposed to be removing from its stem and whispered, “but they look cool and I think we should be friends with them.” (I had decided this from about 10 minutes of an analysis of how they interacted with each other, totally weird and creepy? Probably. Did I care? Not really.) Domi said out of the corner of his mouth, “I know, they do seem cool…but what are we going to do about it?”

Hmm…I thought. I had no idea how to approach a couple on a date and ask them to be friends with us without having made some kind of conversation first and I knew while Domi also wanted to be friends with them he was not going to be the one to make it happen. So, I bravely and more loudly than I expected, exclaimed from my side of the cutting board, “you have a beautiful engagement ring!” My heart was pounding. I was so nervous. She giggled a little and said, “thank you so much, yours has been blinding me all night!” And I knew we were on the path to friendship!

During the class we randomly introduced ourselves to our cooking neighbors, whose names turned out to be Angela and Mike. Over dinner we chatted a bit more with them, every minute us falling more and more for their awesomeness. All of the sudden it was time to leave. We said our goodbyes and headed for the door. Domi looked at me flabbergasted, “What are you doing?? We need to be friends with them!” I answered in a hush, “What do you want me to do? I tried! We’re leaving!”

His answer? “Well, try harder!!”

Well, okay then…I had to think quickly, we were just paces from the door. We walked outside and I told my family to wait there for me. I walked back into the store and straight up to Angela and Mike and said, “Hi, this is so, so creepy of me, but my family really likes you guys. Would it be okay if I gave you my number so maybe we could go on a double date or something sometime?” I was already horrified that I’d asked. I was trying to think of ways to backtrack. It felt so uncomfortable and strange. Angela laughed out loud and I thought for a second, “oh good lord what have I done??” She then said, “of course! We were trying to figure out how to ask you guys for your number too, but neither of us was brave enough.” Oh my gosh! I am a brave person! The thought had never occurred to me that what I was doing was considered brave! Holy moly we made friends, people! We exchanged numbers and the rest is history.

Domi and me at Angela and Mike’s wedding (See, I really wasn’t kidding, they like us.)

So, basically what I learned about friend-making post-college and pre-baby-having is it takes bravery and a leap of faith. It takes a lot of belief that even if you might look really, really stupid and beyond creepy, you just have to be brave and dive in. If they are your people they won’t find it weird at all and you’ll have new incredible people in your life like Angela and Mike. And if they aren’t meant to be your friends and they think you’re a crazy person for asking, you probably won’t ever have to see them again, so who cares? Be brave. Make a friend.

Happy weekend friends! Xoxo

PUT DOWN THE PHONE…and back away slowly

Wed, 25 Sep 2019 01:54:41 GMT

This past weekend my family was talking about how Millennials are some of the loneliest people in any generation and how we ended up that way by putting all of our attention in a tiny, little, battery-operated box instead of going out in the real world and meeting real people. It’s made it hard for us to know how to start conversations with people in person. Cell phones make it easy to stay in touch with old friends and family all around the world, but what about the person that is sitting across from you at the table? Why is everyone sitting next to each other with their phones in their hands and not actually talking? Why is just doing one thing suddenly not enough? We have the attention span of a fruit fly and no, that’s not just Millennials I’m talking about.

I remember being in college and having to do an assignment for a class where we didn’t use our phones for 24 hours. It was one of the most eye-opening (and difficult) experiences I’ve ever had (which may sound both sad and embarrassing, but it’s also the truth). When I went to sit down to lunch with a friend who knew I wasn’t allowed to use my phone and she sat across from me using Tinder our entire lunch it made me really sad. Not only to think that what I had to say wasn’t enough for her, but also, that maybe that’s how I have made other people feel.

I made myself a promise that day that I wouldn’t use my phone during mealtimes or when I was in a conversation with someone else and it bugs the hell out of me when people do. (Like fire-coming-out-of-my-ears annoys me.) I find it disrespectful, as if what I’m saying isn’t worth listening to and that can’t possibly be the case…I’m fascinating, right?

There are times when it is excruciating to be without your phone. Like social settings where you don’t know anyone. You just want to take your phone out and do anything to blend into a wall because it makes you feel less lonely and it also feels less impossible than just walking up to someone and starting an actual conversation. Wait, read that again. It feels lonelier to talk to someone in person than it does to be on a phone? Did I just say that? That is an actual paradox. That makes literally no sense, but yet, it rings true to me. Listen, I’m an outgoing person and interacting can be really hard for me, so I can only imagine how it makes other people feel.

It is HARD to be brave. The fear of rejection is SO real, whether you’re asking someone out on a date or just trying to make polite conversation and trying not to stick your massive feet in your seemingly oversized mouth (maybe that’s just me…).

I say this because I was at a bridal shower earlier this year for a beautiful friend of mine. I was so happy to be there to celebrate my friend, but I didn’t know a soul and I was so beyond uncomfortable. I kept daring myself to go up and talk to people and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was texting Domi from a corner I could hide in about how uncomfortable I felt because I didn’t know anybody. Everyone was perfectly friendly, but everyone seemed to know each other and while I kept trying I just felt more comfortable glued to my phone.

Finally, I decided enough was enough. I started talking to some of my friend’s family members and things got a little easier. Then we all sat down in our assigned seats for tea and the person I was supposed to be sitting next to hadn’t shown up. I had been chatting a little bit with the girl on the other side of that empty chair and she seemed super sweet. She leaned over and said, “Hey, our friend is always running late, why don’t you scoot over and sit next to me?” I had barely said a full sentence to her, but this little welcoming gesture was all I needed to latch on to. We talked and laughed the rest of the shower. Endlessly, it seemed, and when it was time to go I wasn’t ready to let go of my new friend, but also, when you go to make a new friend what are you supposed to do? Ask for their number? Isn’t that weird? Well, I didn’t care. I had a hard time making friends after college back in LA and I decided if she thought I was nuts that’s fine we would only have to see each other one more time, at our friend’s wedding, and that would be that.

So I said sheepishly, “hey, here’s my number if you ever, I don’t know, what to hang out or something.” I said it quietly so that I could back away silently as if nothing had happened, but my large arm gestures betrayed me. (I’m not sure I can control my arms when I talk when I’m either very nervous or very excited.) She smiled the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen and said, “totally! Text me and let’s hang out!” I had the dumbest smile on my face thinking, “holy crap, I have a new friend!” I did text her and now, Alex (that’s her name) and I talk almost every day and hang out almost on a weekly basis.

And to think I would have missed out on one of my favorite human beings if I had refused to put my phone down…

Happy Tuesday friends, look up and put those phones down. xoxox

A Weekend of Happy

Sat, 21 Sep 2019 01:57:06 GMT

Before you do anything, if you need a good giggle, check out my cousin and me back in ’99 and guess which one of us had the gay dads (thanks cousin Cathy for the photo and cousin Austin for being ok with me sharing)…ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Social media is a crazy thing. It’s insanely wonderful for keeping in touch with friends, for finding places in the world you want to explore, and so much more. It can also be incredibly destructive and I’ve watched many of my friends implode from things they’ve seen online and it breaks my heart.

I’ve also realized that I’ve been posting a lot of heavy stuff about my life lately and while I am being totally honest about what’s going on, it’s like another version of social media. You are only seeing the tough stuff because you only hear from me twice a week. But I don’t spend most of the hours of my day miserable behind a desk. Yes, right now, maybe I cry more than I do other times, but the majority of the hours in the day I am a happy, very grateful camper (that’s a lie, I hate camping, but I am happy and grateful). So, I think today I will step away from some of the darker stuff I’m going through with a list of some things you can do to make yourself feel better even in a tough season. Some things to do while you’re in the caterpillar phase working that chrysalis every day into becoming a butterfly. These are also some things you can do instead of sitting on social media. (Highly recommend a little social media detox now and then.)

Meditate for 10 minutes when you get up in the morning (I’ve been doing this for the past 18 days every day and it is LIFE CHANGING instead of checking my phone first thing when I get up and if you seriously can’t get up 10 minutes earlier than you do now…even though I think that’s a lame excuse…find 10 minutes in the evening. Schedule it into your day and don’t forget about it and if you miss a day don’t beat yourself up.)

Pick up the phone and call a friend or a parent or a family member that DOESN’T STRESS YOU OUT. If they don’t answer, call another friend. Find someone that’s available to chat about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Or start a chat with someone via voice messages. A lot of my friends live in different time zones so connecting via phone is hard so we send messages back and forth. My friend Alex (who is currently living in Innsbruck, Austria because she’s freaking cool) and I can literally send 40-minute voice memos to each other that we listen to during our respective workouts and it’s a nice way to talk and get things off our chests without someone responding or interrupting with advice right away. You really get to talk things out and then when you hear from someone they’ve really had to listen to what you’ve said, think it through and send something back. It’s been a huge help with my far away friends.

Better yet, go meet a friend for coffee or yoga or a movie night or whatever it is you guys do, just make the effort, reach out and tell them you need them. Or do anything of those things by yourself too-mega empowering.

Put on your favorite song and go for a drive. This was a classic for my friend Juliette and I in college. If we weren’t crying in our cars we were blasting music and dancing like crazy people in them.

Don’t look at your phone for 6 hours straight. Go outside for a walk. Write a letter to someone you love. Go to the gym, go for a run. Do something that doesn’t involve a tiny box that you stare at.

Do my favorite breathing exercise, a 30-second breath. In for 10 seconds, hold for 10 seconds, out for 10 seconds. Repeat ten times or until you accidentally fall asleep.

Watch your favorite TV show without feeling guilty or like you should be doing something more productive. (I’m not saying you should sit in front of your TV for 10 hours straight, but just give yourself a little break to enjoy something that makes you belly laugh and if you have the time a good binge session is not a bad thing. YOU ARE NOT LAZY IF YOU ARE ASKING THE QUESTION.)

Read an actual book. Or go to an actual bookstore. The smell alone is intoxicating if you’re a bookworm like me.

Buy a plant and nurture it and know that if it doesn’t survive it is not a reflection on your ability to raise or love things.

Go see a movie by yourself (the hands down most freeing thing to do for yourself, by yourself).

Go eat your favorite food. If you’re anything like me you’re now thinking about the largest cheese board of man-kind and how pretty you can make it or thinking about the best ice cream sundae there is (this is now all I can think about).

Perform a random act of kindness. Pay for the person behind you at a coffee shop, buy someone’s dessert at the table next to you, pick up a stuffed animal that a child has dropped or just smile at someone. It doesn’t need to be big just something.

Take a bath, but please learn from my mistake with eucalyptus essential oil…PSA: two drops of a strong essential oil are PLENTY or you’ll end up like me running around trying to get the oil “unstuck” from your entire body screaming “I only used like 15 drops because I couldn’t smell it.”

Organize yourself for the coming days/weeks. Or if days or weeks are too much, just the coming hours. Write it down. Get it out of your head. I am obnoxious about how much I use my planner, but it is a godsend because then my to do list doesn’t eat me alive.

Write down just one or two things your grateful for, leave it somewhere you’ll see it and add something to it every day.

When nothing else sounds good…cry it out. Let it out baby. It’s all good. We are here to catch you, friend, and the other side of that cry feels 1,000,000 times better. I used to watch YouTube videos of soldiers surprising their families to bring it out sometimes when I felt I just needed that “good cry.” My college roommates thought I was insane, but once I got it out I could move on, see the good in life again, pick myself up and fight for another beautiful day.

These are some of the many things I do to keep myself sane. They are easy. They are little, but they make a mountain of difference. And if you need more silly childhood photos of me to make you laugh when you don’t feel like it, you never have to hesitate to ask. Have a happy, lovely and social media free weekend.

Oh yay! I don’t have to be Superwoman!

Wed, 18 Sep 2019 01:59:08 GMT

Okay, so I have a bit of a superwoman complex. My therapist likes to call it “performing for love.” (Ugh, massive eye roll.) I think superwoman complex sounds way cooler. The want to make my parents, husband, clients, co-workers and so many other people, like my teachers and the entire gay community proud, turned me into someone that works really hard to impress people. I really like being a hero. I very much enjoy being the one that everyone is outwardly impressed by. People say how amazing it is that I can handle the stuff at home and all of my work and still find time to follow my passion and I love that. Being the person at the office that I know people can rely on is important to me; if something ends up on my desk, they know they’ll have an answer by the end of the day or at the very latest the next morning. I like impressing clients with how quickly I can respond to an email, even at 6 in the morning or 11 at night.

I crave the feeling of making people proud, especially when they recognize it and validate me. Because who doesn’t love to hear they’ve done a good job?

In the last few weeks it has become crazy-making. I have forgotten to ask for help when I need it. I forgot to say, “Hey, I’m kind of drowning over here!!” And as a result, my work and my life have suffered. I have so many people I could delegate to or ask for help from, but I like doing it my way and maybe it’s some kind of perfectionist thing, but I (stupidly, might I add) think I’ll probably do it better and faster. However, there are plenty of people that will do just as good a job at their pace and will leave people just as happy as I do and these people, I think, get more sleep than I do and are more productive than I am. I feel the need to prove myself and so I think all of this running around and saving everyone’s day is the way to do it instead of delegating and asking for help.

In the last three weeks, it has become ABUNDANTLY clear that if don’t learn to delegate I’m going to burn out in my twenties and that is certainly no bueno. Plus all of these reasons not to ask for help are excuses, plain and simple. I want to do it all because I want the kudos. That is the truth as painful as it is for me to admit.

There’s something else that comes with this superwoman complex and that’s an “exaggerated sense of urgency.” Every time someone hands me a project I have the feeling it needs to be done immediately even when I know that’s not the case. I hate the feeling of those little red bubbles on my iPhone telling me I have a notification I haven’t checked and I have the same feeling about an item that is not crossed off on my To-Do List. I love my lists, but I also love completing them. I also need to learn to let things stay on them over the weekend or when I’m giving myself a day off otherwise I’ll never be truly rested.

I am so terrified of anyone thinking I’m not working hard enough, I try and do a superhuman amount of things. In reality, (and this is the hard part) the only person who has to think I’m working hard enough is me. The only person I have to impress is me and I may just need to, on occasion, be a little bit easier on myself.

The same goes for you, friend. You can take a break. You can breathe. You can ask for help. There is no reason to do it all by yourself when there are probably more people than you realize that are willing to help you. And if you ask someone for help and they refuse, ask someone else, and if they can’t help you the way you need, try another person. I just googled the world population and the google machine says it’s about 7.7 BILLION PEOPLE! Are you really telling me there isn’t one or two that may be able to help you with what you need? I don’t think so, friend. xoxo

Oh, no…I’m the problem

Sat, 14 Sep 2019 02:00:39 GMT

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of self-help books and listening to a ton of self-help podcasts and I’ve noticed that there’s a theme that pervades almost all the self-helping there is out there. There’s one specific phrase that everyone will repeat to you until they’re blue in the face. “You need to show up for yourself.” Okay, I’m sorry, maybe I’m dense, but I’ve been thinking about that phrase a ton. I was getting frustrated because I didn’t understand what they were talking about…until this morning when I almost threw my computer against the wall.

About two months ago, I made a promise to myself that Fridays would be my days that I would set aside for writing. I try and use other days of the week, too, but my job takes up a lot of that time so I decided to carve out an entire working day that is just for my writing and me specifically. A day where I shut off my phone and my emails and just focus on the “other” part of my life. However, it seems, things have gotten in the way. Sorry…let me rephrase…I have let things get in the way.

I check my emails before I sit down to write, because “there’s just one or two that REALLY need a response,” but sitting down to write those one or two emails leads to 20 or 30 getting answered and then by the time I’m done answering the 30th email the people from the first email start responding and then I get caught up and need to make just one or two calls. And then I book just one appointment for the day because I’m sure I will still have time and I don’t really need eight hours for my writing.

I make excuse after excuse. I let time slip away and then I get mad at myself. I get so aggravated that suddenly my blissful Friday is over and I have to wait a week before I can dedicate a full day to what is so important to me.

That’s what happened this morning. A client needed this, a phone call came in for that, I wanted to get to the gym…the list could go on forever and then, when I sat down and really tried to write, I couldn’t think of anything because my brain was in a totally different mode.

When my brain is in “work” mode it’s hard to be creative. I came downstairs and started yelling near (not at) Domi, “I just don’t understand why people can’t leave me alone so I can freaking write. This is so stupid annoying. I am so pissed off and now I can’t think of anything. I’m walking around the block. This is ridiculous.” And I stormed out the front door.

Of course, I took my phone with me. Of course, a client called and not so shockingly…I picked up. I came back inside and again went off about a litany of reasons why I was so annoyed that I couldn’t get anything done. My anger started to rub off on Domi and he got upset. “I hate that you can’t focus on your writing. I’m so mad. This is so frustrating.”

“I know. But it’s okay, it is what it is,” I responded coolly.

And then, all of the sudden, I ran out of the room and up the stairs diving for my computer because I realized what showing up for oneself meant. Showing up for myself means making the decision to put down my phone and not give a crap if someone calls. It means not checking my emails before I get to my writing. It means taking the time for myself and actually sticking to it. It means keeping the promises that I make to myself. It’s not my clients’ fault that they called or emailed or texted. They don’t know about the promises I’ve made. How could they? Why am I getting mad at the rest of the world? I should be getting angry with myself. Well, ok, not angry because we also have to be gentle with ourselves, but this was my wake-up call. I am the reason that I am not getting my writing done, not the outside world. I am placing blame on everyone else because it’s easier than admitting that I am afraid of what this new chapter means for me.

So, I have a decision to make here. Will I show up for myself? Will I make the time for me?

My therapist told me that when I decided to dedicate Fridays to writing that the universe would test me. I kind of chuckled. Yeah, okay, sure. (Lots of somewhat unintentional eye rolling involved). But hey, she was right. The universe is testing me and I just forgot to listen. It’s asking if I am really ready for this new chapter. It’s asking if I am ready to commit to making my heart whole. If I am ready to commit to me.

I am ready. So, off goes my phone, on goes my out of office reply and if a client has an issue with that, then unfortunately it just isn’t going to work. It doesn’t mean I’m not dedicated or hard-working. It means I am taking care of myself and that is ridiculously important, and even more importantly I am keeping a promise I made to myself. No more excuses. My Fridays are mine.

This is scary. This is new. But this also feels powerful and exciting. The kind of new and scary that also lights a fire in me. And above all else, I am really excited to have finally figured out what all of these enlightened people are talking about. I get what showing up for myself means. Hallelujah!!

Have a happy, happy weekend friends. And don’t forget to show up for yourselves…now that we all know what that means…i think xoxoxo

Sometimes you have to be the a**hole

Wed, 11 Sep 2019 02:04:15 GMT

I was talking to my Dad this morning on the phone on my way to the gym about a friend whom I have known since I was 13. Our friendship has changed. It seems to be out of date and not working anymore. You know those friends where you reach out to them on their birthdays because it seems like “the right thing to do,” but you haven’t actually spoken to them in months, maybe even years, but you do these things out of a sense of not wanting to be the first one to “give up on the friendship.” You don’t want to be the one that stopped. The one where life events roll around and you don’t say anything because you feel like it will draw a line in the sand.

I don’t want to be the not-polite, not-kind friend. But, also, what am I holding on to? If I don’t feel like talking to them, if we haven’t had a conversation that was about anything more than the weather in the last year, why am I reaching out? Do I really wish them a happy birthday? Do I really care? Yes, hands down I wish the best for them. I want them to love their life and enjoy every minute and maybe someday it will make sense for us to be friends again, but right now I feel like a phony wishing them a happy birthday.

Doing something out of a sense of obligation is never a good idea. Wishing them a happy birthday that is cold and mediocre…what does that do for either of us except remind us of what we’ve lost?

So, why am I holding on? I love my life, they love theirs, but we aren’t what we used to be and what we used to be I’m not sure I need right now in my life. (Cut back to my earlier post about people coming into and leaving our lives for a reason.) Playing this game where we send texts back and forth, “hey, have an awesome birthday.” Ends up being more hurtful and sad than thoughtful.

So, maybe it’s time for me to be the asshole. Maybe it’s time for me not to reach out on their birthday via some lame text.

I thought about this a lot while I was in the gym (it’s where I get most of my good thinking done). I don’t think I’m ready to not reach out at all, but I’ve decided instead of texting I will send a card. I will be honest in this card and say I miss what we used to have. I am sad that our relationship isn’t what it was and I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I hope that they really have a very happy birthday. If I say those things, I know I mean those things and I am not then hiding behind a mask of niceties that don’t really mean anything. And maybe that doesn’t make me an asshole or impolite or unkind. Maybe that just makes me honest.

“Honesty is the best policy.” UGH. We hear it all the time and yes, often, being honest sucks because most of the time the truth is not fun to hear, but I spend too much of my time protecting other peoples’ feelings and not being honest. Not being honest leaves me stuck in a hole because when I speak words I don’t mean or when I do something because it’s “the right thing to do” I don’t always mean it and then this little dishonest ball festers inside of me and then one day I explode at all of these people I’ve said platitudes to over the years, through no fault of their own because I haven’t been honest. The precious time we have on this planet doesn’t need to be spent making time for people that don’t make time for us.

So, here’s what this all boils down to, friends. If I have friends I can’t be honest with, they probably aren’t the right people for me. If I am doing things out of a sense of obligation, it is not the “right thing to do.” I’m actually doing a disservice to myself and the person I’m interacting with. I need to stop shoving square pegs into round holes because I don’t like to let go of things and because I don’t like change.

Today begins my dishonesty detox and I need y’all to hold me to it. To keep me honest. To ask me if I mean what I say because I hate making people sad or mad or worst of all I hate it when people don’t like me, so being honest is freaking hard. I need people like you to remind me when it seems like I’ve lost my honest touch. You can help me with this, right?

You can have it all, just maybe not all at once…

Sat, 07 Sep 2019 02:05:56 GMT

I really, truly believe it is possible to have everything you want in life by believing you can, hard work and not giving up. The world is literally your oyster. However, I also think I would be remiss if I didn’t say I think it’s next to impossible to try and create the whole entire life you desire all at once.

The last six months or so I have been making myself insane trying to create this new life that I so desperately want. I am shifting my career focus, trying to become fluent in German, working on creating healthy eating habits, making sure to maintain my friendships, trying to get back to dance class, meditating more, wanting to be a patient, kind and good wife, and trying to make sure our companies don’t fall apart as I start a transition and Domi does too. (cue the tension headache and tears.) It’s all just way too much. And instead of creating the life I want I have made myself feel like I’m not good at anything and that everything is out of my reach.

Do I believe that that entire list of things I want for my life I can make happen? Absolutely. Do I also think that when I look at the laundry list of things that I want for my life can happen immediately? No, I do not. (Damn.)

No matter how much I want everything to happen RIGHT THIS MINUTE. It’s just not physically possible to overhaul your life from every single angle all at once. You become spread so thin that you don’t really end up doing anything. You become paralyzed by all that you want to be instead of inspired to create this life you want to enjoy.

So, here’s what I think. I need to prioritize. I need to sit down and create a focus. There’s a reason smart people create long-term and short-term goals. So, I’ve decided I should do what the smart people do and I’ve also decided that I am going to have a “theme of the month.” I know it sounds so ridiculously cheesy, but I think it’s an experiment that will actually work. I will work on creating one good habit at a time. I will work on myself and the change I want to create one building block at a time. (Maybe two if I’m feeling really crazy and getting lots of sleep.)

I will also be realistic about my accomplishments.

Do I want to be fluent in German so that all Domi and I speak at home is German? Yes. Do I get my butt to class and do my homework every week? Yes. So, why do I get upset that I am too tired to speak German at home every day. Why do I beat myself up for not being fluent NOW? It is pointless to be so mad at myself. I will become fluent because I will not give up, but when so much is going on around me I need to be gentle with myself and know that there will be the perfect time to make German my focus and maybe now is just not that time. Does this mean I give up and say, okay, I don’t have to go to class anymore? Um…No. It just means that I am focusing on another area of my life this month and German is going to have to take a backseat based on what I need right now.

I can have it all.

Every single thing on my list I will be able to check off in my lifetime, in fact, I’ll probably be able to check them all off within the next five years, I just need to take the pressure off that it all has to happen NOW. That is all has to be immediate. (I partially blame social media for this…but that’s for another time.) The getting to these goals should be as exciting and as much of a learning process, if not more so, than actually achieving them.

It’s like my Daddy told my Domi this week about school (as we have all been watching him slave and stress over his homework for hours on end), “learn the material and enjoy the material, whether or not you get an A in every class is immaterial. If you went to school and worked so hard just to get a good grade, but didn’t learn what you went to school to learn it would be a waste. The letter grade is not always the best way to dictate how much you’ve learned. I would only be sad if you didn’t enjoy the material.” I guess the same applies to me in a different way (no effing way am I going to start studying tax law and enjoying it like my dear husband). I don’t need to get an A in life. I need to enjoy the material. I need to love the process of getting there. The hiccups and oopsies and times when things don’t go according to my plan are beautiful because maybe they will lead to something even greater that I didn’t know was a possibility.

Don’t make it all happen at once or you won’t appreciate the journey of letting it happen over time. It’ll be more enjoyable and more of what you need, you’ll be able to actually hear the universe talking to you and showing you your path because you’ll be awake enough to actually listen (as opposed to laying in bed paralyzed by a tension headache).

Happy weekend friends. I hope you enjoy, appreciate and hug lots of people. xoxoxo

You are loved.

Wed, 04 Sep 2019 02:07:24 GMT

You are loved.

Don’t believe me? Repeat after me:

I am loved.

Again.

I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. Say it seven times. I say that because I literally just googled “How many times does a person have to tell themselves something before they believe it” and the google machine told me seven. Shout it from the rooftops I AM LOVED. Whisper it to yourself before that big presentation. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. Then try this one. It’s harder, but I believe in you.

I am enough.

It has taken me a very long time to believe that about myself. I never felt worthy of my life or my circumstances, but I am. I am loved and I am enough. It doesn’t matter how many people on the outside have told me those same words; it matters what I have told myself. I am enough. AND I am loved. A magical combination. It takes constant repeating. It takes a willingness to believe it. But I promise it’s true.

You are loved. You are enough. And you may say, “Chelsea, I don’t think anyone loves me.” And I will say, “well friend, that’s just not the case. Your friends love you, no matter what you believe, your family loves you, no matter how oddly they may show it. And if for some reason none of that rings true then remember that I love you. I love you and I also believe that you are enough. You are breathing, you are moving, you aren’t stopping. But I can tell you I love you a million times. I can tell you you are enough until Kingdom Come, but you won’t believe it unless you believe that you love you and that you believe that you are, in fact, enough.”

I believe it. I believe you are worthy and good and joyous and capable of anything you set your mind to. I believe you can move mountains. I believe you are stronger than you realize. I believe in you. You are loved. You are enough. Just keep saying it even in the moments where you don’t believe it and you’re positive I’m a crazy lady, especially in those moments remind yourself: I am loved. I am enough. I am worthy. Because you are.

And those are all my thoughts on this Tuesday.

Slaying the Dragon

Sat, 31 Aug 2019 02:09:30 GMT

When I was in therapy on Monday I started listing all of the terrible things that I was sure were going to happen. “I’m scared I won’t be able to do all the work.”

“I’m afraid this person is going to think I’m stupid.”

“I’m worried that I will never follow my dreams.”

“What if they yell at me?”

“What if they make me cry?”

“They are always so mean and dishonest and condescending. I hate when people are condescending. I get it I’m young, but I’m not a child and I’m certainly not stupid. And it’s impossible to find an honest person. Why can’t people just be honest?”

After a good 25 minutes of this, my therapist looked at me and said, “do you know why all of those people are dishonest and condescending?” I squirmed on the sofa a little bit. I wasn’t really sure what to say; I wanted to yell “BECAUSE THEY ARE DISHONEST AND CONDESCENDING!!!!” She got that I wasn’t going to answer…so she continued, “you are focusing on what you don’t want and look what you’re creating, dishonest, condescending and mean people in your life.” She stood up and walked towards the door, I thought she was kicking me out, which would have been a relief because I was sure whatever she said next would mean I have work to do…but apparently, she was not. “You need to pivot,” she then executed a perfect dance-like pivot, “literally turn around and change what you’re thinking.” I thought, “that’s cute. Sure.” *cue massive eye roll*

I appreciated what she was saying but I kept thinking about how that felt impossible and too easy all at the same time and also how other peoples’ behavior is not my problem. Just changing my thought? Come on.

I went home and thought I’d give it a try regardless. If there was a shot at making work and life more joy-filled I owed myself that possibility at the very least. So, when I woke up at 3am and the scaries started in my head I repeated over and over “the call will be easy. Work will be fun. I will interact with positive, kind, compassionate and understanding people. It will be a happy day. It will be fun.” I repeated it over and over and over until about an hour later I fell asleep. I kept fighting the urge to freak out and start pacing because that would have been the easier thing to do. It’s easier to give in to the scary voice in my head telling me everything that my ego feeds off of. I needed to slay the dragon in my head. Anxiety can feel crushing at times. It takes over, makes my heart pound, makes my chest tight, has even landed me in the ER, so when it starts bubbling up it’s easier to go with it and let the scary take over. It’s easier to beat myself down than it is to build myself up.

Changing your thought is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done (and it’s Friday and I only started on Monday). But if I can focus on how I want things to look in my life it actually works. The next day was fun. The calls were easy. The people I spoke to were kind and compassionate and I took things in stride. (I’m really not making this up, I promise.) I hourly did my 30-second breath and spoke to myself calmly and positively when the scaries started to attack. It is a constant battle against the dragon. In fact, it’s more like whack-a-mole. But the more I do it the more it works. I understand that everyone knows about the “law of attraction” and everyone is like “yeah! I’m changing my own reality!” Just because they know what it is, but are they really? It’s a simple sentence that actually implies hours of work, concentration, meditation and fighting my own anxious instincts.

Yes, it still feels good to cry sometimes, no, I will not ignore my own emotions nor will I cease working through my pain, but it helps ground me in the new reality that I am creating for myself. I am building my world one thought at a time. I am exhausted, but I am building and I will keep building until I live in a world that is what I want to be. I will power myself up so that I can help others power up. So that we are strong enough to create change in the whole world with our thoughts, which then manifest themselves in our actions. The dragon comes and it feels dark and lonely and it’s the perfect place for anxiety to come and grab you and take you away. But please don’t let it. Work, build, change your thoughts. Ask for help. I want to help. We can do this together because I’m still figuring this out too. If we all worked to change our own reality maybe we could make the world a more understanding, compassionate place. That is worth whacking the mole and slaying the dragon, don’t you think?

Today Will Be a Better Day

Wed, 28 Aug 2019 02:13:14 GMT

I had a rough day yesterday. Domi started his master’s program and it is ending up being much more time consuming than we expected. Which means I’m on my own more than usual at work and that was scary. I spent a lot of the day crying. I think I was mostly afraid of feeling lonely and missing him when things got tough or tricky during the day.

I always say the reason I love going to work is because I get to work with him. Today I found out, I am definitely not lying. The job is fun because I share it with the person I love. The job is exciting because we are excited together and then today I went to work and realized that he was going to not be there with me. As he was leaving for school I told him how proud I am of him. I am the proudest a person could possibly be. He works unbelieveably hard. He never even thought he’d get a degree and now he has graduated with an undergraduate degree and has started a master’s program at one of the most prestigious schools in the country and might I add, this is all in his second language. So pride? That doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. But as he started to leave I had a complete and utter meltdown. “I can’t do it. I can’t do it without you. Please don’t go. How am I supposed to do this? I can’t do this alone.” I started sobbing holding on to him like a toddler you’re trying to leave at preschool. I tried to just breathe and keep moving, but it felt next to impossible. He was the one that took on so much of the heavy lifting at work when I didn’t want to. When I couldn’t make one more tough phone call, when I couldn’t answer one more email he was there to shoulder the burden with me and all of the sudden it felt like I was totally alone swimming upstream.

Working at something that I am already frustrated by and is anxiety inducing for me on a good day it felt like someone had pulled the plug on the bathtub before I was ready to get out. I was also so mad at myself. How could I feel this way? Domi is out there getting this degree to make our lives better. To create for the future for us and one day for our kids. He’s busting his booty for our family, so how did I even have a right to feel sad and alone and scared. How could I feel that? I wanted to give him the best first day of school send-off with a cheer and fireworks, instead, I held on to him so tightly because I was afraid of what it would mean for me. I was scared of the change. Heck, I am scared of the change. I don’t know what this new chapter in our lives will look like, but this I do know—I am allowed to feel sad and scared and alone and confused for myself and over the moon excited for everything Domi is going through, too. I also know we chose each other so we shoulder each other’s burdens and celebrate in each other’s wins sometimes simultaneously. At the very least it’s only nine months and we can get through this. (I have a feeling in a few years I’ll be saying the same words about something very different.)

I sat in my car yesterday and ate my lunch and cried (have you ever heard of someone being so dramatic?). Big choking sobs filled my car and then I just sat in the quiet. I thought, I have done things so much harder than this and I will do things much, much harder than this. But changes in my life will never cease. So it was a little like being an infant that’s a little too overwhelmed at the end of the day. I had to just cry and scream and get it out so I could sleep and start the next day fresh. And today will be better. Or maybe it won’t, but whatever it is, I will get through it and I will get to come home and curl up next to my smart, sexy husband and know he is mine and during the day I will find my strength where I didn’t even know it was hiding. I will also call on my tribe to hold me up when my mind becomes a scary place because I know it is better to ask for help than to be a martyr. I have an amazing community uplifting me, why wouldn’t I make use of it?

PS I hope you are having a happy day. I am sending hugs because I think everyone needs some extra hugs today. xo

Mirror, Mirror…

Tue, 27 Aug 2019 02:15:40 GMT

Since I was a little girl I have always been confident about my body. When I was about six years old I wiggled into a pair of jeans and yanked at the button until it finally went in the hole. I looked down perplexed and looked up at my Dad and said, “Dad, my fat is hanging over my jeans and I don’t even have any fat!” God do I love that little girl whose mind worked that way. Weight wasn’t ever really an issue for me. I danced hours upon hours a week and ate fairly healthy and never really had to think about it. It wasn’t until I was 23 and tried a new form of birth control that things got complicated in this department for me.

I stuck this rod full of hormones in my arm and while it may work for some people it quickly became my family’s and my, arch nemesis. Not only did I gain more than 25 pounds in two months, I had raging mood swings and my period for six months straight. I was, of course, in total denial that I was continuously on my period and proceeded to ruin every set of sheets Domi and I owned with my staunch guarantee that it was over every single night when I went to sleep only to find out that I was sorely wrong when we woke up in the morning. (Needless to say, Domi is also a trooper for going along this ride with me.)

After six months of trying to adjust and my doctor promising me the longer I waited the better it would get my Daddy finally turned to me one day and said, “honey, I love you, but this is not who you are, I will pay you $1,000 if you get that thing out of your arm.” I knew it was bad. I knew if he felt the need to say something to me about how insane I was acting because of these hormones than it must be real, real bad. It wasn’t a tough decision to make. I called my doctor and said, “get this thing out of me” and made an appointment for later that week. After what had been promised to be a rather painless procedure turned into a very painful one; I finally had the foreign object out of me. Within a matter of days my moods returned to normal, and my cycle began to get more regular over the next month or two, but the weight went nowhere. Months and months in the gym and it was next to impossible to take the weight off.

All of the sudden Domi and I were engaged and I had huge motivation to get myself in shape for our wedding. I was sick of trying various workouts on my own and trying to figure out the multitude of diets on Pinterest and hired my parents’ trainer to work with me to try and make the difference I wanted to see in my body. I worked my booty off, working out six days a week, training with a trainer once a week, eating a very strict diet, but never starving myself and ended up losing more than the weight I’d gained. I’d lost about 30 pounds by the time our wedding rolled around. However, throughout this process everyone felt the need to comment. They all said very nice things about how good I looked and made me feel amazing, but it started an unhealthy conversation in my head. Was I not as beautiful when I was 30 pounds heavier? Am I too skinny now? How am I supposed to look in these shorts? No matter what I was weighing looking in the mirror wasn’t fun.

After the wedding I didn’t want to continue to maintain the diet I had been on to get to my ideal “wedding weight” and instantly put on a lot of the weight I took off with all of the celebrations and everything one does surrounding their wedding day. I had gone my whole life without worrying one ounce about how much I weighed and suddenly it felt like everyone was constantly monitoring my waistline as much as I was.

I’ve been trying to be a bit more healthy the last few weeks, but my self-control has been minimal at best. I’ve been disappointed in myself and again not wanting to look in the mirror when I’m naked. I put a t-shirt on to brush my teeth and run past the mirrors in our bathroom on my way to our shower. I’ve been really hard on myself. I talked to Domi about it because there’s really no one else I trust to share these intimate details with that I know won’t judge me or blast platitudes at me that I don’t really want to hear. I sat curled up next to him on our bed. I told him, “I am not happy about my body right now. I want to eat healthier. I want to work harder in the gym again. I want to look how I did at our wedding.” He reached out and put his hands on either side of my face and stared at me, “baby, you are so beautiful. Everyone believes it but you. Go and stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are because you’re the only one left to convince.”

Well, shit, I thought. He’s right. No matter how many people comment on what I look like and regardless of what those comments are, I don’t hear them because I only hear the loudest voice which is the one in my head telling me I don’t look good in my favorite bikini or that I’m not as skinny as the models in that magazine or that my boobs will never be the right size.

So, I’m trying. I am standing in front of the mirror naked working to convince myself of my beauty. It is not easy. It is not all that fun and I have not been so successful, but I believe he is right. We are the only ones we have to convince in regards to how we look. It’s all in our heads. My control center has been sending me the wrong message for too long, but I am striving to be the girl who looks down and thinks, “Dad, my fat’s hanging over my jeans and I don’t have any fat.” I am still that girl. I will find her even if it means staring at myself in the mirror every day for the next year while saying every positive thing I can think about myself. I will do it.

PS so can you.

PPS If you are thinking about a new form of birth control I feel the need to urge you to ask as many questions as you can think of. Especially before putting a foreign object in your body. What works for you is what works for you and it is a very personal decision, but I didn’t have nearly enough information before I made a major change to my hormones and I only ask that you do much more research and ask all of the questions I didn’t.

My Heart is Not a Piece of Pie

Sat, 24 Aug 2019 02:19:51 GMT

Hi. I am Chelsea (Hi, Chelsea) and I am a stage five clinger. I always felt like my friends were slightly out of my reach. They were a little too cool, a little too everything to want to be my friends. So, when I felt friends slipping away I started to hang on and hang on tight. I didn’t like when my girlfriends met other girls that they started hanging out with. I loved them aggressively. I wanted them all to myself. Helloooo…I’m an only child and therefore I’m not the best at sharing. But the more I hung on, the faster they’d slip away. I was a bit obsessive (maybe still am…working on it…) about everything in my life. My socks had to have the line up above my toes or it would drive me insane, I wouldn’t wear jeans because the inseam bugged me. I liked having the same schedule, the same people around at the same times of day. And, most importantly, I always wanted to know that my friends would always be my friends no matter what.

I wanted “friends forever” necklaces to be like a contract. I wanted to have a guarantee that they wouldn’t find someone cooler, newer and different than me. I wanted them to want me to be their friends as much as they wanted to be my friends. I would want to spend all my time with my favorite people and in the end I would often suffocate my very best of friends with love. I would come home from school to my parents utterly crushed. I’d look up at my Dad with those big brown eyes of a small deer that I’m pretty sure ripped his heart out and ask, “but Dad, why doesn’t she want to hang out with me?”

“I don’t know sweetie. I don’t know, but it’s okay if your friends make other friends. It’s okay if you make other friends too.” But I didn’t want other friends and I didn’t want my friends to have other friends either because I didn’t know what that would mean for my current friendships and that scared me. Change is scary at the best of times and in middle school when your hormones and your body and your life seem to be changing all around you, it makes you want to hold on to things that seem solid and certain. (Which at 12 or 13 is basically nothing besides your parents and in middle school it’s hard to get behind being best friends with your parents.)

I suffered from this syndrome of loving obsessively. Finally, one day in middle school, my Dad and I were driving to one of my many dance lessons somewhere in Los Angeles talking about how a friend of mine had called me clingy and told me it made her not want to be my friend anymore because I was annoying. This was completely surprising to me because I found myself to be a delight and not annoying in the least. My Dad watched me out of the corner of his eye trying to figure out the best way to not hit this landmine of a conversation head on. That was an impossibility. So he just went for it, “Honey, your heart is not a piece of pie.”

“What?” I answered, only vaguely interested and having no idea what he meant. I liked pie, I could get on board with pie analogies, but I was still not understanding why my Dad had interrupted my very important story to tell me this.

He continued, “look, because I love Daddy does that mean I love you any less?” Good point, I thought, but definitely wasn’t going to let on because let’s face it my Dad is my Dad and I am twelve.

I knew he was right. There was no way my Dad loved me less than my Daddy because he loved us both. “Every time you love someone your heart isn’t being served up like individual pieces of pie, you have to stop seeing it that way. You can love everyone you love with your whole heart.” I kept thinking, but I do love with my whole heart!! And as if he could read my mind (still 89.99% sure he can) he said, “and if you can love with your whole heart everyone that you love—that means that your friends can love everyone that they love with their whole heart too.” Gosh darn it, of course he was right…annoyingly so, might I add, when your Dad is virtually right about everything (no one tell him please).

But I knew he had to be right. I had to catch myself getting jealous because when I get jealous I get clingy and I have literally proven the fact that when you get clingy people will run from you.

AKA the right people came my way

I taught myself to breathe and know that the right people will come my way. (Even if it meant having lunch with my teachers sometimes until those people showed up.) The right people will stay in my life for the right amount of time.

My Daddy taught me, humans come into your life for a reason and they stay there as long as they’re needed to work out your karma and then sometimes they leave. It’s not because you love them any less, that they’ve stopped loving you or that you screwed up. It’s just that the universe has decided it’s time to learn new lessons and meet new people.

These changes are constant and fluctuating and make me nuts, but I will learn more lessons that way (oh yippee…). It doesn’t always make it fun, but it makes it easier and I go less crazy in my head knowing that I will get through every broken friendship and every confusing loss. We always want what we can’t have, but sometimes we forget that what we have is so freaking good.

PS My Dad was terrified that when I finally fell in love with someone that I would accidentally pop him like a pimple with my vice-like grip. What neither he nor I realized at the time is when it’s the right person, or people, you don’t feel the need to hang on so tightly. I trust Domi and I trusted that he was my person so there was no need to hang on so tight. Just when my Dad thought I would become the clingiest, stickiest person ever, I proved him wrong. I did just the opposite (haha…gotcha Dad!)

Just love, okay?

Wed, 21 Aug 2019 02:22:26 GMT

I was Facetiming with one of my friends the other day who was struggling to make a decision about the relationship she’s in and whether or not she is ready to take the next step. I told her, “just do it! Take the next step. Love with your whole heart until maybe one day you wake up and it doesn’t feel right anymore. Then call me and we’ll figure it out together, but while it feels good. Do it. Listen to your heart because not everything will always feel good. Nothing is cut and dry and we can talk ourselves out of the love we are being given because we think we don’t deserve it or because the love is so big it’s scary. Just dive in. Just love. Don’t ask so many questions because hypotheticals have never gotten me anywhere. Love has.”

My friend then said to me, “Of course this is so easy for you Chelsea. You do everything 110% and you love without thinking about what could happen in the future or the hurt you might face.” I had to laugh a little bit. I had never thought about it that way. I guess I do. I fall in love and then when I fall out of it I deal with it then. For someone who plans so dang much I guess I don’t think about the future all that much when it comes to love. Anticipating the fallout never made the fallout any easier for me. If I had known ahead of time that my Daddy was going to go to prison for two years, it wouldn’t have made his time there any easier for me by anticipating it.

When my, now husband, asked me to move in with him I remember going to my Daddy and asking him what he thought. We had only been together three months after all. I remember very clearly the conversation we had about this. “Well honey, your father and I moved in together 10 days after we met so I’m not exactly the advocate for waiting when something feels right. I would say just go for it. See what happens and just in case, have a moving company on speed dial.” He was telling me to just try it and see what happens and to know that there’s always a way out of anything should it go south.

I cannot make a wrong decision. That’s something my Dad taught me. He’s always told me when I’m struggling with a tough decision that, “whatever you decide is the right thing, but if something is not meant to be there’s no way to force it to happen and if something is meant to be there’s no way to stop it from happening.”

I live off of those words. To friends of mine who continuously try to make a relationship work that’s clearly past its prime I tell them, “if he or she’s the one there’s no way you’re not going to end up together in the end, but if they aren’t the one there’s no way you can force it to happen so better to let go and enjoy the ride and just love for as long as it feels good in your tummy and your heart.”

Running…Slowly

Sat, 17 Aug 2019 02:24:40 GMT

I’ve never been much of a runner. However, I’ve always had this insane jealousy of those that can run long distances. And by long distances I mean anything longer than five minutes. I always saw my friend Alex who would go on trips all over the world posting Instagram stories of her morning runs in the most beautiful places. Or my friend Thea who conquers marathon after marathon. (See these two said super-runners…and my apparent love of my sunglasses below.) I always wanted to be able to run because it sounds so much more fun than walking on the treadmill in a gym that smells like feet when I could be exploring the world outdoors.

So, yesterday, Domi and I went to the hotel fitness center ready to hike up the treadmill’s perpetual hill only to find that there was not a single cardio machine available. Domi suggested a run and I timidly said, “okay, but don’t let me hold you back. I know you’ll be faster than me.” He told me not to worry we could just meet back at the hotel whenever we were both finished. Off I went and much to my surprise I was much faster than Domi. I was feeling pretty badass until about 6 minutes in I got the worst cramp ever in my side. So bad that I actually sat down on the street in front of a group of tourists who must’ve thought I was about to poop my pants. Up came Domi asking me if I was okay and I said, “I just can’t run. I can’t. I want to but it’s too hard I get these side cramps and I can’t go anywhere.” To which he replied, “Baby, have you ever tried running a little bit slower?”

Well there was a perplexing thought. Huh, slower, that had never occurred to me. He told me to breathe through my nose and that he would set a pace that he thought might work better for me. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t. I’m just not a runner. No way no how, but determined to get my cardio in I went along with him begrudgingly. Except something weird happened. I was actually able to run for like a long time without getting any cramp. I was on top of the world!! How the heck did I not think to slow down before? I had no idea I was capable of something just because I refused to slow down a little bit. No one goes from sitting on the couch to running marathons without some training in the middle. Somehow I didn’t think that rule applied to me.

So, this morning when I woke up I was determined to find out whether this whole running thing was a fluke or not. I headed outside, put on my best playlist and started at a comfortable pace. I breathed through my nose and guess what?!? Today I could run even further than I did yesterday!! As I turned around to run back to the hotel along the harbor I felt like I was in one of those most cheesy scenes in a romantic comedy. I wanted to high five everyone I passed. I was smiling wide at the guy playing some instrument I didn’t recognize with a piece of tape that said “Jesus saves” on it; he didn’t seem to care, but I felt invincible!

I whipped off my t-shirt and tucked it in the back of my leggings (because I feel like that’s what really cool runners do) and all but danced to the music in my headphones. It was heaven.

Then I had this other thought. I could apply the theory of my running epiphany to the rest of my life. When something’s not working the path of least resistance isn’t to stop and not try again it’s to keep trying in different ways I hadn’t thought of and most importantly I have to stop, breathe through my nose, get outside and slow down.

Just Own Up to It

Sat, 10 Aug 2019 02:26:53 GMT

We all do stupid things sometimes. When I was in high school I, of course, wanted to be liked by everyone which I have since learned is virtually impossible. But one of the most common currencies in high school is gossip and if you have gossip on someone and you share it, it tends to make you more popular. I was not immune to this.

One time I was hanging out with a group of girls at lunch, (I went to an all-girls high school, so saying it was a group of girls is somewhat redundant, anyways, I digress) and we were sitting by the lockers gossiping. There was one girl in our class whose mother had dated my father some thirty years prior (obviously my Daddy was still in the closet) and if I’m being perfectly honest, I didn’t like her very much. She was very blunt and sometimes not so nice to me (she once asked me whether I was worth the money it cost my parents to have me), which gave me what I felt like was the license to make up a story about her. I didn’t have much to offer to the group so I told everyone that this girl could not stop talking about how our parents dated and how annoying she was and how she was so desperate to be friends with me. The girls sitting around me were all giggling and eating up every word I said when all of the sudden I heard a voice from around the corner that said, “you know I’m sitting right here, right?” I knew from the sound of her voice it was the girl I was talking about immediately. I was horrified. This was so unlike me. I wasn’t the gossipy type and I didn’t know what had gotten into me.

In that moment I knew I had two options, I could run away and pretend that nothing happened or I could walk around that corner and apologize. I waited just long enough for the shock and horror to subside and then I walked around the corner and up to the girl and I said, “I am so sorry. That was horrible of me. I should have never said those things and I know they aren’t true. I am really, really sorry. Can I give you a hug?” Much to my surprise she actually let me give her a hug and she told me it was okay. I promised to make it right and to tell the other girls that what I had said wasn’t true and I vowed to myself to remember the horror of that moment any time I thought about making up lies about someone else in order to gain favor with other people. I still felt awful. I knew I had to talk to my Dad about it and I was terrified.

My Dad was pretty darn strict and I knew that this was not something that would fly. I thought he would be pissed and worse, disappointed, in me. In fact, I was sure of it. I ran to the bathroom, with a pit in my stomach, to call my Dad because I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait until the end of the day to tell him what happened. I thought the guilt might actually eat me alive. I sat in a bathroom stall and started sobbing while I dialed. This may have been the only time I broke a school rule, using my phone during school hours, but the urgency of the situation, in my mind, seemed to usurp any kind of school policy. It was such a stupid thing for me to do, so mean and small minded. I knew I was in for it. My Dad picked up the phone, confused by my call in the middle of the day and I told him what happened. I told him the awful things I’d said and the fact that I immediately apologized to her. Much to my surprise he didn’t yell. He told me it was okay and I could hear that he actually meant it, not the kind of “it’s okay,” yet I knew I’d be screwed later. He said we all make mistakes like this and I did the right thing by immediately apologizing and setting the record straight for this poor girl. He told me I learned a valuable lesson and that he was pretty dang sure I’d never do the same thing again once I realized how horrible it felt when you’re caught in the act. He told me that being caught doing it should stop be from doing it even when I know I can’t be caught because he said, “the truth will always out.” You can’t hide anything forever, so better to just deal with the consequences immediately when you do something wrong rather than bury it because you’ll never get away with it anyway.

He’s right. No matter how tiny a lie you might tell, someone will figure out that your lying and your cover will be blown. When a lie is going to affect someone else’s life, think twice before you tell it. I may have an overactive conscience, but the way I felt that day will always sit in the back of my head as a reminder of what it feels like to hurt someone else and how it’s better to fix it right away than to bury it and run. But once you’ve owned it and apologized don’t let it burden you. You did the right thing by correcting your wrong. Don’t let the guilt haunt you forever or let anyone make you feel bad for doing a bad thing. You’ve owned it, you’ve apologized and if everyone can’t move on then maybe you just need to move on without them.

Dear Uncle Herb, what’s the meaning of life?

Sat, 10 Aug 2019 02:25:40 GMT

I came across this email from my Dad to Uncle Herb from ’98. I still don’t have the answer, but I thought it was worth sharing.

“Today, Dennis and Chelsea went for a beach walk and Chelsea came up with a game. She said, “let’s figure out the meaning of life. Each thing we pick up will be a clue and with them all together we’ll have our answer.”

I am still processing all of the clues, but it’s comforting to know that in my child-mind life was as simple as sorting out the items that come our way and that solves the mystery. Wait, maybe it is that simple? Maybe I’m spending too much time over-complicating things. When something comes my way maybe I just need to pick it up, hold it, see what it brings me and if the answer isn’t joy then just keep looking for more clues. Maybe life is simpler than I make it in my complicated adult brain. Okay, now I need to process this…anyways…back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Dad! She says you’re gay!!!

Wed, 07 Aug 2019 02:28:30 GMT

For someone who has two gay dads I didn’t even know what “gay” meant until I was seven. Cause guess what? To me, they were just my dads.

It wasn’t until one day when we were in Hawaii (my Dad and I on vacation, my Daddy working hard on a business trip) and I started playing in the waves with a little girl who was maybe a couple of years older than me. She was fun, I guess, to be honest, I really don’t remember her-just this interaction. I was talking to her and she asked me where my Mom was and I said “I don’t have a mom, I have two dads” and she told me that wasn’t possible. I told her I really don’t have a mom and she just couldn’t believe me so she marched up to my Dad and said “she says she has two dads!” and he responded, “well, she does.” She seemed satisfied enough with that answer so she came back into the surf to play and then my Dad noticed us arguing. The little girl kept saying “yes, he is,” I was adamant, “no, he isn’t”

“yes, he is”

“no, he isn’t”

“YES, he is!!!”

“NO! HE IS NOT!!!”

Finally I had had it and I marched up the beach to my dad and exclaimed “DAD! SHE SAYS YOU’RE GAY!!” As if she had admitted some blasphemy that I clearly couldn’t comprehend and my dad responded, “well, I am.” I thought about this for a moment and then pivoted back to the water, waved to the girl and said “Oh I am so sorry, he IS!” I was so intent on defending my parents I didn’t even know what I was saying. I guess some things never change.

You see, this is how I justify people that don’t believe the same things I believe. They are justified in believing them, no matter how hateful. It doesn’t make it in any way okay with me, but I can sympathize knowing that they are defending what they know just as adamantly as I am defending what I know and cherish. It doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t make it better, but it helps to understand other people in the world and to be able to sleep at night. And sleeping at night is very important.

PS After this interaction my Dad did explain to me what it meant to be gay. “Sometimes Chelsea a man and a woman fall in love and sometimes two men or two women fall in love and when two men fall in love those men are called ‘gay.'” Still not entirely sure I grasped the concept, I just knew my parents loved each other, I didn’t really need a name for it.

Happy (almost) Anniversary to my love

Sat, 03 Aug 2019 02:31:44 GMT

In honor of our soon to be anniversary (which will officially be on Sunday) I thought I’d post this little video from our special day and an open letter to my unicorn. Man has this last year flown by.

T hank you to Custom Made Productions for this stunning video, Charley King for creating our most special day and to all of our wonderful vendors. This day was more than we ever could have imagined.

Dearest Domi,

Happy Anniversary to us!! We made it through a whole year of marriage (which was oddly easy) and I have not gotten you a gift because we have been too busy, but I don’t think you got me one either so let’s call it even. This year of marriage has been so spectacular. I am so beyond proud of all of your accomplishments and how hard you work each and every day. I fall in love with you more every single day. How could I not? You are just too damn handsome and sweet and kind and funny. Thank you for making me laugh even when I don’t want to-even if it’s by chasing me with a sweaty T-shirt around our bedroom. If it’s somehow even possible I think I will just continue falling in love with you because I can’t imagine anything better. I am so excited to see what this next year has in store for us. Stay strong-you are almost done with school and you are defintely the coolest kid on the playground. Thank you for being mine. I will always be here for you, für immer. Happy anniversary Baba. Year one is paper right? I guess I should print this out and give it to you.

I love you to the sun and the moon and back, and then some,

Chelsea Bun

(Okay, I know that was sickeningly sweet…I just can’t help how stupid cute my husband is!)

A Cure for the Mondays…on a Tuesday

Wed, 31 Jul 2019 02:33:23 GMT

This morning I was having a serious case of the Mondays even thought it’s a Tuesday… The idea of moving sounded hard—let alone negotiating real estate transactions. But then I remembered something…

I come from a family of car dancers. A good song comes on while we’re on our way somewhere and we just can’t help but get down and boogie.

One day a few years ago there was a mother and daughter who were driving on the 10 freeway in LA. They were stuck in terrible traffic and started arguing. They were so annoyed with each other when the daughter looked out the window and into the car next to them and said “omg look at that guy dancing. He’s going crazy.” The mother looked out the passenger window at the crazy dancing man and said, “honey, that’s our accountant.”

And guess what? That accountant is my Daddy.

So, yes, we dance like crazy people in traffic with no regard as to what others might think. And if you have a bad case of the Mondays (no matter what day it is) like I did this am take a listen to this playlist I have set aside for those unfortunate mornings. The songs that pull me out of the funk and make me smile and dance even when I don’t want to.

Enjoy!!

Somebody Loves You-Betty Who

Boy-Ra Ra Riot

Don’t Give Up on Me-Andy Grammer

One of My Friends-Juliette Reilly

Manifesto-Juliette Reilly

I Wrote This Song Without You-Juliette Reilly

Where You Are-Moana Soundtrack

How Far I’ll Go-Moana Soundtrack

Call Your Girlfriend-Robyn

Dancing On My Own-Robyn

Girls Like You-Maroon 5

Africa-Toto

Take On Me-A-ha

My Presence Begs a lot of Questions

Sat, 27 Jul 2019 02:35:10 GMT

I’ve done a lot of explaining my whole life. My family and the way we looked never quite made immediate sense to people. Our mere presence in a room had to be explained because we were confusing to the world. It’s not like there was Modern Family or Glee on TV in 1993. Every time we met people an explanation was involved. This is my Dad and this is my Daddy.

“And where is your Mommy?”

“I don’t have a Mom I have two Dads.”

“But you have to have a Mom.”

“Well, I don’t.”

Sometimes people wouldn’t believe me. As if they knew better about my family than I did. One girl even took it upon herself to tell me, “well, you either have a mom or she’s dead!” That was one of the more shocking responses, but even then I walked up to my angel of a babysitter (she is so much more than that title really allows), Amparo, shrugged my shoulders and said, “she just doesn’t get it.”

Usually, kids would just stare at me quizzically not really sure what to make of me. I had to explain to teachers that I didn’t have a mom. I was constantly crossing out the word “Mother” on forms and writing “Father” a second time. I didn’t get to just walk around without questions being asked because I was confusing. I don’t think any little kid has been around so many people asking questions about eggs and sperm as I have. It was just basic conversation when I met someone. Still is.

“So, wait, how did your parents have you if you’re not adopted?” I secretly get excited every time I tell people because I love my story even though on the outside I sometimes roll my eyes. “Well, they took my Dad’s sperm, my Daddy’s sister’s egg and my cousin carried me.” (Please take your time to figure this one out. You are not the first and will certainly not be the last person who has to draw themselves a diagram to understand.) Typically, the response was to tilt their head slightly, smile and nod mechanically as they tried to work it out in their heads where exactly I’d come from and didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable in the process. I really should have had tiny business cards with me as a kid that explained it so that I didn’t have to.

I was and still am so proud of where I came from, so proud of my two dads. I was kind of the OG girl with gay dads and I loved it. However, sometimes the explaining got exhausting because it’s the only story people wanted to hear about me. Other things about me didn’t interest them as much as my parentage and stories about test tubes and artificial insemination. I appreciated that people were always so curious about how I came to be, but it was always the first question people asked me. Not who are you and what are your likes and dislikes, but how did this happen? How were you made? My sheer existence was a question for people to ponder over and debate. Should it be legal? Should it be okay? Was what I am okay? (As far as I was concerned I was just like any other kid…although my parents were much cooler and more liked by my peers than the typical adult.)

Usually the answer regarding whether my being was a good thing or not was, yes, I am okay to be around. No one took their kids away or ran when I asked for a playdate, but people often had to step back and figure me out and then jump in. Before there was friendship-there were questions. People just didn’t get it. I didn’t let it bother me. It was just the way things were, my parents were my parents and some people didn’t understand that and that’s okay. I was always happy to clarify for them. I would draw it out if I had to. I came with a story and a nametag “The Girl with Two Gay Dads.”

As I’ve gotten older I’ve found these questions more and more odd. Not many people end up talking about how they were conceived in a petri dish at the conference room table, yet somehow I find this a regular occurrence. It’s what makes me memorable. It’s what sticks with people, “oh yeah, the girl with two dads. I know her.”

The only thing that’s really scary is that as an adult I started thinking it was the only interesting thing about me. There is no “me” without a discussion about my parents, which is weird because I am a separate human being with a fascinating life that is more than just where I came from. I forget that a lot. I also realized that I am not the only one that is categorized by where they came from. We do this to everyone we meet. We want to know their story, check them out, make sure they fit our idea of what is popular, pretty, or perfect. This is a societal thing. We all do it. I’m not the only one that gets asked questions even though maybe I thought I was. We all try to put ourselves in boxes, to make ourselves fit even maybe where we don’t. I eventually came to the conclusion that my box has wavy lines and fuzzy edges and I started thinking that everyone else’s does too, even the seemingly perfect people. We are all a little blurry. We are all a constellation of our experiences and we deserve to share every facet of our being that we choose to with the world to help us find our people. The ones whose constellations bring us joy, beauty, and light. We are more than where we came from, although, where we come from has shaped much of who we are and that’s an incredible thing.

Dear Uncle Herb, where did I come from?

Wed, 24 Jul 2019 02:38:15 GMT

For most kids the question of, “where did I come from” has a much simpler answer than it did for me. So, of course, when I was about four and a half and I asked my Dad, where I came from he had to think on his feet for the easiest way to explain things. He, once again, sent over the details of this conversation to my Uncle Herb.

“Dear Uncle Herb,

When Chelsea asked where she had come from, I told her a tummy. She said, ‘whose?’ I told her, ‘Donna’s.’ She asked, ‘did she give me away?’ I said, ‘oh no, Daddy and Dad wanted to have a baby and because we are both boys we couldn’t carry a baby so we needed help and Donna loved us and you so much that she agreed to carry you. So we took you, and put you in Donna’s tummy until you were ready to come out and then we were there to welcome you when you were born.’

‘Well,’ Chelsea replied, ‘that’s good because I always wanted a daddy and a dad anyway.'”

So, to all of those people that think I didn’t understand that my family was a little bit different, you’re wrong. Even as a little one I got that we didn’t exactly look like everyone else and I loved our uniqueness because in my eyes, who wouldn’t want a dad and a daddy. In case you’re still unsure, here’s a little ditty from a few years later…

When I was six my Daddy overheard a phone conversation that I had with a new friend I met at the park that day (since we couldn’t exactly text each other in 1999). It went something like this:

“Hi…oh that is my other dad….no, no I have two dads….no, I don’t have a mom….oh no, it’s great…if you had two dads you would be sooooo happy, it’s wonderful” and then we went on to talk about our Barbies and their hairstyles.

I always had to do a lot of explaining, but I was happy to do it because in my mind there was no family that fit me better than mine did.

Dream, Write, Let go…

Sat, 20 Jul 2019 02:39:35 GMT

I believe that I can manifest anything in the world by putting it out into the universe and then working hard on the things I know I can change and then just letting go. Sometimes I forget that when I was 15 one of my parent’s more “spiritually inclined” friends gave me a candle and a scroll to write on.

Now, they were a little bit “out there.” For instance, they owned more than one snake as a pet, but they meant well, so, I kindly accepted the gift not knowing what the heck I was getting into. When I went home and read the card, they had instructed me to write on the scroll everything I wanted in a boyfriend. I was slightly boy-obsessed at the time with no boyfriend to show for it and I really appreciated the gesture. They said to say a prayer and light the candle and think of the scroll. Now I only lit the candle once or twice (I did take it with me to college thinking that maybe it could work some juju on those boys…not so much), but I did write the list. I wrote close to 150 different things I wanted in a man everything from, “smart, funny, kind,” to “European, gives me forehead kisses, would be a good father.” I rolled up that scroll and hid it in a special place at my parents’ house in Anacortes, Washington, the place that has always held the most magic in the world for me and left it there.

I didn’t have much luck in high school with the boys and to be honest I wasn’t very patient with high school boys either. I went off to college, where I fared better, seeing a guy here and a guy there and I got close to having a relationship, but then again I was pretty discerning. If he wasn’t exactly who I wanted and he didn’t seem like my forever guy, I threw him overboard(or more often than not…he threw me). I knew what I wanted and I didn’t want to waste my time. I was happier on my own than with someone that wasn’t the right fit for me so the second I knew it wasn’t going to be forever, that was that and I moved on.

I was pretty strict with myself when it came to boys. At one point in college I thought I was in love with my best guy friend. I decided after much hemming and hawing that I should tell him. When I finally looked him in the eye and actually used the words “I think I’m falling in love with you,” he responded with, “Chelsea, you’re an amazing friend, but that’s never gonna happen.” I felt like the rug had been ripped out from under me. This was the friend who’s bed I had slept in, but whom I had not slept with and I guess that should’ve been my sign. He told me in the same breath that he was having a party that night and that I should come. As if my whole world hadn’t just been turned upside-down. But I told myself, there was no use crying over something I had no control over. I allowed myself two hours to wallow in self-pity and then I walked my booty up to his floor in our freshman dorm and forced my way into that party. That also happened to be the night where I took my first shot of vodka (only one) because let’s face it, you don’t get over things like this in two hours. But what I didn’t realize was this entire time the universe was at work.

When I was 15 I wrote that list and when I was 22 I went on my first date with the man that would become my everything. After a few months of dating, Domi and I took a trip up to my family’s magical home in Anacortes and out of the blue I remembered about the list that I had made seven years before. I decided it would be fun if we read it together because, let’s face it, I’m brave. Both of us already knowing even in the first few weeks that what we had would be the forever kind of thing-it didn’t make me nervous to share these things with Domi. I read it first and was dumbfounded. I crawled across the living room, sat in my love’s lap and handed the scroll to him, who read it and then looked equally as shocked. He looked at me and said, “I’m sorry I don’t have blue eyes.”

I burst into laughter. Out of the 150 things I had written on that list he had 149. It was truly one of the most remarkable things I have ever experienced. Needless to say, I was a convert. I started writing down everything I wanted. I put it out in the universe and more often than not it comes back to me. Sure, sometimes it takes weeks or months or years, but out of the blue I’ll look back when something amazing happens and it’s been something I have written down. You don’t have to write all these things down, you can sit and meditate and send them out into the universe without writing them, but writing them down gives a physical manifestation of what you want and sometimes when you write it out you realize that some of the things you thought you wanted aren’t what you wanted at all. I think anything is worth trying and I’ll be grateful to my parent’s friends for giving me the gift that helped me manifest the man of my dreams. The man that fulfills so many requirements that I call him my unicorn because I can’t believe this guy that I dreamed up actually exists.

Dear Uncle Herb…

Wed, 17 Jul 2019 02:40:49 GMT

When I was a wee one my Uncle Herb (who was really a family friend) told my Dad that every time I did something funny or noteworthy that he should write Herb an email so that he could be the keeper of the Chelsea story vault.

A few years ago, Uncle Herb sent my Dad all of these stories and I thought it might be fun to share some of the silly and sometimes profound things I said as a little kid through my Dad’s eyes.

So, here goes. This one is from when I was four years old. Dad writes:

“Dear Uncle Herb,

When Chelsea and Dennis (my Daddy) went to Las Vegas last month they went to a restaurant on their way to the new Cirque du Soleil “Ka.” Chelsea was worried about clowns and weird characters. They had a bus boy that they both agreed was the most beautiful man they had ever seen. He had seen “Ka” and assured Chelsea that there were no strange or scary characters and as he left the table Chelsea turned to Den and said, “He is cute, hot and full of information.”

A little tidbit from baby Chelsea for a Tuesday. Have a happy day!

Daddy always said, “Say Your Prayers”

Sat, 13 Jul 2019 02:42:10 GMT

Sunset in my favorite place on earth, Anacortes

Sunset in my personal land of dreams

I always had trouble sleeping as a kid. I always wanted to sleep in my parents bed and every time I tried to sleep in my own bed there was somewhat of an emotional breakdown. I didn’t want to. I was so scared. And let’s face it, I ended up sleeping in my parents’ bed up until an age that most people would be horrified by. But every night, whether I was in my parents’ bed or not, ever since I was tiny I remember my Daddy saying as I was falling asleep, “don’t forget to say your prayers” in his most gentle voice.

He said it so much I stopped hearing it. I never even thought about him saying that much, let alone actually remembering to say my prayers, but as I got older I realized it was odd for a rather non-religious family to be reminded to say one’s prayers so often. As I’ve grown older I’ve also realized that there are many ways to find God that aren’t part of an organized religion, which feels like a relief to me and as I’ve realized that I have started really listening to my Daddy and saying my prayers at night. Because he showed me that prayers can be whatever you want them to be. When I can’t fall asleep or when I wake up in the middle of the night I start saying my prayers. They aren’t in Hebrew (I’m Jewish if you hadn’t figured that one out) and they don’t follow a pattern, it’s more of a list. I list all of the things I am grateful to God, or the Universe or whatever you want to call that big being out in the world and then I thank Him/Her/It for all of the amazing blessings I have found in my life. Everything from, thank you for that amazing orange I ate today, it was just the snack I needed and it was perfect to thank you for giving me Domi to be my partner in life and everything in between. Usually before I am even done saying my prayers I am back off in dreamland, as long as I don’t get sidetracked going over my to do list in my head…

My Daddy unknowingly gave me one of the most powerful tools at such a young age. Say your prayers, I heard it every night, but I really only started using it as an adult. I only really started to count my blessings the crazier things got in life.

I think that’s part of growing up though, you don’t realize how right your parents are until you’re old enough to be a parent yourself. (What a nightmare.) It’s the most peaceful way of going to sleep, the most beautiful, it is a feeling like no other to fall asleep only thinking of the wonderful things in life and all of the things you have to be grateful for. Even on days when you feel like there isn’t one thing you can think of, there’s always something because God/the Universe gave you, you and you are the greatest gift you could ever ask for in the whole world.

Take the Unknown and Make it Known

Wed, 10 Jul 2019 02:43:40 GMT

The scariest thing in the world is stuff we don’t know. It’s why so many folks are afraid of gay people, they just don’t have any personal experience with someone gay to know they’re not any different than straight people. The unknown is always the scariest. But the cool thing about the unknown is once you do the unknown thing it becomes a known thing and makes it less scary and the more unknown things you can turn into known things the bigger your world is.

My best friend just moved from Berkeley Heights, New Jersey to Nashville, Tennessee. She has never lived more than two hours from her parent’s house and she was having a hard time adjusting. She called me crying, “Chels, everything is new here. I don’t know anyone and I’m so tired of meeting new people all the time. It’s just so exhausting.” I told her, “Look Jules, I know it’s all unknown, it’s all scary and different and you don’t have anyone who has known you for more than 2 minutes there, but everything you do, every place you go to more than once makes it a known quantity. That café you’ve been to once? Well, guess what? By the time Domi and I come visit you in a few months that will be your regular hangout. That bar you went to last night? It will be the place you go every week for trivia night and if it’s not, that’s okay too. Because you will find the places that make this whole new space feel like home. And also, baby, if you want to go home no one will be disappointed in you, you can go back to New Jersey any time and I will not be disappointed in you, just please don’t be disappointed in yourself. I know you can stick it out. So go stick your face in a pint of ice cream. Take a deep breath, go do some more new things and know you always have an old friend to call when you need someone that knows you.”

The only way we grow is by trying new things and broadening our horizons. It’s scary as all get out, but it’s a beautiful thing.

A couple of times in life I’ve really pushed myself into the unknown. I have had insane separation anxiety from my parents since I was a little girl. I hated not being with them all the time, even for an hour at dance class, if I couldn’t see them in the window. I would lose my mind. So when it came time to apply for colleges everyone was pretty much dumbfounded that I only applied to schools 3,000 or more miles away from my home. I knew that if I was going to be independent I had to go big or go home. I had to change my surroundings, the people I knew and leap into the great unknown in a major way. My parents told me they were so beyond proud that I had decided to do this, even though I know my Daddy cried every night when I wasn’t around at the thought of me being so far away. When I chose a school in Allentown, Pennsylvania it became real. I was really going to do it. I would be a 5-and-a-half-hour plane ride from home at a minimum. I knew it was what I wanted though and once I decided that I was going to do it, it would’ve been pretty much impossible to change my mind. I am a bit relentless as they say…

It was hands down one of the best decisions I ever made. I remember flying over for orientation and thinking, “oh my God, what have I done?” My parents were going to drop me off in a few months’ time in a small town in Pennsylvania where I literally knew no one and I would be living with a stranger…I’m insane, I’ve lost my mind, someone turn this plane around.

We landed and drove to the bed and breakfast that my parents had booked that they knew nothing about and was in the middle of nowhere. We went to the front desk and my parents proudly told them that I would be attending Muhlenberg College and that I wanted to explore Allentown since that was where the school was located. The front desk lady looked at my Dad and said, “really? Allentown, ugh I don’t even think there’s anything interesting there.” I took one look at my Dad and started to cry, my Daddy who was in the back of the car doing emails (as per usual) was startled by my sudden entrance. “They (sharp intake of breath) said (choking sob) there’s (ridiculously loud sniffling) nothing (hiccup) there…” I uttered dejectedly through a waterfall of tears. My Daddy was crushed that I was so sad and luckily my Dad returned before my Daddy started crying too. He said, “let’s just go and explore! That lady doesn’t know what she’s talking about anyway!” He was very confident sounding, but I could tell behind all of that confidence he was willing himself to be right. We started to drive through the fields of rural Pennsylvania my panic slowly subsiding. At every turn I was looking at the window in hopes of finding some semblance of civilization.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity we came upon a suburban strip mall right near my soon-to-be college and low and behold what was there but an Outback Steakhouse! Never in my life have I been so happy to see a bloomin’ onion! It was something I knew and something I could relate to and if there was an Outback then there must be civilization.

It’s so funny how your mind does that to you. The second you find a touch point everything turns around, it’s all going to be okay and just because of some mediocre steaks. Needless to say I was beyond relieved.

Two months later I was back in Allentown and it was time to move into the dorms. The day before move-in we had received an email from the school that freshman parents would have to leave after lunch on move-in day. Dad, Daddy and I stared at each other in disbelief. We were supposed to have two more days together. They were supposed to stay and help me unpack and spend time with me and say our goodbyes before they flew back to California. We were supposed to have more time. I immediately emailed my new advisor to make sure that wasn’t a typo, I mean after all this is college, I’m like supposed to be an adult, why do they get to tell me when my parents have to leave? But low and behold it was true and there were no ifs, ands or buts about this rule. I had a little meltdown, but after I adjusted to the new schedule I was okay—Daddy definitely wasn’t—but I was going to be fine. This was going to be my new home and I was going to make the best of it.

As we approached the campus we were put into a line of cars headed for Prosser Hall, my new home. Once we reached the front of the line a very well-meaning upperclassman greeted our rental car filled to the brim with every worldly possession I could carry and directed me to my room. They even helped us carry things. We were all highly impressed with the organization of it all. We filled up my room with shabby chic pillows and even a tiny chandelier that hung below my bed and over my desk until it was perfect. We were almost done setting up by the time my roommate got there and I think she was a bit overwhelmed by what she saw before her. Two gay men and their daughter putting together specially ordered sheets and extra storage for my abundance of clothes. She was kind, as was her family. She was from New Jersey and she welcomed me with open arms. After everything had found it’s place we realized it was time for lunch. We knew what was coming as soon as we were done eating so we all ate slower than normal trying to delay the inevitable. When the bell tolled, telling us it was time for our first meeting with our advisory groups we all had pits in our stomachs. My parents walked me to where I would be meeting with my fellow honors program students (yes, I’m a nerd) and we looked at each other all with tears in our eyes. I hugged my parents once then one more time for good luck and then out of nowhere, it seemed, this incredibly tall, sweet, angel came to my rescue. He introduced himself as Eric and we discovered that he was in the same honors program I was. He saw that the three of us were struggling with our goodbyes and in his infinite wisdom told me I just had to rip the Band-Aid off. So with one more hug for each dad I turned around and walked with Eric into the nearest building. I didn’t dare look back because I thought I might implode with the amount I already missed my Dads. But as soon as I was sitting awkwardly among strangers who all were also feeling all the feelings of the day I felt like I was really going to be okay.

I called my parents the next day and told them I’d already made a group of girlfriends, we even had a group text that we had embarrassingly named “the sexy seven” and we ate all of our meals together and saw each other every single second we weren’t in class. I even lived the floor below two of the girls. I remember laying in my bed telling them all about how exciting the first day was and thinking, yep, I think I’m going to like it here. And four of the most incredible years of my life ensued! It just goes to show things we don’t know right now aren’t so bad. Otherwise everyone would only sit at home in complete and utter fear of the outside world and that would make life pretty boring.

I Can Be Anything I Want to Be

Sat, 06 Jul 2019 02:51:09 GMT

I am essentially afraid of so many things. I worry constantly. I think some of it has to do with wanting people to like me because at my core I am the most people-y of people pleasers you’ll ever meet. Ok, so a lot of it has to do with wanting the people around me to be happy and in the process, like me. I worry about logistics a lot too, how to get there, where to go, how not to look stupid when I get where I’m going. It’s truly exhausting. That’s one of the bazillion reasons I’m so grateful for my husband because all my life I’ve been told I worry too much, I’m a worrier, I need to stop worrying. And he changed my thought. He told me, “What if you’re not a worrier, but a warrior who can take on anything.”

Since leaving college and deciding to go into real estate I have neglected the dancer part of me. Dance class is something that always heals me, but I’ve been so afraid to go back to class. I was afraid of disappointing myself or looking stupid or I don’t know, like I would go in there and not be able to dance anymore. Then I thought about what Domi said to me. I am a warrior, I can do anything I put my mind to and I just started signing up for dance classes at different studios. I wanted to find a place where it was fun and felt like dancing with my tribe in college. I wanted to feel empowered by the people around me not looked down upon for not having made dancing my career. But I just did it. I made myself the warrior and went in and did it even though I was so anxious and nervous about how it would go. I was still stupid nervous, but what came out of it? I found this awesome studio ten minutes from where we live. I found a teacher that reminded me of my favorite ballet teacher in college. I found people that invited me out to drinks after my second class with them. It was better than I ever thought it could be and now I’m going to ballet again two or sometimes three times a week and I feel so much more like myself. I am a dancer; I can still call myself a dancer even if I took a three-year hiatus; the dancer part of me never left. I am so proud of myself and I am so grateful to my boy who showed me I could. He showed me it was going to be okay and walking into a dance studio could be intimidating, but I was strong enough to handle it. I did it. I am so freaking proud because I found a little bit of myself again after spending so many years feeling like I was living two lives. The one I thought I was supposed to be living and the one where I thought about the life I wanted. Just going to a ballet class helped me see that I can have it all. I can follow my passion and I can make money. It may be two separate things right now, but that’s okay. I feel pretty awesome and cool and strong and like a freaking warrior.

Now, let’s not get crazy, I still worry a lot about a lot of things, but it changed the way I see myself. I stopped the mantra in my head that said, “you’re a worrier, you worry too much,” to, “you’re a warrior, you can do anything you set your mind to.” And so much has changed. I’ve learned to recite the serenity prayer constantly, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the ability to know the difference.” I really should have that one tattooed on my forehead so I think of it every time I look in the mirror…which is often. So much hinges on what I tell myself.

I am a warrior who is brave. Some days I wake up and miraculously remember to be easier on myself because that makes me much happier and some days when I can catch myself from spiraling I remember that I am not a worrier, I am a warrior and I can do anything I set my mind to. I go to therapy a lot so I’ve tried to examine exactly where all this worrying comes from within me. Turns out, since the answer is rarely ever simple, it comes from a lot of places, and likely from some past lives too, but I’ve realized one of the roots of the problem.

Growing up as the daughter of two gay men at a time when many people didn’t have two dads made me especially conscious of the impact I could have on the world. My Dads never put this pressure on me. It was more from what people said on the outside. There was and still is so much judgment that surrounds the LGBTQ+ community. They are scrutinized at every turn and I started to feel some of that scrutiny. Like people were looking at me under a microscope. That people who weren’t okay with gay people were constantly checking in on how I was doing in life to see if these gay dads had screwed me up. These people made me think subconsciously that if I am not perfect, if I don’t behave well or get straight A’s or am not the best at whatever craft I’m pursuing then I will be the reason that the world thinks gay people shouldn’t have kids. I recognize this now as incredibly self-centered, but at the time I had no other examples. If I screwed up I thought people would say, “See, she drinks too much because she has two dads.” or “She’s lousy in school because she has two dads.” I was sure that people that were on the fence about gay marriage would be pushed one way or another because of my actions and I REALLY, REALLY didn’t want to screw this up for a community of incredible people. So, I decided I wanted to be the reason people think that gay people SHOULD have kids. I wanted to be the well-adjusted, smart, funny, kind girl that made people think, “man, gay dads are the way to go.” And I was. I worked really hard, I was dedicated to every after school activity, I studied more than most and carried myself well at annual Human Rights Campaign galas from the time I was nine, but the only thing my worrying about being perfect for my parents and the gay community was really doing was making myself insane. I have the two most magical parents. They would drop literally whatever they were doing if I needed anything and would be there for me even if it meant driving to the ends of the earth.

When I was a teenager I told my parents I had this fear floating around in my head for the first time. They started to cry. They felt horrible that who they were had burdened my little head for so many years. “I just wanted to be perfect for you,” I told them. They told me they felt they had failed as parents because I should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that just waking up every day and being me was perfect for them. Then I started to cry because I realized I’d been carrying this burden all alone all these years for no reason. If I had just told my parents I wouldn’t have had to shoulder that burden alone. But it’s ok because we all have our “stuff” and being who I was did change a lot of minds, but now when I look back it wasn’t really me-it was my Dads. People saw what incredible parents they were and then started to think, “hey, maybe this whole gay thing really is ok.” So it wasn’t all for naught. But every time I find myself slipping and wondering if I can or can’t do something I have to remember, I’m not a worrier, I am a warrior.

To the sun and the moon and back,

CAMDW

To The Sun and The Moon and Back

Wed, 03 Jul 2019 02:52:16 GMT

“We love you to the sun and the moon and back” said Dad as he turned on my night light and kissed me on the head. It was really more symbolic than anything. Both of my parents knew it would be a matter of minutes before they heard the soft patter of my feet on the hallway carpet and I would be crawling into bed in between them. But every night when I went to bed my parents always said the same thing “We love you to the sun and the moon and back.” It’s the only way I learned to love everyone I came in contact with. To the sun and the moon and back and then some.

This gift that my parents gave me is what I want to give the world. I want to give everyone I meet the feeling that they are loved, heard and wanted. I had two parents that had to work extra hard to have a baby. There was no way I could have been an accident, it just doesn’t happen like that for two gay men. So from the day I was born I was given the gift of knowing that I was wanted and loved immeasurably and that anything is possible, but somehow as I got older and started to grow up I got distracted and forgot. I started relying more on what other people thought than what I knew in my heart to be true. I forgot that just being me was enough. I think other people also forget that just being who they are is enough. You are enough. I am enough. We are all doing our very best. So, I’ve decided to start writing down some of my experiences. The ones where I’ve forgotten that I am enough and sometimes the ones where I remember and how these experiences in my life have shaped me.

So, Stop. Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Life is not always easy, but maybe we can do this together. If you’re reading this (and even if you’re not) I am sending one giant hug your way because I know that you are alive and being alive can be hard and I feel like you need a hug. I am also here to tell you that you’re loved, if you’re thinking you don’t know by who, then believe this, you are loved by me, because we are all on this crazy, funky journey of life together and I do love you because loving is fun and feels good even when it’s loving people you don’t know.

To the sun and the moon and back,

CAMDW (Chelsea Austin Montgomery-Duban Wächter)